Heal and Validate?



  • Hi, I am new here - and was wondering if I may get some help with something from someone blessed with the ability to do so.

    I have been struggling emotionally for several years- Those closest to me have passed.

    I also have lost 2 pregnancies, and discovered I cannot naturally conceive again.

    I have tried to seek support from those left around me, and have been given a lot of hurtful advice.

    I feel like my children did exist, and because I never held them- does not mean I am crazy for feeling love for them. I have a strong feeling of persistence, and that I should not give up in my effort to have a child, which will now have to be through IVF.

    This is a difficult decision, and not something I just came to on impulse. I want to know if my family supports this decision, and if my children know how much I love them, and do not feel my journey for another child is selfish or irresponsible.



  • Have you considered adoption? There are many children alive today in need of mothering.



  • And your family and children just want you to be happy in whatever you do. There is no judgment or criticism on the other side.



  • Thank you..

    Hope to not offend, I just want to say that any woman who has decided to go through with high cost, controversial fertility treatment, has very likely considered adoption. It is not an option in my case. Husband only wants his own or none...



  • Well, your husband's reasons are selfish ego-related ones and not loving ones, so I suggest it is he and not you who is the real problem here. New souls might be reluctant to be born into an environment where someone will only use them to justify his manhood or as supplements to give him what he needs. A loving person loves everyone, not just those who are direct family.



  • Wow. No, actually he just knows he isn't cut out to deal with the many hardships that often come with adopted children. I understand and respect that.

    He would be fine with no children. I want children, and he's ok with that too, just not adopting. He was close to a family who adopted all of their children growing up. These children were troubled, and manipulative. If the family wasn't so strong these children could have easily pulled them apart with crazy false accusations and out of control behavior. He does not want to go through what they did. Babies are rare, adoption of babies is for the very wealthy. The rest of us have to be open to special needs children. I would love to adopt- but not everyone is cut out for it. I admire his bravery in being able to admit that he is not able to do it. It's better than those who do, and change their minds later, and rehome the kids illegally like human pets.



  • I am no doctor and going out on a limb here but see this situation of infertility as not so final. If you can stand being patient and detach from this decision for at least six months to a year and live your life without this stress of wanting a child you will see a change. Spirit does not say why but just says it is not time right now and surrendering to that with trust you will get your child when it is best. When you were told you could not conceive--did you believe it? I see you conceiving but the little soul who is already watching over you is guiding some needed changes in your life right now. There is a purpose to waiting and it's not just a problem to be fixed. Make a space with trust and hard as it is for now---have patience--time is not running out and your baby will come. You are in a state of loss. Grief is real and effects the body---sorry you did not get the compassion you deserved----some folks think with their heads not their hearts when other's loss is big---- or they just plain do not want to get close to death so they distance themselves. You need more time to heal. I see a baby in your future and my advice is not to push right now. Relax, be good to yourself. Avoid sharing with those who upset you. Clear your life of any negative situations that upset you. You can trust your intuition---but not when feeling fearful or afraid of other's opinions. BLESSINGS!



  • Bkrispy- I am very sorry for your losses. You were the one who carried those children, so it is natural that you grieve. The people around you weren't trying to be cruel- it is just that they do not understand what you have gone through. I don't know if you are already involved with a support group for those who have lost children through miscarriage, but it may be worth looking into that. If there isn't a face-to-face group in your area, there are ones online. You need to find people who understand your loss. Grief is a complicated process and we all grieve differently.