Unsure of Direction in Life

  • I'm very concerned about where my life is headed. I've tried going back to school, but things keep coming up. I'm considering enrolling in an online program because I've had to put up with so much in the traditional classroom environment. This has included being called derogatory names, social shunning and having rumors spread about me. But, I worry that an online program won't really prepare me for a career. I don't feel like I'm any closer to finding employment, and it doesn't seem like a good idea to just give up on getting an education. I also worry about similar issues in the workplace. I try to be positive and hope that things will get better, but it doesn't seem that way. Can anyone offer some insight? What would be best for me? Thanks in advance for help with this.

  • Mh83, you cannot hide or run away from your life's challenges. Doing an online course would not help you to get where you want to be. You need to work out why you have such trouble with other people since ironically I feel you would excel as a team leader once you get past this issue. You have a deep need for security and affection so improving your relationships with others will make you happier. I feel you are going against your innate talents when you turn away from society and retreat into isolation. You must learn to stop fearing you are going to be attacked every time you open your mouth or give an opinion. I do feel there is one area in particular that you can improve upon - sometimes you may be guilty of imposing your own standards of what is or is not beautiful or correct in a situation, with the opinions or visions of others being dismissed out of hand. If this tendency isn’t checked, it can make you seem somewhat narrow-minded and intolerant of the opinions, taste and individuality of others. You need to remind yourself over and over again that beauty and truth lies in the eye of the beholder and that everyone has a different version. Getting in touch with your intuition will show you that beauty isn’t just something that can be created in the outside world—first and foremost it must be created within. Your greatest challenge may be accepting that you are not always right, and to understand that what is right for you may not necessarily be right for someone else. We are all unique individuals and diversity makes life wonderful. Demonstrating a willingness to learn will draw others to you because people like to help those who try to help themselves. Worry, pessimism and overwork tend to be your downfall, so it is important for you to look within for self-confidence and fulfillment. And you only gain confidence in yourself by doing what you fear, taking a risk. Until you do so, you will not be able to find confidence and fulfillment in the outside world. I understand that social occasions may be a bit of a strain for you as you don’t like the false façades people put on, but spending more time with close friends and loved ones will balance you out.

    Workwise, I don't know what course you are pursuing, but you are suited to careers where you can create harmony, and may be drawn to business management, events organization, education, lecturing, and interior design, or you may choose to develop your creativity and work in the theatre, opera or art studio. You must not follow tradition or convention or anyone ele's wishes in your career or life choices, but simply do what you know is right for you. You are on a mission to make the world a more beautiful place and you will try to add a touch of refinement or style to the environments you live and work in. You may pay great attention to your own appearance, cultivating an attractive presence that is always well groomed and presented. You set high standards for yourself and others, and by bringing out the confidence and charisma that is inside you, you can be a gifted and fair leader and also very much liked and admired. You are an esthete and idealist at heart, aiming for perfection; but being a realist too, you have the common sense to accept that there is a lot of ugliness in the world. But you can balance one with the other - you don't have to run from the ugliness. Try to focus on what is right and beautiful in your life rather than what is wrong or ugly. And do remember that everyone has their own idea of taste and beauty. Once you are willing to compromise, your destiny is to construct organized methods for advancement and to make the world a more harmonious and beautiful place. Carrying or wearing a moonstone will help strengthen your intuition, your capacity to understand what you really want out of life, and your ability to recognize the beauty that lies within.

  • Thanks Captain. I'm not sure whether I agree 100% with the idea of "psychic attack," but I've been suspecting for awhile that there is something going on like that with me. I've been encountering a lot of negativity. I find being alone easier because I get uncomfortable around others. This is due to bad past experiences. I'm not sure how I can reverse it. For awhile, things seemed to be getting better. Then, I started running into people who called me "retarded" and "an all around retard" amongst other things. I let it sink in too much and it has reached the point where I feel less capable than others. I feel like anyone who is seen that way can never amount to anything. Sometimes I struggle with why I'm here on this earth. Except for online, it's rare for me to encounter people I'm comfortable with. Part of me wants to be strong and face things head on. Another part of me wants it to just go away. I've felt for awhile that I'm meant to work with others, but it just isn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I'm hoping I can overcome the negativity and follow the path I was meant to follow.

