Hello Again, Astra Angel~ ^_^

  • Hello, Astra!

    I'm glad to see you around again. I hope all is well. I wanted to give you an update on what's been happening. You were very kind with your encouragement over a year ago when I was at the point of giving up on love and finding a place of my own. Not much has changed. In fact, it seems I've taken a huge step backwards. I'm blaming mostly myself for it, but I am trying to move on.

    If you remember, I had a cousin who worked for Disney invite me to Florida to live and find work. Well, I did go to Florida, but I found that it wasn't the best environment for me. I did have an interview with Disney and did get a job, but within a period of about three weeks I changed my mind. I had already felt something very off when I was there, but I brushed it off as simply nerves. It continued after I had gotten home and tried to prepare moving, and a lot things popped up or went wrong that contributed to the change.

    Also, there was a part of me that resented how pushy my cousin was about certain issues. I mean, yes I wanted to get out of my dad's house, but I didn't want to change everything about myself especially within a short amount of time. I won't go into too much detail since it would take too long. I'm not ungrateful for what she did, its just that I feel that her positive attitude was too overwhelming and too expecting. Plus, there were certain things that she does and believes that directly conflicts with my own beliefs. We're both technically right of center when it comes to ideologies, but I've recently become far more conservative (one of them concerning romantic relationships, and as I've pointed out in the past, I've never had one before and was very worried about my lack of experience while not wanting to give in to the modern concepts of what a relationship before marriage should entail).

    We've only actually talked and butt heads on one issue that had a possible impact on my health in which she said I was just making excuses. However, I personally believe she's using this issue as and excuse herself to not be careful when it concerns men and relationships. She's already had one major cohabiting relationship that ended in disaster because she let the fun "fuzzy" side of it blind her to the fact that this man had a terrible family dynamic (she is family oriented), he didn't pay attention to her particular "love language" like doing things around the house like a wife traditionally would, and no matter how much she wanted it he was just not ready to make a serious commitment (aka marriage) while he was still gaining all the benefits including the physical. I'm someone who's dead set against acting like a married couple when you aren't one. Yet she complains that she can't find a husband while I sit there thinking that of course no one is going to marry her when she 'puts out' like that without requiring the man to seal the deal, if you know what I mean.

    I feel bad for her actually. I want to be there for her, but I also felt I had no good reason to actually say something because of my lack of experience. I didn't want stay there and have her badger me about dating either. She had already made plans to sign me up on a dating website as soon as I moved. That REALLY freaked me out. She's quite the dating fiend herself and personally believed it would be good for me. This happened after I made the mistake of expressing doubt of ever finding someone and thought maybe it was best for me. Her first response? "NO! You said you wanted to at my brother's wedding!" Like I had no choice in changing my mind. I've spent years clinging to the idea and honestly felt that letting myself obsess and expect something from God that he probably didn't have in His plan for me after all (as painful as it is to think about) was probably doing more harm than good in actually finding someone. If I'm supposed to just focus on myself right now, then I want to let myself do it.

    At the time, I pretty much went along with it, but when I got home, that's when I face real opposition that broke the whole deal. Suffice to say, the holidays were the worst. I still wish to visit my cousin again and hopefully be a more positive influence in her life. Her friends, as nice as they were to hang out with, are a little too accepting of certain behaviors that I feel are holding my cousin back from what she truly wants. I don't want to put pressure on her, like she tried to do with me (it was obvious this was how she got people to comply. Her mother was acting the same way when I got home). Yet if I can be an example and refuse to go along, maybe I can help her curb some of those bad relationship habits of hers. I know she's no longer the sweet innocent little girl I remember her being 15 years ago and knew about some of her behaviors for some time, but I didn't realize just how far down the road she has gone. Please note that what I consider far down the road may not seem very bad to others, so please don't the idea that she's doing something that's truly life threatening, just something that I think is blocking her way to true happiness. She has already given her heart away to that one man, and I can tell just by the conversations we've had in the past year since her brother's wedding that this man, despite all his faults, has become a ruler to which every other man is measured (a BIG reason why I don't think anyone should get physical). To be frank, she can sleep with any guy she thinks she feels a connection to, but it'll only turn into a self-defeating cycle like I've seen so many times around me.

    So, I'm still at home with Dad, looking for work now that I no longer have my old job. My sister has gotten engaged and has moved out and moved on with life, so its literally just me and him again. I finally broke down and applied to his company and surprisingly they called me back almost a month later and interviewed me. Now I'm waiting to hear what they say. Its been over two weeks, but Dad knows the people in the HR department and knows that they have yet to fill the job (he admits that it might be a while since they have a whole process to go through). As soon as I know whether I have it or not, I'm planning on finally moving out.

    I'm torn between staying a few months enduring him and having a lack of space for being creative (I'm barred from using my sister's old room, believe it or not, and he still doesn't like it when I use the kitchen table even though Its rarely used for anything else now) and just going as soon as I can. If I stay, I can build up my savings a little and save myself from having to pay more in rent and utilities, but if I go, I can be on my own at last and have the room that I want. One upside is Dad's offering me all of my sister's old furniture AND living room furniture he was planning on getting rid of anyway along with a bunch of other things he wants to get rid of (including a good printer he replaced this weekend for a sleeker version that will help him start doing some much needed archiving of a lot of old photos). The downside is having less money save to get rid of my school loans, yet I'm thinking that it'll be a small sacrifice in the long run. The job offers good overtime pay and high potential of being promoted quickly or qualifying for inside jobs in a few short months, and its only an entry level that doesn't require a degree (I have one!). No matter what, It'll be far more than I've ever made in retail.

