Not Sure Where to Turn



  • I feel so awful today. I brought a complaint against someone who had harrassed me. He turned the tables on me by saying that he had received "threatening" emails from me. I know he has continued to make derogatory statements about me even in my absence. He has hurt my reputation. Will he ever be held accountable? I've done all I can do. I pray that he will just go away. I wish I hadn't been so stupid. Everything he has said hasn't been recorded. I hope someone can help me with this. Thanks!



  • Did you send him threatening emails?



  • I didn't think they were threatening. I never suggested that I would harm him or anything like that. I believe they just included statements suggesting that I might take legal action against him.



  • The enails could work for you - to prove he was causing you problems - rather than against you. Let's get to the root of this problem however - what does this man threaten in you? Is it your sense of self or your safety, what? Because people don't get to us unless they are putting their finger on and stirring up a very personal fear or issue that we have. Once you resolve the issue, there will be no longer any need for people to needle you. Sometimes it's the only way the Universe has to get through to us (after it has exhausted every other avenue).



  • I think it's the feeling of being treated differently that bothers me. And being undermined. Also, a lot of what he has said concerns my supposed lack of intellectual ability and being severely mentally ill. I've just always hated being treated that way. It causes me to feel inferior. He has also hurt my reputation by telling lies about me that paint me in a negative light. Overall, I suppose he does threaten my sense of self. I want to be seen one way and he convinces others that I'm someone else.



  • Well he couldn't convince anyone that you are inferior if you gave off a sure sense of self. IF you went about and interacted in a confident self-assured way, no one could doubt your equality with the rest of the human race. But because you doubt yourself, you give off an uncertainty and insecurity that communicates to other people that you don't believe in yourself. So how could anyone believe in you if you don't? Whatever you give off is what comes back to you. The hostility and throwing doubt on your sanity and mental capacity that comes at you from this man is only a mirror for your own inner feelings. Anyone who has been critical or unfriendly to you is only reflecting back what you give off. So a change of attitude would change your whole life.



  • You are fighting the wrong battle! You are angry at your illness and he represents that. You do have a mental illness---you have a right to feel the anger---the frustration but you can't get stuck there---your illness is not going to go away---stop wasting time fighting it. Take your meds or yes your illness will overshadow your talents and intelligence. You are looking for justice that is not realistic. Sending him that e-mail only made you look unstable. We can't control gossip or what others think of us but the truth prevails when our true friends who know us keep us from dwelling on someone who does not. If he has done something illegal like putting things in your file that you can prove is not true then you go through a legal process. Otherwise harassing him will not help your image at all and will only get you in trouble. People who gossip get tired of the same target and move on if you do. I doubt he gives as much thought about you as you imagine--that's your illness that spins your thoughts down a paranoid dark road. Listen to the loved ones who you do trust. Commit to treatment--take your meds. Accept your illness. Make peace with that and you will have a more normal life---otherwise your illness is going to lead you around and you deserve to not be defined by that---but just ignoring it or being defiant against your illness is self destructive to you and can be to others. Surrender to the truth that when you are not stable your illness can not be trusted. Listen to your loved ones. No one can convince others of something that is not true about you---the truth speaks for itself. If someone told you a certain person was this or that---you would still make your own judgement on meeting that person. The difference between just being troubled and mentally ill is when mental illness is present the mentally ill person is not aware of it. You need to accept that and let a loved one or doctor help you get stable as you cannot trust your illness. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed about---many great talented people through history have had mental illnesses and made great achievements---but they accepted their illness and accepted help and did not let it hold them back. You are fighting the wrong battle---fight for yourself by not giving up on finding treatment that works. Did you know Bruce Springsteen is a manic depresent (bi-polar)---And despite all the fame he has fought feelings of worthlessness all his life! Take your meds---find a trusted loved one to intervene when your illness is in control so you do not do anything to harm yourself or others. If you do not surrender to treatment---your illness will take over and cause you unnecessary legal issues and possibly you could find yourself facing a harsh intervention. There are support groups in every city for mental illness---join one. You need to feel more accepted and seeing how others overcome their challenges will inspire you. BLESSINGS!



