Need Help with Cancer man, i feel torn



  • Hi there i met this Cancer guy at my gym, as soon i passed the door there he was all over me sharing his present issues and past issues with me.

    He told me his girl cheated on him and now [ of course his looking for a new place] in the same time he told me about his parents was addict people, that his mother gave him away for adoption and after she got the money for him he got kick on street

    He had to survive on his own by doing cage fighting, ect..

    He kind told me that he always got with a woman by her offering to help him somehow, stayed at her place and then became his girlfriend.

    I felt very moved by all those stories and i put myself forward to help him by looking at a place for him and to ask people i know if they had a place for him

    I kept telling him about places but i didn’t feel much interested coming from his side

    In same time all this going on he also were flirting with me

    He will ask me to meet now and when I said yes he will change his mind 5 minutes later

    Then the next time he offer again to meet was late at 10 pm and supposed coming to me at 12 or something

    I told him i didn’t feel he was serious and no good man will offer to come to a woman he barely know at this kind time

    I told him this was a booty call and i wasn’t interested. I told him from now on we need to stop the flirting and just be friend.

    He stops all contact with me after I told him this

    I kept contacting him regarding places but he didn’t respond to me at all

    I later offer for him to move to my home in one the room but I told him he got to pay a rent and he said he prefer moving with me but didn’t give me a date for it

    I felt that deep need to protect him somehow I really wanted him to be in my home so I can protect him I guess

    After waiting for him for few weeks, i asked him if he really wanted to move in and he told me that his putting the money together as he didn’t have it yet but his definitely moving with me

    I got fed up txt him and not getting much response from him therefore I told him that I felt it was not a good idea for him to moving as I just couldn’t get clear conversation from him

    I felt there some sort build up resentment somewhere with him

    I kept sending him details of my friends place, he said he want to move with my friend husband and when I asked him if he still interested he told me he no longer looking and that his now comfortable where he is

    All this happen in space of few weeks[3 weeks max]

    I got really upset as he only told me this when i asked him but he never told me he was no longer looking 5 minutes ago as he still confirm he wanted my friend place

    Anyway, later I find out that he moved with that woman that is older then him to her place, she has a car too

    After 1 week I find out they were dating

    I added him on my facebook , he accepted it and then deleted me from it

    I think because he didn’t want me to know about the girl

    When I saw his statue on facebook to be in relationship I txt him and congrats him

    He didn’t reply to me

    I was still going to that gym and I gave up all ideas about him

    I stopped speaking to him and just kept to myself but every time I can see him looking at me

    Everywhere I go

    Even hiding behind a tree looking at me ahahahah

    His looking at me in such weird way, if there is a guy speaking to me he keep passing by and get all red and stuffs [ weird] ahahah

    Then I got followed by the girlfriend for 1 week

    Things started to be too much and I felt too emotional to deal with this

    I left the gym

    Last week I contacted him asking him questions but he didn’t answer, I been quiet rude he didn’t block me or anything

    I told him he seem to me he use people, he came out of a relationship and went straight to another and it seem that relationship is calculated and planned base on what that girl had and what he needed in time

    I told him i didn’t feel he was a man that had much worth and his only after a woman to take care of him etc.....

    Surprisingly he responded to me

    Saying that he moved with the girl but be together was something not planned and it just happen and they are together now and his paying all the bills and food and his not depending on anyone and his planning to move out soon ahahahahh

    Somehow i don’t believe him at all as he couldn’t afford the rent i gave him before and now saying his paying twice that rent plus all food

    In same time he told me his already planning to move out.

    For me this part makes no sense at all

    I remember he kept telling me when we met me that his looking for somewhere temporary until he can get his own place and I felt this exactly what his doing now

    Why moving out if everything is ok make no sense

    I saw a picture of him with he girl and she look happy but he was so miserable and was not there at all ahahaha

    I pointed this out to him and i even told him he girl his with his not even close to his type

    He told me i didn’t know his type and i didn’t know his girl and his happy and she happy

    Ok but why saying his moving out then???

