Is There Any Chance of Me Leaving?



  • I havent been on this site in months in order to focus on myself to make my life better without relying on predictions and anxieties on my own but my 21st birthday is coming up and I get scared that I am not as successful as I can be. I still live with my mother whose erraticness and sensitivities can get the best of her. If she is told she is wrong-she cannot accept it and in some way too stressed out to the point she is becoming like my abusive father (who we moved away from but still manages to come over with no problem). She criticizes him and hates what he does to us but gets annoyed with us and acts different (and more ridiculous at times) when he comes around and lets him take her out in things when he doesnt do anything for any of his kids. I feel I have his responsibilities on my shoulders and I AM SICK OF IT-I realized my siblings are NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY. I have been taking care of my baby brother since for 2 years now. (He is 3) I love him but am too impatient and really want to be focused on my own life to the point I know I cant do anything for him. I want him to be in daycare and even though we are STRUGGLING HORRIBLY financially, I feel that it is not moving fast enough because no one takes me seriously when I say I need my own life. I don't get to hang out with friends or really buy things for myself-when a bill needs to be paid or food. I have to get it- no one else can. There is really no family that can help support me or my family the way we need. I dont have my own room still I stay out of a closet. No one respects my things or where we live-no one likes to clean up and everyone destroys anything I have which is very frustating. I have no space for myself and feel as if I am getting closed in. I dont have a car, my job doesnt pay very well being that I have to depend on a steady ride on solely the weekends. I am really dissatisfied with my job right now and want to quit but cannot.

    I do appreciate everything that comes my way but dont really get to vent often because anytime I tell someone how I feel-my family (mom) tells me I am irrational and its how I feel and not reality to some degree. I am sick of it. I am planning on getting my car when my income taxes come in. As a videographer I am getting more business and want to quit my job once I get the car being that I have plenty of people that want me to shoot for them all over. I just get afraid that I will never be able to move away from my family this year. (That I REALLY WANT) I want to create my own opportunities without everyone shoving there weight in my face and being forced to deal with responsibilities that aren't mine.

    WHAT SHOULD I DO?

    HOW CAN I MOVE THIS YEAR?



  • Asia, it is not the people around you who are causing your problems, but your reaction to these people. You cannot change anyone else but yourself. It is you wanting them to change in the way you want them to which is causing you stress. If you don't allow them to get to you, no one can upset you.



  • I wish I could but I more so want to know what I can do to get away from all of this than change them. It is soooo much easier said than done dealing with all of this around me. I am trying which is why I am focused on getting out of it than changing them. I want to know how I can leave within this year or is it even a possibility?



  • The more you want to get away from dealing with your family, the longer you will have to stay. Only when you no longer hate living there, will you be able to leave. You have to overcome your dislike of your own family and learn to live with them and all their faults. I am sure they get annoyed with you too. You have to accept them the way they are if you really want to be free of them. As long as they aggravate and get a negative response from you, you are tied to them by a chain of bad emotion.



  • Captain-I understand what you are trying to say-its just I am so tired of them judging me openly-Im forced to bottle all of my emotions because I am constantly shunned and forced to take everything. I am so desperate for others love at time it is ridiculous. Sometimes I dont care about my future. Sometimes I think I am only here to make art (film)



  • Don't bottle your feelings up, Asia - express what you are feeling to your family. Tell them that they make you want to leave, unless things get better. But don't get upset when you speak - stay cool and calm and you have a better chance of succeeding with them. And you have to impose limits or they will continue to take advantage of you. Don't let your family just walk all over you. Tell them what you will and won't put up with. You must make them respect you. People treat us the way we let them treat us.



  • The Captain-Ive done that already unfortuanately they don't care. I really just going to focus my on my own life and get myself together when they leave. I feel like they don't really need me or want me around that much. Im tired of feeling sabotaged. I want to get myself together-Im tired of feeling like I constantly need to be loved and like by everyone. I constantly feel like no one likes/loves me when its not completely true.



  • The only person you can blame for being stuck is yourself. The only chains you wear are those you have created yourself. No one is forcing you to remain in this situation. Perhaps you fear change and cannot move forwards?



  • I can move forward-I am more so afraid of failure than change thats why Im moving to get over this fear. I can do it! Im always around people thats afraid to do something different themselves so I think its causing me to feel stuck in the fear of failure



  • That's to do with you and not them. No one can make you fear or feel anything unless you allow it. You have got to release this victim consciousness of yours. You are not stuck. You are powerful. If you put your mind to it, you will find a solution to your life.



  • Hello Captain-Im having a big dilemma that I need to deal with before I go to work tomorrow, there is I co-worker that I don't like for here snobbish and rude ways. I tend to stay out of her way and not worry about her but today when my friend Amy asked for me to sit with her and our friend/manager Louie the rude co worker chimed in and said this isnt a social gathering and that louie has to do some work. I was extremely offended because Louie was mainly eating and not doing work, she said nothing when another coworker came over and talked. I was VERY offended and was too mad to say much right then and there. I wanted to pull her aside tomorrow (with a witness) and tell her I was offended by what she said.

