Broke up with a Cancer Woman, How do I get her back?

  • Ha HA HA ! Thats really funny. I think you are just grieving. Going through the motions of having your heart broke. Yes I agree too that sometimes still having contact is worse, but my situation is a little different in that I was best friends with my ex since I was 12 yrs old. So we had so many years of friendship under our belts before it hit the fan. I think he will always be in my life good or bad I am not really sure but we just cant seem to get away from each other. I think you have potential to make a clean break but honestly I think she will start to miss you and at least contact you to see how you are. Cancers never really completely let go of their exs at least that has always been my experience with them. All those memories and visions you still have of her are such a normal part of getting over someone. Maybe your friends are just jealous that you had a girlfriend for that long or something. Or they just dont like seeing you hurt and they are wanting you to snap out of it. i know my friends still roll their eyes at me evrytime I bring up something that I said or did with my ex. I think its really part of the healing process though. You gotta let that stuff out so you dont go nuts. i know what helped me through some hard times was just writing down my feelings and thoughts uncensored and throwing it away later. Or I would write letters to my ex and but never with the intention of giving them to him because the emotions were so intense. Those kind of things helped me work out my feelings and if I go back and read them now they are actually kind of funny, especially the angry ones that have lots of swearing. LOL I also drew comics of the things we did together and in the end he would always die or something. I also drew pictures of him having zits everywhere, getting fat and losing his hair and being sad that I didnt love him anymore, you get the idea. Sounds really immature I know. But I have one really good friend that I could share this stuff with and me and her would get drunk and laugh at my insane emotions at the time. Sounds like you hav ea roomate like that who is a big support to you.

  • yea i know he is being supportive. but the thing that sucks about it is that he and his finance are best friends with me and my ex so its also weird to talk to him about her. Whats also weird and sucks is that im the best man in their wedding and my ex is the made of honor. And i really do not want to go for fear of seeing her with another guy 😞 The contact thing yes ok i dont contact her. but on occasion i do talk to some of our mutual friend, but sometimes i think that her girlfriends which are also my friends tell her everything that i say to them. So in essence doesnt that push her away too?? thats why i dont have anyone to talk to.

    Im not talking to our friends so they can relay the message to her. thats not my intention. they are my friends too, at least i think they are, but the more i think about it the more it seems that their loyaltys lay with her. I mean how do i know if she completely hasnt let go?? how did you know? because as far as her actions show, she completely out of my life. She hasnt contacted me in anyway. so to me that just shows that there is no hope for me and her, now or in the future.

  • I think you are wise for not talking to your friends if they are still her friend as well. SHe has an unfair advantage in the situation. I would hope that your ex is not that cold that she would bring a new boyfriend to the wedding that you are both a part of. So you both run in the same friendship circles, that would be difficult too. I remember that feeling too well that my ex already had a new girlfriend and that would have devestated me to know he was with someone else at that time. I think should that happen try to remain calm and be the bigger guy. I had to deal with seeing my ex with other girlfriends in the past and we were still "just friends" so it was really painful to see him happy with someone else. But I always knew they wouldnt last because I felt that I was the right one for him. I would act as if nothing was bothering me so guess who he would always come to when the relationships would end? Me. Because he trusted me and knew I was someone who cared and I wasnt about to let some stupid girlfriend stop me from being in his life. I would respect the boundries though and would never ever let him cheat on them with me and so on. You can do this. You have to be strong and keep a smile on your face and handle it like a mature adult if you want her to respect you. Can you ask your roomate if she is with someone else? Can you tell him you still love her and you dont want to be "suprised" at the wedding? You poor thing, what an awful predicament this must be for you.

    I didnt know for sure if he had let me go. I just felt that whatever he was going through he needed me to not be involved and I had to accept that. I was always there for him in so many ways and he probably didnt want to burden me as he was dealing with a custody battle for his son and I was dealing with my son going through luekemia treatments. I just couldnt imagine him never talking to me again after all those years of being friends. When he did contact me last time he had alot of questions about my son and was filling me in on his son. We have both always seem to be going through major trials at the same time. But he seems so oblivious to that but I never was. Lucky me! She may not feel the need to contact you because she can ask friends what is happening with you. My suggestion is keep your friends at a distance and make some new ones that arent going to play messenger to your ex.

