Been Very Emotional Lately (In need of guidance)
I dont know what has been going on with me. There are plenty of great things that I appreciate-my video business is getting some buzz and respect and my relationship with God has been better than ever. Those are things that I have always wanted but unfortuantely some things remain the same that you can't change. My family-I can't change them and I honestly do love them for who they are but I have been extremely depressed being around them-they make it seem like I am doing it to myself but the truth of the matter is their actions are affecting me. I already have issues of abandonment, lack of confidence and not feeling lovable. Anytime I am sad or mad, they tell me Im being ridiculous,crazy and unpleasant. For one, anytime I cry or anything, its like its annoying them. I have anxiety issues and feel like bipolar disorder is a possibility for my extreme mood swings. Ive been having to repeat this class in school only to realize I dont want to be in school anymore because I am already have a portfolio of work and have barely been in 2 film classes while being in college. I am stuck at the house all the time with my little brother who I resent being a babysitter before because it slows down my progress. Its not his fault but very few times does any of my family help out-anything or mistake he has made is my fault and they make me feel like he is my child. Because of watching him, I cannot go out into the world, Im stuck at home, cannot work as much and it is hard for me to be productive in school. My mom is can be driven by her ego more so than anything not to say that she doesnt care but anytime I tell her that her irritation at my emotions bothers me she acts as if she doesnt care and lists reasons why it is annoying. She can also be very harsh with words and I am forced to bottle everything in. I never tell anyone my emotions or how I feel because I feel that I will be shunned or laughed at. Im just tired of not feeling connected to anyone and not feeling loved enough (which could possibly be my issue because I have problems with that) but I wanted to just runaway with my tax money and move off by myself out of state and get myself together without anyone's influence so I can clear my head. I know running away from your issues is not an answer but it seems to be the only option.
What can I do to help myself without having a clash with my family?
Hi Asia 118,
This seems like a difficult situation, and it's quite common. There is no easy answer, when it comes to the family of origin. Probably the best thing you can do for yourself is to find a good therapist, if you (or your family) can afford it. Especially if you suspect that you have a bipolar disorder. It's good that you can identify your feelings clearly, like feeling resentful because you have to baby sit your brother all the time, instead of investing in your studies and development. True, your brother is NOT your responsibility. He is not your son, he is your parents' son, and it is their responsibility to look after both him and you, if you are a minor. That means to encourage your studies and look after your best interests as well as your brother's. However, you must realize that parents often have their own limitations and they act accordingly to their knowledge and the way they were treated by their parents. So, you have to become your own best friend and try to find ways of dedicating yourself to your studies no matter what. Also remember that obstacles make us stronger people, if you are wise enough to deal with them in a constructive way. Just a little advice about what NOT to do - be careful not to look for love and acceptance in wrong places. You have to become very vigilant, because on a biological level you are predisposed for being attracted to people, who would treat/neglect you the same way as your parents do (the same goes to all of us). Stay strong and love yourself, you deserve it.