Blumoon-Question for you if you have time...



  • Dear Blumoon,

    Hope you had a great holiday! I did with my boys! 🙂 In another thread you said that I am holding back on asking a question...I believe that question is "will my ex be going back into drugs or is he really going to stay clean this time?" I believe he is already back into that lifestyle, but I sometimes have a hard time with my instincts in regards to my own life...I seem to be able to read other people's situations much better than my own...any advice or answer you might be able to give me on this question would be greatly appreciated!

    Thank you and Happy New year!

    Laci



  • His addiction is not just a passing phase of youth or wrong turns but he will be an addict for life. He will have times of strength and he will also still fall down and lose control. His issue is with delusion. He lies to himself. The people who love him want so badly he not be using that he does get away with too much at first signs. You know, like the nightmare it is, what his using looks like---the little signs---they start small because he starts small. He lies to himself and says I've been good I am not at all as bad etc---they talk to themselves and make it ok---just once a week ---other people do it----it's my free day---etc. And some folks do use and yet can walk away but he can't---an addict can never have just one----just like people can drink but leave it alone and forget it exists but an addict can't ever. One leads to two to three and then they are all in and can no longer even make decisions---the drug runs their life. I get that your suspicions are valid. He is at a crossroads as we speak--teetering between falling in again or pulling out. He has been making new year promises to himself. The problem is not his will but his lack of plan and backup help---if will power could solve it he would have more success but he is blind to all the work and choices he must include to outsmart his illness---addiction is an illness with genetic history and also sometimes from early trauma. I see a family history. It shows up in different ways not just drugs---there is alcoholism, addiction to food, s e x ---buying excess stuff. If he does not cut off from all his friends he will never quit. They keep him ok with the lie---normal people will not accept their delusion so addicts who lack commitment will keep their addict friends. You can not help him really, other than give him strict boundaries and not let him make you feel crazy----addicts affect the mental health of loved ones. They have no sense of responsibility and will dump that on others. Truth is the addict is not their real soul self---that is what ties up loved ones in their illness. You should attend meetings for families of addicts so it helps you not feel so isolated and also you will see how your x is not so different or special in his behavior. YOU need to help yourself---you are too alone with this. So to answer your question---yes he is dabbling right now in a way he feels is no big deal. But if you call him on it he will accuse you of not supporting his efforts and how it doesn't matter how he tries YOU are never happy. He does this to his family as well. His family is still in denial themselves and feel they can "get him on track". But it is the same thing, they have no real knowledge or help to deal with addiction. This next year will be a wild ride for him. I see many opportunities to seek help but he just is not committed. He does not like being told what to do---he never surrenders and must feel he is in control which is the big lie because as an addict he will be out of control! His situation needs more time for his family to see the truth---you were the scapegoat and took a lot of blame. Only time can cure that as he will reveal himself and do to others as he has done you. I see someone around him passing from their lifestyle. He is starting to see serious illnesses around him in friends that are a result from long term abuse. I see his own health having warning signs---visits to emergency and no real diagnoses. He will experience intense pain and have tests but no real disease. These are all opportunities for change. Spirit says you need to take care of you. And that the one thing that can help him is some form of reconnect with his soul---he needs so much to be part of a religion or spiritual group. Spirit says that I am telling you everything you already know. But it's ok because you need to not feel so isolated. I see that a lot of his future depends on how fast his family members do the hard thing. They fear not supporting him may kill him. And they put up with his stealing. This will change---at some point spending time in jail will be good for him but right now he still has someone to bail him out of trouble so for you it will be a choice to choose to not be burdened anymore and surrender him his own path. Do meet with a group you feel positive with. You take on too much responsibility. Never wait until your x is full blown out of control and never argue with him in that state---it eats you up and is useless. Be strong and call him on first notice---he will be defensive but walk away and say whatever, but give him a new boundary when he dips his toe into trouble. Of course he will lie but always KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW and be safe with that! You know the signs----he isn't really impaired yet but seems extra friendly, suddenly gets affectionate, whistles, may even start singing. And you feel that dread and he accuses you of starting trouble---what? can't he be just happy? (You know what you know). Take care of you and your kids and do the hard thing should he be a danger with your children. Make next year about you and your children. Join a supporting group and avoid isolation. His life will be up and down next year and stay out of the family drama. Spirit gives me a 3----there will be 3 major events for him before he begins to see the light. BLESSINGS!



  • Thank you so much blmoon!

    I still feel that his family is enabling him...and because of the court case with our children, I have been so worried about his coming into and out of our children's lives because he has done this so much...I tried to protect my children from all harm of his addiction, but I feel at a loss with the court in charge right now...I am just worried that he will get unsupervised visits out of my town with the children and some harm will come to them...I just really worry for their safety as he has NEVER been alone for an extended amount of time with them (that I know of, not more than a few minutes). I just want my children safe. Thank you for helping me to remember that I need to trust my instincts, and that when I feel he is offending, he probably is...it is not just my momma bear part of me...but also my sensitivity in KNOWING...thank you again for all your help blmoon!

    Thanks for all, and many blessings to you,

    Laci

    Hey, does Denim mean anything to you?? Strange...I feel like cordaroy bear, but in denim is important to pass on to you! 🙂

    Lots of love and blessings!



  • My son who passed----Bear is his nickname. He was very spiritual and just as I identify with the wolves and canine spirit he was the bear. Cordaroy? Not sure that I get that yet---other than it represents the fancy aristocrat where as denim is not so high class. I'm having lunch with a friend today from my last job I left last year


    it was very "cordaroy" and I've been back and forth there for over ten years. I can fit in anywhere but really I am denim. AND speaking of denim---I need to lose some weight this year and fit into my jeans!! : ). BLESSINGS!

    PS----your x's family will tire of enabling him---he will wear them down.



  • Lol...when I think of cordaroy bear it is a children's story with a bear that is made of cordaroy and I believe he had a patch...a well loved old children's bear/story...and I saw it in denim for some reason...like the patch was made of denim... haha...glad it meant something to you...sorry for your loss and it may have been a love message from your little bear! 🙂 Haha and I said denim because I wasn't sure what country you were in and most people know what denim is even if they don't refer to it as jeans! 🙂

    Thank you and thank you for the info on the ex's family! Have a very happy new Year! 🙂



  • I worked with children for ten years---will have to look up that story. I will let you know if something surprises me!



  • Lol! Sounds great! 🙂

    Not sure if this will work, but I will try to attach a picture of the front of the book...



  • another try...



  • Blmoon,

    Good, looks like it worked this time...it's a lovable bear who finds a home! 🙂

    Lots of love your way! 🙂

    Laci



  • Dear Blmoon,

    If you have time, I was wondering if you could tell me anything else about my life in the next couple months please? Will my ex be "caught" in his behavior soon? Will my fiance see that his youngest brother is only using everyone and that he is enabling the brothers behavior? I feel as if I am fighting everyone again, and I don't really have the strength or energy to keep it up. 😞



  • Any insight you can give would be appreciated. 🙂

    Thank you,

    Laci



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  • Sorry to intrude! Just saying hello old friend, I pray all is well, I'm fine, growing! Love and Light!



  • What a beautiful butterfly poetic, and no worries at all! Have a wonderful day! Oh, and enjoy the breezes around you...felt compelled to pass that on to you. 🙂

    Laci