Confounded by a Scorpio Man - Please Help Me!
Hello... I am in DIRE need of some spiritual guidance about what is going on with a very confusing and confounding Scorpio man who has come in and out of my life for the past 5 years.
It's important that I give you the back story, and I am asking for advice and possibly a reading from someone who can decipher the mixed messages this man has been giving me.
Five years ago, on August 6, 2008 my husband, best friend and soul mate died very suddenly at home. This Scorpio man is a neighbor of ours whose brother was friendly with my husband. He was the only person at home when the call came on his brother's fire dept. radio that there was a death at our address, so he came over to check on us. He held me in his arms when I needed exactly that, took my 5 year old son outside for a walk when they removed my husband's body, and helped me clean up after everyone left. Then when all my family left after the memorial service, day after day he came to check on me, and to sit with me so I wouldn't be alone. He let me talk, listened as a dear friend would, and let me grieve and cry as I needed to. He gave me something to look forward to in the darkest time of my life, and after a short time something more began to develop between us. But it was just too soon after my husband's death to survive...
We became intimate, and he felt some guilt over that thinking that he was taking advantage of a very vulnerable woman. I knew what I was doing though, and assured him that he should not feel that way. But of course I had no business entering into a relationship with someone so soon after my husband's death. I was just so lonely and desolate, and he gave me hope...
He started to pull away from me around 5 months later, and at the same time another man came into my life, so I ended it with him to pursue that. But I never truly got over him. The other relationship only lasted a short while too, and was really only based on physical intimacy, so I got over that pretty easily.
Now, over the past 5 years, this Scorpio man has kept his distance, but thoughts of him keep creeping back into my mind, and I cannot shake them. We had a very deep bond forged by my husband's death, and a deep psychic connection formed between us as well. I could predict when he would come visit me and when he would call, and could call him to me, so when I started to think about him like this I began to believe that he must be thinking of me as well. I approached him a few times over the years, trying to communicate these feelings to him, and at times he seemed very receptive to it, admitting that he still had feelings for me, but when I would leave he would retreat back into his shell and would not pursue any further contact with me.
I am beginning to feel like some lovesick puppy at this point, and I am not some immature girl here! I am a 49 year old, spiritually developed and intelligent woman, but this man is plaguing me with an obsession that I cannot seem to rid myself of! I have gotten over it many times too, but then there he is again, plaguing my thoughts and draining me of spiritual energy. He is a good man though, and I don't think he is overtly trying to do this. I believe there are greater forces at work here, and have always felt my husband's hand in all of it. I also believe wholeheartedly that this is karmic in nature, and that I have an even deeper and longer connection to this man from past lives together. I am just trying to understand what is happening here, and what I need to do at this point.
The most recent reconnection to him happened when he helped me transport my husband's guitar amp to be sold, and I invited him over to dinner as a thank you. He accepted quite readily, and showed up dressed to the nines. He fit in quite comfortably again with me and my son, and stayed for many hours after dinner to talk with me. I told him as he left that maybe we could do this again sometime, and all he said was "Maybe..." So I fear that once again he will retreat back into his shell and I will not hear from him again...
God, this is long! But I needed to write about our history, and ask for some feedback and maybe a reading from someone, please! I am in desperate need of some guidance here... The astrology attached to all this has been guiding me over and over again back to him as well, so there are even more signs that this is fate at work.
Thank you to anyone who has the patience to read this, and I would appreciate any help that you can give me!
TheCaptain last edited by
Although this guy may come across as somewhat reserved or serious and may need an injection of humour now and then, he has strong and passionate desires in the area of love. He may be tempted to date people who are unusual or dangerous in some way, but his chances of happiness will increase significantly if he dates someone clever and interesting, but also grounded and secure. So he may be torn between the safe and the dangerous paths/partners in love until he grows more in self-understanding and self-knowledge. Perhaps he has not yet decided what category you fall into?
You for your part Christine are magnetic and exciting, and can make friends easily. Although you are usually in great demand, you can have difficulty in choosing a partner because you have incredibly high expectations. You want someone who is passionate and supportive, but you need to watch out for jealousy and controlling behavior. Once you do find someone who is your physical and intellectual equal, the effect on you is grounding and positive.
