Hello Astra, can you help me?



  • Hello Astra,

    It is mardepp...It has been a little while. I loved your shop! You did to readings for me about Javier, remember? Well, I wanted to see if you could tap on it again. I did what you recommended, reach out and it was good for a couple of weeks. We talked a week ago and he was really down and the communication kept of getting lost and I kept on trying to call him which got me frustrated and if he got those rings he probably thought I was nuts for insisting. But I have taken a step back out of necessity and he said he was really depressed, that I am not there and he had not been good about his intentions, not following through etc. You know what I am talking about. I sent him an e-mail after that apologizing for my frustration and he answered shortly but warm. Something is missing though, perhaps for good, not sure. I am disillusioned and feel that maybe he is done too. I know that I am in the now and he is too and we seem to do worse if we communicate, but my question is, is there hope? are the feelings still there? is he still open to it? I am so black and white that I just started making plans to stay and not go back home this summer. Things with my family are also very deteriorated...Could you please read into this?

    I hope you can, and I can take the truth as you see it. I miss him but I am sort of mad too.

    Hugs!



  • I meant to say "two" on the first sentence...



  • Hi mardepp

    Hey thanks on the shop comment, I ended up giving most of that art away, it has been too long hanging around but thanks anyway... one day I will paint for the fun of it and give them as Christmas gifts (for those who care about such things) and purge myself of the torture of trying to make money at it.

    Okay. lets see about you and Javier.... I drew a CC on this and it looks pretty clear to me what is happening, and where matters are at, and where they seem to be going... see what you think.

    Center - King of Swords - well, that is him.

    Crossing is the Magician. That is "house" so this sense of wanting to be in a "house" with him, and that be magical is crossing energy. This is very "happy" card and is always helping whatever it is near, So that is a good sign. I see this king is actually very "happy" about you!

    Above - Knight of Pentacles. he is very focused on the physical chase in the relationship...

    Below - 7 of Pentacles - restraint, a pause in the chase! Maddening! 🙂

    Previous - 2 of Wands - that is the two of you I believe, comparing notes, dancing around the whole issue of a companionship path. Dialogue apparently as the swords are very near.

    Hmm... approaching is the hanged man. so not a lot happening mardepp. which is okay. Probably good.

    Future environment is 6 of Swords. This is really nice and says you two will reach some nice places in communication and dialogue, very flowing and in accord... very romantic too, I see the 6S as a very lovely, mystery kind of communication and thoughts... sometimes eros in nature... so that seems like you do stay communicating and this is a very important part of the relationship.

    Outer influences - 10 of Pentacles - very strong, the fullest physical energy of the suit coming from him I think. He is really wanting to establish something physical with you, a move. He wants you down there with him in a strong way.

    Hopes and concerns. advice too... 10 of Swords. So you see how this is what you really are after with Javier... communication. This is YOUR ANSWER to his 10 Pentacles "why don't you move down here?" desires... and that is to COMMUNICATE and get those wires untangled... then the physical later. That seems to be the message in the reading.

    Outcome - Wheel of Fortune. That has a lot of Knight energy and movement in path and physical... and a new love. So the theme here is YOU want to COMMUNICATE and Javier wants something to happen in physical ways... so your course is good, keep communicating and that is that. If he can't work with you in dialogue then the relationship is dead in the water. Up to him. You are wanting to talk... he is the one trying to force something physically I think before its time.

    I see there is plenty of hope! He cares a lot about you, I just think he is vexed by material - physical desires that have no where to go without you there. His feelings are pretty supressed right now as he is mostly on a Pentacle mode... He would LOVE to get something going, however he is stuck (hanged man) for some reason... I think he has a hard time opening up and engaging you in a meaningful relationship without the physical part... he doesn't understand (yet) that he can love you just as much from a distance as though you were down there. So, he withholds his emotions because of that... and you pick up on it... so you are probably doing the right thing to pause on any trips down there. I would guess that were you in his arms it would be nice... as long as there are arms... then, once the arms go away, can you still communicate? Be close without the physical part? Is there really a connection is what you are asking.