  • my friend wont tell me anything about her. especially if she has a bf or not. but what sucks is that his fiance will tell her anything about me and so will the other mutal friends. so pretty much she knows everything about me and i dont know anything about her. yea my situation does suck. we were supposed to be dates to this wedding. And whats terrible is i dont know if i will still be in love with her at that point. the wedding is in january so i have quite sometime. your post you said that you think she will miss me and she will contact me. How are you certain of this when she hasnt shown any think that will hint at that. right now she claims she doesnt miss me or regret her choice

  • I dont know why I just think that she will. Just not anytime soon. I would really try to seperate from your friends though. They sound like backstabers to me. I dont know what your spiritual beliefs are but you may really want to start praying about this everyday ask for clarity and ask for guidance. Everyday for just a few minutes. Prayer is amazing it can litterally transform your thinking. I really think you should try to do this.

  • I have been praying its funny you mentioned that. Because sometime during the past year i kinda of lost myself, because my grandfather died and he was really close to me. But after the death i kinda went through a phase where i really didnt lilke anything or anyone because they didnt understand, which prolly took a toll on our relationship. I mean i didnt argue with her or anything it was just the first time she really saw me break down and i dont know if she really knew how to handle that.

    I pray all the time and it just leaves me more confused because i pray for help to move on and for the feelings to go away. Im moving on fine but my feelings, instead of fading away just get stronger. Which im not sure if its a sign or anything but i guess it counts for something. I mean i even have tried to force myself to go on dates and talk to other woman and nothing seems to help. Whats funny is i was at a bar with a few friends of mine and I was forcing myself to talk to this woman and the whole time instead of paying attention to her my mind wandered and thought bout my ex. Just stuff like that. I dont even want to think about her, but yet for no apparent reason the thought of her just pops in my head. Its just hard for me to accept that she doesnt go through the same think.

    I mean im having a terrbile time dealing with like i said the loneliness and just the pain of thinking about her. I just want to call her but i know i will just get the same result.

  • I am a Cancer with a July 17th birthday as well who has been with my Aries husband since I was 17 and married at 21. She is afraid of your temper and has retreated into her shell. She no longer trusts you and once cancers lose trust....that's it. We may forgive but we never forget. As for it not bothering her, it is a front. Inside she is very hurt trying not to let it show. Her request for space is not necessarily because she wants to date other people but because she needs time to recoup. From your posts, this sounds like things have been simmering under the surface for some time. She might have suffered in silence for a while and just one day decided that enough was enough. Aries men unfortunately are sometimes very self-absorbed and don't consider how their feelings and actions affect others (I'm not saying that you were not entitled to your grief).

    All I can say is try and see her in person...even if she says no. And don't ask if she has a bf or not. She will probably say "yes" even if she doesn't because she'll want you to be jealous. Don't expect sucess overnight because the rebuilding of your relationship together is going to be a long process.

  • ok how am i supposed to just see her?? thats a bit creepy isnt it?? i cant just show up to where she lives and be like hey! im here. I mean dont you think that everything points to her moved on?? i mean to me just her actions alone tell me that she is moved on, either that or she is an amazing actor. i mean i dont even know where to start to try and start of process of rebuilding when there is no communication between the two of us.

    In your opinion is there any hope at all left in my situation? cuz thats what i was sayin to lovinmylife is that giving up just makes sense because it hurts less.

  • I can't tell you what to do and I'm not her either. All I know is that for myself, that is what I would want. I know that initially I'd be ticked off but if you were able to to tell her some of the stuff that I've read here, I'd at least listen. The key is to be able to have her listen long enough to be able to say what you need to say. Not an easy task because she is apt to run in the opposite direction.

    I see little hope because it is very difficult to change a Cancer's mind once it's made up. My advice is for you to do what feels best for you.

  • as a cancer woman - i have to agree that once you lose us, you lose us. if her mind is made up that it is over, then it is over and there is not much you can do about it. i have NEVER returned to a relationship once it's been broken.

    i naturally don't trust people to begin with, but once you give me a reason to not trust you (breaking up with me is a reason to not trust that you won't hurt me), i will not trust you again. a friendship can form because the intense love feelings are not there and we can keep our "distance" better in a friendship relationship.

  • You know whats terrible in my situation. The fact that i have to suffer, i have to go through all this pain. I go out and have fun, but thoughts of her keep haunting me. So im not truly happy. she has no regret, not a thing about this bothers her. Five years is a long time to forget and she dropped it like it meant nothing to her. Thats wat gets to me. Im sitting her having a difficult time trying to move on and she did it in a heartbeat.

    How can someone just do that?

  • we cancers can disguise our feelings very well so - even if she was having a difficult time with the break up, she would never let you see it or know it.

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  • how are you so sure of that?? ive attempted and got nothing no response. How should I approach it? i am running out of ideas. I still really care about her. I cant stop thinking about her. Ive done everything to try and forget but the more i try the more my feelings get stronger. If you could shed some light on a better approach please share it with.

