For Captain

  • Hi Captain,

    You told me a long time ago that I could consider going into a profession which involves healing, like a physiotherapist or a masseur.

    Do you still think this can work out for me? I had decided against it then because of my physical condition.

    But my dad is a really experienced massage therapist and he is retiring from his part-time massage job and asked if I wanted to pick up the trade from him. I am keen to learn, but my concerns are still the same. My own body won't stay in alignment, I'm always in pain. I can't possibly do physically demanding work at this stage. You might be wondering why I never approached Dad for help - well we aren't close. We've got baggage and also, I'm not comfortable being worked on by my Dad. But I respect his expertise.

    So I told him yes I want to learn some theory but I can't do any practical work yet.

    Because of my own trials with injuries and misalignment currently, I have to say there's something about the timing of all of this.

    And on an adjacent subject, my osteopath is nicer to me now, so I'm still going to him, but I don't really see that things are improving. And I still don't like the joints cracking business. I'm considering Rolfing instead. Any thoughts?

  • I am feeling you need to do more inner alignment than outer - that your bones and muscles will strengthen when you sort out your inner turmoil. I do feel that when you establish a solid direction and stability and purpose for your life that your health will improve. And I think learning the massage trade from your father is a good idea on many levels. You could try it out to see if it suits you.

  • Thanks Captain,

    I think you are right. Internal manifesting the external manifesting the internal.

    But it does occur to me that I do not get along with Dad. He's very talented and over the years, he's tried to teach us things. But his temper always gets in the way. He has a way of being hurtful and putting people down and maybe I'm just the right kind of sensitive.

    I distanced myself over the last 10 years- feeling that it is the only way I know how to protect myself. I'm a warm person but I'm almost cold around my parents, especially my Dad. It feels cruel, because both my parents have made many sacrifices to raise us. But they were never there for us emotionally, and also hurt us a lot with their behavior. I didn't want to allow them to hurt me anymore, so I turned inward and have always been on my own, taking care of myself emotionally. I grew up feeling that I don't need other people, and I became very introverted. I remember my first few relationships being very awkward.

    However I feel that in the last few years, it's almost like fate stepping in to soften me and to reawaken me to the warm and people-oriented self that I originally was. I've found that even though I am introverted, I've made a lot of friends and become more friendly and fun and certainly very different from the wallflower I perceived myself to be. But there is also now a desire to be with a significant other -next stage in my evolution perhaps. It's something I want and yet almost afraid of because I'm so used to being alone and doing things my way. I know that I will struggle with sharing my 'space' but I distinctly feel it is one of the life lessons I have to learn. There is much love here to share.

    And it circles back to me feeling, wondering how or if I should need to reconcile with Dad especially. Because maybe this is the foundation piece of the inner turmoil and dysfunction. It feels like it cannot co-exist - us reconciling and me protecting my heart and soul. He is who he is, and I am the way I am. And for a long time, I was at peace with that. But somehow it's pervading my mind again.

    Just wondering what you think. And uhm, if you can be gentle 🙂

  • I think you are right - reconciling with your parents will go a long way towards healing your inner turmoil. Our relationship with our parents is the first one we ever experience and it sets us up for future relationships. If there has been emotional distance from the beginning of your life, it will stand between you and any future partner until resolved..

  • Hi Captain,

    Merry Christmas!

    I wish there wasn't so much to think about this time of year.

    We have talked somewhat about me getting to find out who I really am and pursue what I want and try to get away from what others think of or want from me.

    I understand this – but sometimes life gets in the way. And it’s hard to not get influenced or feel confused. I’ve now got a job offer. I would like to negotiate for a higher salary – not sure how this will be received by the company. If I don’t, then I would be taking a pay cut if I look at the whole package (whereas they’re under the impression I’m getting an increase) – and I won’t feel good about it. There are certain aspects about the package will are not favourable as well, but these are standard terms. There is an opportunity for a promotion in a year.