    If I don't get it, my wonderful future brother-in-law says his company is always in need of temps. I won't get to move, but at least I'll be making more than I did in the past. Still a plus. I will admit, my sister's engagement did make me a little sad, but I'm gaining a very kind brother. I've never had that before. He's offered to help out with other things as well, and he has been nothing but encouraging in whatever I did. He certainly has a lot more patience for my sister than my dad and I ever had! I just hope my sister realizes she needs to be less me-centered for this to work (not saying that there are any problems, I just want her to learn early on what a marriage requires. Being her older sister, there a lot of times I honestly felt like she's been very spoiled!)

    That's pretty much what's going on right now. I know you probably enjoy getting updates from people you've helped. I kept your encouraging words in mind all year. You've hit home on a lot of things, but there were other factors that neither of us saw! Now, I hope to actually look at a broader picture now. I've been very obsessed on finding out if I have that job or not, even asked Daliolite for some insight back when I was stuck between two job options earlier this month and was told simply to wait and to keep working on my projects. Watergirl advised me to pretty much do the same and just let myself imagine being in my own apartment. It seemed counter-intuitive to me, being the worry-wart that I am. The other job I had applied and interviewed for was in a bridal dress shop as a seamstress and was very appealing at first as it involved one of my interests, but logic eventually set in. I can't believe I'm hoping to work for my dad's utility company. How ironic! It won't be in the same building thankfully, in fact, its across the county but not too far to make the drive from where I live now.

    Man, the words just spill out on the keyboard, don't they? I guess If I were to ask anything from you at this point, it would be more of an overview for this year and what to look for. I'm hesitant to ask about my sister or even my cousin, but if it directly involves me, I'd like to know about it. Love is not out of the question, there's still hope of it, but its been reluctantly put on the back burner for right now. Thanks again for what you did for me. I'll never forget it.


  • Dear JoyLily,

    I read all of your message and it was so nice to hear from you. Wow! You actually got a job at Disney! That is amazing... I read that and I thought yay! I would love to get a job like that... however it didn't work out. It sounds like the situation there in Orlando had a lot more to do with your cousin than Disney. I did not hear you say anything disparaging about Disneyworld, only your cousin was the situation that was causing some (emotional) concerns it sounds like. It is too bad you couldn't have move there and had your own place... I wonder how you would have liked it there without the drama and pressure coming from her?

    Okay on everything you said about relationships, and dating and physical involvement and that... I am sure you are on the right path there, there is no reason to go down that path with a man before marriage when that is your conviction. That is something that the relationship itself would determine perhaps. Guys, yeah, they are always after a girl, and what guy doesn't love "that" however that is something that the couple have to work out, and can be a part of a fun dialogue too! I know that will resolve for you, I see some nice things (looking at some cards now).

    So you went back to live with your father... your sister is now out... and you are awaiting word on this job with his company. You will have SOMETHING employment wise soon as I saw a Queen Pentacles (you) in a future environment. i think it will be a somewhat "quiet" environment and nice,something you will love...or at least it doesn't look like people yelling at you or anything haha... I see wonderful things developing for you in your life... I drew these cards and felt the strongest nice feelings about your life... you have dealt with a lot, and trying to hold to a brighter path, that is tough. I know without a doubt that life has something really special for you in love, in a delightful situation, with plenty, not digging coins out from inside the sofa.

    An overview looks to me like you are right where you need to be. Maybe feeling a little more isolated now that the Disney "experiment" (let's call that a fun experiment!) has given you some much needed information about your life path! You see JoyLily... we never really know the WHY things go as they do... we get our hopes up and we can only try... and then maybe things turn out differently than we thought they should... that still means all is going well though! For some reason... you HAD to do that! You had to go there. and believe it or not... you had to hear whatever your cousin had to say to you over and over... you had to deal with that, I don't know why. You could be learning about the relationship "game" so that one day you can help others who are dealing with that (life partner estrangement). So who knows... Disney... frisky cousins... dating websites... utility companies... your dad... there is a story threading through your life that sounds quite interesting to me! That sounds like the makings of profound discoveries... developments... I wish I knew!

    Let's see... a time of quiet isolation I guess... not long... there is a King of Swords in your past. Your present seems to be mostly wands (path issues and choices), page and a knight so that shows at present you are much wanting to sort out your path, settle into something nice for you.

    Crossing you is simply seeing past the present. Watergirl hit the nail on the head there, see yourself in your own apartment! That will happen... queen of pentacles in the future environment so you material/financial life is going to be nice. That part seems to be what is first up. Job, employment, as I mentioned. 4 swords quiet place... library environment almost! It would be nice to hear yourself think wouldn't it?

    King of cups... Magician... 8 of Cups... seems to lead to a person of interest... you sure you don't have a man from your past? There are two kings in this - past and soon - King of cups is love... Magic seems to be in the air... you feel you are ready for a nice guy who will respect your choices about the physical and all that? Magicians are perfect gentlemen. They love to entertain, but when the costumes come off, they are the kindest and most respectful person...

    The "magic" seems to tie back to Disney as well.. did you meet anyone there?

