Hello Astra, can you help me?
Regarding the drama you mentioned earlier he said to me that he is alone and does not have anything real or many women around him, that it is a pose. Like he has that reputation and he kind of plays feeding into it to maintain it. I am just rereading your readings and trying to make sense.
It bothers me that you saw many cups with another, but then you said he may be alone. I know he would like to be a father but not like that...maybe he is dreaming of having that someday. I want to know more about this. I want to know if he lied? ten days ago he told me he was fantasizing about selling everything and coming here to be with me (which by the way I think it would be a bad idea unless he heals himself first) and now he says he is moving up north to another state...which is his true dream.
In the past, when he has loved other women (a few years back) he fantasized about taking this person with him there, but he never did it...oh, God Astra, please help me figure this out!
Let me clarify the confusion thing...I did not mean to offend you. Your readings have helped me a great deal and that is why I've come to you and I am truly grateful for that. The reading regarding my path was very clear. What confused me is the beginning of the reading before, all of those cups and a baby. As far as I know he wants those things but doesn't have them. He is trying to be on his path so that he can bring these things into his life. That is the confusion, not clear whether you were speaking of present tense...then later it says "are you sure this is not just drama he is generating?". You might be right, you may very well be right and maybe he will just stay on the planning phase with everything...
I hope that you have a great time with your helis!! and I loved the drawings...They are truly awesome. And it doesn't matter that they are not archival, most of us will no be around in a 100 years to see them turn yellow anyway!
Thank you for all the support you've given me Astra. I'll await your response regarding this move of his when you have time. I will give things a rest after that. You are absolutely right. I cannot devote this much energy to this...I am a work n progress. So, again thank you...
I am giving this some consideration, hang on... we'll figure it out together... I will get back with some sort of deeper look into this... it is puzzling, these guys that don't know how to communicate or lie or whatever... how come you women find the non-communicative boys and I find the non-communicative girls? Are we all on some comedy show in heaven?
Ha ha. I understand. I feel better though. I realized that I am looking at things like it is a goodbye with him but it doesn't have to be. I think he is like someone drowning actually. He must get out of that city that represents all the bad things for him. I heal him and he heals me, but it cannot be the only reason to be together. I believe there is love but we are not ready, the life situations are not there either. In some ways I believe that if he leaves it will be good for him, to start over somewhere else, I want him healthy, not sick, I want whatever is best for him. In some ways I feel that he may not succeed and get stuck (and not move)...so I hope for whatever the Universe brings. Above all I want to learn to control myself and learn from it. I know what I want and what I am looking for, with him or someone else. I just want to figure it out but it may not happen now...
Thank you for looking into it. I actually believe that you are right about many things, I also want to learn not to look at things in such a black and white manner and learn to go with the flow more. What I want is unrealistic, at least now...I am taking steps, maybe some day I will get there.
Thank you for looking into it one last time. You are indeed an Angel.
Okay I have some quiet moments here and am revisiting this.
I want to "wipe the blackboard clean" and let's stay focused on you, and let J recede a little into the background. He is still there, just not the focus. I don't think the Tarot is really intended to try and look into other people's lives... it is mainly for those who are SEEKING and asking the questions. You are the one who must answer to your own heart, and ultimately what J does or doesn't do is beyond your sphere of life.
So... I drew another celtic cross and will walk through it and as "suggestions" come to mind as they relate to J, I will mention that.
Key: W=Wands, C=Cups, S=Swords, P=Pentacles
Situation/Crossing = 9P/Death
The situation for you in your life at this moment is a strong physical/home/security influence, crossed by "death" which is simply card of transformation. Taking one thing and converting it to another.
Above = 8P, this is also a very strong material "expansive" card of home/physical/security and can be financial also. So we are seeing that a PHYSICAL place, setting or desire is very strong for you right now. You are wanting to see transformation come to something in your life of a physical nature. A moce, a change of setting, somehow this is important to you.
Below = The Devil (ayin). The Devil always says to me "what our eyes see". It is a card of seeing what is on the outside, and that can be fun or it can be deceptive, we can be fooled by the devil. As this card is "below" it is more a subconscious influence I think. You could be wanting to "see" something for real, and yet you may not be aware of it consciously.
