Closure



  • Hi,

    I am so glad I found this forum. Maybe someone can help me.

    I am married to a wonderful man for 5 years now. I love him and never have any desire to leave him or be unfaithful to him. But right before we met, I was just dumped suddenly by my former boyfriend. ( He is a lot younger than me.) I cannot forget about him and wonder if he regrets leaving me. I have struggled with this for years. Even though I am relieved we didn't stay together because I know he would sooner of later be unfaithful. Why cant I forget him?



  • Your old Honey must have been a good L O V E R. That's one of the things that would have me thinking of someboby reguarly, especially if he was you Ex.



  • Are you sad when you think back about it or are you trying to alleviate your bruised ego? I know that when someone has ended a relationship with me, I spend more time trying to figure out WHY? What was WRONG with ME? What that really is is your ego talking to you. You don't need to know why...you just need to look back, appreciate it for what it was and continue to love yourself. I know I really had to work on that. I didn't do anything wrong, I just wasn't a good match for that person and well, the universe wanted me to be with that person to learn a lesson. It also has a better plan for me, as you found out yourself! :0)



  • AuntBuck

    I agree, Our ego's can fool us at times...

    The other day i was talking with an ex and he kept

    mentioning his girlfriend obviously trying to

    make me hear [childish i know right] lol but i just sat there

    confidently listening because i know he is'nt for me anymore

    our time has expired now.. and i thought those painful thoughts

    lol, was it me ? what didnt i have ? Was i too independent ? ect...

    But in these situations we just have to relax, i think as ladies

    our minds pretty much are able to grab a solution to every problem

    trying to fix EVERYTHING, as the saying goes 'dont fix anything that isnt broke'

    Fate will deal your cards.

    blessings.



  • The wonderful that I have learned recently is that our ego (brain) likes to keep us captive to old behaviors and thoughts. It is comfortable when we are in that position because it is familiar. To get my ego out of the way and recognize that it never has my best interests at heart has been a real key for me. Ego and the brain have been set in a pattern and you have to break out of that pattern and put it aside if you want things to be different.

    Yes, Addie, we want to fix EVERYTHING, it's in our nature as women to want to fix the emotional stuff. We want to fix it because a lot of the time we think that we are the cause for the problem. We can be the problem but we are just as often not the problem. It is simply an incompatibility issue. Have you ever noticed when you are the one ending the relationship, you rarely go back and wonder what was wrong with you?? LOL.



  • AuntBuck

    So True! My ego has gotten me into some trouble

    throughout our times lol, It feels like a battle with

    my ego and my heart, Litterally. Ive learned to train it

    though thats when I sit back and relax and shut down

    the chatter box, I know the difference between my heart and ego now

    the ego usually speaks first lol, The heart RELAX and take a view

    from every angle and then speaks.

    Lol! So Right, we're always trying to fix emotional issues

    I think i actually sometimes get a kick out of it, Ive even been

    with guys wheres theres NO EMOTIONAL conflicts and it seems

    as if theres no excitement. sshhheeesshh. Usually I never look

    back when I end relationships, lol but when its the other way around

    Its like I never move the thoughts roll in again. why ? what happend ?

    lol.



  • You nailed it, sure is tough to fight our own ego (brain). I've struggled with that a lot recently. Some days it is so hard to find quiet time in my day and make it stay that way. My head gets in the way. Old habits are so hard to break and so easy to go back to because it just sort of feels natural. I'm working at making this feeling I have today feel natural. It's not easy but with the support of others and the determination to succeed you can do, I can do it. Knowing that brings strength.

    So as women we always go to the place of what could I have done differently, what did I do to cause this? etc. Men don't ever seem to go there, it just is. Maybe it's a testosterone thing. We work in the cause and effect world while they may think cause (doesn't matter), effect, it's over.

    Robin in no way did I mean to go off in right field on your post. A genuine love is not something we forget. It may at some point in our lives be something we move on from . But we're like elephants, we can forgive but we never forget. i personally feel true love shouldn't be forgotten but like anything else sometimes it just doesn't work out the way we thought it would. I feel for you but you will find your way.



  • Yes, He was a good but I had better. I think it is because we never got into a fuss about anything. I was just suddenly dumped.



  • Yes, He was a good but I had better. I think it is because we never got into a fuss about anything. I was just suddenly dumped.



  • You are so right!! I have went on with my life I guess my ego was hurt. I think it was because he was so much younger that me and I never been dumped like that before. No reason why?

    What confused me is he is the one to tell me he loved me and wanted to know if I would marry him. Then all of the sudden.



  • What make things worse, My daughter saw him a year or two later. He told her to tell me he still Loved me. Whats up with that!



  • What make things worse, My daughter saw him a year or two later. He told her to tell me he still Loved me. Whats up with that!