  • Captain- you're right. I have a theory as to why this situation got so ugly. I think we are mirrors for

    each others insecurities. He sees someone who shows the feelings he has inside- so he labels them as sick. He has probably felt less intelligent and less capable. From what I know of his background, he's had a lot of menial jobs. If I had gone in feeling confident and sure of myself, he wouldn't have thanks for helping me see what I wasn't seeing here.



  • I'm not sure why part of the last post was cut off, but it was supposed to say: he wouldn't have targeted me.



  • Blmoon- I've been around people with mental illness all my life. No one I know has ever caused harm to another or himself/herself. I doubt I would ever hurt anyone or myself. It is just not the way we are wired in my family. Having said that, yes-there are people in my family who suffer from severe mental illnesses. I've seen and experienced how different disorders are treated.There is a huge difference between how Bipolar disorder is treated and say an anxiety disorder. Bipolar disorder is closely monitored because there is a high risk of self harm or harm to others. Same with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. Depression- it depends on the individual. Some are closely monitored, others are simply handed a prescription and sent to counseling. My issue has been that when I go for treatment I am put in the "Here's a prescription, go get counseling," group. And the meds for what I have either cause me to feel "stoned" or really off. There is no way to measure med levels for anti-anxiety drugs and anti-depressants. It's more of a "Let's see what works" type of thing. I've been through the coventional treatments before and they

    just do not work for me. Thanks for your concern and insight, but I think the "meds" I need are not prescription ones. There are herbal treatments, supplements and alternative therapies that I'm looking into. I'm not saying my approach is right and yours is wrong. It's about what works for each person. I've accepted my illness, and understand the twists and turns of it. It isn't easy, but I manage.



  • I also want to add that I believe this person has some mental health issues of his own. I get angry because that is not acknowledged. I feel like if one achieves a certain status in life that one can "get away" with having issues. In the long run, I think it's harmful to the individual and those around him/her. I'm called names and harassed, and no one sees that this man has some issues with reigning in his anger. So far, no one has stepped up and suggested that he get help with dealing with his anger. I think this is part of where the anger comes from.



  • Blmoon- not to criticize what you have posted, but I get concerned when someone believes that ALL mentally ill people need to be looked after because they have no insight to their illness. Many people DO have insight into their illness. It may not look that way, but they do. I know when I'm off. I know when I need to step back and not go down that dark road. I accept the fact that I'm not a part of this man's life and that he probably doesn't even think about me when I'm not around. It is just that when I am around, he begins the name calling and backbiting. That is what I want justice for. I want him to stop the name calling and gossip and not do it to anyone else. I don't mean harmless gossip, that's OK. But the type that may hurt or destroy a reputation. And the name calling that brings up feelings of inferiority for some. Some are strong and can handle it; some can't. This guy shouldn't just get a free pass because people are impressed by his past accomplishments.



  • Mh83, there are many things that happen in this world that seem to be unfair but if you develop a preoccupation with justice, in that your survival and happiness is dependent on everyone playing fair by you, then you will be unable to find any peace of mind. Because the search for justice and absolute fairness is a bottomless pit that never ends - there will always be someone who treats you unfairly but this shouldn't affect your life. What the lesson is here is that you have to start 'playing fair' with yourself by not giving to others beyond a point that feels comfortable to you, even if you know that nothing will be reciprocated.



  • Thanks Captain. That's the lesson I needed to learn from this. What may seem fair to me may not be to someone else. This guy probably felt it was unfair that I filed a complaint against him. Maybe it is better to accept that there are different ways to look at justice and fairness. It's important not to get obsessed about what's right and what's wrong. With this situation in particular, I've done all I can and should do. It's time to step back and move on. And the best thing to do when I'm treated

    unfairly is to not take it so personally.



  • Absolutely! 🙂