    The 8 of cups at the end of this does seem to show some romantic developments for you!

    Oh drats, I have to run.... I will come back to this reading later JoyLily, I am in the midst of moving today and so have to attend to that... nice to hear from you, I am impressed that you went to Disney and experienced that! How cool... I once did an art show in Disney World many years ago and that was fun... back when I was doing printmaking...

    Okay I will come back to your reading later...



  • Wow, interesting so far! I won't give you any other impressions until you finish, but I already have a lot to say! ^__^


  • Hi JoyLily

    Oh well, moving has been a whirlwind and I am just getting settled sort of... looking back over your message and then some cards yesterday. So yes, I do have the sense you will soon see some really positive developments in your financial picture. I think the Utility company gig is going to open up for you. At least that will get you started with your financial stability. Who knows, maybe you meet someone there, a nice lineman haha... the Bridal dress shop job that is fun... although you will be like Cinderella there, doing the work for the "step sisters" who are on their way to the altar and you are wondering... he when is it MY turn! Your turn will be come and it will be perfect. Waiting has its rewards.

    So, I wish the Disney work could have developed for you! Magic, something about magic and you. Magic between a King of love and this 8 of love (developments) so that is a very strong sign of something beautiful coming for you! Magician is "beth" or "house" in the Hewbrew alphabet. so a king, a house and a move in love soon for you I think. If its the guy at the utility company, you will always have power at your house for sure! 🙂

    Okay JoyLily, I am curious what you see based on that... I wish I had more to tell you. I am happy you are pressing on, your cousin and father not withstanding! It will all fold into place for you I know...

    love and light


  • Hey there Astra Angel,

    Well, the illusion bubble has burst and someone else got the job. Now, I'll be staying at home and attempting to get a temp job at my future brother-in-law's company. Don't know how that will turn out. Been having a dreadful feeling the last couple of days and could not get myself to accomplish anything. If I end up with the temp job, it means that my off time will be split between home and my aunt and uncle's place (they live close by where the company is located). This was the very thing I wanted to avoid. I had to do the same thing back in September with another job that turned out to be temporary while I didn't have a car. Even with the car, it'll be hard. The car runs okay but its old. I had some projects that I wanted to start as soon as I knew if I was going to be employed. Going back and forth will make it difficult (I don't want to lug all my machines and supplies around which is why I wanted my own place).

    I know I shouldn't complain, but I've pretty much lost all faith here. I don't even know how much they will pay, and I'll have to keep my ridiculous health insurance that hardly covers anything. I'm tired of relying on others. The last two job opportunities before the utility one were ruined by other people being too involved. I just don't know what to do anymore.

    Regarding the possible 'magician' I think you actually picked up on my future brother-in-law. He's very much what you describe. I'm not holding out on any hope of finding someone for me like that. I don't know where the man from the past is coming from. Maybe its just failed crushes that never went anywhere, as in nothing happened, and nowadays, I don't think I want to be in a relationship with any of them. I want someone completely new. I have been 'in love' before, but it certainly wasn't lasting, like I said, anyone from my past would be poor choice (and I do know where they are and what they're currently doing. Sadly, the internet makes the world very small.) I do have an ideal that I haven't had much faith in for a long time though.

    I don't know, I just feel terribly deflated right now. I'm not even really a career minded person, I just want to pay off my debt and get a decent car. If I had those things done, my former jobs would have been just fine.

    I think I lost that job and the others because I thought too much of what I was going to do like I was going to get it. I've had this happen with virtually everything I've wanted, whether it was a job, a project (I've yet to complete anything successfully without it taking years and not very well either), a possible boyfriend (I cannot tell you how many times I would start liking someone and soon after find that they're taken, however, I seem to attract every creep within a mile), or something else that I would dream up and wanted to happen to me (in this case, I would run into people who got to do those things while I struggle or wind up failing to make it happen for me. Sometimes it ends up happening to a relative instead.). I'm NOT joking here. I feel like a bad luck charm. It wouldn't matter if I honestly thought it was going to work, its still taken away from me. I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong!

    Sorry, this was opposite of what I was going to tell you when I first read your reading for me. I kept thinking that if I confirmed it too soon it wouldn't turn out that way, and well, I was right.


  • Hi JoyLily

    Up early... and thinking about your situation... ugh, I can feel your frustration, and I can relate believe me. I ran through some cards only because I don't know what else to do! (pic below).

    It is notable that there are virtually NO Pentacles ($$) in your cards this morning! There is only 1 little Pentacle and that is hidden in the Lovers card in this deck. (2 cups + ace pentacle). Most of your energies are all cups and swords, emotional concerns and a lot of sword- thoughts - weighing and thinking "energies symbols".

    So, the cards do seem to be reflecting back YOU at this time... pretty well... I was laying the cards out and they were looking optimistic in some key areas, especially in a relationship believe it or not... and I was thinking yes.. something good for her... and then the last card... 10 of Swords and it was like, ugh... all of that optimism just flew out the window!

    So I really get that about you... a lot of really nice, bright optimism... you give it your best shot! You dare, you try, you keep believing for love one day in spite of the ones taken and the bozos... your face is turned to the sun and then - plop. Nothing. Optimism! thud... Bright hopes! ugh... Trying! ...disappointment... It is like a pattern for sure, and I can relate believe me.