Already... I am getting the sense of a move, a change of location.
Behind, a past event or influence that is important to this reading - the Ace Cups. This represents the affection, the love, the relationship you have with J. It started back there and continues today. This is a shared cup, somehow you two drank from the same cup, made a pledge to each other, there is a connection that goes way back.
Ahead - Queen of Wands - This queen (you) is trying... trying... trying to stay focused on her path in the midst of some strong physical needs, concerns. You are focusing on path and purpose and trying to embrace a higher calling, regardless of what is going on with J (or not going on) you are resolute in your desire to stick to the higher, brighter reality and let the Universe take you where you need to go.
Future environment - 8C - Expansive love/emotional energy. This says that as a part of your Queen Wand path, you will be entering a time where you will accept and learn to walk in some very strong feelings. These feelings are way beyond simple love, innocent love... this is deep, romantic love... love that longs to take steps to see yourself in the arms of someone you love. This love will cause you to make choices to follow your heart, as the pull is so strong. You are trying to keep to this calm path... Queen of Wands... mature... in the midst of some very deep, compelling emotional love energy.
Outer influences - Page of Cups - This is "risk" emotionally, yet it is coming from outside, directed to you. I feel this could be messages from J, or something he offers to you. An offer, or an idea of emotional choice, that places the two of you closer... physically closer... you are already picking up on some movement in his life, physical relocation. I think it is code language for "I want to be where you are". And start a life with you. Honestly I think that is what is being said between the words.
Your hopes and concerns, possible advice - The Queen of Pentacles - this is your Queen of Path having been transformed into a physical Queen. The Queen of Wands... follows her heart... and there is movement, or something "physical" develops in her life as a result of love. You have so much physical-pentacle energy at present. You are feeling the urge to make a change, or accept change from outside (perhaps J). And this is a deep desire for you, like waking up at night and feeling that strongly... you gaze out the window... the Moon is rising.... clouds dotted across the night sky... and you think of him and wish it could be different... closer, physical, real, tangible, closer, real, physical, touching, closer, closer... that is what this Queen wants!
Outcome - Knight of pentacles - this is male card, and it is a card of PHYSICAL movement. This is where matters are heading mardepp. Somehow... someway... someone is moving and I think it is YOU! That is what this reading is saying!
What kind of luggage do you own? Is it good quality? Samsonite makes great quality suitcases. I would pare your life down to the bare essentials, carry on preferably. You are going to be moving to where J is moving to I believe is what this is saying. There are just too many pentacles around you to sit still. Don't worry it will all work out, J will clean up his life, and you will find work down there. I think this town he wants to move to he is holding out his hand to YOU to join him there. How do you feel about that?
Love is not going to wait forever mardepp. You are approaching a point where YOU will have to make choice to follow LOVE (8C) or continue wondering... when... will... my... love life... change?
Are you ready to make a decision with him? You are heading there. If you don't want to face that DOOR OPENING you had better stop asking me for readings haha...
Because this man has tasted love and I can tell you right now... it will lead you to be a fool... and follwo your heart right off a cliff no matter where... or what country... or what the price is....
YOU ARE GOING TO BE GIVEN A CHANCE WITH HIM VERY SOON. I hope and pray you take it and cast caution to the wind... for this is the winds of LOVE CHANGE for you dear mardepp...
Okay... whew! I was NOT expecting that but there you go... maybe I missed my calling I should have been a travel agent in life!
love and light,
I would pray... I will be praying for you and him... I wish more than anything that you two can be together...
No... not travel agent... I was meant to be a matchmaker...
P.S. Do a search for "luggage" and "samsonite" and "amazon" for some good deals...
here are the cards....
You are such a kind heart!! I do not know what the future holds but you are so right about the struggle I am having with myself!! and my path and everything else. I prayed to God last night not to let me fall for him if I am going to get lost in it, because I know how much sacrifice the situation would demand from me...I am feeling well today, trying not to think of things in such contrasted ways...he has find a way to make his presence be felt and he sent that message yesterday. I dreamt of him today, very vividly...he was on the toll of a bridge that was being rebuilt, complete disaster area, like after a hurricane storm...The road was blocked, I wanted to go through so he was coming out of the booth and saying I couldn't go through...he said "I love you but you can't come through right now, I am not ready now, look at this mess!!!! I am working on it...Everything is fine between us but you can't come through right now". So I know he is not ready to talk, he really doesn't have anything to tell me...His plans are not completely set. I am worried about his well being and whether he is in too much trouble. And I know he is. And I know he has to do this on his own. Anything from me would feel like pressure right now including saying that I am coming to visit...
