Confirmation that maybe I'm not nuts?
This is an ex thing...He is a man of action and we haven't spoken in two months, so I've surmised maybe he's moved on (our last communication was essentially long letters back and forth about how great we think each other is, but how he just can't dive in for some reason...I maintain timing, but that's neither here nor there)...typically before this we spoke intermittently, before meeting up again...before each of the occasions I felt like I was getting a psychic attack from him....because I was overwhelmed by emotions I felt were out of my control. IE the first time we spoke after our break up....I wasn't going to email him at all, then I just felt like it was imperative after feeling the way I do now, only to find the reply "I've wanted to get in touch with you so badly for three days." Sometimes I wonder if this psychic thing is something I make up sometimes though...like today I've been feeling overwhelmed again....I'm not sure if it's me just fooling myself, so I wanted to see if anyone would do a tarot reading/psychic reading to get a general feel on his side of the situation. Maybe he's seeing someone else and moved on and I've got wishful thinking...I don't know...I just know I'm super overwhelmed. I pulled the tarot cards this morning for myself of his feelings for me and I got ten of wands, Lovers and four of wands....wasn't sure how to interpret it, because my brain isn't objective enough...perhaps it was reading my own feelings. I don't know...Help? Anybody? Please?
BL, I am sensing lack of trust and judgment issues here, mainly of your own self. You dearly want someone to love you, but I feel your prior relationships may be more fear or need-based than based on mutual respect and trust. You mustn't allow the pure need for physical affection to lead you into making disastrous relationship choices. Take time to ground yourself through exercise, meditation, yoga etc before making decisions or taking actions. Become more discerning about other people. You must ensure you choose partners who are strong, independent (but not unable to commit like this last guy), kind souls like yourself, rather than clingy or needy people.
If you can post your ex's photo or birthdate, I will be able to tune into his vibes and let you know what I sense his feelings are regarding this situation.
Thank you so much. And you are completely right about my past. His birthday is 6/2/69.
PS Capt. I've re-read your advice, like 100 times today. And needed it badly.
I feel there is a good chance of your ex returning to you - but just as big a chance of him running away again after that. And so on...until he heals from an early unhealthy or dysfunctional family relationship where he was simultaneously made to feel unwanted or abandoned at times, and clung onto too tightly at others. Early on he missed out on the emotional 'nourishment' or feeling of stability and safety he needed. He was made to feel that if he let down his guard for one moment, disaster would strike. He is terrified of the bottom dropping out of his life yet is actually relieved if it happens. He fears a loss of control and has a compulsive need for order and structure in his life. He may have a large dose of combativeness as a result of his unstable upbringing and he may become entangled in petty feuds or conflicts with other people. He's always half-expecting to be abandoned or rejected and, as painful a feeling as it is to him to leave or be left behind, it does give him a temporary feeling of freedom from all care and responsibility to other people. So he runs...then comes back, gets scared of everything being too good (in case failure follows) or feeling like he cannot handle the responsibilities and expectations of relationships...so he runs again. He has a lot of misconceptions about families and love and he mistrusts happiness and all good things since he fears it can all so easily be taken away. He can get sucked in by cumbersome relationships or social structures that resemble his past crazy relationship with his family, or by other people's expectations of him.
The solution to his problem is to develop the ability to get out of his own head and to avoid worry and chronic complaining. Overanalysis of his problems and situations is a stumbling block for him since he is more intellectually than emotionally oriented - he really needs to learn to chill out more and let life take its course. He will probably always need his freedom to some extent but it doesn't mean he cannot learn to enjoy the intimacy or responsibility of a close relationship. But he really does need to lose this fear that bad things always follow the good. If he keeps on running from life and love, he will never experience any of the wonderful stuff. He must develop a full-blown passion for something or someone - his career, a partner, religion, a hobby or sport, or whatever - just so he learns to stick with something and not run away from it.
Wow, you're good. He did have an extremely messed up childhood, a very troubled early adulthood...and essentially...you described him to a T. I always hoped that he would go to therapy or something, but he's not that kind of guy, I don't think. Regardless, I still need to revert back to the advice you gave me of being more discerning and wanting to be with someone who can commit. I'm getting too old for this exhausting game. I want something real!!! Anyway, thank you SO SO SO much for taking the time out to write that. I really appreciate it.
Many blessings to you always.