    Let me share this with you... one thing I do a lot lately is look at the letter associations with the cards. I assign a letter for each card in a sequence, and also the major cards I use the Hewbrew keys (based on the first letter of the hebrew alphabet... not that I am Jewish it was just something I picked up along the way haha..)

    So in these celtic cross spreads I write down the letter patterns and often they will highlight a word, a phrase or something is suggested... in your case this morning it is really interesting what i got from your cards...

    S D Z i O H P U Z L

    Do you know what jumped out at me? Sudoku Puzzle!

    So do you see that? Are you familiar with Sudoku? It is this 9 x 9 grid with some numbers in some of the squares and you have to figure out the other numbers to plug in so that every row and column and each of the 9 (3x3) boxes have all of the numbers 1-9, so there is a UNIQUE solution.

    I have never really played it although I can see the process... you have to keep trying things until you hit on the right combination.

    I don't know where this is going exactly... except to say that to me, your life is like Cinderella... you have all of this lovely potential and talent, and it is all sort of hidden away in the evil stepmother's house! (Not that your dad is an evil stepmother, it is just an analogy). So you are trying things... like that Sudoku Puzzle... you know you will solve the puzzle one day! But to get there you can only try one thing at a time until you hit the right combination.

    Our lives must be like that... we try things... and keep trying... you took a chance on Florida and Disney and felt that was your path! Like trying some numbers in the puzzle... only to find - ugh - that combination didn't work, and back to square one. Now that is a depressing event! And I can relate... you try try try... just KNOWING that this next move/action/step will be the right one and then life will get on track. And yet, so many steps seem to end where you DON'T want to be, or you don't get the job, or you have to deal with your cousin... or your bro in law's workplace... or a car that won't run right... on and on... bright hopes... and then THUD! What now?

    I will be honest with you... I don't have any answers... oh, I could rattle off the usual little cute sayings. "Keep the faith!"... "Just keep trying!"... we all hear that. And it is true I guess.... but at some point you do sort of start to wonder WHAT AM I DOING WRONG! Like... this puzzle ain't getting solved and I am about to rip through the paper erasing numbers combinations I have tried unsuccessfully! You know that feeling? It is like, eventually... our sails DO become deflated... and our little boat finally just drifts with the current and washes up on some shoreline we had NOT planned on! ... I mean at some point we all do finally give up I think. I don't like to admit to failure, but honestly, what else can you call it! We try and try and try... and cry out for answers, and light, and faith, and hope... for a job! For a real, genuine relationship! For all of the nice things we know we are SUPPOSED to be enjoying!

    But what can you do when the efforts seem to keep going nowhere? What is up with our lives that the best of the best, get slammed with the worst of the worst (outcomes). I see that with you... one of the brightest stars in the sky! And yet, for all of your potential and optimism and daring, LIFE seems to be determined to reward you with one disappointment after another. Ugh~! Double ugh! Triple Ugh! To say it is frustrating is like saying that a porcupine is a little rough to the touch. You know what I mean? I do NOT get it, and I see this happen with so many it seems. A lot of beautiful people on the forum here and many cry out "why is THIS happening to me!" FOr all of our best efforts.... and then this is the outcome.

    So what do you do? Well, all I know to do is stay busy... writing! Like right now! I figure as long as I stay busy I can keep at least pretending that life can still work out (eventually). So, that is my only tip I guess. Stay busy. Keep trying number combinations on your Sudoku puzzle because ONE DAY you WILL hit on the combination and THEN you will find your lover and your beautiful career and a decent car finally for goodness sake!

    That is all I do... I wish I had more to offer I really don't. I will also say this JoyLily, you are a VERY intuitive person and very sensitive, with some great gifts to share and give to others. I am not sure what exactly, you are very psychic, tuned in, you are very much a "Universal" person who easily flows in these ways of light and faith and love... even though your experience so far has not exactly always been a perfect reflection of that! It must be all for a reason... not that some mysterious "reason" that we don't know is going to help either it is just something we say and believe in. However I DO believe your life is under care of angels and highest love... no matter what it looks like.

    Drats... I wish you could get that Disney job back! That seemed so perfect for you i can't believe such a lovely path fizzled and now you are scraping the barrel again looking for utility company jobs! That really upsets me! That seemed like something that was meant to be, what kind of insidious plots are being waged against beautiful people like you? I STAND AGAINST IT whatever the &^%$ it is!

    Ugh, sri... I get so angry at life sometimes.... I want to SCREAM in the face of God, HOW DARE YOU TREAT THIS DAUGHTER THIS WAY! You should be ashamed of yourself! GIVE HER THE LIFE SHE DESERVES! LOVE! A GREAT WORK SHE CAN DELIGHT IN! A CAR THAT WORKS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am mad as H3LL and I am NOT taking it anymore! GOD>>> GET OFF YOUR FAT A$$ and HELP THESE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN OF YOURS IF YOU ARE REAL!!!!

    I am fed up JoyLily... I am worn out too, flipping cards and I keep hoping that this next card will help someone... you... me... anyone! Is anything helping? It seems pointless! Why would life give us a desire to help one another, and provide the tools to do so, and then make sure That NOTHING WORKS! What kind of insane Universe is out there anyway, that rewards best efforts with pain, faith with heartbreak, and efforts with misery and misfortune! THAT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE A bunch of sadistic angels or something! Laughing at us, pretending to help and then letting us down at the last minute!!!

