Concerned about my sister...



  • What is going to become of her with her lifestyle? She is distancing herself from the family because we are giving her a reality check and she doesn't like to hear it. I fear she is turning to these ill-intentioned people for support that really don't care about her, but the money, favors, and emotional support she provides them. I can't bear to watch anymore, and my oldest sister told me we should all just cut her off so she will learn her lesson because she always comes crawling back to family when she needs help. I don't want to cut her off when she needs emotional support, because she is my sister, and if I'm not there then she will have no choice but to vent to these users in her life. Is my oldest sister correct in that my middle sister will reform when she loses her family's support? Should I just cut her off?



  • i understand how one can become very concern about family members, everyone has a life lesson to learn, one iife lesson or maybe more, depending, it wont do any good to cut your sister off, we cannot bend someones free will, we can stand back, and be there for them when the time is right,

    always letting them feel we love them unconditionally, love is unconditional, depending on your sister the changes she needs to do, she will make when the time is right,

    love and light,

    ramonita



  • Thank you for your wise insight ramonita. Me and my sister are working it out 🙂



  • You can always let her know you love her, but in loving her tell her "no." She is making friends with users, and in turn is using her family as well, whenever she feels desperate. She's not being honest or loyal with her family. Try asking her what it is that she actually needs from these other people, their approval, their friendship (is she lonely?) and then ask why it matters to her so much what a low-class person thinks of her? Try using logic, patience, and the word "no" when you feel appropriate.



  • LeoLight, thank you and you are correct that I should not support her lifestyle anymore. My middle sister has a lot of sympathy for everyone and told me she wants everyone to like her. My oldest sister said my middle sister deserves everything that is happening to her because she purposely gets with these users and then plays victim when something bad happens and runs back to her family for financial assistance. She doesn't like being told the truth if it's not positive and ends the conversation instead of talking it out like an adult so things never get solved and repeats in a vicious cycle. She doesn't learn and doesn't accept criticism in any form, and therefore does not change. She has admitted she is lonely living by herself in her apartment.

    There is a man, R, that is blatantly pursuing her now and he has all the signs of a potential abuser. It's not a small matter either because if any respectable man saw my sister with him, it would kill her chances of landing a decent husband in the future. She is too old to be hanging around with this young and uneducated man with no future. She told me she will probably quit her partying in 2 years, but by that time it will be too late and she will be too old to reverse the damage. Do you see a future for R and my sister or will they just remain friends?



  • I am not a psychic, but I understand people somewhat. IF your sister craves attention, has low self esteem, and this man, if he is abusive, will know how to give it and make her feel that she needs him, and that she only deserves it from him, he will make her feel trapped and worthless. She will need to have a back-bone as well as insight to be able to resist him; otherwise it can become and endless cycle of abuse. I don't think that she has either, otherwise she would be in a different state, she plays victim, and soon that self-perception can be made come true with R. Maybe she has the guts to recognize an abuser, only you can know that. But maybe, as her sibling, you can simply try to become more involved in her life, never judging, because that will push her away as she is immature, but always present, and be smart as a snake, if R is a snake, you will need to match wits to save your sister, cuz she won't be able to. Use talk tactics, prior to any possible relationship, random and seemingly unnassociated to her, like, "You know, I had this friend her boyfriend would say XXX to her to make her feel worthless/manipulate her emotions. What an a ss hole, don't you think? She dumped him like the shit he is." (Giving scenario as well as solution to the problem) Or positive, "I just want you to know that you are so special to me and that I think no one should tell you who to be or how to live your life. I think you've got so much potential to be whatever you want to be." Or talk to her about what her ideal of love / relationship is. This will help her see red flags when they come, if they come.



  • "You know, I had this friend her boyfriend would say whatever, give a sample of an abusive sentence to her to make her feel worthless/manipulate her emotions. What an a ss hole, don't you think? She dumped him like the **** he is."

    Sorry the" XXX " makes it look like a four letter word, but my intention is that you give specific examples of abuse so that if someone tries to do that, then she can cue in on it immediately.

    I don't know why she tries to do this to herself, does she need some attention or validation from the family? If she is abused enough by outsiders, does she think "Finally someone at home is showing they care about me?" Maybe you and your family need to do an intervention, because this is hurting you as much as it hurts her.



  • Ariespiscesaquarius, the best thing you can do for your middle sister is to love her unconditionally and make her feel welcome, so that she wouldn't feel cut off and in need to look for love in all wrong places. However, don't forget to live YOUR own life regardless what she does. Let her live hers and learn from her own mistakes.



  • i agree with love her unconditionally, not judging, and not supporting bad habits, and not pushing her away, or turning your back on her, when people feel trapped in the situations, they need someone to turn to when they are ready, aries piecies, they have given you very good advice, i feel, that your sisterly love is deep and genuine, god bless u, and trust in god, for he will guide you in all moments, one thing that has always work for me, is to follow my gut feelings, when i listen things go well, good luck, would like to hear one day, that the turmoil is over, at the same time i will keep you and your sister in my prayers

    ramonita