Broken hearted

  • I recently broke up with my daughter father. after about two in a half months of dating him. we decided to give it one more try. we both agreed that no matter what i wasn't going to push him away and he wasn't going to run we were both going to talk through our problems. however that didn't happen everything was going pretty good the affection was there the attention the friendship the communication so i thought. we were having a discussion about some things that were bothering me and he just all of a sudden comes out of nowhere saying that no woman will ever come first in his life ever and that he has a hard time doing that and don't ever see this happening but in the same breath he wants to be married! he said his kids come first then his job followed by his family then his woman/wife. that didnt sit well with me i felt like i was fighting a losing battle knowing i would always fall last to him meaning i will never be important. we were suppose to be getting a house together and going on vacation at the end of the month but he just walked out after saying all that. his last words before walking out the door was i'm sorry you will never be first be i just cant ever do that.. im so confused as to what happened or why this happened . he is a 40 year old virgo and im a 36 year old capricorn he has a tendency to run every time he gets close to a paticular type of woman. Why is that????? I need some advice Im so hurt and lost he not only left me but he left his daughter hurting as well shes 5 and my two daughters that are not his. he got our hopes up then let us down. I truly loved this man and would do anything for him. i feel used and abandoned.

  • Can you give both birthdates please?

  • january 17, 1977

    september 19, 1972

  • The problem with this guy is that he has been abandoned by people he adopted as his family in the past - maybe several times. Now he is gun-shy of it happening again so he doesn't let himself get close to anyone. He's got a thing about looking for a family environment, a place where he can feel secure and supported and accepted and doted on, somewhere he can really feel safe enough to be himself. He has a deep need to belong, to be connected, and be nurtured. His attachments can be immediate and possessive - to adopted kids, stepchildren, other people's families, anyone except his real kin. But he also can't stand to be pushed, trapped, pigeonholed, crowded, or helped too long because as much as he wants to be connected to a family, he also wants to be completely free. To him, commitment means being hurt. So he keeps on swapping one mother-child relationship for another, and then he runs. And until he stops running and starts dealing with his double-sided needs, he will always be pulled in two different directions.

    You and he would really be better off as just friends. This relationship is a strange mix of accord and dissension. You two can be at ease with each other one moment, then you suddenly explode in a spontaneous eruption that leaves everyone around you breathless in its wake. The relationship contains elements that are singularly unpredictable. Should either of you attempt an overt power play, the result would be a full-scale revolution. Indeed, rebelliousness can be the focus of such a relationship and it can all too quickly boil over. There is excitement and sensuality here, but also psychological and emotional instability - something neither of you is temperamentally equipped to handle. This guy is attracted to your imaginativeness and your nurturing nature. He is always looking to replace his mummy. He may keep his cool for long periods, but if you push him too far, he will spring into attack mode. This relationship will not work out because this man is just not willing to confront his demons - and maybe never be ready or able to.

  • wow! I told him almost the exact same thing. I told him he can't run forever even though he's gonna give it a good try. At some point he's gonna have to face those problems. we always worked good as friends. Right now I'm not ready to deal with him as a friend I need space from him the only communication has to do with our daughter. everything you have said is everything i have been saying and thinking. that's crazy!

    Thanks for the insight and advice I feel a little better knowing my thoughts of this was right, now i just have to get over it.

  • oh yeah everything you said about him he has said about his self. that women has hurt him and he has a hard time trusting. and the things his mom has said to him has scared him as well. and relationships aren't for him. i'm amazed at how you got him down to a T all this is on point.

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