    If he can talk to you and not run away. then there is a connection. Otherwise he has his own world to sort out... and there is nothing that can be done to help him until he does that.

    The Magician is him... the "drama king" I think... acting a lot... he acts and sometimes can't tell the difference between real life and the life he acts out... theatre...

    you know what would be the real solution here... would be for him to move to where you are. Then. You can see each other when its nice... and when he doesn't want to talk, you could close the door on the physical part until he learns... that would help him re-establish his reality-acting boundaries. Would be the best thing for him. I don't know about that being a possibility. There is a Knight Pentacles above, that could be him making some move at some point...

    Okay mardepp, that is something for you to think about.... I didn't really look at your family situation, this was only you and Javier.

    I hope that helps!

    Blessings to you!

    astra



  • Wow, Astra, amazing how much you can see...thank you sooooo much. Indeed! I think that he is a dreamer and when he has to make things a reality, anything, he struggles with his own self destruction. He has been working on that spiritual path for the past three years, but he is his own worst enemy and so he falls. He knows he's got to get it together first. I also told him that, because he's sad before he would not disappoint me that certain things are a deal breaker. We have remained very close spiritually even not talking, and since I've come back he has expressed to me that he misses me, that he loves me and that he has fantasized about selling everything and come and joined me...but he is not willing to communicate more often. I am not sure how to express it. It is like he doesn't want to put his whole heart into it, maybe afraid of getting hurt? or seeing that for the first time in a long time he has a real chance at something? But he knows he can't bs me...so...it is his decision. I know he thinks of me, but he is not reaching out. When we have communicated though he is super happy. But, like I said last time was not good. He has brother who has special needs (I know his family) and his brother is losing his eyesight at 25, so he is really sad about that, me, etc. So he gets discouraged and doe snot want to project anything. In a way I know what he feels because I get pretty excited and intense when I am around him, just so happy! So I somewhat get unbalanced and I need to remain balanced for me. I am going through some tough things by myself. Tough uncertainties, he knows about some of them, not others...

    Question, with the wheel of fortune you said a new love. What did you mean? a new kind of love for us? or a new person in the equation for him or me? When I am with him I feel like he could be the one but when I put it in practical terms I can't figure out the "how". I also know he is very sensitive, he has opened up to me before, but for whatever reason he can't now. I am just going to be quiet. He has responded last. I have not reached out again and I am not going to. I believe it has got to come from him. I hope that he will reach out to me...

    But you do see him thinking of me though? Because you said he is suppressing it. Unless he believes I am a lunatic (because last time I lost my center a bit) I think that he does think of me but tries not to. I believe I will pop in his mind again, simply because that is what is happening to me. I am trying not to think of him too, but I do not succeed. It is like when we talk we get happy but the very fact that we can't see each other makes us sad...So, that's that.

    So many things are up in the air in my life right now that I am just putting slowly one foot in front of the other. And also very grateful for all that is, you know. We are artists. Our experience of the world is a bit different...

    Thank you again Astra and any other comments are welcome.

    One of the paintings I really loved and though of buying it. I hope you put more up. You would have to stick with it for a while, but it sounds that you are pretty set. You are very talented, I really mean that.

    Thank you!



  • I meant to say "because he's said before he would not disappoint me that certain things are a deal breaker".



  • There were no cups in this reading or more wands, sort of the destiny cards...so I guess destiny is what we make it. I am all for fighting for what I believe in but if the other person gives up then I do not even want to try. There was a time when I would wear my heart on my sleeve more, but I am more cautious now. I suspect he is doing the same thing actually...and then we get nowhere...sigh!



  • Hi mardepp

    I agree with what you interpreted about the cards. The fact that there were no cups (only the ones hidden in the Magician, Hanged man and wheel cards) does seem to me to say that emotionally this relationship is on hold in some ways. Plus that Hanged man in the "incoming" energy ctegory tells me that you may just have to weather a period where not a whole lot is happening on the outside.

