Could i please have an insight/intuitive reading from someone please?



  • im feeling at a crossroads and I dont know which way to turn....I need to know if my health will improve and if I should stay in this state next year and continue what i have been doing or make a change...? A reading or some soulful insight would be so appreciated x



  • Stranger2, I pulled a card for you from my self-created deck. Your card is The Card of Negativity and Darkness

    Here the situation concerns the nature of negativity. Negative people are negative because they lack love, positivity, and a correct interpretation of reality. A lot of times, their negative behaviour is a barrier they erect to protect themselves from the harshness of life. Either negativity has touched you, is around you in the world, or you are facing your own inner darkness. We all must process our inner darkness at some point on the evolutionary journey - and almost certainly many times in this or former lives. It's an ongoing process. The key is to go fearlessly into the heart of it, not to deny it but to let it wash over you...for you cannot understand the light without exploring the darkness. To know and understand something is to know what it is not. Both paths - light and dark - lead to learning and growth. When negativity comes to you, the way through is not to judge or resist or reject it - otherwise you are feeding your fear, non-acceptance and criticalness, and possibly increasing your pain and suffering. Illness is caused by holding negativity in some part of your body. If negativity is getting to you, you are getting lost in it and are therefore being defined by it. Dwelling on the negative simply adds to its power. Instead, to be healed, observe the negative emotion, let it pass through you to discover why it is happening, why it is having such an effect, and what is the outcome that you are either needing or resisting. It then will have served its purpose and no longer needs to be there. It is released and vanishes, leaving only a divine lesson behind. In the case of excessive emotional release, for example anger, hatred, or fear, the lesson could be about bringing the centre of your attention into the heart and holding the negative energy within your energy field, as unpleasant as it may be. Holding that energy without immediate release can help dissolve the attachment to it. In which case, a good part of the denseness may then simply ebb away. When a negative emotion arises, try saying, 'Hello, Anger/Fear/Hate (or whatever), what do you want to show me?' And then listen, and let it take you wherever it wants. If negativity is touching you through other people, if you cannot just avoid or ignore them, then you have to deal with them. Don't engage in any negative behaviour in reaction to them, but confront them calmly to establish boundaries of respect and personal ethics, and the consequences of crossing those boundaries. Showing others you do not accept their negativity and standing up to them is important for your own self-respect and growth.

    I hope this has some meaning for you.



  • thanks... Im not sure if it holds meaning for me though..

    I am kind of looking for something more specific relating to my question..



  • Hi Stranger2,

    I get that continuing doing what you are doing feels like drudgery yet there is some sort of fear holding you back from moving forward. There is negative energy around you, as The Captain said. This could be your thoughts - fear, OR there could be negative people around you holding you down or back. I feel a struggle here that maybe did not end in your favor, yet you have been unable to truly make the decision to move forward. The message is to shed all this icky energy from past events and people and move on. Right now you feel a little stuck so it will take extra effort on your part to get the ball of your life rolling again. Inertia is hard to reverse, but a body in motion stays in motion!

    Health-wise I am getting that stress is a big factor here AND that this is entirely in your hands to make a positive change. There is stagnancy here too so excercise is key (this will also help with the stress). Also, there are dietary changes you know you need to make. Start with small changes on both fronts and work your way forward from there.

    Hope this helps,

    Watergirl



  • Don't let negative emotions like despondancy or depression stop you from doing what you want - you have to push though. But if you are not feeling enthusiastic or inspired by any changes you are making, it may be a sign it is not right for you.



  • thankyou watergirl and the captain... this is feeling much clearer to me.. you are both very insightful. Depression is a bitch of a thing.And I have been feeling stuck in a rut but too scared to change where I live as I honestly dont know where to move to. I am in the middle of full-time study, and almost finished two years. i live in a small town where it is quiet but easy for me to recluse,not always good for my mental health! very hard pattern to change. in many ways i am content to be alone with my cat.. and i go up to the city for study.. I have to decide if I should continue next year and finish the degree, or exit at this year. It has been stressful for me to do.. and I doubt myself often and struggle with my sadness. .i dont want to go on medication. i wonder if the study is worth the stress sometimes. it is hard to feel inspired by what i am doing all the time.. i study art, and mostly i like it but i do have to feel it in my heart,,, its not something i can force. i get lethargic on the weekends.. dont have many friends here in this town anymore as most of them left and i dont go out much down here.i try to force myself to go for walks on the beach. i could maybe move to the city but the thought scares me as i like my privacy. i also worry about my cat getting run over.i get anxious alot.!



