Requesting shuuaby,blmoon,thecaptain for help ..please!



  • hello dear readers,

    i am in a dilemma currently. i am looking for a job after many years of being out of work (personal choice) and have started getting really frustrated because i don't see myself employed any time soon.i am married and have a kid. am going to be 34 shortly. i want to have another child because i see my daughter sad at times because of no siblings. i do want to have another child so that my daughter has someone to talk to when she is a grown up. it is always a blessing if you have a sibling to share your heart with. i always wanted to have more kids but life wasn't easy and so i didn't thought about it seriously before. but now as i realize that my biological clock has been ticking and i don't have much time left to decide whether i should go for another child or not, i am still confused if it is a right decision for me and my family if i go for second child? i know i am not getting desperate here just because i am getting old but i genuinely want my daughter to have a sibling to play with and share her joys with someone she has an access to for life.

    i am not sure wether i should focus on career at this time, as i have been out of work already for many years and it's been already difficult to find a job because of lack of work experience or focus on extending family and go for another child and once the child is here i can pursue my career with a new mind. at the same time i am not sure if putting the idea of starting my career to rest for a while is good for me at this time or not.

    i would really be grateful if you guys can show me what is best for me at this time. i am not able to focus on neither and it has caused much frustration already inside me. i don't know which way to turn. both are very important for me to grow into a woman i always wanted to me. i know in my being that i want another child , i know it. but i know career is important too because of major lessons i have learnt in my life and realized that it will bring me authentic growth that i have been craving to achieve for some time now.

    please help me dear ones...i don't know what to do!!!!

    thanks so much for all your help and time in advance!!!!



  • If you don't get a job, will you be able to afford to raise a baby? As long as your daughter has good close friends and loving parents, she doesn't need a sibling. You must also consider that siblings don't always get on well. Whether you go for the job or the baby, you must have several good and practical reasons for doing one or the other. You must do what is right for you.



  • thanks thecaptain for responding! my husband earns well and we can afford second baby. we always wanted two kids but because of family issues (we have extended families ) it got delayed. and when it all sorted out i wanted to focus on my career first because so much of time had elapsed already and i wanted to give my career a go first. but i have been trying for more than a year now and couldn't find a job. and i am not getting any younger to decide later about another child. it has been a constant desire to have a family with at least two kids and i have always been sad about the fact that we couldn't have another one early on. this urge to go for it is getting even stronger. what is it? do you think it will be a mistake if i go for second one at this time? i won't think of having another one if i don't go for it now because then it will be too late :((



  • Hmm, I am feeling there is something else at work here. Out of all your motivations for having a baby, I don't get the most important one - that of pure love for the new person who would enter your life. Your reasons seem to be all about what you 'should' do and not what you want to do. You are only 34, you know - you still have many years in which to have a baby. When you discover what is really motivating you to want another child - guilt, having one for your child or your partner, fear of growing old and barren and useless, or substituting having a baby for being unable to get a job etc - then you will know what to do next.



  • captain, i totally agree with you on this one. the motivation is not out of love for having another baby. it is more about following the norm and really i am more inclined to find a job first than anything in this world at the moment. thanks for lending your ear to hear my vows. i think it is me who has been making my life difficult by overthinking things in my mind constantly and ignoring the reality. thank you so much for enlightening me. blessings to you my dear!



  • You're very welcome!