I am well, but are so on target with the reading regarding me...what I am sorting out with my emotions, etc, what I would want in an ideal situation...asking myself whether it would be possible, how much I could risk, etc. This is BIG, like...really BIG. And I am taking him out of the equation for that, because the decision of possibly moving back has to be for my own reasons.
In the meantime I am living and solving things. I see a very clear path and what I should do. I have no idea where it will finally lead me to, but it doesn't matter because I know that nothing will get resolved unless I concentrate on what I must do for ME and my daughter FIRST. So, hopefully he is doing the same thing...for him and we both keep each other in our hearts. Thank you Astra, for all of your patience and care, I truly appreciate it and put some of the extraterrestrial drawings on etsy! I sure would buy a couple!
Much love and light plus blessings,
Thank you mardepp!
I know that reading was a little extreme... I guess I was just feeling the love, a lot of emotion between you and J... I am a real romantic too, sometimes my readings I just get so carried away... yes! Follow love! Right off the cliff! Haha... well you will do the right thing it sounds like your head is on straight and you are taking things a step at a time... I would love to see you the communication part working well for the two of you... staying in touch, nice and steady dialog... I wish that for you...
The dream is really interesting, I think you are getting some excellent guidance there from your own subconscious. So yeah, all looks good... thanks for the encouragment on the "ET" drawings, they are interesting to me... so I may try and stick some on etsy for fun.
Blessings to you mardepp! Nice things ahead for you I can feel that!
Hi there Astra!
Well, well. Thank you for that. I am doing very well. I had a particularly joyous day yesterday for no particular reason...like REALLY. I am not communicating with him and he is not reaching out. That is ok. But I did see today and ad on FB on his page regarding his cab license, he is selling it! So he is really doing it, he really is moving! My heart shrinks because I know that the likely hood of me seeing him again is slim if he moves states. It is very remote where he's moving...so unless he invites me to come and visit I doubt that we will see each other again.
Just a travesty...the gods are tricking me and toying with my heart. I can't reach out to him again, not yet anyway. I just have to have faith that he will do the right thing and reach out at some point. If you can, and only if it is not a burden...can you look into this move of his for me? Will it happen soon? will he reach out? will we see each other again? (I am going there in three months but t sounds like he will be gone by then) If the cards say it I will believe it, one way or the other, no matter what it is in my heart. I feel helpless anyway regarding this...he has to follow his path and I have to follow mine. It would be easier for him to take a leap of faith and come where I am, not the other way around. But he is cooking something else...a dream he's had for a long time. I cannot blame him for it, specially if it will heal him and make him feel better about himself and his life. I do love him.
Like I said, I am great, just helpless about this, but I am peaceful and happy...Thank you if you can do it one last time (sorry!!! I do not want to bother you! or annoy you! If you think is best not to I will accept that too). I will check your Etsy page. I LOVE those drawings, both your abstract drawings and your figurative paintings. They are full of magic.
Thank you for writing those lines,
I looked again at your situation there and in light of the changes going on with j... I still keep seeing bright things for you two...
Present is Queen of Wands and crossed by Page of Swords (reflects the communication part with you and him)... you are really wanting to keep the communication going... Queen of Wands says you are very much on your path, strong and centered which is good....
Above 10 wands shows more of that same concern. I think you are really really trying to see yourself with your own life concerns to work out and trying to not be concerned about how a companion like J would be a blessing for you... you know, someone to bounce ideas off of... so for now... you are focusing intently on your own yard... still... that 10 shows... a choice approaching... where is that link to Samsonite?... Oh dear God... I am hopeless about love... romance... it is so beautiful... intoxicating...
Um... where was I... behind Ace of Pentacles and approaching is the 8 wands... single little Ace of physical path back there... a little isolated... still very strong though... very strong... and ahead 8 of Wands. That is you taking flight, very decisive and focused on what you need to do, with your own life of course...