    1. I have few dilemma here is i don’t know what I feel about this guy regarding attraction. What I decided is I don’t want him in my life as I feel his using woman, he use word like looking at his option and I feel that’s exactly that when he met me I was just an option to him too

    2. My second dilemma with him his I have this very strong motherhood protection coming alive with him

    I feel I want to protect him so much

    I left my parents when I was 10 years old and I had to do everything for my own self since

    When I met him I feel so moved by his story and I hate, so hate every hard time he had

    I can’t explain where this comes from really

    but it’s there but I realize I maybe putting my care in hand of someone that got [ no soul ] in way that he just only caring about himself and what he can get.

    I feel kind torn here really about it

    I feel sorry for him he had this hard life but he seem dangerous to know, not just because this cage fighting and stuffs but he seem absent and so train to use others and he seem capable to delusion himself to believe all is well and he didn’t manipulate the situation to get what he need like what that girl

    His trying to say it was all mean to be when I feel he calculate the whole things from the start as he did this many times before with other girls

    When we met he was so over me and interested, txt etc.. And when I was no longer use to him he just moved on to the next victim.



  • any advice please



  • Hello Star2u,

    I read your story and what I want to ask you is this: why are you so invested in a complete stranger who is clearly telling you lies and is a manipulator? Why would you even consider renting a room to him in YOUR home? For all you know this guy could be a nutcase...What worries me is not that there are people like him (they are everywhere actually) but that you think so little of yourself that you give someone like that not one chance but multiple chances...Please, ignore this man. Look and cultivate good friends and good people. Do not get in harm's way. In his view even you are doing this to yourself and he will find a way to justify any inconsiderate behavior. Do not laugh it off either, this is serious stuff...I would be worried if I were you, like I said, that you actually give someone like that a chance. You already know he is like that. Your wiser self knows this too. Stay away from him and do not look for validation from any man and mostly from a man like that. You must first believe you are deserving of more...Be safe! One more thing, when a guy pours his heart out on the first couple of meetings is NOT a good sign. It is a sign for you to run away...he is just looking for sympathy and he is doing that with you and ten others precisely because he knows you will fall for the "I am special" thing. Please be safe, this guy is not worth it.



  • I know what you are saying: you are seeing the potential of good in him and you see that there is good in him and your protective side wants to act on that. But do not do it!!! He needs to fix himself by himself and he is definitely not there. In my experience some people, and I am very sorry they went through that, terrible things unless they have a LOT of help from professionals they do not get better, they get worse. So do not fall in love with potential if you are kind hearted, protect yourself. Meet someone who is truly available and kind, not someone who seems good and has potential for good but if the time came to choose, he would always choose what serves him first. Be kind to yourself and move on from this "friendship".



  • runs as fast as you can!!! that boy has to many bad issues and he needs help from a professional

    you deserve better and eventually you will find the one when you least expect it so go and have fun but stay away from that boy



  • Hi Mardepp

    Thank you so much for your feedback i agree and every line you wrote, i still in counseling and are working on myself so i agree completely with you that i do need to love myself first and i agree

    he went around telling everyone about his story and found a soul to give him the free ride he was after

    i wanted to help but i look in the reality he wasnt deserving of it at all

    Anyway i have cut the tie with him and i have let go with light heart and no regret

    Yes, i need to love myself more and not looking validation from people like him or anyone for that matter as this bring issues to you

    I will keep your advice very much at heart

    I didnt have any parents and been alone since age of 10, i did well for myself but never had any good feedback from anyone

    There is a dispute inside of me i thought the dispute was with my inner child but it s not my inner child its the voice of someone that abused me as the child i call it the mocker

    I know this kind people i do but something in me when to help this kind person, i working on the matter to not value people like him or anyone more then my ownself

    Once again thank you so much for your feeback



  • Hi Shadowmist

    Thank you so much for your help, yes you are right

    I feel through the person i am after is myself and i need to be kind to myself and especially the nurturing side of myself

    Yes i run from him i thought 🙂 he was a lost child ahahah

    he neded ahahah but then he told me about all his present life issues and all his life issues in 30 minutes max when i was there working out at the gym and it was my first day at the place

    I felt actually invaded as i didnt ask for this

    then he txt me straight up when i left the place ahahah

    yes the pulling was direct and strong not the normal behavior of someone for sure

    he went invisible when i said this is the room and you got to pay for it ahaha he didnt like that

    but in this experience i learn from it i dont blame him or me for that matter

    it was a new experience and my goodness he didn't move in so that's a good one

    Thank you so much