Help with Dream Interpretation Please
baking yet? H ell no....I got a check. HAHAHA.! That's the thing about getting entrepreneurial now. I always see it as a reminder of really tough times. I'm talking I got kids and popcorn for dinner! So making money was more desperate feeling so I did not enjoy or grasp being joyful....just making money in a way I could be with my kids while doing whatever to make money. I have a long list of trades. But it wasn't passion that taught me but desperation. I got a book to learn to do chair caning on antique chairs. I hated it! Long tedious work to weave a seat! I guess my true passion was SURVIVING. The day I pondered the baking idea reaffirmed that that part of me remains and if needed will take over. That night I pulled cards that said I was moving closer to my destiny and purpose. The list of things I've made money doing is really long. So, if I need to I will make money. I think a lot of skills I learned would never have happened had I not had a family to take care of and couldn't afford child care. Decent childcare. Funny, that before college in my thirties all my skills involved physical labor....after college my odd jobbing turned to "free lance". And worked my brain. I did so well in computer class the college hired me for graphics workshops. I had para professional jobs assisting teachers in journalism honors classes because I had publishing skills....now THAT I enjoyed! I'm a bit of a rogue...no fancy degree but lots of credits and I networked like crazy and did lots of community work. It fills a resume in a way that I got by without a degree. I can show what I can do and have done and I never hooked up with anything that compromised my credibility....no matter how broke I was. So, I am feeling much safer now reminding myself that SURVIVING is what I do best. And your wheel will rise. Of course when you are on bottom and people smile and tell you happy stuff like that you want to give them the finger! BLESSINGS!
You pull Abundance, I pull Trapped...
I was reading someone else's post today on another site. It was all about Diving Timing and everything happening as it should. She was in that place of something good happening in her life and being able to look back and see how some things that maybe weren't so good in her life led her to this place. So in hindsight she now gets to see how everything happened for a reason.
So it got me to wondering why, at the age of 48, I have never had one of those moments. ??? It spurs in me the same feeling that the question of life purpose did. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I was wrong about karma. I have never believed that it was punishment. But maybe it is. Maybe I was a really horrible person in a past life or lives and no matter what I do this time around, that peace and clarity of looking back and understanding will never occur for me. Maybe this lifetime is just about me enduring my punishment as best I can. Maybe that's what the Trapped card was all about.
Anyway, still don't know what's going on with the Bio company job. Applied for another job today with Four Seasons. It's a step up in title for me and a long shot, but what the heck. Since I don't have faith anymore in the Universe being benevolent and showing me light at the end of the tunnel, I may as well just keep plodding on. I won't be making my goals this quarter - not by a long shot. And the new plan she rolled out this year means I will now have to make that goal plus the 2nd quarter goal together in the next 3 months. If I don't, then I will have to make 3x my goal in the 3rd quarter, and so on. I'm really not willing to stick around and be Sisyphus for the next 9 months.
I wrote you a post after your trapped card but TAROT ate it!!! I was very startled by the crow in a cage!! I use the crow or blackbird in many poems. Crow represents the wild in a person so it is very well known to artists and creators. I wish I had that post back! As I often respond from spirit and do not keep that thought. A crow in a cage would be a sad thing. A death of ones wildness.....or a sign of one conforming or selling out........being somewhere they truly do not belong. You can feed the birds long enough and each new generation will get closer to you but feeding blackbirds makes no difference....the blackbird will hallways maintain it's wildness and keep it's distance. In fact I was thinking a crow in a cage would be an excellent line for a poem. It has deep meaning. The card really speaks to me right now because I am trying to escape from responsibility so I can maintain my creative nature. karma is painful and as well rewarding. You always say you have no crafty skills and do not see yourself as creative but I have always felt you are creative. There is a numerology link I once went to that gave you your life challenges. I looked up my whole family and it rang true and I did have more than the average. You could try googling life numbers under numerology. I think your challenge is one of survival versus purpose. For some the career is the purpose but for others it's not about the job but just the kind of person they are and how much they bring to others. I do think your psychic gifts are above average and you perhaps do more than you imagine. I'm curious, if money were not an issue what would you be doing?
I think the Trapped card was about my shadow/dark thoughts consuming and trapping me. I really have lost faith. Coincidentally, I ran across this quote...
Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark. ~Rabindranath Tagore
Then again, it could also be a message that my current job is the trap and this bad quarter is helping me make the decision to leave.