    I do get very strong "yearning" feeling from his way toward you... the strong pentacles all seem to feel very much like he could use a real friend right now - sounds like you could too... the distance between you is not easy to overcome, so that only adds to the dynamics.

    As for the wheel and a "new love" I still think that is for the two of you... that if you can both hang in there and remain calm and centered (or try anyway!) that the Wheel can turn any situation around.

    Let me look again here and see what I can see on some specific questions, can't hurt...

    How he is feeling about you right now?

    9 of Wands - well there is a wand card. THat shows him (at this exact moment) thinking about fulfilled path with you, on a deep level, maybe not consciously. He could be asleep. We could be looking at his dreams right now.

    What does he really want to see develop with you?

    3 of Pentacles - more pentacles This is a strong physical yearning (for 4 foundations) energy. He would really like to be physically with you.

    What is he dealing with, in general, with his life lately?

    3 of Swords - that card... is a tough one... challenges. is all I will say...

    What does the future hold for the two of you? Is that Wheel card for you two? or is that another?

    6 of Swords... ahh... the blessed 6 of swords.... i have to say, I see that card in love matters mardepp... and I think love... late at night... really nice... this card to me is the most beautiful love card in the Tarot. It is mystery love... it is love that never lets go. It is love so deep you cry and you forget whether they are tears of pain... or pleasure.

    I feel so much love between the two of you... I can't explain why life serves up problems between people who really care about each other... it seems like we get targeted to be punished for love almost. I cry inside over that... that seems the cruelest joke to me. Do angels...?

    All I can figure is that when two people really... really... really love each other... they have to KNOW that they really love each other. And the only way to discover that is not with everything working out. It is with everything going wrong. And then we cry and want to die. And yet when you close your eyes on your bed and think of that one, who lives in your heart no matter what... then you know you are in love. And then, there isn't much to do except sink under the waves...

    I wish I had answers. I don't. I can only say if you care about this man, that you will have no choice except to do just that. Regardless. Then you are in the Universe's version of love, that places no conditions on one another... then you can trust that all will work out for the best.

    Sigh.. I wish I could say it better...

    Dear tarot... what is coming for mardepp? What would you like her to know?

    And all of heaven is quiet, and waits to see...

    Ace of Pentacles. THAT is a beautiful card... some say the most wonderful card in the Tarot... it is a new start, in all of the ways we love. Seeing as it is a Pentacle... and seeing as how yearning his heart is for you in that way... I can only hope it means something nice coming...

    keep the faith is all I can tell you... all of us... me too...

    Blessings mardepp... thank you... good night.....



  • Hello Astra,

    Thank you so much. You are very much on target again I believe. I have been avoiding looking for him or his facebook page or anything. I want him to reach out to me only if he wants to. He has to get through this. I saw his page tonight and he posted a video that was very negative about love yesterday for Valentine's. I did not write to him, he didn't either. It is actually called "I take **** on love" pardon my French...He also made an allusive joke about wanting to have ***, being h o r n y. Anyway, he is just sarcastically joking not with me but on his page. We never exchanged any more lines after that e-mail ten days ago. I had sent him a nice e-mail and he had replied with a one liner saying "smily face for my dearest Mariana". So I cannot read him well, only that he is not reaching out (he probably expects me to do so) and he is being very negative, he is resisting and I am being silent before his resistance. You said "three of swords" for him now, what do you see? what problems do you see? He has always alluded in these three years to the fact that he feels that limitation, that he feels I am the right person but he has that limitation of dealing with the distance and the anxiety that brings him. It breaks my heart. I do want to see him or him coming to visit me, but he is just stuck...