  • You have to take responsibility for your part in failed relationships - ask for feedback on how you come across from your family and trusted friends who will be honest because you often present yourself in a negative way.

  • wow. your life sounds exactly like mine. wish you luck!

  • Sorry if I seemed dismissive of your advice, Captain. I do believe what you said. And I think I have a tendency to "set myself up" as far as having negative interactions with others. I think a lot of it just has to do with stereotypes. I tone my personality/energy down around others and they fill in the blanks with negative ideas. People close to me have told me there are some negative things about me. But, most who know me well believe that I'm intelligent, if sometimes lazy. I think that I've been given a life lesson in challenging stereotypes. I've just been running into a lot of shallow people. If I overcome my feelings of being uncomfortable around others, I'll be better at challenging any false ideas they might have. I have a tendency to take on whatever others think I am without challenging it.

    I like your advice about carrying a moonstone. I've just started studying about gemstones and crystals and the power that they have. Thanks for the career/life advice.

  • Thanks JTTJ. I hope things get better for you!

  • What others see as "lazy" is really a form of depression. You become really stuck. You have great plans and ideas. But they see more internal planning less action. Indecision swamps you----but yours is heavier than normal. I do not see you as believing this right away but you need to do yourself the kindest favor and commit yourself to medication and counseling with a trusted doctor who can help you with perspective. I pick up you have an issue with reading people. There is actually a physical condition with a name for this. The brain is wired to recognize signs in people's facial expressions---voice tones and body language so we can on a basic level judge a situation. It is taken for granted simple stuff but for some people it is missing! I have worked with children and though it's not very common we do come across this in a child. These children have a difficult time navigating everyday social situations---they are aware they are different and other children see them as touchy and easy to meltdown. For these children life is much more exhausting and they can see life as a hostile place. I feel you have a hard time understanding other's reactions so as a survival habit you often close up yourself to be safe. You just want to fit in. You have gathered a lot of insecurity and now at your age it is coming to a head----there has been damage done . You need to surrender to help medically and persist in finding the best positive counselor in helping you undo years of damage and give you skills to move forward. It's not your fault and the only shame is not getting help. It is NOT normal to be called retarded. There is something wrong with THOSE people! Healthy people do not go near that kind of blatant hostility. Bulies only pick on the weak---so my guess is they sense an awkward fear in you. You can not do this alone---there are years of undoing to get you on track to succeeding in a life that is truly YOU. You are very intelligent but it is trapped. You say that you have surrounded yourself with shallow people

    that may be safe in a negative way because shallow people will ALLOW you not to be authentic and allow you to ignore there is a problem in you that needs professional attention. Surrounding yourself with authentic people who live in truth means they are going to call you out into your truth and expect you to deal with what they see obvious and so far you are not ready. Take responsibility for your choices BUT do it lovingly with unconditional love for yourself. You did not ask to be born with this obstacle but you can get help and end this unnecessary suffering. I am not a doctor. But you asked on an open forum for advice.I am not here to be popular. I remember your early posts and you have worked hard to rebound and it has not been easy. Now take it to another level and accept medical help and counseling. I hope your perspective will not meet my advice in a hostile defensive stance. But more as a loving but tough truth. I wish you the best. BLESSINGS!

  • Blmoon- I certainly am not hostile toward your advice because I think you are right. I've wondered about the possibility that I may have a condition such as Asperger's, because I've long struggled in iterpersonal relationships. Also, I have some of the markers. I was considered an odd child, but very bright. I used to read a lot of medical texts because I had plans to become a doctor when I grew up. Most kids don't do that.