  • You are depressed. I do not get this is something out of he blue but a life long pattern. Consider being your own loving nurturing caretaker or give your trust to a doctor. There are remedies for depression if you have been making bad choices---self medicating on carbs. Clutter. Not enough daylight and fresh air. Not enough heavy breathing. Depression often closes the diaphragm and one may not notice their shallow breathing. Of course depression itself creates inertia so you may not have enough will to help yourself. Pray for help and strength and focus on a health quest. If you do not see a difference within a month consult a doctor. You do not need to suffer. BLESSINGS!



  • What is it that you want to do with your studies after you finish? Do you wish to teach art or open your own gallery etc?



  • thanks blmoon,

    yes I probably am depressed.. interesting .. clutter -yes . i have visions of burning everything down sometimes. breathing - yes . sometimes i notice i am not even breathing. i am going to look into yoga classes in my break , i need it. i need to slow down and try not to let my mind become fearful, it really its not easy sometimes. I dont want to go onto antidepressants.. last time i did that i had so many side effects and when i tried to come off i felt suicidal. not good.there are days i feel happy so i know i have it in me. i am praying for strength.. not the first time, but i believe it works..i just need to focus on getting better..



  • captain, i am not sure.. but i guess originally I hoped that this training would give me better technique and skills so i improve as a painter. I hoped that when i finish I would maybe be able to be represented by some bigger galleries. I guess hoping that i would have more opportunities .teaching art is not something i considered but it is an option as well if i finish.although i dont even feel like i can draw let alone teach it!i feel like i need time to practice what i have been taught. I am a mature age student )42) so its been a challenge.sometimes though i wonder if i am on the right path.. i feel like i should've left this state years ago to get away from my family.i feel stagnant in many ways. .. waiting for th day when i will be free and can start a whole new life.both my parents have been quite controlling emotionally.now my dad is ageing i feel like its even harder to leave.



  • also.. i gave up on having a child( in my head) this year. my r.ship ended. and its been very hard trying to get over it. i still think about him and miss him. I wonder whether i should try harder to find someone to love and have a child with.. the thing is that i am still not sure that i even want it.. but i wonder whether i will regret that decision down the track. hormone can be crazy. being on my own its easier to not want it. i dont think i would be a gd mother as i get depressed and my own mother was like that..my childhood wasnt very good.its hard to forget those things. the whole thing kind of makes me angry though.. because i just wanted a normal secure life , but it wasnt given to me, so i get down.. its like i am trying to catch up now.. in the wrong decade.time has become the fight..and i just long to be free.



  • blmoon,

    yes it has been a life long pattern... i am realising more and more that i am an introvert. I am extremely sensitive to other people, surroundings, noise etc, energies. I get tired by being around people for too long. esp groups. i am better one on one. i am very connected to animals. i don't talk alot and hate having to talk when i dont feel like it. i was like this when i was 5. i was often upset by death.. not humans but animals..i preferred company of animals over humans. i felt i could trust them. not much has changed there. i have struggled to "fit in" to life ever since. I dont like alot of what i see happening around me, and it gets me down.



  • Stranger2,

    I have the same issue in my family. I did not want to go on antidepressants either, but also know that the people who need the meds tend to resist it even though it will help them! I have tried taking St. John's Wort and it has helped, but waiting to see if it will actually prevent another downturn. If it does not, then I will go see a doctor about the antidepressant options. I have schooling in this and I still have resisted it! Bear in mind also that it can take time to find the right medication and dosage so you should not give up on it right off the bat. Try the St. John's Wort first. And, yes, I did get dietary changes and exercise would help you a lot. Stay away from the carbs and sugar!

    I would also not make any major life changes until you get the depression thing handled.

    Take care,

    Watergirl



  • Also...get bloodwork done and check your TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) as well as Vitamin D. I have both - low thyroid and low levels of vitamin D, They both can cause depression and lethargy.



  • Stranger2, I do feel you are a very creative artistic and sensitive person (what about music or writing which you could do from home?), but have you ever been involved in dealing with other people's money or joint finances - I feel you are a very honest trustworthy person and might be very good at this sort of thing. If you love animals, then volunteering to work with them might get you out and about or even other charity work. I also feel you are incredibly charming and loyal - don't you realize that? That goes a long way to finding work or a partner. Depression happens when you focus too much on what you don't have, but I think you are missing out on seeing what a wonderful talented person you are. If only you had more confidence in your abilities and qualities... I feel when you find out what you really want to do, you will throw yourself into it with passion. Don't underplay or underestimate your talents. Focus instead on your beauty and brilliance. Make sure you avoid addictive substances like caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, even too many medications since people with depression can often get hooked on these things which act as crutches for a while, but soon make them dependent.