    Sri.. I get carried away... I know "heaven" is on our side. I just can't understand how our lives get trampled over while we keep trying to do all the right things... not perfectly we all make plenty of mistakes, but our HEARTS are in the right place! YOUR heart is in the right place! YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!

    Okay... I will try to calm down now... haha... I can get very emotional toward "whatever" is up there that purports to be on our side... but sometimes it feels good to just let it out... scream... sometimes when I am driving around (by myself) I have the windows rolled up and I am so angry at God... I SCREAM AT HIM or IT or whatever that is.... YOU &^%$ #$^%$^%$#%^$ WHY ARE YOU &%^$% DOING THIS YOU *&^&ER SON OF A *&^%$.!!!! ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

    I know... we aren't suposed to act like that... say those words... we are all supposed to be nice little people with sweet little smiles and cute little expressions and paint a happy face on the sour lemons. Whatever. I call them the way I see them and I am seeing YOU getting the short end of the stick and it PI$$E$ ME OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am not erasing any of that!!! Sometimes I write things on here and I say Oh my I can't share that! That is too... harsh! I am supposed to be sweet... and calm... and never ever say or express my self in angry ways!

    WELL TOO BAD!!! I am angry that YOUR life is getting the stuffings knocked out and I WANT YOU TO GO BACK TO ORLANDO AND GET THAT FREAKING JOB BACK if there was anyway possible. I am really upset!!!

    Blessing to you JoyLily... maybe its time for me to bail out of this forum for a while I get so upset with life NOT working out it seems for folks and it frustrates me so...

    All I know is you are such a beautiful person and one day you WILL have such a beautiful life, somehow... that is all I know. A miracle! I will pray a miracle for you daughter....

    Much love and some rather weak faith...


  • Hey Astra,

    Thanks for voicing my frustration for me. I'm too worn out mentally to do that this time around (did so much of it the last few years). I get the Sudoku reference. I was actually very much into it right up until my mom died several years ago, then I stopped completely. That game definitely describes my position.

    But I want to share a story with you that I came across right after I got up this afternoon (I wore myself out playing with our Nintendo Wii Fit until almost 4 in the morning! The boxing exercise made me too tired to get up before noon, heheh). Its about a Russian family that were part of a continuously oppressed Orthodox Christian sect who fled to the Siberian wilderness when the Bolsheviks were rounding anyone up that disagreed with them (Christians were particularly hard hit. The man of this family had a brother shot before his eyes for no reason except his faith). They stayed there, isolated, for forty years from 1938 to 1978 when geologists working for an oil company spotted their garden and shack from the air while they were surveying the area. Turns out there were five of them in all. Two of the children were born IN THE WILDERNESS, and the mother had at some point died of starvation because she wanted to save her children.

    The geologists approached them slowly, talking mostly to the head of the family at first. The children were more skittish, their language especially the two daughters seemingly muddled and reduced to what they described as "coos,"of course later they found it was by no means a sign of lack of intelligence. All the children were incredibly smart and had unique personalities. And the other thing was they were not only very religious (they only had a prayer book and an old family Bible to learn how to read and write from), but they had incredible faith and sense of family.

    They thought nothing of hard work, and a good thing too. Their home in the wilderness was far from what we would consider ideal. They were always on the brink of starvation, even though they could gather berries, nuts and occasionally hunt. Their poor garden often suffered massive setbacks (by the time the geologists found them, they were basically eating nothing but potato patties sprinkled with rye and hemp seeds). When what little they had brought with them fell apart, they attempted to replace it, clothing came from the hemp they grew, they made wooden alternatives to everything including their stove and pots (which made cooking much more difficult), they had a family meeting every year to decide if they should go ahead and just eat up what was left of the garden or try to save some of it for seed (considering the constant setbacks, I'm sure it was very tempting), they had no real shoes as we know them, and used sharpened wood and honeysuckle ink to write. Many people who read the article thought of how sad their situation was (some even dared to point out that this was the result of their religion throwing logic out the window while failing to admit that it was in fact persecution from militant atheists that caused them to flee).

    But there were so many other things about their life that were truly amazing. They held a deep faith that carried them through everything, they knew and loved the surrounding forest inside and out, and everyone, the children especially, built up great endurance. The youngest, called Dmitry, was the huntsman of the family. He could hunt barefooted in a Siberian winter and easily sleep outside when it was forty below and be out for days on end and bring back a big deer on his shoulders. I think he was also the one who came up with wood alternatives for the things that needed to be replaced. One of the girls (who by the way is STILL living there!) took on projects like keeping amazing track of the calendar year for the family and digging a cellar even after sundown using the moon as her only light. One of the geologists asked her if she was afraid of the dark, and she replied, "What would there be out here to hurt me?" When they had been reduced to nothing more than a single seed of rye for food, they guarded it closely, and like a miracle, it eventually saved them. For their main form of entertainment, their father would ask "for everyone to recount their dreams." Amazing. A commenter on the article said in response, "They had nothing, but they were dreaming. They had everything."

    When they were introduced to modern conveniences, some they took to positively and others not so much (being offered bread or jam and rejecting it claiming that they "can't accept that!" though I think it might be a diet or a hospitality thing, I'm not sure). Their response to television was very interesting. But soon after they met the geologists, all the children except one died within days of each other. The youngest Dmitry caught pneumonia, and the geologists offered to contact a helicopter to take him to a hospital, but he refused to abandon his his home, saying in his last breath, staying true to his faith, "A man lives for howsoever God grants."