I thought I had already made the decision to leave, but was wanting something to come to me so I would know it was the next right step. Mostly because I'm tired, but also because I wanted to believe that the Universe was supporting me. But now I have had to shift to actively seeking something out because this failure of mine this quarter is going to make it so much more unbearable now. Most people would just be upset about not receiving their bonus, and don't get me wrong that is a disappointment, but I'm mostly bothered by feeling like a failure. I would feel this way even if there wasn't a bonus system in play. Last, but not least, a failure such as this is what drives our Cruella Deville boss to torture. I really don't want to be on the receiving end of that energy.
I truly don't have any idea what my creative gift would be. I'm not crafty, I don't have a talent for painting, music, acting, singing, etc. That's the point - I don't have a passion that drives me so asking what I would do if money weren't an issue doesn't help me come up with an answer. I'm not one of those people who can say "I always wanted to..." or "I wish I could..." or "If I only had the money, I would..." That's why I took some time off after my last job - in the hopes that some great revelation that had always escaped me would find its way through. I was unemployed for over a year. If it didn't come then I don't think it ever will.
Since I don't have that great talent, skill, passion and never met anyone to be in a relationship with and have a family with, my career is even more important to me since it's all I have to focus on. Great career success has managed to escape me due to some bad choices in my life, so I just have to be happy with doing something that at least I feel I'm good at and hopefully can enjoy to some degree.
Psychic gifts...I'm not sold on that. Besides, I'm not really sure it would be all that fulfilling for me. There is not a single person on this site who has ever been grateful for a reading from me because I have not told people what they want to hear. It's draining to put so much energy into something and not have it make a difference at all. Your gifts are much stronger so you get more detail and can get through to people. And, really, how would I make a career out of it anyway? I don't see dead people, can't communicate messages from beyond, etc. And, yes, survival would be an issue. I have only myself to count on - there's no other income in the household - so I do need to have something steady and solid that will pay the mortgage and the health insurance.
So right now it's down to a job like the BIO company position or taking my current career to the next level (or just somewhere else at the current level).
The BIO company position would at least get me out of having to go into an office environment every day and attach the ball and chain to my desk for 10-11 hours. For instance, I need a haircut really badly right now and have to wait until next weekend because I can't take off in the middle of the day to get it done. The BIO job would give me a little more freedom/independence with my schedule. I would also be able to get outside more and see the light of day as I would be calling on Dr.'s offices and would have to drive around. My "office" would be at home. I would also be spending a week every month or so in San Diego which I love. The down side is that I'm not sure it would be all that challenging for me. My current career has me negotiating contracts and having to find the right pieces of business for the right time and in the right space - like a jigsaw puzzle. Not everyone is good at it, but I know I am. The next step up (like the position I applied for today) would have me leading a team - teaching them what I know. However, I would potentially be working those long hours which I am growing weary of.
But since now time is of the essence, I guess the choice is not really what matters. I will most likely have to take whatever comes my way first. If the Universe has anything to do with it and if how my life has been going lately is any indicator, it could potentially take a LONG time. Once again, I'm tired. I guess the struggle doesn't end until we die. Cheery thought.
My life path number is 33.
I have a picture I want to share with you -- a black crow -- need to go digging and find it
Haven't found the pic yet, but my cards for today are below...at least they aren't so dark and depressing (although my thoughts obviously still are!)
Oh, forgot to mention that that 33 life path number doesn't really resonate with me, except for one part - my joy of eating (hahaha). So I think I'm probably more of a 6...
Life Path 33 (Master Number)
A birth date that reduces down to 33 is very rare. When it does happen you may be looking at a great and significant spiritual leader along the lines of the Dalai Lama (Life Path 22) or Gandhi (Life Path 9). Remember that a 33 is also a 6 life path, a very nurturing and responsible number.
33 is the Master Teacher. This individual's focus is on reaching the world and uplifting the loving energy of mankind. They are not concerned with personal ambition, and have great devotion to cause.
Life Path number 33 is signified by the word altruistic. This number has a high energy and is concerned with doing good in the world.
Those with Life Path number 33 want to use their life to raise the consciousness of as many people as possible. Their concern is the earth and all the people who live here. It's really a beautiful life path number. As you may have guessed few have it. Below are some key points you might want to take into consideration to help you on your path …
The 33/6 life path will call you to leadership and responsibility. This may not always please you, but you'll have to make your peace with it.