Below (foundation for the whole thing) is the Empress, nurturing. I think there is something about him that brings this out in you. Nurturing. So while you are aware of his situation, you also wish you could be a part of that nurturing energy in his life... still you are right, these are things he has to do on his own... he has work to do...
Future... 3 of Wands... the wands continue... this is YEARNING wands... really longing to see that 4... so from Queen to the 8 and then to the 3... feels like a change of some sort revisits the past in some nice way... and that takes you back to considering something again with him i think... 8 is dashing off on your own... and then all of a sudden you are back to a 3 and looking ahead to a 4 with him I think...
Outer influences... Knight of Swords... that is him... finally he shows and he is communicating now like crazy... and chasing... something develops I think that flushes him out of hiding... so communication develops more I believe...
Hopes and dreams... Page of Cups... more communication... a page over you now, swords, a lot up top, conscious... and then he at last seems to all of a sudden reach some realization and he is talking... a lot... and then the Page of CUPS it seems to transition from head to heart... and it is soft and there is... connection... even across the distance... which is what he has longed for all his life... to love someone from afar, and be set free from the earth, the material he struggles with. His angel helps him across... his guardian angel I am sure...
Outcome... the Sun! Yay... that is so bright and wonderful... any reading that ends in the Sun.... especially in love... I can only say... LOOK OUT! Something very beautiful ahead... dawn. a new day, brilliant love... that is what I would say for you... you see that bright globe in the sky?
That... is you and him... together... and that my dear Mardepp... is BRILLIANT LOVE
I am wishing so much for nice things with you and him... I will not settle for anything less!
Thank you so much for looking into that...I still can't believe he is moving...we talked about it repeatedly but he said he would stay for a year and a half longer. So, that makes me think that he has gotten to the bottom of something where he sees no other option. This is his dream though, so he is just making it happen faster. I also realized even though I have a hard time admitting it to myself that things are what they are and it is very hard to feel that you have no control over something. The only thing I have control of is my own life, and not even that at times because so many things I must resolve are contingent on other things...I am also admitting to myself that I want a relationship, yes, but I am also very afraid of commitments. This has been hard for me to see and accept. I tend to flee and look for the unavailable. So the fact that J is so far away is just too convenient, isn't it? I am learning and see if I can cross to the other side.
Thank you so much for your patience and the reading. I will keep following and not resisting and I hope that I get to go where I need to be!!
Love and light!
I hope you do see this. Can you do a reading on me? No J in the equation. See, the situation is over because there is no communication at all...no reaching out on his part. So I have been silent too and my hands are tied. I have been in another situation before like this and it is very painful. I am well though and this has forced me to see my own commitment issues. I am what you could call a "passive commitment phobic". This is a pattern very hard for me to accept that I have pretty much been repeating in my life since I was 15. J of course is a bigger "active commitment phobic" and that is probably why I picked him.
I believe whatever relationship existed is over and that's that. He will probably not come back. I think he cared about me but got scared and has probably moved on to someone else. I really do not want to be in denial about this, as hard as it is for me to accept it.
So, I am ok, working on these issues. It has been hard and painful to look at myself with this but I TRULY want to grow and change. Change my triggers, my mechanisms, handle them differently, learn to relax because when things are developing really well I panic and do something that sabotages everything (I really do and I have in this case too)...I want a relationship that is available, not always unavailable in some way.
I am working on this and other aspects of my life. Could you please do a reading on just me and see if I will able to overcome these issues I have and get balanced some day? Could or will I find the right person for me, someone who matches me? I want to get healthy first.
Thank you so much. I am deeply grateful if you could do it.
I am looking...
You are working with a 55 combo right now... 5 of cups and 5 of wands at center. That is adjusting in the emotional/feelings/relationship area and your path. So that would cause some sense of a little disorientation maybe. These are nice energies though they are balanced... So you are balanced between path and emotions right now.
Past, Wheel... below is the Tower... so these are both "change" cards. like things are in a state of flux behind and below you. I can see what you are feeling this is a lot of "change" issues you seem to be contending with.