    When I read that, I suddenly felt terribly inadequate.

    The last one is still there, the younger daughter, who had to bury her father as well before the geologists left refusing to abandon her home and her family even after death. I was thinking that it was a good thing too as the modern world beyond a few television images and the gadgets that the geologist brought would have crushed her (then again maybe not, but she would have died quickly, having no immunity). She will get to die preserving her faith and her humanity in the purist sense as one commentator described. She has something that 99% of the population will NEVER have.

    I should probably link the article for you (I'm technologically impaired in this department), but its easy to Google. Its a Smithsonian piece under History & Archeology titled. "For 40 Years, This Russian Family Was Cut Off From All Human Contact, Unaware of World War II." The family name is Lykov.

    I don't think I'm EVER going to complain about anything again. I felt like I just got a good smack on the behind from God for being such a sourpuss about everything I've been given. OUCH!

    On a lighter note, I'm about to send my resume to my brother-in-law so he can pass it on and will be rearranging my room to accommodate some of my sister's old furniture including a behemoth of a desk that would be perfect for sewing. A lot of work ahead of me this weekend. I probably should stay away from the computer for a while except for job searching, writing, and drawing. I get too caught up on the internet, heheh.


  • OK joylily that is a great story! You are so right, nothing I could ever face would even approach that level of faith and determination. Wow, wow, wow... amazing.

    Positive approaches to life are a learned skill. We don't wake up into it and its not something you can pretend. In your case, the path changes you have experienced are "learning" process I think.

    Good luck to you. I know you will find all of your answers... still hoping you meet a guy soon, and that you won't have to travel to Siberia to find him!

    As for ranting and rage against "god" I personally believe that is the true mark of faith. Too much candy-coated sacchrine "acting" going on today for my tastes... angels don't expect us to be nice, or brave, or have a lot of faith.

    Angels expect us to be AUTHENTIC.

    let me know when you want to talk again and get real.



  • Hmm, there has to be some reason you are sharing that story... that is a lot of effort to go to to write your synopsis of that tale.

    Okay, one thing I get from that is that our reality is always self-referencing. So, for example a situation that from the "outside" looks dire, may in fact from the inside look very normal and no big deal. At first a dire situation is seen and understood as dire, however that is only because we keep referencing it back to something else. Something "better" we once knew. However even the "something better" we had back there is in itself self-referencing.

    So, in a life change of phase, role, setting, purpose, meaning, philosophy, this equates to whatever experience we are immersed in MUST degrade until we reach a new ground zero.

    I think this must be what happens to us, and places like Tarot forums are sort of the ground zero of various personages, from various walks and ways of life, and even from other dimensions probably as I think consciousness throughout the Universe shares this same "progression".

    So we could find ourselves in places like this forum, or other settings related to "search", where we are beginning to relate all over again in a new way, to others, to ideas, to sharing, to trying to grasp whatever it is that you or I are experiencing in life that seems problematic. A challenge. This or that job, relationship, issue, finances - is not working out.

    I think we are imagining all this JoyLily. Everything. This is like a classroom of consciousness mostly. (I am certain I am the dunce of the class haha... but I have a good excuse I am from Georgia). So we each "show up" to try and help one another in paths, and finding answers so that we can make our progress. The only caveat is, what we are REALLY seeking is "ground zero". A baseline consciousness that strips away the fluff of life so that we can be "authentic" in whatever way that needs to be.

    It is authenticity that is the real search. We want to be ourselves. Truly ourselves, and no one else, and no career and no material setting will answer that question on the deepest levels.

    Probably what happened with you and the "Disney" thing was that you went there and instinctively knew on some deep level, that this was not the answer. That another job, a new career, a Sunny state like Florida wasn't going to provide the answers you are really after.

    SO you pack it in and go back to the previous path, the home with dad, etc. Much like the SUDOKU puzzles, where we can only make guesses and try them, and then notice soon, "oh, I can't play that number here because it is already on that row," so we go back and forth, trying combinations in order to make progress and solve the puzzle.

    So life is really a puzzle that we are all born into, Some sort of "consciousness school" or something and every sentient being goes through the school.

    I am writing a book on ideas like this... philosophy I guess... not sure what you call it. Like your family in the wilderness, I think today we better find our answers when we are alone and cut off. That is the easiest way to reach "ground zero" and re-connect on a more fundamental level with existence itself. What we are wanting is to reach a place where the settings of life don't really matter, as we are trying to strip ourselves of the layers of meaning we attached to life as we went along.

    Another "trip" to another state to get another "job" isn't the answer, and yet most are in that mode. Relying on material settings for answers. That is a dead end. We have all, already been there, done the jobs, the careers, the hobbies (although I am still fond of RC helicopters haha)... the point is we know deep down that another career, another relationship isn't going to really help. SO that may explain why so many are in some sort of perpetual lonely hearts club. Why can't we find a guy, a girl? A relationship? Probably because we know deep down that we would fare no better for it. It would simply becomes more layers to contend with, and as most of us are in the "sloughing off" of life's meanings anyway. we are hesitant to start glomming on more noise, more emotional "issues", more drama, more busy-ness as we go.

    Of course all of this is predicted on trying to take life seriously at all... and ultimately at the end of the day, I think it is one big joke. So I try to laugh... haha ha... there... how was that?