The 33 individuals usually achieve fame through acts of kindness, tenderness and compassion that lead to the transformation of the world's consciousness. The details may vary. We could be talking about the Pope, we could be talking about a wonderful first-grade teacher.
If you are like the majority with life path 6, you will always be the best person to take charge of things. Your other choice is to sit back and criticize, so make your peace and just do it.
You have a good chance of being a great cook. You have the vision to dream it, and the organizational skills to do it right. It's a great way to relax. Besides, you love to eat!
You are always coming up with ideas that other people think are a bit "out there." Follow your instincts, and others will follow you. We'll end up with a kinder, gentler world.
Life Path Number 6
Those born with a Life Path number 6 are incredible nurturers. If men, they rescue damsels in distress. If women, they mother the "little boy" in their men.
If you have a six in your chart you are home, family, or community oriented, loving, warm, understanding, compassionate, responsible and reliable and interested in pleasing others. You are an excellent caretaker and provider, and enjoy being of service to others, and this is especially true with your family and friends. You life revolves around home and family, and your parenting instincts are very strong. The word domestic most likely describes you well, and one job you would love is being a stay at home parent.
As a Six you should keep an eye on yourself as you may become self-righteous and critical of others. Because you are so giving you might have a tendency to become a slave to others and neglect your own needs in the process. Because you thrive on supporting others you may sometimes find it difficult to find a balance between helping and meddling. You may also become an enabler for someone who needs taking care of in a relationship, or with a child, and not allow them to experience life or learn its lessons. People born on the Sixth path are often described as magnetic, as people are often drawn to them, and their moods can affect the room.
Your tendency is to be a humanitarian and you feel a genuine devotion to the welfare of your fellow human beings, but you must be careful of putting people on pedestals, as they often have a tendency to topple.
Life path number 6 is the number of responsibility and awareness. When those around you are losing their heads, you're the one who takes charge. Stop fighting it. Below are some key points you might want to take into consideration to help you on your path …
Don't try to deny who you are. You are a take charge person. You have two choices. You can accept it and get over it and do it right and actually enjoy it. Or, you can give up control and know that you'll be critical of the way anyone else handles things. You're probably a control freak. That's OK, there are a lot of us out there. Just have a sense of humor about it. Remember, you're a legend in your own mind! Now, keep reading.
Appreciate yourself. Aim for a career that rewards your responsibility. You'll do much better as a manager than as a worker. If it means more education, then get it. Be proud of yourself for being capable.
Remember that the person in charge is only as good as the people doing the grunt work. Be compassionate, practical and appreciative. And make sure that you know how to do each person's job, so that you know what you're asking them to do.
You might want to make your vacations as control-free as possible. Someplace like Club Med or a cruise might be perfect for you. Give yourself a few days where the only decisions you have to make are if you're hungry or thirsty and what you want to do about it. Let the people in charge take care of you for a change. Just make sure you know they're going to do it properly.
Another vacation option is to do something very physical. Go someplace and help build a cabin, or a house. Do a seven-day backpacking or bicycle trip. The idea is to do something physically fairly strenuous for a week or so. Or huge, like train for and run a marathon. Make yourself tired. Just make sure you spend a couple of days recovering.
watergirl! your cards say different then what you believe about yourself! AND I am most grateful for your psychic gift...in fact YOU are the only one on this sight I ask for a reading on occasion. I do not tell you how gifted you are just to be nice......you are the REAL deal! If you had a business and charged I would pay you for a reading. That is the truth. I think it's your perspective and you do not remember or recognize the positive things you have done. You should have left that job months ago and that's free will. I have done the same to myself but job or no job lined up you will just run from there as if your life depended on it. Endurance is both a gift but at times it bites us both in the a s s! Your wheel is turning up. You will feel much better by wed. I think your card pull backs up MY impression of you. BLESSINGS!
Back to my feral cat....
I have been pondering the meaning of Mars being retrograde (it "stationed" at the end of December, went retrograde on March 1st, reaches its peak on April 8th, retrograde phase ends on May 19th, then stations again until July).
Mars is our fire, the masculine archetype. It is also our way of dealing with/expressing anger. So we are all going inward during this retrograde phase to address this in ourselves. Additionally, Mars is retrograde in LIBRA so this will show up in relationships.
As an abused child, my Mars was wounded. So the struggle with expressing anger in a constructive way or stuffing it down and becoming disempowered is a theme for me. That cat really is a metaphor for my relationship struggles - taking abuse from those I love or just any relationship if you consider my work.