    I did promise him to send him a biding I am making for him. I have been very busy and did not send it to him plus I got upset with his attitude so I decided to wait. But I was thinking (before I saw this though) that I should send it to him with a nice letter. I promised him that and even though he hasn't asked once I believe he is still expecting it. Can you please look into this extreme negativity? Has he given up on himself? Can you also see if it is me the person he is sad or disillusioned about? Is it someone else? is it an excuse to let lose with everything? (I told you he has his stories...in my heart I feel he is unable to connect except for he has connected with me and I feel that he is angry that I am so far away and he feels helpless, but he is not reaching out or following a plan or doing anything either!!!

    Like I feel this is something he must go through to appreciate me or something, just a guess, maybe it is not about me at all. I soooo miss him and think of him!! But I do not feel anxiety regarding him, I feel peaceful...Not sure what to do. I am going through a lot of stuff but trusting the Universe and some things are starting to line up and more than anything I want to practice at being grateful.

    If you could look further on just his side of things I would really be grateful. I want to do Fiverr again, your readings are so in depth but I must wait a little right now. When things get better for me and you put more painting up I want to buy one. I think you are an amazing painter, you do have a gift and you see light in more than one way. Hope that you are well Astra!!



  • Hi mardepp

    OK on where things are at with you and him... sure thing, let's take a look and I am happy to share whatever I get... my heart really goes out to you and him, I get such a strong feeling that you two are "supposed" to be together...

    Okay... I drew up a Celtic Cross on him to see if we can look into the heart of this man and see what in the world is going on.

    It is really interesting. Only Wands and Pentacles - path and the physical/financial aspects at present. He is dealing with his path and his financial - physical needs, that seems to sum him up right now. I did not draw one single cup anywhere, not even hidden in the major cards. So he is totally going through a parched desert emotionally for sure.

    "Can you please look into this extreme negativity? "

    Lack of emotional energy. As in ZERO. And he is heading for 7 swords land, and he can feel that coming... and he ain't got any cups to take along for the journey. 7 swords land is a pretty murky place. really ozone-drifty nothing is real kinda place and he ain't gonna like it. He is going kicking and screaming.

    Has he given up on himself?

    He has given up on love at the moment. His love life sux, and he ain't too happy about it. Hence the negativity. Frustrated is putting it mildly. Everything can be understood about him by looking at that outcome card... 7 swords. Ugh... I don't think he is prepared for that so he is negative.

    Can you also see if it is me the person he is sad or disillusioned about?

    You are there... Queen of Wands as the card below... I think he sees you as a "part" of his path, however like i said, he is all wands and pentacles and heading for swordsville. So something is interfering with his emotional connection with you for sure. Material issue it seems. 7 pentacles crossing him, his physical/material/home life is at some sort of pause, like... going nowhere after something pretty solid (9P) happened in his recent past.

    Is it someone else? I don't see anyone else, I don't even see love anywhere for this guy right now.

    is it an excuse to let lose with everything?

    Not sure what you mean by "let loose".. you mean, like... vent? Unrestrained? He is probably really hurting without love.... ugh... I wish you two were together I think he really misses you and is struggling to understand himself without a companion.

    (I told you he has his stories...in my heart I feel he is unable to connect except for he has connected with me and I feel that he is angry that I am so far away and he feels helpless, but he is not reaching out or following a plan or doing anything either!!!

    I think you summed it up accurately right there.

    Like I feel this is something he must go through to appreciate me or something, just a guess, maybe it is not about me at all. I soooo miss him and think of him!! But I do not feel anxiety regarding him, I feel peaceful...Not sure what to do. I am going through a lot of stuff but trusting the Universe and some things are starting to line up and more than anything I want to practice at being grateful.

    Well, he is going through this phase in his life whether he likes it or not.

    He desires the Empress... that is you, he sees you as a very nurturing figure in his life, however look at what she represents. Physical and touch, she is very earthy... so he can't relate very easily to you apart from the physical. You two actually have a very physical earthy relationship. Were you together you both would be always holding hands and very close... this is sheer torture to him to be away from you and then left with the only two things he understands... wands (creativity) and whatever physical comforts he can find to replace love (you mentioned some other things he enjoys).