    Is this the right way to go about this, if not what should I do?



  • No she is just looking for attention and tries to annoy people into giving it to her. Ignore her and she will eventually stop. Get mad at her and she will keep coming back for more.



  • Thanks Captain-I had talked to her that day calmly-I do ignore her most days-she isnt bothersome to me anymore. Ive been trying to relive alot of stress I feel-I try my best to feel or make myself happy-I dont neccessarily hate myself but I dislike myself at times and Im constantly worried about school and work (which can both be very stressful) I want to quit my job but my family makes me feel like Im their only source of income and makes me feel horrible about quiting but this job makes me feel low alot-its just the people I like hanging out with that make it ok. Ive been failing this online class over and over again. Im always depressed at home surrounded by my mom getting back together with my dad and everyone's constant arguing. It irritates me that I have no space of my own-all of my things get broken-I have no room and no one respects me or my things. I dont have to put up with it but need to move out fast. Its affected my life and I feel like my art is suffering from it. I always doubt myself and dont feel free. My video career is going great though but I cant enjoy it at all-not with no space or room or happiness.

    What can I do Captain?



  • You are putting too many expectations on yourself to live your dreams. Try relaxing more and not chastising yourself for not being where you feel you ought to be at this point in life. You need to believe that there is some reason you are where you are. When you find out what that is, you will be free to move on. What is holding you there? Guilt at leaving your family behind or what?



  • Yes I will feel guilty for leaving them behind-I know they are not my burden or responsibility but I want them not to feel so locked down or feel like they can never get away-I want to be an inspiration as I move but I also want to get myself together first before I am able to help them. I just love my brothers and sisters so much-I think the biggest thing is how I feel responsible for them somehow (Im not sure why). I really need to get out of this though. I will definitely give thought to what you said though-you picked up on alot!



  • I honestly dont know how I am to focus and be happy-I really would feel guilty for leaving my brothers and sisters in danger. Everyone in the house yells, screams and says extremely hurtful things to one another and it goes on without apologies at times. My father pushed my younger brother around (physically) yesterday and was like come on tough guy after my mother already did the same to him (and more) this usually goes on and on a lot and she tells us to stay out of it. She feels they need him in his life just because he is their biological father and she doesnt know what to do. I feel she is too stressed out. I know I cannot help everyone and shouldnt worry about others but it is awfully hard to keep a clear head and save up for the future all while my mom always needs my money and says stuff like me saving is selfish and she cant do everything by herself-I love my mom but she says and does very hurtful things and does not apologize and acts as if she doesnt care. She hates sensitivity and often acts like everything to do with feelings isnt real. Shes very volitle and feels like we dont appreciate her enough or dont respect her.

    I think we all love her and appreciate the things she's done for us but have a huge problem with her and how she lets our father do anything to us. She always goes into how much better she is than most parents or starts going into how shes more good than dad and still tries to force people to respect him despite his abuse.

    How do you think me and my siblings feel about my mom?

    What can we do to adjust to the house hold or keep at bay for now?

    How can I inspire my siblings to clean up (I feel like they dont clean up because they dont feel appreciated or value anything because theyve been without many things for years)?



  • It doesn't sound like your mother appreciates or deserves your financial help. Apart from paying rent, you don't owe her anything and she has probably become dependent on your income. All you can do is watch out for your siblings and you kids have to love each other and stick together. When you get your own place, it would be like a haven where your siblings could have some relief and escape from your parents until the kids grow up and take care of themselves. You can make them feel good about themselves even if their parents don't. LIkely your parents will be regretful when all their children leave them.



  • Hey Captain! There is this guy I had a crush on at work and we seemed to get along well but he has a girlfriend (his birthday is Feb 3rd 1988)! I recently went to a party with him and he kissed me but I told him I would never cross that line because he has a girlfriend but we can always be friends. The next day there was a rumor floating around work that I had a threesome with him and another co worker he flirts with. I was pretty upset about it and figured it was him more than likely! I want to confront him tommorow but dont know how.

    Did he spread that rumor around?

    Why did he?

    Will he ever confess or apologize?



  • My mistake his birthday is Febuary 3 1987



  • For this guy, relationships are all about a bid for dominance and manipulation. He knows how to tell people what they want to hear and he wants to be popular with lots of women, but he himself likes to be free to do what he wants and come and go as he pleases. Yes he did spread the rumour to make himself look like a real stud and no, he won't ever confess or apologize because he likes the attention and admiration it brought him from the guys. He is a player and very insincere - you should stay away from him. Try not to look for anyone at all like your father.