This relationship finds its partners magnetically attracted to each other in a physical way. But the two of you can end up warily circling each other like opponents rather than lovers. However, though highly suspicious of each other at first, you can become fast friends or romantic partners. The relationship can look light and breezy from the outside but inside its true nature is heavy and momentous. You two actually have a lot to learn from each other, a mutual education you acquire from the experiences you go through together. This learning experience is nowhere more evident than in the areas of sexual connection and money. In these areas, whether as lovers or business partners (which is actually the best type of relationship here) you two tend to follow a crash course together, receiving a full education and maybe even a graduate degree in record time. You two can get locked in titanic battles over property, cash and inheritances, so be cautious.The chemistry here is such that without reading books, or even without a whole lot of prior experience, the two of you quickly develop an extraordinary appreciation of power and how it works. If marriage is to succeed here, it would have to have a rock-solid and practical material base for you both to be truly satisfied and fulfilled. Once laid, the foundation would have to be maintained, something you are both capable of doing, if the relationship is to grow and prosper. But jealousy, suspicion, and controlling behaviour is strong in Scorpions so you would both have to watch this side of your natures. In the end, this relationship may however be simply a teaching course in gaining more self-knowledge that the two of you need to learn in order to move on to your true goals.
I was hoping to hear from you! I haven't been on here in a long time, but felt so confused and lost about this and needed to reach out. I'm so grateful you have replied, and you have certainly given me some clear insight into my situation as well as being VERY accurate in your reading of us...
My biggest question through all this has been, "what is this man truly afraid of?" He pursued a more intimate connection between us after my husband's death, making the first move towards that within 2 months of my loss. He is a good man though, and not an overtly manipulative type of person. But of course, he is a Scorpio like me, with Scorpio rising and a Gemini moon! I am Gemini rising with a Libra moon, so it tempers my Scorpion nature and seeks out resolution and equality in my relationships. Especially my romantic ones... Venus is also in Libra for me, but his is in Capricorn. UGH... Very fixed and structured in nature... So in our short period of intimacy, I was much more aggressive than he was. That seemed to open him up a bit though, as does my outgoing personality and ability to be open and honest, thanks to my Gemini and Libra influences... As does his Gemini influence, to a degree.
The ongoing feeling for me through all this though is that Fate brought us together, and Destiny is continually influencing us, since this has never truly ended between us despite our time apart from each other. Each time we reconnect I feel a deep emotional connection to him, and feel the same coming from him as well. He has been alone though for a long time now, having stayed that way since his divorce roughly 20 years ago. So he has a deep seeded suspicion and doubt about love, I'm sure. The fact that I also walked away from him when another man came into my life, when he was in the midst of trying to help his daughter has also made me consider that I hurt him as well, and he is hesitant to put himself out there with me again because of it. He has tried to write it off as mere lust too, but I know better. I have only once before felt this strong a feeling about something and a connection to someone with only one other person in my life, and that was my husband. Of course, I have worried quite a bit about possibly projecting my desire for another deep connection like that with someone onto him, but when we do get together, my gut tells me it is reciprocated by him as well...
Regarding finances... He is very careful and conservative with money from what I can gather, and I am much more casual and unconcerned about money. Our Chinese signs are evident of this, as I am a Dragon and he is an Ox... I currently live off of the SSI my son and I collect since my husband's death until my son can stay by himself so I can work again. (I have no family nearby to help with this, and commuting will cost me more gas money that I couldn't apply to a babysitter's fee.) He on the other hand has talked about retiring for years now, but always finds some reason to continue working... Of course many men are defined by their work, and he must also fear losing his purpose in life when he does finally stop working. Not a big issue though, in my book. All differences between us could easily be worked out as we both have a deep respect for each other, and have both learned from the other over the years. If this man could just give this a chance, I believe this could be a romance and love relationship (whether we marry or not) that would fulfill us both (and my son as well) beyond our wildest expectations...
My next question is this... Can you advise me at all about what my next step should be? I am getting conflicting astrological feedback, and half of me is saying "be patient, when he is ready he will come to you," but the other half is saying, "go to him, and communicate your feelings and thoughts about all this," since he has been receptive to this in the past. The only problem is that he generally rebuilds that wall around him when we part again, and simply goes back to his routines of life instead of taking that plunge with me again. What would make him pursue me so avidly before, only to fight it now? I have considered that he felt like a "knight in shining armor" to me when my husband died, but now that I am through all the hard grieving and have come into my own again, maybe he feels like I really don't need him anymore.
These are just a few of the things I have considered about all this over the years! All I know is the obsessing over it is very taxing on me, and I wish I could just get some definitive answers about it all...
Thank you so much again for answering me... And any further insights you could give me as far as where I should go next with this would be so very graciously appreciated!