    His path right now, like i said is Swords... he needs to change something, move or something. Hop on the next flight to see you and propose. I am sure he would love to marry you, he probably can't rationalize it though... so that is taking him to swords... 5 future environment and the 7 outcome... ugh ugh ugh... he has some sort of outer influence in his life (4P) so he is getting some solid physical sustenance somehow... something or someone is providing him with a stable home-security pattern right now not sure what that is...

    I think he is trying to "zero in" on his true path in life, however like I said he has a connection with you so that is going to be really hard without you along for the ride.

    OKay... I hope that helps a little...

    thanks for the nice words on the art... I am burnt on art... I poured my life into that and it only produced tragic situations... my art right now is drawing little squiggly symbols on sheets of notebook paper and telling the world I am getting communications from extra-terrestrials.

    blessings mardepp....

    astra



  • Hi Astra,

    First of all thank you! You really help out.

    I actually know the drawings you are talking about because I believe you have posted a couple on one of the forums here and they are just abstract and beautiful. If you ever have them for sale let me know because I would like to have one (I like all kinds of art and my home has art that I have traded or bought from friends, it is like being home surrounded by friends. So, even with ceramic coffee mugs that are made by friends I'd say "should I have coffee with Jenny or Jordan today?") It is fun...

    So, I tried sending a short message to Javier today, I do not know if I will hear from him. Whatever it is it seems I need to be quiet...I am sad over it, but there is nothing I can do if he is shut down. Whatever his feelings were they may have been superficial. Or he is dealing with serious big concerns right now...

    You said he had some sort of physical sustenance right now...do you mean his family? or a friend with benefits? (because if you ask him he'd say he is alone but I know he sees someone or several) When I saw him last he had a scare of someone coming back to tell him she was pregnant, and then it wasn't true. I know that he would like a child but out of a love relationship, not that way. These are all things we have talked about. I feel his life is in total disarray and I hope I am wrong. As far as I know his family and a few friends provide him with some "order" and family life. He really had been wanting to find that special person for the longest time...I always saw him as someone I can give my heart too but not until he gets his life in order. He is so charming that he has the power to make me lose control of my life if I fall in love with him (but I think I already have). I thought he had too but perhaps I have been wrong and it was an act for him...I am confused about him, I can't trust right now.

    I am asking two last questions: can you look more into this "physical" source of order for him? I am glad that he has that by the way and I believe that is his family. I do not know if I want to know if he loves me anymore, I do not think he would even know right now...:-( Sad for me.

    But I want to ask you about me. I have "spins" sometimes and I am learning to control them. I was doing well, I am on my path but I can't afford to love Javier in my heart and lose my energy over it and get heartbroken. I have been through a lot (though I haven't told you much) and it is the first time in 7 years that things are somewhat promising for me (I mean life in general), though not exactly clear yet.

    The question is, can you look at my path and see if what I am doing in my life is supporting the Universe or contradicting it? I feel that I am doing well in other slices of my life but the relationship area has always been an issue and I want to relax and conquer that and let the chips fall where they may. Not just concerning Javier, just anybody. Can you look into my path, my individual path?

    Thank you Astra if you can respond, and thank you again for helping so many with your readings. If you can, post some of the extraterrestrial drawings please!



  • Hi Mardepp!

    Hope your Sunday is nice, the Sun is out here and looking nice - I AM READY for Spring! 🙂

    OKay... on him... you asked "I am asking two last questions: can you look more into this "physical" source of order for him? I am glad that he has that by the way and I believe that is his family."

    Well... it must be someone else you are right... you mentioned he plays around... I did not see that before however there are so many "couple" cards in this that it seems to really emphasize companionship. You know him better than me... since you know he is doing "that", it could very well be how he is getting relief. That is a trap for sure this man needs to learn how to stay alone and sink more into the spirit, his s e x u a l activity is not going to help him until he finds a stable relationship. That is where the s e x means something, otherwise you might as well just take matters into your own hands for relief... so to speak. I have yet to hear of someone getting their hand pregnant haha...

