Captain?



  • I am sorry, I know you have given such good advice to me, but I am so desperate to make the right decision, and if I am making the right one then it is NOT easy, infact it seems impossible.

    I have realized that one dream that I have had, long time back, is cming true, idk if you read it but it was about a catipillar, that I set down for a moment, and when I picked it up, I didn't realize that it had formed a cacoon, and had adhered to my right thumb. It was so painful! I wanted to remove it, but it hurt me more and more as I tried to be careful and not harm the catipillar. When it finally came off it left a bleeding, burning hole in my thumb.

    I know believe that the catipillar is my husband, and that as I have felt that i need to move on, he has become so desperate and clingy that it is painful to me. I feel like the time is now to move on, but at the same time he is trying so hard to do everything right, but still red flags go up and I am scared to try again. I just try asking for some time away to stay with my brothers and he just collapses in tears and agony, terrified that I will decide to divorce. I don't like hurting him! I don't want to hurt him, but I NEED to take some time to get my head straight!! Is it normal for a husband to behave like this if he is afraid his marriage may end? Or am I being a bitch??

    And when I try to say why I am not happy, and how angry i am and that I feel hate towards him, he just rebuttles with all the wrongs that I have ever done and that he moved past those, but I was not abusive to him, I did not hurt him the way he's hurt me. This is a big red flag as I think it shows he doesn't understand what he has done. I feel he is selfish and only thinking of himself, but I am also only thinking of myself now.

    But otherwise he is trying so hard to make all the changes to live life the way that I have always wished we had, and he is so desperate to be the right man for me, he prays for the strength to be the man that I need every day, and i feel guilty for wanting to go, and also that he is too desperate, and i feel suffocated and obliged.

    😞

    but sometimes I think, it's too late, it's too late, I will never be happy with him and I will only feel trapped again if I try again! But then I pray that god will send me a sign, but then I think that the lesson I am meant to learn is to stand up for myself and create my own happiness. I can only do these things by hurting him. Please, give me some of your straight advice, I am tired of being so messed up! I am 28 for god's sake! I want to be happy! Am I the one preventing my own happiness or is it really too late for him to make a change??



  • You are encouraging your husband to remain a child by giving in and staying with him whenever he throws a tantrum. You are not helping him or yourself. He will only grow up when he learns to stand on his own two feet and manage by himself. It's time to end this harmful dependency and your husband's emotional manipulations. It should be love that keeps you with someone, not guilt. You stay with him hoping he will change but why would he need to change when you are giving him what he wants by staying? Only when you leave will he change - for better or worse, but that is his responsiblity, not yours. We can only ever be responsible for ourselves where two adults are concerned.



  • Yes u r just plain right. I spoke w him this morning to tell him I decided to go to my brothers and visit, not giving him an option to say no. I hope it will give us both the time we need. He was very different today he held his emotions in check and said he wants me to be happy. But he keeps trying to get me to promise I won't ever leave him. I can understand he is afraid. But anyways it was much better than it has been, and I feel that my time is coming, I will finally be able to get some peace and perspective. Thank u so much captain. I wish I could repay ur kindness and patience in some way. I really need to know what my life path is meant to be, so thank you



  • Your life purpose is to cultivate the delicacy, tact, and culture that are the nature of grace. Often this goes so far as to include an ease or suppleness of movement or of the physical body in general. It certainly includes a mastery of 'grace under fire' - the generosity of spirit, charm, and propriety in even the most difficult of circumstances. You will be given many opportunities to develop this attribute in your lifetime, since it is your fate to undergo challenges and trials that produce the strength of character that results from overcoming such episodes. This is where your fullest potential blossoms and you find personal fulfilment. You will become a leader by example because others will be drawn to your grace. This enables you to have a platform for your views - sharing a message that, true to the nature of grace, usually concerns those less fortunate than yourself and other good causes. You are easily wounded by criticism, carelessness, or life trauma - particularly the loss of loved ones - and thus may prefer to live behind the scenes or in some form of retreat from life. Ironically, accident or coincidence plays a large role in your life and you are no stranger to tragedy, but this is all to help you develop the empathy, seriousness of purpose, and strength to help others. Your core lesson is to release the need to hide when times get tough and instead learn to detach emotionally. Your goal is to develop an ease of living and movement, culture, and elegance, using your gifts of steadfastness, fairness, and personal magnetism to achieve what you want.

    You may not feel it but you are a tough person who is blessed with the natural strength and endurance to be able to handle just about anything life can throw your way. Yet you will have to be careful that you don't take yourself so seriously that you fail to enjoy the many gifts your lifepath has to offer. Surrounding yourself with evidence of your accomplishments in the form of beautiful things, a serene home, and a sense of elegance will be especially important to you since the right atmosphere can do much to balance your feelings and remind you of just what you are working towards. You cannot live comfortably in a strained or unpleasant environment. You need moderation and abundance to be happy. If you are careful not to lose yourself in negative emotional dramas or patterns, a refusal to change, or by identifying too much with your own sense of suffering, all will go well for you. You must come to believe that you deserve an easier time of it.

    2013 for you is about abundance, material matters, money, strength, and action. This is your power year, a period when you can make important strides in your life. It is a great year for goal setting and attainment. It is also a year for career/business success. Because it is a year of personal prosperity, you are in a position to manifest whatever it is that you want in life. It is also a year to reap the rewards of previous efforts. This year will find you dealing with important people, important decisions, and important methods of operating, rather than being bogged down in petty details. Force, energy, and power are at your command during this year, although you are asked to use it wisely and with the intention of achieving the highest good of all those around you. Set your own direction and participate fully in the process.



  • Thank you!!!!



  • Captain this is such good insight and advice thank you.



  • I have been very low energy lately to try to accomplish such tasks. Do u have any advice for me to start detaching and regaining this strength? Some beginner advice? 🙂



  • Captain I wanted to thank you for your advice. I have finally made my decision and I believe it to be the right one. I am sad and i know it wont be easy, but excited to begin a new life, the life I had always wanted. I have come back and read this many times and u should know how much I appreciate it. I hope I can fulfill my hearts intention to be a betterment to this world. Thank you!!



  • Good luck to you (sorry I missed your previous message).



  • Girl today is my first opportunity to get out fast. Can u please give me some insight aboutmyhubbys future? I am excited to find my freedom, but I worry about him. If I leave today it can impact his job interview process and performance. I feel I cannotwait, though. I really wanthimto nail this job opportunity though! It will guarantee him all he has ever wished, I think; and I have always wanted him to be happy.



  • Leave your husband to take care of himself - he is a grown man and this won't be the first challenge he has to face. He will learn and grow from each experience.



  • Thank you



  • Thank you