TheCaptain last edited by
Christine, your friend's Moon in Gemini will give him a restless spirit and a clever wit. Variety is what he wants from life and although he is just as serious and determined as other Scorpios, his independent and rebellious nature will carry him off in searches of novelty and adventure. He may seem highly emotional but he is actually quite detached. Any outbursts of passion or pathos are mainly just for show. Role playing is one of his favourite real-life games but he can lose sight of his real self in assuming all those guises. Frequently he will not be totally sure himself whether his feelings are real or somehow calculated. For many a Scorpio-Gemini, the pursuit of pleasure can become all-consuming. Sex will probably come up on the first date with him. He is a confirmed sexaholic and sensualist, but when it comes to romance, he can be inconsistent and may find it hard to be loyal to just one person. He can be a frustrating partner in that he will insist on knowing everybody’s secrets even as he gives up none of his own. Once he does find 'the one' however (and it is difficult for him to know when he has found her) he can be a loyal and considerate lover. His partner will have to be able to put up with his wild mood swings and temper though, and also provide intellectual stimulation - he needs a well-rounded partner who can be his rock. Then it can be a deep and long-lasting relationship.
Venus in Capricorn (combined with his Scorpio-Gemini nature) makes him very contradictory in his feelings about love. He is interested in his partner's level of ambition. He wants to join with someone that he can build an empire with. He's not likely to be into one-night stands, and will see red flags with players, or those that are all flash and no substance. He's a bit old-fashioned, with a dream to settle down and create something that lasts, yet the Gemini in him pulls him to seek variety and adventure. It takes a while before he can open up in love and reveal an earthy sensuality that has staying power. He's looking for someone he can count on through thick and thin. It helps your case if you're accomplished in some area, or are a self-made woman. Capricorn is a sign known to seek stability through wealth and success, and he finds prosperity attractive. But he also admires hard-working, resourceful people on the way up in life. He's a realist, so he's not expecting perfection, just someone perfect for him. His loyalty will be unwavering once he is certain you have the right stuff - and this is where he can be uncertain. You will have to prove to him that you are everything he wants in a 'forever' partner and until you do, he will waver and dither.
Okay, just about all of this is spot on for him! Restless and clever, serious, determined, independent and rebellious... He is all of these things. But I think I am one of the few things he considers a novelty! He is a man dedicated to his job and his grandkids, now that his children are all grown and his daughter has finally gotten her life together. He was a career Navy man though, and traveled to many places around the world, so I can see where his adventurous nature inspired him to do that with his life. He has told me how he also learned to detach himself from his feelings though, and you were dead on about him role playing, and "acting as if" for show. I have often felt as if he is toying with me in some way, but not maliciously. I believe that this is just his nature, and he isn't really aware he is doing it.
He and I are both Scorpio/Geminis, so we both found it very easy to move things into the bedroom, and found a great deal of passion grow between us. Of course the timing was off though, so soon after losing my husband... I'm not sure if he was loyal to his wife, but when he gave me their back story about how she found someone else and left him while he was deployed with the Navy and how she had mental health issues, I didn't give much thought to it. I did consider that he may have strayed though while away from home, and his guilt over that and not being there for his daughters while they were growing up might be consuming him to some degree.
I can honestly say that I believe I did chip through that wall though, and got him to open up to me. I have a knack for that by being so open myself with people, especially men. They seem to want to tell me their secrets, and I think it's because I offer a safe haven for them to do so being so honest myself. I also have no agendas here, but I have wondered if he just expects that from every woman, so he suspects it in me too. I know I offer him intellectual stimulation as well, and although I am currently not working a regular job, I am very creative and design and handcraft jewelry as well as having had a small scale professional singing career in the past. I have held professional management positions as well, and just choose to stay home with my son for now. I can see his interest in what I have to say, and find that he really "listens" to me. I never get the feeling that he's just humoring me, and that is a rarity considering some of the many varied topics I have discussed with him. I know I am a hell of a lot more than flash though, so I don't think that would be a factor here...
He is old fashioned, and yet he has that Gemini duality of wanting some thrills in life as well. He has confessed some penchants for unconventional things, and when he spends money on himself he spends a lot on high quality things. All in all, he has traits I have seen that I love, and traits I know he has kept hidden that intrigue me to no end! I do feel that his hesitance might be based on my needing to prove my loyalty to him, as you mentioned, as well as showing him that I am everything he wants before he is willing to make a commitment. Our age difference might also be a factor as well. He is 64, and his daughters are all grown and have kids of their own. I am 49, and have an 11 year old son. My stepdaughter has a daughter and a stepdaughter, but we have grown apart since the death of her Dad so I haven't seen them in awhile... He has voiced his concerns about his age, and eventually growing old and being a burden on someone, so I feel he is also worried about dying and abandoning me and my son like my husband.
I want to thank you again for your insights! You are obviously good at what you do, and are in tune with me and this man. I feel better knowing that I am not completely off base here in regards to him, and that some of the things I have considered could very well be factors keeping him from giving into the possibilities that could exist between us. My gut tells me to not give up on this man though. I believe we have a connection that spans other incarnations, and have always felt that this is someone I need to try to forge a more permanent bond with. That in the end, I might actually be the one who saves him, when it all started with him saving me...
Much Love and Thanks,