    Center to outcome are wands - so his path is really what he is trying to figure out. The pentacles (physical support) show up in 3 cards... Empress who he thinking about, the Sun card to his right, and the Page Pentacles crossing him. The empress and page are strong "people" cards. The Sun is a baby card.. and a bright tomorrow...

    Empress is "door", daleth, and so she could be a female interest... the Sun is resh, and that is "face" and the Page of Pentacles take risks in physical ways. So he is gaining relief from a Page (princess?) who he is facing and who provides her door to him....

    the 2's in the reading are 2S, PS, 2C, 2P... so there is not a path with this person - if it is a person.

    I ran the letters on this spread and it is interesting... last 2 letters are MF (male female)...

    CADRORCPMF

    card...

    crop...

    dacor... I play round with the letter equivalents sometimes to see what we can see....

    The PENTACLES cards spell

    DRA ... and I want to say DRAma...

    I tell you what... I think this dude is really into drama... are you SURE he is fooling around? Like.. did you actually catch him at it? He could be playing games with you, coming up with all of this DRAma to create situations that fuel his creative drama world... creative people can do that.. the lines between art and life can become confused. I deal with that too...

    So... I think its DRAma in some way... now he may have some little fishies he is playing with I am not sure it is real though.. are you sure he is really up to something? I think he is trying to raise the TEMPerature level in your life and force you to buckle and move to where he is as he doesn't want to have to relocate... hence he goes "silent" on you to try and provoke a pentacles (move) response.

    Pentacles can be anything in the realm of the senses... can be words, spoken, or silence... or physical touch, or sight, sound, smell... anything going on that is a sensed thing is pentacle play.

    If I saw the Lovers, or the 2 Pentacles, or the 6 Swords, or a Queen I would have concluded it is probably s e x u a l ... however I can't declare that now... it could be... but I ain't gonna declare it.

    You know him... what is your gut telling you?

    I think it is all drama to him... he could be weaving some imagination to stir up the pot...

    Without you being able to communicate with him, you are stuck. Personally? I wouldn't waste your time with someone who refuses to communicate, what happens when you DO get into a physical union with him... and he refuses to communicate? YOu want to talk about a miserable experience, try that on. You think you can "fix" him with a relationship, he is the only one that can do that.

    My "advice" for what it is worth... which is probably not worth 2 cents but I'll give it anyway is to SEPARATE out your nice "feelings" about him... all of the goosebumps, all of the attractive se xi ness... all of the physical allure... all of the cooing words... all of the sweet kisses you remember... all of the s e x you remember (if you went there)... all of the love letters... all of the pentacles stuff... and OUT IT ALL IN A BOX WITH A BLANK LABEL ON IT that you can write ANYONE'S name on... and keep that separate from this dude... you have a knowledge of LOVE that is real and true and that is what you are chasing. the only thing is, you have now ASSOCIATED these nice feelings of love with this physical man, and you are having a hard time separating the two.

    Mardepp, you can take ALL of the same nice things you feel with him... and give it to another more worthy partner in the right time and setting. Those are all PORTABLE this guy does not OWN your heart unless you want that... you really want to get sucked into a non-communicative relationship? Come on mardepp... you are too wonderful a person to go there... if this guy was really into you he would be communicating... he is into his own path right now... wands... and you are out there... and he couyld have some deep feelings for you... but is it really "love love" ? like I wanna melt into your life love? Full trust love? I dunno.. what do you think?

    I will come back with a reading on you in a bit...



  • Mardepp

    Okay I am looking at your question now...

    This all looks really good. I think the relationship part you are feeling some pressure in has to do wit the Devil (ayin, eye) card and the Knight of Pentacles (could be your dude down there). These energies are all trying to get you to focus on the physical relationship as its own end. Like, "unless I can see him and hold Javier, I will not believe..." that sort of idea... that is all devil stuff... the eyes... and the Knight of Pentacles is totally focused on what he can see and touch... so that is what you are trying to avoid in life. Good.