    What happened is that I was first called out for being rude, then people began calling me things like b**ch. Then, I developed a phobia about that. And the awkard fear is what nasty people pick up on and call retarded. My theory is that there are insecure people who take this fear personally- as a rejection. "Schizo," "mental" and other names are also common ones that I'm called. I think this is because of the anxiety and my reserved personality. Others don't understand that face-to-face interaction causes me discomfort because of bad past experiences.

    The only area I disagree with you on is that I have trouble reading others. I believe I can read others' reactions pretty well. That's where I struggle. People can't read me so easily. I forget that and assign too much to their interpretations. I just have trouble knowing how to react to others. It seems like to them my reactions are phony or unnatural. I don't get that because it doesn't feel that way to me. Of course, people who know me well are used to the way I react to things.

    I have been on medication and received counseling in the past. I had a bad reaction to the medication, and am sensitive to the effects of most drugs. So, I've been reluctant to try another medication. As far as counseling, it really seems to be luck of the draw. I feel like the counselors I've seen before have done more harm than good. So, while I do feel like that's an important step for me, I have to make sure I choose the right one. Otherwise, I think that I'll slip into another stagnating depression. That's something I've been struggling with.

    Also, I really think that I received dysfunctional ideas from the last two counselors that I saw. Their whole thing was about pushing me out to work and back to school. I wasn't ready yet. There was this idea of "You're worthless because you don't do anything. And you're attempting to use your problems as an excuse to avoid working." That was never spoken, but I felt that. I think more time should have been spent on dealing with the issues that have caused trouble with work and school in the past. I'm thinking of seeing a life coach- they usually have a background in counseling and could help me deal with self-defeating ideas. I think someone like that would be more supportive and positive. I feel like I need someone objective who can say "You seem this way or that way". Or "You seem to struggle with this" and and not have it seem mean spirited. (Unlike my prior counselors.) I think a lot of it has to do with wording.

    I'm glad that I posted here, because it's good to get different perspectives. From reading The Captain's posts about what I'm meant to be doing, I realized something was wrong. I've known that for awhile, but haven't been sure what to do about it. I'm definitely going to see what options are out there for me. Cost is an issue, unfortunately. I know people on this forum are from many different countries and each has different policies on access to care. In the US, things are kind of a mess right now with healthcare. I have reservations about just picking a counselor because of cost. That's what I've done in the past and it didn't work well.

    Thanks again for your post, Blmoon. I hope I can get the help I need and that things turn around for me.

  • I wanted to add something I've been thinking about a lot lately. There have always been people who are less tolerant of those who are different. But, for whatever reason it seems to be worse now. Growing up, I didn't meet so many people who were openly hostile. I remember it seeming balanced. It just seems to be something that is going on not only in my own life, but in others' as well. I think those of us on the other end of this hostility can only learn not to take it so personally. There are a lot of unhappy people who think they're elevating themselves by putting others down. In reality, the opposite is true.

  • You know Mh, we attract the things we need to know in many different ways - one is through the people we draw to us. I feel that the nasty people you have attracted in the past were 'signposts' as it were, showing you that something was wrong with your approach. Now that you have become more aware that you have to work on yourself and the way you relate to others, the need for such 'rude awakenings' should decrease and nicer more helpful people come into your life now. Always look for the lesson/messages that even the most negative and shallow people bring to you.

  • Thanks again, Captain. I do feel like there's a lesson to be learned from even the most negative experiences. I was wondering- how do you feel about what Blmoon said? Do you agree or do I just need to work on interpersonal skills? I do agree with most of what was said.

  • I do think you have gotten into a vicious cycle of misinterpreting people's signals and behaviour, and having them also misinterpet your own responses.