  • Hello again, Astra Angel,

    Been thinking about things, trying to move on, even putting my resume out on the interwebs (the only hits I'm getting so far are for sales positions in insurance companies, not that I'm complaining, but I feel I'm ill suited and they're pretty far away for my clunker of a car to manage. We'll see though). I handed my brother-in-law my resume and am now basically playing the waiting game again. Life has ceased to be funny in any respect (heck, I've been gaining a lot of weight recently too). Tired of people telling me to smile and laugh when I just don't feel like it. I just want a job. I want to work!

    I rearranged my room, continued writing, and am trying to burn some fat off. For someone who generally likes solitude, I'm actually beginning to hate the isolation. I was told by another reader a while back right before the Disney experiment went south that I would have several months of unemployment and "stagnation" and yet was told I would meet someone (now that I look back on that, it was truly laughable, I mean, who in their right mind would go out with an unemployed woman?) They were also the one to tell me to watch my temper which did aid in the destruction of the Disney job. I'm supposedly going to be able to support myself by May as well. Isn't that crazy? Or maybe I just missed the opportunity for all that to happen. That's what I'm beginning to think it was. Neither her or you were off. It was me.

    I still feel like a bad luck charm. My savings will run out about mid April and after that I don't know what I'll do. My computer has also been giving me trouble lately, and that's just one more expense I can't afford right now (Dad's really stingy with his). Its like I'm losing what little independence I had left, except the car which is pretty useless without a job to drive to. So yeah, I'm a big mess right now.

    Been trying to remind myself of that inspiring story I found. One of the few times I smile is when I think about it. Having that sort of strength is just incredible. Its still hard though. My parents' anniversary is on the seventh this week, and I can't tell you how much I feel like I've let Mom down.

    What have I done wrong? Apparently, I'm too much of a dimwit to figure that out.


  • Hello again,

    Got myself an interview on Friday for one of the insurance companies I mentioned. Its a promising opportunity. They want to train me for management which sounds great because I won't be a lowly sales associate for very long. I'm very ambivalent considering my last office job ended in disaster, but I really do want this to work. Fingers crossed!


  • Joylily

    How did your interview go? That does sounds like a great opportunity for you... I will cross my fingers for you too! (*although i still wish you could get that Disney job back! >:)

    It was funny though, as I went about my days lately, I kept coming across utility company signs and such... and I was thinking that maybe something was still going to open up for you in that utility company you had mentioned... well something will open for you I know.

  • Hey Astra!

    Yeah, turns out the whole thing is a scam. They invited me back for an "interview" on Monday, but I'm not going. Today was more like an orientation, and there were several other people there. If they were more legit, then yeah, I would've wen this route. Its amazing what people will do to lure in those desperate for work!

    Anyways, those signs you were getting are probably correct. I asked Dad to give me the number for the temp agency his company uses. He told me told me two temps in on of the offices were recently hired on as part time. I've already interviewed with the company last month for the other job, so the HR department already kind of know me. Plus, Dad says there are job openings that won't be open to the public for a while, and if temps are allowed to apply, it might be my chance. You might be right that I'll eventually work for them after all.

    Any luck on finding Mr. Right? Heehee... I hope that if I finally get a job I'll get to make some new friends to hang out with. I'm also hoping as soon as I'm working to join in on some activities at my aunt's church youth group (since my church is made up of young families and old people. No one in between that's single!)

    Yeah, I was very mad today about the so-called interview. I was looking at a new computer at the store the night before wondering how soon I get a job, so I can replace my old one. The poor thing's screen has gone out and I have to hook it up to another one just to use it. My poor car is having a hard time holding its charge, so we keep a close eye and a charger around. One of the tires is getting a little low no matter what we do to it. Ugh! I finally have a car that's mine again, and it starts having problems. I think it heard about the scam interview and decided to create some trouble for me. I thought it was strange that the battery decided to go dead the day it was scheduled.


  • Excuse me, I meant to say FULL time about those two temps! Yikes! So many spelling errors! Sorry! As a writer, I should know better!


  • When I meant scheduled at the end, I meant the day the called me to set up the interview. Man, I'm really out of it tonight!


  • JoyLily...

    Hey I understand on that insurance deal... yes, there is a lot of that kind of tactics going on today... there is money to be made from people trying to find jobs too, which seems strange. You should look at fiverr dot come if you can figure out little fun creative things to do you can make 5 bucks a pop. Better than nothing.

    As for you getting a temp job I drew the 6Pentacles which is a VERY good sign of something good happening there for you! Its a start and then I bet it works into a full time deal. 9 of Cups also... very POSITIVE card of your wishes coming true.

    You will meet someone nice soon... the Moon... someone who understands you deeply. You have been through a lot, been through the wringer... it is your turn to find happiness. He won't be someone you have to wonder, what will he do to me... is this for real... it will simply work and be nice and you will be in heaven...

    FIrst we have to get your car working though! And a new computer! SOMETHING is gonna break for you soon...whatever "walls" have been there in your life, are going to fall... no walls can stand forever against someone as determined as you!