Above is the 9 Wands so more than anything you are thinking about your own path and getting that solid and working. Ahead... 3 of Pentacles seems to be where you are going, which is growth in the physical/home/security patterns.
Then - Future environment is the Page of Swords and that is a very communicative energy of mind, thoughts, words... like writing, speaking.
I think you are working through ALL of this stuff going on in your life and it is taking you more into something creative (3 pentacles) that in some way makes use of words, your ideas and thoughts. Bookmaking... binding... writing, publishing... something I think you could be setting your hand to to work through your concerns about this "Passive Commitment Phobia" thing... maybe a book you make by hand, something crafty.... write out your thoughts about this thing, put it out there as an art thing? (see below)
Then, the Temperance card is a blending energy from the Universe... so that is what the Universe is trying to encourage you to do? Blend, mix if together... accept that whatever this issue is, it is a beautiful part of you! Not something to be regarded as a problem I don't think
I think it comes down to accepting our dark side... the "healing" or achieving of the balance you seek is really trying to INTEGRATE it into your life as something good, not bad. What do you think? Creative people get tossed these really difficult personality inclinations I think in our lives... at first we want to run screaming from it... after a while you just conclude, okay, whatever... it is a a part of me... so then you can sing about it!
Temperance is blending it all in, and it is foundations... it is also a very artsy sort of energy, making something new from something old...
Hope and concerns... 2 of Wands shows you want to AFFIRM your path as something very balanced (2) and take step into a new direction I think. The Tower under you has elements of the single wand so that seems to say there is something about falling - failing things that can provide fodder for your creative life... and then out of your creative life grows nice relationships.
So I think (to me) your healing and balance comes out of your willingness to accept your life situations and create around them... finding the right person means first falling in love with the secret YOU on the inside... like a dialoge you have with yourself. Then that can really develop into something really amazing.
Blogging in that way can be a real door opener. I am currently keeping a blog on extra-terrestrial contact and just sharing about that... some of it sounds crazy but it is fun, and hey - we are artists so we get to do crazy things! Yay, it is what makes us create to begin with, having a unique pov. SO I am now dialoging with a Pleiadian girl ET and having fun with it... she is sorta my alter ego maybe... something like that can be very therapeutic I think.... at least it gets it OUT of the mind and INTO the real world where you have a chance at it turning into something that will foster connectedness with others of like mind. So do you see what I am saying there?
Outcome... 7 of Pentacles - that is pausing, reflective of the physical realm. I think that this shows you stepping very soon into some active effort of some sort, probably artistic, and that incorporates your thoughts about life... something blended in about YOU (and I have seen your art it is very personal and lovely and authentic so this should all be natural for you)... maybe you already know all this anyway, your probably do... the 7 shows that your PHYSICAL life finally enters this really spacy sort of idyllic quality... i think that is the sign of healing, and meeting someone who matches you.
This person will be a 7 energy person... practical and earthy yet also into "other realms" that will compliment your realm. So your ideal person I think is a little out there... King of Pentacles... hidden in that 7 card... that is your mate.
So I would say YES to your healing as it means accepting your personality with all of its beauty and quirks at times... and then the right person comes out of spacy something in creativity I think... King of Earth...
ALSO notice... what you are stepping into soon is a King Pentacles energy also... the 3pent is the same as the King pentacle as they are both 3 stars. So you could be meeting this guy really soon! If that is the case then it is page swords (comm) next... and then I think you blend with him (temperance) and that creates a shared path (2W) and that opens into the 7 PENTACLES life in some way... I am just speculating here...
So what do you think?
Not many swords on your path only the page swords which is harmless and innocent.
I hope that helps! I was really pulling for you and J... I saw nice things there however you know what is best... follow your heart...
Thank you so much for that reading. Thank you also for pulling for J and I. I really thought he could be the one for me, finally...as we have had a way of understanding each other that trascended time, space everything. But, I must have been wrong or he duped me because he is totally MIA. I asked a specific question and he has not answered and this was days ago, so naturally I am disappointed. We talked two weeks ago where he's told me he was thinking about selling everything and coming here (I did not ask or suggested that, he did that on his own) to tell me at the beginning of last week in three lines that he was selling everything to move up north to look for a better life. It shocked me to know that but I responded encouraging him and told him that it may me sad that we may not see each other again but it may not be that way and that I wanted to know more. He never responded again, never made an effort or told me anything. So, you see? I saw and see a lot of amazing things for him and I but he is blocking it or resisting it or had forgotten about me already. I am not sure he will reappear. I hope so, I miss him and I feel like a fool.