  • I agree. I've been thinking about what was posted and that's why I'm unsure whether there is indeed a brain issue or whether it's just because of bad experiences. I don't remember having any issues when I was younger. I seemed to be able to read people and they could read me. I haven't suffered any type of serious injury or stroke, so that wouldn't explain it. While it would be a relief to say "Oh- I have this condition and it makes interpersonal interaction difficult," I worry that placing too much stock in that idea could lead me not to try as hard to overcome my issues with interpersonal interaction. My understanding is that bad experiences can lead to something like this. It does sometimes cause changes in the brain, but it is something that can be reversed. It sounded like Blmoon may have been describing a condition such as Aspberger's, which would be present from a young age and harder to overcome. My issues have been more recent. I've been trying to look at things from a more objective point of view- especially interpersonal interactions.

  • I just realized that I was signed in under an old account with the last post. But, it's the same person.

  • Regardless of diagnoses, the heart of the message was that you needed help. That working at it yourself has proved not enough. And timing is relevant. What I do know about mental illness is that it can fluctuate. It can peak after stress or trauma or big life events. No two people are alike and many illnesses are combinations of more than one. From your own mouth you have revealed poor judgement or just plain confusion about people you allow into your life. Your boundaries are weak.That is reality. A trusted counselor can help you see what you ARE NOT SEEING. And that counselor can help you choose a good friend and that friend can set new boundaries and you will have more trusted friends and soon you will not be struggling so alone but will be self sufficient with a back up network of trusted people who have your back. Either you choose to let wrong people in by lacking insight and signs or you feed a self destructive part of yourself with poor choices. You need help either way. And that is a blessing to find not a negative label. All of us should have at least one friend or family member that loves us unconditionally and will speak up honestly if we are making poor choices. We are not meant to be totally alone. I still get strongly that you need medication---but you must find the right doctor. Someone intuitive and organized who takes careful time to try until the right med and dose is found. Too many doctors do just hand out a med and say come back in a month and its true patients can have adverse reactions get frustrated and say h ell with this and give up. A good doctor gives a new med with a careful frequent follow up and blood tests. Annoying yes and time consuming but once he finds your best dose then it is worth it. Whatever you have been trying is not working. Change requires change. You are going to have to take a scary leap into the unknown or go out of your comfort zone. Dealing with your issue as you always have will only bring the same result. Try something different. Let down your fear and accept you are going to have to trust one good person's help to start the true INTENTION. The psychics here are only bringing up things you already know---put knowledge to work and accept you can not do this alone. Find, pray, for a good doctor. BLESSINGS!

  • Sorry if it seemed like I was questioning your advice, Blmoon. While intuitive information can be non-specific, the medical field-especially the mental health field is very focused on diagnoses. Two people with the same symptoms may receive different treatment because they've been diagnosed as having different disorders. And it is not an exact science. It is a very subjective field. If a person has a headache, they may take aspirin or Tylenol. It is understood how these drugs work. With the meds used to treat mental health disorders, it isn't. One person may completely recover and another may get worse. It may take years to get proper treatment even if one is seeing a doctor, counselor or both regularly. It can feel very discouraging at times. I have sought help in the past, but gave up. I agree that a different approach is necessary, but want to make sure I make the right choices.

  • my husband is bipolar and we have been married for 42 years. He has never had to be hospitalized. I know exactly how the med process works. For years he went undiagnosed and took about every antidepressant there is prescribed by his general doctor. Not knowing that antidepressants often make bipolar (manic depression) worse---It took a very good psychiatrist to diagnose him properly and find his med compatibility. And he was monitored closely at the start with several blood tests a week to find his safe blood levels. He has had severe adverse reactions to three different drugs over the years--it IS a very serious business. A psychiatrist is a specialist who treats physical illnesses of the brain and knows how to find the right meds. It is very stressful and discouraging at times and I monitor my husbands meds and work as a team with his doctor. There is nothing easy about it. With treatment he can work and lead a mostly normal life. It is what it is and you deal with it. If you have no trusted family member to support you through the process--there are advocate groups for support. You need help and support. You are suffering and seeking help and committing to it will make your life so much better! BLESSINGS!

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