    The path you WANT to be on is where you are indeed heading..

    Present situation - Hanged Man - Mem, water, reflection, so you are wanting to reflect a lot on your life now, good! Water is important to you now, walks by a lake, river, waterfalls, these are all nice themes for you.

    Crossing that is the Ace of Wands which is your path choice, focused. SO that is what you are working on is laser-beaming in your own path and making that a quality, choice and focus. Good.

    The Cards above you and below are all very strong balanced energies helping you. Above is the 5 of Wands which is a nice card of path flexibility. Good! Stay flexible, you need that. Below is the 4 of Cups which is more subconscious energies which is a card of emotional stability and foundations, very established. So you are a lot more solid emotionally than you give yourself credit for. I wouldn't be concerned about the spins, that is a part of being adjusted and sometimes it really feels like we are confused... that's okay.... keep putting one foot in front of the other... wake up again and just keep breathing is about all we have to do.

    Then the card you are heading into now (what is attractive to you) is the Page of Swords, and that leads into the Queen of Swords.

    So... this is where you are active in life... there is some area of your life maybe your creative life that is wanting to say something, express something or think of something that is a risk. Step of faith. You could be wanting to channel your creativity into new directions. You could be wanting to

    write a poem

    write that person a letter

    come up with a solution to a physics problem

    design a better mousetrap

    say what needs to be said to someone you care about

    think up a new painting medium made of a mix of beeswax and mint

    create a new recipe for baked alaska

    write yourself a love letter to you, from your guardian angel sealed with a kiss.... "Dear Mardepp, you are beautiful to me, love your guardian angel"... something like that 🙂

    SO... a risk of intellectual or communication seems to be your path and that lands you in something very mature intellectually or philosophically. You could be working on your own philosophy about life. Refining that.

    The outer influence card we covered, the Knight of Pentacles covers the Devil card... I would avoid drawing any conclusions about life right now based on pentacles and what things look like...

    Hope and concerns... The Universe. SO that is picking up your desire to be congruent with the Universe your fear is your are not... however you ARE!

    And... the outcome is the Page of Wands... I think this is reinforcing this "riskIng" of path on intellectual something or other. You are heading toward taking some kind of step of faith in your path, it seems to be of an intellectual nature... and this is important to you. This is a mode you like to be in. you could be discovering a new path within your existing path, zeroing in on the one medium or approach of ming as regards your creative efforts... you are really wanting to take that change now, and it could be in words, something you are saying that opens doors... maybe you are teaching about something related to your efforts... whatever it is, it is all about YOU and what is best for YOU.

    So yes, I think you are supporting highest best for your life! I think the relationship thing characterized by the Devil and the Knight of Pentacles is what has been a thorn in your side... I would try and steer clear of all that until you resolve this path "risk" you are wanting to make!

    Does that help? Let me know if you have questions...

    As for my drawings I would be happy to send you one no charge. They are just on notebook paper.. not archival haha... so in a hundred years they will be brown and falling apart haha...

    I will post some et drawings too... 🙂



  • Here are some ET drawing based on drawing tarot cards at random and creating a grid.. and then enhancing that in a photo editing program... the first drawing is the original drawing... 18 cards across by 18 deep. The second image is taking that and inversing it and blurring a little to bring out the forms inherent in the Tarot "universe-quantum-essence"



  • And here are some interesting images, faces and such that appear from these grids when you overlay them with one another... please keep in mind I am not "choosing" any cards to make these.. I am drawing the cards at RANDOM and so these images are inherent in the quantum layer (essence) of the universe....

    The first one has almost a "cleopatra" woman's face in there.. can you see that?

    The second has a sort of alien-esque or primate face...