No matter what I do, my current work place will remain abusive in some way, shape or form because our leader (who has a seriously wounded Mars which manifests as being a tyrant) will not change. I am completely clear that I have learned what I have needed to learn from the situation and it is time to move on to something better for me.
And so maybe it is also time to move completely away from this career in hospitality. Maybe I could develop my so-called psychic gifts if I had more time. The BIO company job feels like it would give me the opportunity to work less hours (or at least not so stressful hours) and afford me that additional time. I really do feel it's something that would need to be developed on the side and not my main source of income. So far, I haven't heard any real news on whether or not I will be seriously considered for it. I hope so. I have a feeling that this Mars retro cycle will also be slowing things down on that front. Which is frustrating :). Now that I am OH SO CLEAR that I don't want to be in my current work place, I really want to leave NOW. Mars energy!
Which also brings me to my trust issues with the Universe. I want to believe that something will open up for me, that things will move forward and i will arrive in a more positive work environment with the freedom and independence I am craving. That synchronicity will be at play. But every time I get my hopes up - every time the Universe sends a message that a new beginning is on its way or that something positive will be manifesting, the exact opposite always seems to occur. It's like being asked to trust that old boyfriend again who hurt me every time I gave him another chance.
Your clarity is very good!!! We have similar challenges and you hit on it exactly! What I know for sure is clarity does manifest in a positive way and change comes in many ways that can at the time feel painful, frustrating and more permanent than it is. Good things do come from an initial feeling of being trapped......it's almost necessary to motivate us to save ourselves and force us to crumble a bit just long enough to regain clarity. Your job exhausts you. So did mine! Even though I started with clear boundaries at first and loved my job......you are dead on.....that wound in me allowed me to put up with just a little more .....a little more. I just read how it is really an energy of "exploitation". You can not expect to feel any better than your reality.....specially when your job takes up too much. I see a better energy coming tomorrow. Exhaustion will always be our enemy. You have an awareness you did not have and it will change you. Any job offer will be sniffed out good or bad by a new awareness. Always consider the universal energy at play.....I do! BLESSINGS!
Yes, my job exhausts me! Yesterday I went in so exhausted that I felt sick. Went home at 11am and laid on the couch until I had to be back in for a 4pm meeting. Today I woke up and still felt not well - off balance in a way, extremely nauseated, and exhausted so called in sick. I know my boss thinks I am just fed up (which I am - we had a conversation about it yesterday), but it has indeed manifested physically. This is why I need a job where I can manage my own time and have the ability to be away from everyone else's energy when needed. I did read that exhaustion or just an overall feeling of tiredness was a sympton of Mars retrograde too.
Being as good as I am at what I do as well as having experience in other aspects/departments tends to lead me to a place where i am taken advantage of. At least now I can recognize how I have allowed it. In my youth I was always more than willing to please because of my Daddy issues. I think that the industry I am in will always be this way and as much as I do love it, I have come to a point where it is just too much and do not feel that there is another place where I would NOT be taken advantage of. I could say that I would by more aware to catch it and then not allow it, but I would prefer to not be in a situation where people would be tempted to do so in the first place! Knowing that I needed to finally let it go for good made me sad, but after this past month I am now more easily able to let it go.
I know I need to be patient, but BOY would I love to get some hints from the Universe on where I might be going next and HOW LONG it will take to manifest. Hopefully the new energy you see arriving tomorrow will help me with the patience. Exhaustion makes one antsy to get out of the place that sucks your energy
My card today (hope the pic isthe right size to be uploaded!) is still related to the feeling of being trapped, but at least it's moving in the right direction:
Your message is: Freedom
Your angels see how much your spirit longs to feel free. In essence, you wish to run and be free without restraints and constriction.
Perhaps you feel that you are having and inner battle. Your 'outer' and 'inner' self might be colliding or feel two worlds apart as you strive to be free. You might feel trapped by other people or outside influences.
In truth, you are free - it is just a matter of allowing yourself to be, and then watch as changes occur around you to support your new found freedom.
Ok, resized it...
It's funny because twice today I saw dogs (one a golden retriever, one a golden lab) stuck inside cars waiting for their owners to come back out. They were so sweet,but so anxious looking out the window for their owners. TRAPPED!