So, I must move forward without him because I need to make decisions. One of those decisions is based on faith, whether or not I go back home this summer, whether or not I should continue with my project of eventually moving back. I am exploring all of those things in my heart.
It is interesting that you see me doing something creative with this, because one of the things that's got me paralyzed is a binding that I promised J. Part of me wants to finish it and send it to him with a letter, part of me feels that he will not appreciate it if I do that. I am hurt, you see, by his silence...I am inundated with images for drawings that include him as well and I have the hardest time bringing myself to do these drawings because it makes the longing so much more raw for me. So therefore, I am stuck and cannot make my art. I miss him so much Astra and I know what he used to feel for me was real. But I am helpless before his silence...I really am and I can't be in denial about that. He is either not seeing me in his future or he doesn't want to see me in his future, either way is not good and the outcome is the same. I know what my heart wants but I can't do anything without his participation in it.
So, I must try to get back to my art though, even though it hurts. And I pray to God that I can heal for good, I really want to change my patterns here. It is just not healthy. I'd like to know that some day I could attract a normal, healthy relationship. I always wanted a big love and I have gotten that a couple of times but it never lasted for me
So, it is true. I am afraid of rejection, I get insecure but I have a reason to do that, you know? I wanted to send J the drawings, the letter, the binding but I can't. I do not think it will melt his heart. I can't do it because I have become attached to the outcome. And it could never work if my feelings are attached with expectations. I want to love him like I used to love him with freedom, but I can't do that anymore...
Anyway, thanks for the reading. I am really sad and depressed but I am not sure what the solution is or how I change these things. I just know I need to change them.
Many blessings to you. I LOVE the drawing you did for me with the questions...Awesome. I love the reading too, I must find my path and leave behind the fear...
Well, these things have ways of working out... there are purposes, higher than we can see that involve each of us. As long as trust... keep our faces turned up to the sky, and smile and (try) to give thanks (I am still working on that one ha)... we can not go awry. It simply can't happen, I really believe that.
Has he asked you NOT to contact him? Or did you tell him you will leave him alone? Then you have no reason not to finish that binding and send it to him.
To me, love is like that. In the quietest moment... when there is no reason to love,,, we still do, And we dream of that person... and even though it seems to dumbest thing to do, to still smile when we think about them... and wish them every happiness... how can we not? That is what makes love real. And that can build foundations for future relationships.
It is by staying true to our heart and continuing to love someone who means so much to us... that is where the path begins. Otherwise... we drift... from one... to another... to another... wondering when love will finally come.
Love will come when we love right where we are, with little more than a ghost if need be to call our lover. That is the way of heaven I believe. That is the way out of the woods.
But... you know me... I am off in the clouds anyway! So you will make good choices I know.
Still... I feel such nice things about you and him... I wish a miracle could happen.
love and blessings,
You ask "Has he asked you NOT to contact him? Or did you tell him you will leave him alone? Then you have no reason not to finish that binding and send it to him." Well, I believe there are many ways of telling another not to bother, one of them is silence. I told him I was going to finish it and have it try to reach it before he moves, but see? I do not even know when he is moving, he has not said. In January he said he had 6 more months of rent there. He is not being open about anything even when I asked, so why bother? I got on chat the other day and he was there and he disappeared a split second after...I know he does not want to communicate, if he did, he knows where to find me...
I still could send him the binding. This is someone I've known for 20 years so it would really break my heart to lose the friendship with him. I believe he had feelings for me but I also believe that a few weeks back he got scared of the intensity of my feelings or his or both and he is determined now to put me behind him...I hope I am wrong. But this is why I am so sad. He just informed me he was moving with two lines and no concern for me when we had talked about other things...Whatever, I do not think he can show up anymore. Anyway, Astra. I am just a fool for having believed...
I can still send the binding but like I said, there are many ways someone can say no, or hurt your feelings without actually saying it with words.
Thank you for your words. Just taking it one day at a time right now,