    These experiences... although not pleasant... become a part of you. Your story. You will have a story to tell, to carry with you to your next phase of life. One thing I am coming to understand about you is how much you value, treasure material things... so even a little is important to you. THat story you shared shows how resourceful you are. You don't really mind dragging the charger out to get your car going again... you value the car a lot even though it is cantankerous. So this idea of having respect for the little things is an important theme in your life,

    I remember my grandmother when I was growing up... how she would save little pieces of tin foil and bread sack twist ties, as she knew one day there would be something to use them on. She grew up during the depression so she had learned to value every little thing. I never forgot that. I am the same way. I save little scraps like that... drives others crazy sometimes... but I never forget my Grandma....

  • Hey Astra,

    My grandparents were born in the midst of the depression, they had similar views on stuff, only it was more like they tried not to hang on to anything they didn't need which was an attitude I noticed some of that era developed. They grew up without much and did not see the need to hang on to stuff that will just get in the way. They also did a lot of shopping at garage sales for things they needed (and had a few themselves). The only thing I remember them buying new was clothing that they needed (no thrift stores where they lived), a TV, and getting a bathroom fixed up in a house that ran on well water.

    They always had old toys and games (and a used original Nintendo!) for the grand kids. My grandmother would also wash those disposable red cups you can buy at the grocery store. I always thought that was weird when I was little because they were DISPOSABLE after all. Their furniture was old even when I was a kid, though now the furniture is just now finally showing its age. Everything felt nice, and it did make me wonder why people always had to have NEW stuff when the old stuff was just fine, even cool! I'm a real vintage girl though my room doesn't exactly reflect this right now, but I am taking on a bunch of stuff that my dad and my sister don't want anymore so I don't have to worry about buying anything when I finally have a place. If anything does get replaced, it'll be cleaned up, fixed up, vintage, old that looks new again. There are some things they just don't make well anymore!

    Okay, back to the present. I don't know why I resisted Dad's suggestion on going through this particular temp agency before. Its not like it has to be his company anyway. This agency actually caters to other businesses in the downtown area which is easier to get to from where I currently am even in bad traffic, and if I really get the urge to leave home, there are some decent apartments there, though I'm not really a city girl. I guess I'll need to be one for a while to find that nice someone you mentioned. He had popped up in every reading I've ever had, even in ones where I was totally focused on something else. Its weird.

    I hope he really is sweet, like you said. I had some interesting details about him come up last fall during the reading I had in November back when I was still getting ready for that Disney job. Apparently, he was a real Casanova when he was younger and was even married once (the lady mentioned that he had left his wife for the Barbie and car and wound up losing them both). She advised that if he had a kid to not worry, just be confident. I have to say this explains the sword cards that kept coming up when ever he was mentioned. I think I told you before that in one reading I asked for specifics about him and got mostly swords (the woman even flinched!) and was told that he did have some 'experience' that will benefit me and my potential. I'm wondering if this was more of a double meaning because money kept popping up in there too and was told he would help me in that area.

    I'll give you an update on what happens next week. These temp agencies do work pretty fast. At least I'm available anytime for an interview!


  • Hi Astra!

    Just wanted to let you know that I've gotten into contact with the temp agency, so now they will have my resume and help me find a good fit. I hope your Valentine's Day was wonderful!



    I wrote a little story for Valentine's Day, and its in the Love & Relationships section.

  • Hi Joylily

    Sri I have not replied yet to your last reply... I get where you are at, you really respect the material parts of life, what you see and touch are very precious to you. You see a lot in objects... I will bet that you could "read" people from things they have owned... just hold it in your hands, anything... and close your eyes... I bet you would get things about that person while you held that object.

    Okay on your temp job thing! Yay! I am hoping great things for you...! I still think of you when I go down the road and I see a utility truck! I keep thinking something will still open up with that utiiity company, we'll see....

    My valentine's day was nice ! Thanks... very sweet... 🙂

    I hope your was too! You deserve it.

    I am going to go check out your story now....



  • Hello Astra, I just wanted to give you an update.

    You might be right about the utility company. I'm going to an interview in a few hours (10 am Thursday) for the same company but for a different job at a different location. I had applied to two jobs at the end of last month, and so far I got a call for an interview for one of them. The other one was just closed to the public meaning they will be calling people for interviews soon. The manager for the second one knows my dad and knows who I am, so there's a chance for an interview for that one too.

    The first one may be a more difficult commute, which will make me consider rooming with my aunt and uncle who live nearby during the week (I seriously don't want to go through that again, even though I have a car now, but there might be no way to avoid it). The second one for which I've yet to get a call for will be easier commuting wise (same building and same floor as where my dad works), but it means adhering to Dad's crazy schedule in the morning aka getting out the door at an obscenely early time! I'm not a morning person, but then I think it makes a little more than the other one. Then again, the first one that I'm interviewing for is probably the easier one in terms of learning the ropes and will allow me to eventually search internally for better jobs. If it were not for my crappy car, I'd be for this one hands down. Still might prefer it over the other one though, I just don't want to stay away from home all week (where all my craft stuff will be) and get behind on some projects I'm hoping to start as soon as I know for sure I have a job. Its just temporary, but I still don't like it.

    Just some thoughts I wanted to get out there. Its been a tough month. I've been going very slow on my writing because I seem to get caught up in the worries of the world, some of which are a definite threat to personal beliefs and freedoms. Its what happens when you're stuck at home, in a "wasteland of time" as someone described to me recently. I'm hoping I'll be able to play a more proactive role in the world soon so those concerns will become more manageable. There were other things I wanted to get involved but not without a job first.

    I'll tell you if anything happens. Wish me luck!


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