But really they are not! They only live in the moment and really they are safe and in transition. The owner will take them to the beach! I once read that dogs have no sense of time unless it's routine....like knowing a regular time you come home. If you go across the street and come back in their mind they don't know if your gone five minutes or an hour they still will greet you like you left them all day! Anyway if you were waiting in the car it would feel in the moment as if you were alone and trapped but it would not be the big picture.Before I quit my job I was feeling sick as well and I had talks with my boss about it and she would say....how can I help and say all the right things but in it changed nothing. Really the issue was her husband.....they were not on the same page. He was cheap! I think it was a mistake to let him quit his job to take over the budget. The business was her dream and in the early years she was generous. He upset the teachers a lot and I ended up being the peacekeeper. On top of so many other responsibilities The teachers were the best there and I got satisfaction serving THEM. But in the end my bosses exploited that ! It will never happen again. I spent last year examining my intentions. I dreamt about work constantly.........as if spirit was determined I get it.. It finally let up several months ago...thank God. I actually would wake up exhausted! I'm very psychic but exhaustion cuts you off! I knew those dreams would not stop until I had awareness closer as really when I quit I RAN and had no desire to look back!
PS....What good intention in you do you think they are exploiting?
I take pride in my work - a rare thing these days! So when extra effort is required they know I will do it. Not so much out of loyalty to them but because of my work ethic. Any loyalty involved is to my clients - I do it for them. So many others are slackers these days - just don't care. The younger "entitled" generation. My cohorts just let their clients have bad experiences and say "oh we'll." I can't do that! And my boss leans on me as his number 2 because he knows I'm capable of being in charge and trusts my judgment. He asks for my advice all the time. I have a talent for identifying problems and finding solutions so it's hard for me to just sit back and watch things fall apart when there is a simple solution that nobody else sees. But the general culture of this company is to have people doing 2 or 3 jobs and pay for 1. They burn people out - suck them dry. That's why they have people sign 5 yr contracts - so they can abuse them in this way and they won't be able to quit! The contract doesn't scare me. I know they are too cheap to spend the money going to court. Besides, I don't think it will hold up in court anyway. This is a "right to work" state...you can't prevent someone from working in a field in which they have experience - they have a "right" to work! It doesn't matter anyway...since I am clear that I need to get out of this business any new job would not be a conflict.
To answer your question more succinctly - LOYALTY!
It's my boundary issue, yes, but what they take advantage of is my loyalty.
Boy we have a lot in common! And your work organization is exactly the path mine took. In the early years my boss told everyone that I was keeper of the soul of her bushiness and besides other duties she felt it was me who kept the business balanced as a spiritual intention to match the business end. That's why when things did turn it was hard for me to see just how far off track it went, because I saw many changes and lessons so kept that mindset but after awhile it got very permanent and I didn't get how abused the others were getting until I was FEELING it too. I think many business dreams start out small with dreams that are easily nurtured but once AMBITION gets bigger than conciseness then it takes on a life of it's own. The problem was that my boss could accept my advice about others intentions as being right for us but her husband.....no way. I think running a business with a mate who is not on the same page is a recipe for failure. And I see how my boss was aware to a degree that her mate was not getting along with the employees and she exploited me.....new if I worked under him I would be loyal but being true to both and in the middle left me feeling pulled and pecked to death and cleaning up messes that I realized would never end because the true cause was never addressed. I know psychically that my boss WILL eventually have to address her mate and my presence was not helping her....I had to seemingly abandon her but I know she will see that eventually. When you are feeling up to it I need an outside impression from you. My youngest son has surprised me with a recent decision. I'm trying to not feel anger y. I pulled the card that I'm not getting the whole story and to trust my gut over words. Spirit is not giving me clarity which usually means have patience or clear my emotions. He claims to be moving towards taking responsibility and I feel like he's running away BUT I also feel that there is a guided plan that needs to unfold. So, back to patience. If you get anything, let me know. I still pick up a positive change coming for you despite this "to the bitter end" feeling that weighs on you. BLESSINGS!
I will try to read for you when I get home. Your message just reminded me of a dream I had last night (I slept HARD last night!)
I was wandering around - almost like being at an outdoor fair or something. At one point the sun was glaring on me harshly. It was desert hot and I was so thirsty! I was walking down a wooden plank walkway and on either side of me people were on toilets taking a sh#t right out in the open. I was horrified! There was sh#t all on the ground. At the end of the walkway a toilet was turned on its side and crap was everywhere - baby poo consistency!!! At the end of the walkway I realized it was raised and I had to jump down quite a ways. When I did the poo sprayed all over me. What a metaphor - surrounded by everybody else's sh#t!!! N