  • This next pair are very interesting to me... the first is the raw random image generation... the second I highlighted the "face" to bring it out more... isn't that bizarre? And from random cards!



  • Here is another showing some highlighted hidden images - can you see the kitty face? 🙂



  • A few more... a young woman's face... and a "phone home" alien! 🙂



  • Hi Astra,

    I am crying because I heard form him and received some news and really confused by your reading. Not the one before though, in fact I have some news to report...He did play around (but we are not an item you know?) and when the dates got closer for me to visit he wrote to me and said (a month before) that he was not seeing anyone, had cut all these stories off and was waiting for me. While I was there one of these girls jumped the gun saying she was late on her period and so he was freaking out for a day or two, then relieved when it was negative news. He has told me before that yes, the only way he knew to help himself physically was to do what you described or get involved with occasional things but that he was alone and that he was not proud of that behavior. Last we communicated was ten days ago and today he wrote to me about an hour ago and he sounded happy. He said he has made a decision, he is selling everything (his car, etc), paying debt that he has accumulated (we both talked about certain things we had to do to fix ourselves first and this is one of them: our economies) and then he is going to move away up north in the country (Formosa). He has land up there and he want to start a better life, a clean life and start a theater school. We talked about all of these projects for three years now, so he is finally doing it (though he had projected doing it in a year and a half from now). In my heart I believe he is alone and he realizes he has to follow his dreams or he will literally die where he is now. So this is a great step for him in the right direction, this is really building a future and taking responsibility. The sad part of it is this is his healing and I have to do mine, but he is moving so far away that unless he makes it a point to invite me or wants me there we will probably never see each other again and that makes me very sad...or perhaps I am being deterministic.

    I know what you are saying and I examined myself and know that I cannot give him my heart, at least not yet. He was positive today about his path. I thought we had a lot of destiny things for us but it can't be it seems...:-( very sad about this, but very happy for him because he must get out of where he is and must do it for himself, not anyone else. I do want him healthy, not depressed.

    So, I am not clear on what you saw in this last reading. So all of the destiny, path things were wrong? I thought the Empress was me in the other reading?

    Anyway, can you read more into this move? you were so on target with that for a few readings now. He wants to create a foundation. Is he doing this move alone? this is how he is presenting it to me, he is even leaving his family behind (you saw him with no love around him but in this last reading he had some cups).

    Can you see whether we will meet again? can you see if this is over forever no matter how beautiful it was? I think he is finally moving with a plan and that is a good thing for him. I am moving with my plan and that is good for me (my plan includes moving back or at least find a way to spend part of the year there to be closer to my family). Can you look into my path, regardless of him? what does my future look like?

    Thank you Astra. Sorry and help you for helping resolve this in my heart.



  • My reading confused you? Hmm... sri, I am not in the confusion-clearing-up business. If I knew how to clear up confusion for people I would be a millionaire. 🙂

    As for your other questions, I need to take a break and work on my RC heli or something... and will circle back with you on the other... blessings mardepp...

    astra



  • So, your messages came in before I sent mine...Thank you for your reading regarding my path, there seems to be no love in my path either, how interesting, just the 4 of cups...that is a beautiful reading though because I want to learn the lessons and get better and I see what you were seeing in the reading.

    In my heart I know that Javier and I are well disposed towards each other. And he has to take care of certain things as well. The rest is faith, whether or not we will meet again. I'd like to know that to have faith, but faith is based on faith. I am happy for him because unless he gets healthy first there is no future, so he is taking the right steps there...I am taking mine. Can you look into that please and I will not bother you anymore...

    I love the drawings!! I think they are genious! It is really interesting how what we think as random could never be random...everything is connected to a source. The images that appear so blurry and with faces, is that the program? that is how the program interprets your drawings? That is really pretty amazing!!!!

    oh, Astra, I am so sad. Do you see love for me some day? what is this all meaning? I am cooperating with the Universe, I am doing everything that I am supposed to be doing...I'd like to think that things are getting better.

    Blessings and light!

    M