WHY IS HE BACK?



  • Hi all,

    I am in a bit of a state, because in the last few days, I was contacted and visited by a man who I had to let go of three years ago due to circumstances out of my control (my ex husband basically). I'd dreamed of this man for years, although it was only in the last four before I left my ex that I realised I was dreaming of him.

    I thought I was over all this, but seeing him again brought all those feelings flooding back. He tells me he can't understand why he felt such a need to come back and see me, and I'm just as confused.

    I don't know what to make of this and am wondering why he's been sent back to me?

    One thing I do know is that I don't want to lose him again.

    Thanks for any insights you may have!

    Cheers

    Moon50

    xoxoxoxo



  • Both of you are in a state of confusion, Moon so you need to take this slowly and carefully. Just be friends for a while and see how that works out. Make no promises or commitments. Get a feel for what this guy wants from you. Once you can find some objectivity about your situation, you will then be able to know what to do. Just don't get carried away by emotion ior make assumptions! Use your head and your intuition. And don't panic! 🙂



  • Basically I feel he is checking you out to see if there is still any feeling from either side.



  • Hmmm, that's what I thought, and pretty much what he said. He kept asking me to "talk", but how can I tell him that I'd loved him for four years, and him coming back has brought all of that back too? I've been through too much to get dragged down the hillside again.

    Him coming back is overwhelming, as I'd forgotten about him to a fair degree. I wish I could just go for it, because I'm so tired of hanging on the edge, but something tells me to wait it out ...

    What to do next? I guess I need to forget him for now; he knows where I am ...

    Thanks Captain!

    Cheers

    Moon50

    xoxoxoxox



  • I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself right now, Moonswatter, for this to be 'something'. Just take it as it comes and see where it leads. Friendship is all you need to focus on at present since you only recently got out of a romantic relationship and the wounds are still raw. And you don't need to tell this guy all you felt for him...not right now when the situation is all still up in the air. Just see how he behaves...by the way, is he attached to anyone else in his life?



  • No, his last relationship ended about the same time mine did. From what he's told me (and he told me a whole lot that I can't remember because we talked and talked endlessly for hours) he started hearing things around about my rel breakdown, and other things about my ex husband's crappy behaviour. My ex was very instrumental in there being no chance for us way back then, so that is why I had to let it go. (We weren't having an affair by the way; but the connection was pretty strong). It was really hard to let it go, but I had to for my own sake, and to get on with my life.

    Each time I've seen him lately, he has said that he can't get his head around the whole thing; he had been thinking about me a lot and wondering if I was okay. Since the first night he came here, he said he was more confused than ever, but knew he was definitely coming back to see me. He asked me about the dreams, and I told him what I was prepared to. He wants to know more, but I don't feel the time is right yet and told him that.

    This is so wonderfully weird, and explains why I've behaved the way I have in the last couple of months; I knew something big was coming my way 🙂

    Moonswatter

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo



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  • Thanks dmick! I need to calm my impatient, doubtful little soul and let this be, which is going to be hard 🙂

    Captain, the only thing still raw in me is the betrayal and lies I was given when my last partner left. My discovery of something he took from me recently put paid to any feelings of missing him, etc., and I can honestly say, hand on my heart, I'm over HIM.

    We'll just see where this goes, if anywhere, but I'm amazed that he was the one who got in touch with me after all this time.

    As I said, it's wonderfully weird ...

    Cheers

    Moonswatter

    xoxoxoox



  • Life does have a way of continually surprising us... 🙂



  • As it does! I sure hope I can keep grounded and keep my head together with this; I can't afford to go off half-cocked, although I feel my heart needs to lead to a fair degree here ...



  • Did your heart lead with Rodney or your ex-hubby? If so, maybe it's time to lead with your gut.



  • It's over before it began. I told him he was full of sh*t and to go and not come back until he was brave enough.

    I get the feeling he wanted to know how it might feel to break someone's heart, and that he lied to me.

    How I harden up is beyond me. How I actually can retrain my thinking to lead me in the right direction for once, is also beyond me.

    I obviously can't trust either my heart, gut or my head at the moment. I must be in such a messed up place to have brought this to me.

    I feel like I'll never find peace in my soul ever again.



  • You don't harden up - you just learn to lead with your intuition.



  • I know that is hard for a water sign who lead with emotion. But you have to get so you can step back and objectify or depersonalise the situation so you can ask yourself "Why is that woman doing or feeling that - and is she right to do/feel so?"



  • You also have to suss out what's what before jumping in with your heart - I can tell by your strong reaction at his lies that you had gotten your hopes up and emotionally involved early on to some extent.



  • Moon, I'm sorry. I have been there GF. As a fellow water sign, I can relate to how difficult this is- such conflict- intuition vs heart, & the question of all ages WHY?? Be kind to yourself. You are a good soul & kind hearted person-that's a good thing but leaves you vulnerable. Try to see the lesson in this, don't close yourself off from others & love. If you do, then you give these bad boys more power than they deserve................... forgive yourself for being a good human. L & L & lots of hugs

    Blessings



  • Moon

    A lot of men are messed up.Dont beat yourself for it.We've all been there.

    I did a tarot reading and it said lucky escape youve had.The guy is manipulative and into games.

    Also the advice for you is to steer clear of dominating and controlling men because you seem to be attracting that kind right now.this is about some kind of de addiction and learning to avoid self destructive patterns. Im sorry but thats what the cards said.

    a person as loving and giving as you deserves someone equally nurturing not people who exploit and take advantage of your emotions. Cheer up girl.You will recover strong enough soon to use your remarkable intuition and gut fr yourself.

    Love always



  • thank you all for all the support and comments.

    Today, I'm taking the stance of strength and analysing things from as unemotional a place as I can muster.

    I have a feeling it'll all be okay though. I'm just IMPATIENT!!!!

    suramya, one thing this guy isn't, is manipulative. I think you might be picking up my ex husband's energy, as that is him to a T. His energy still lingers around me to a degree, and I truly wish he'd butt out of my life and space. I appreciate your card reading though, but I will say that I sure did have a lucky escape from my ex; it was too long overdue! He caused this fella and me not to have a chance three years ago, and if he can now, he'll do it again. And I'll shoot him hahahaha

    Captain, I'm proud that I was as honest as I could be without laying myself out. But something tells me it's not a done deal yet. I just need to give him time, and think about what I'm really after too. I think I should know that considering I'm 50, but really ... I've only been away from my ex for three years, plus my other break up last year. Trust, or the lack thereof, looms large here. That is a problem for both of us. And I'm SO GOOD at overreacting! I could swat myself truth be told 🙂

    amused, i think these curve balls get thrown into the mix as tests. Tests of what exactly, we don't always know. But in my own gut, I feel that this will work out just fine; I've got to learn to step back a bit, and he's got to learn to trust himself more. He's blamed himself for making a mess of the whole thing, and taken the tack of being just friends for now, which isn't what he wants considering what he said last week. Hence the bit about lies. But that's okay too. We do that sometimes to protect ourselves.

    anyway, I'll plod off and believe that the best is yet to come.

    Again, thank you all! I'll keep you posted 🙂