  • You have many of the traits of an em path or psychic. I like my solitude but love people. I am fine tuned to nature as well. Being sensitive is all about feelings. If this is true for you it is your challenge to ground yourself. Psychics are capable of great highs and lows---with all they absorb and depression and sadness comes with knowing too much. Ignorance is indeed bliss! You are not just in a mood--you are very depressed and your perspective can NOT be trusted. You really are going to have to gather divine will to get yourself un-tstuck without meds. You need help. Clinical depression is not going to pass on it's own. If you cannot trust medical help then be your own doctor and just start one remedy at a time. Being depressed is like putting on a pair of glasses smudged with a dirty film. No matter how things change around you you will only be able to see through those glasses---everything will be tainted and you will get exhausted just trying to focus. Spirit says deep BREATHING will help. You need body movement --blood flow--endorphin's! Endorphin's are your own meds. You can't continue being on the fence about managing your health. You need enough sunlight to produce melatonin to produce serotonin ----many meds are used to keep this happy chemical in your brain. None of your decisions will made with clarity until you fix your brain chemical issues. Make a commitment to fight your depression. I feel you are suffocating your life force. Somehow being small and invisible feels safe for you--but it is killing you. Be brave and de-clutter---do not get stuck in decision---depression hates decisions---clutter fast! donate and toss or leave gifts by the curb. You need energy!! Make room! BLESSINGS!



  • thanks Blmoon xx captainxx and water girl xx. I felt like my heart would burst after reading what you all wrote, thank you for the love and care.

    Watergirl,

    I am standing firm by my decision to not take anti depressants.. i just dont believe in them and would prefer to do it naturally.. i have heard about st johns wort,, but have also heard they can be strong and maybe even slightly addictive..plus i am no good taking pills and remembering to take pills. Vitamin d yes.. i try to get in the sun every day. it is so important. sugar and carbs,. totally agree.. and i had a few days of eating just veggies, salads and quinoa( low gluten etc) and felt so much better. having said that i had a bit of organic chocolate last night and enjoyed it veruy much and so i think i can allow myself some treats sometimes:) havent had my thyroid checked.. i battled with a parasite for months finally got rid of it.. had to take very heavy antibiotics for a long time.. probably knocked me around.. plus I have been tried from driving to college alot and full time study and not really socialising much on my time off. it is an ongoing thing isnt it to maintain the body and the mind and the heart and look after ourselves ..and a bad breakup never helps things.x

    Captain,

    thankyou for your words.. and yes i love to play music and write.. but I havent had time to do any of that since I have been studying.. i miss it.. i sing in the car often on the way but haven't touched my guitars in a long while..i think i will do it when the term finishes. I often dream/fantasize about playing music with other people having a band even...my shyness often gets in the way of getting out there and making it happen.and now i am 42.. but its ok hopefull in time these doors will open..yes i am very hard on myself and often dont see my talent and wish i could be better than what i am.it is often a struggle.. but when i do something i am proud of i feel great. i have some gd teachers who are nurturing me.. and i need it as i sustained alot of hurts oevr my life.. so slowly i am trying to rebuild my confidence and self belief. i think i get distracted alot.. i like many things and yes when i do throw myself into something you are right- very passionate.! but i can throw myself into so many things it is hard for me to focus sometimes.. and get things done..thats why the study is good for me to focus and get things done. yes i must focus on good things about me.! x

    Blmoon,

    yes maybe you re right.. i think i do have some empathic traits.. i remember one time i was talking to a guy online that i had never met and didnt know a thing about.. i wanted to try out my psychic abilities.. and i told him he lived in Illinois and he was a shoe salesman. I was right. I remember that feeling too.. and it was instananeous.. the first thing was right.. not trying not thinking.. it just came. as soon as i started to tryi lost it. I do have great highs and lows.. but ,, i dont think I would want it different.. well I dont want to flatline.. but yes breathing,, you hit the mark there.. physical is what keeps me alive.. i love dancing too.. and movement..dynamic exchange dynamic expression..in a few weeks im going to have a huge de clutter! starting with clearing out my shed! and throwing out lots of crap i dont need.i need to get everything fresh and clean and new feeling and alive again . i bought myself a ticket to a great art/music festival in a couple of months so i can get that energy flowing again x