  • imthedjone, I ve been telling you the same. You just have to put your best foot forward and try to talk to her. Whatever is in your heart, you should tell her. You have nothing to lose at this point anyways. just make sure you do some listening as well. I told you in previous posts my ex bf is a cancer and I said horrible things to him last year when we broke up. I never thought he would forgive me but I never gave up. Never will. Love is powerful. I am only being his friend right now because that is all he will let me be. I am fine with that because I love him that much. We always valued our friendship above anything else. I had apologized to him Twice once verbally and once through text. I took it slow and have been patient with him responding to me. I feel like I have made a lot of progress even though it was painful and difficult. I texted him in a friendly way that I downloaded some music that he introduced me too and I was falling in love with it. Then I texted him he needs to stop over soon because its been way too long! He called me and and we were talking about the music and he was supposed to take me to that concert with him but I went bezerk and ended it regretfully before that ever happened. So when he brought up the concert he said he had to take some guy that drove him nuts all night. lol I said well I already apologized to you once but I meant it. He said you dont have to apologize anymore. Then he said it was good to hear my voice and will come see me asap! See things can turn around. It took a whole year of me feeling like a complete jerk to get to this. I am unsure of where this road will lead but its a good start. I would contact him and then give him space, contact him then give him space. I would feel like giving up but I could not forget him even if I wanted to. Cancers can be forgiving. You wanna no something else I thought for sure he had taken another girl to that concert. See what our crazy imaginations do to us when we are in pain? It has taken years for us to mature and grow as individuals. Patience and understanding her are going to be the key to showing that you respect her and care about her. I have hope for you still. ( :

  • oh cancer girl here and i can assure you i believe totally that yes we do try a needle a way for the other one to break up, on top of that ye do pretend that nothing ever happened because the second some1 mentions important affairs of the heart we just get emotional when we have to explain ourselves and i find we can't get emotional around people because of trust issues. this could be similar to not admitting we were in the wrong, that's kinda letting your guard down, and she won't want to do that with you especially. Also if looking to the past is bad for cancers i find myself but looking to the future is much easier and better it can encourage a good attitude, we tend tend not live in the present moment, i think that's the defensive shell mechanism.

    now when it comes to getting a cancer back i think you can only play one card, but it might not get the results you want, you have to be stern and assertive with yourself and forget about your own emotions and hers almost ignore them and be straight forward talking, cut out all emotional babble, because i assure you she's probably already emotional enough around you so being assertive is probably your best option. however this might lead to ye just being friends and nothing more.

    however it's good for ye to go out and meet other people too and they say after such relationships the recovery takes two years and that's when your truly comfortable in each others company, because both parties always feel hard done by in these circumstances and there always conflict when people get back together from the previous relationship sometimes couples can work through them and most don't from what I've observed. but it takes two years to know exactly what ye want from each other.

  • i'm so different to lovinmylife, but hey on that note i'm a cardinal cusp cancer so i don't know if we can pin everything on the zodiac

  • isnt it to late now though? its been two months now since ive tried talking to her. and its been almost three months now since we have broken up. she hasnt tried to talk to me or anything this whole time. Isnt just time to hang up the towel?

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  • I have read all of the comments and I an Aries woman am familiar with some cancer's traits due to being in a long term relationship with one cancer and a platonic but flirty friendship with another. Littlemunchkin all we hear and read about is that cancers are so sensitive, nurturing, loving and protective of those they care about...well it's extremely confusing and makes no logical sense whatsoever that if a cancer is so caring, loving and is missing a person and deeply wants to communicate yet when the other person like "imthedjone" has done everything in his power to communicate he get's nothing. My male cancer friend has written me romantic poetry and flirted with me but we are just friends. We met online and have never met in person although he says if we were closer (live in different states) we would have already met. Well a few months ago I made it clear I love to travel and would be willing to travel to his state Florida which isn't far from my state Texas and although on one hand he seemed open to it he never came out and said " I think it's time we met. When do you think you will visit Florida or " Hey it's been two years and I think it's past time we meet. What do you think of me visiting you in Texas? " He's given me nothing but conflicted messages. For a while he was calling me on the phone several nights a week then he continued to call but not as often, we had great conversations every time but slowly his calls have become less and less. Now I don't leave it all up to him to do the calling because I also call him but not on a daily basis. If I call him it's usually on a Fri and/or Sat night and he always seems happy to hear from me and we have good talks but the last two times I called him, he cut the conversation short because he was in the middle or had to do something but before he hung up said for me to feel free to call him anytime I want. Well I haven't called him since then because I feel if he really wanted to talk to me again why can't HE pick up the phone and dial??? It's not because he's scared I'll hang up. I don't think I'll ever understand cancers completely and speaking about crabs and put it in a "nutshell" if crabs feel one way yet act another that is anything but sensitive and is "deceitful."

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