    Then there is possibly another job prospect. I haven’t been shortlisted but there is a chance. I just don’t know if it will happen in time as I have to indicate my decision to the first company in the next few days. It is a contract role for 1 year, but it is expected to be a long term opportunity as the position is needed, just that there is no headcount.

    Ideally I want to be in a position to choose and not just accept the first offer. But financially, I’m not in a position to wait. I have to pay the bills. So I kinda know that I have no choice, in the back of my mind.

    Maybe in the grand scheme of things, neither job is what I want to do. Ultimately I want to figure out what I want to do with my life and acquire the required skills. But this may take years. If either job will be sustainable long enough to do these, and settle financial responsibilities – that is good enough for me, for now…

    For some reason, maybe gut instinct, maybe just nerves, or maybe I’m totally mistaken, but I find myself wondering if the prospective opportunity might be a better fit than the job offer I have on hand. It is closer in scope to what I was doing before and builds on my existing work experience and it is a more senior position. In both jobs, I do not have all of the required skills and will have to learn on the job. Which is fine with me.

    So 3 questions: is it worth the risk to negotiate the offer (and buy time) - and will they understand and not hold a grudge or rescind the offer? Second, is it likely that I will get an interview and perhaps an offer from the second company? And if so, is 1 opportunity better than the other.

    I think it is one of those situations where you just decide and go with the flow. From where I stand, I would be starting anew in any scenario. But I would hope to be making an informed decision, that can lead me to where I want to go (even if I do not yet know where that is).

    This is a major decision and I just want to hear what others think, in case I am not thinking straight. Would appreciate any advice you can offer.


  • This is a 'cart before horse' decision, inspired by your financial and security fears. Take some time over the holiday season to discover what you really want to do, regardless of money and security. Let yourself dream of what inspires you and makes you feel passionate. What is your ideal job? What would you love to do if you could choose absolutely anything? You are still being propelled by outer circumstances and fears. Going forward without being sure of what you really want in your career would be a huge mistake. You have to be certain what you really want to do.

  • Bear with me, Captain, as I never usually get to articulate any of this to anyone I know.

    If I could choose absolutely anything – no fear about joint issues/injuries, age, lack of ability and confidence, stage fright (lol) – I choose dance (teach, choreograph, perform).

    Because of my injuries, I’ve not been able to take more classes or receive training, which is necessary for me to improve my abilities and confidence and possibly learn how to choreograph. I have a secondary interest in fitness jobs, and was considering taking training in pilates – but I have to overcome the joint issues (hopefully I can).

    My priority is settling debts and managing financial responsibility over the next 5 years at least. I have to earn enough - so, like it or not, and I am not ‘free’ to try out jobs I would like.

    Captain, seeing as there are constraints here, is it good enough for me to take baby steps towards my real passion in the same timeframe - while I work at a job which fits my capabilities and allows me to meet my financial responsibilities.

    What I have seen from fellow dance enthusiasts, is that there are a great many of them who are great at performing and teaching, but very few of them are able to make the transition to earning money from their talents. Instead they keep their day jobs and stay actively involved in taking classes and performing all throughout the year and they also volunteer to teach occasionally. I would like to strive to do this, but in baby steps.

    I have been very aimless in the last 5 years – just working but not much else. Age is catching up on me. If I want to develop any ability and close the loop on fitness/injury issues (no matter how slow the going), I have to do it in the next 5 years. In that time, I need to see if I am able to develop skills in choreography and confidence to teach, in addition to dance ability. If I don’t make the cut, so to speak, I’ll need those years to find the next best ideal job (which could be whichever job I’m at).

    I now have a job offer on hand - and I hope it can be that job which sustains me, while I try to work at fulfilling a higher calling and practical responsibilities. Almost like a Clark Kent/Superman type analogy?

    Who knows I may decide I like this day job enough, or I may develop other skills that lead me towards other possibilities as far as my dream job is concerned.

    What do you think?

  • I am going to say something that may shock or offend you, yet I must say it nonetheless. I feel that your bad health and lack of money is all tied in to a deep and determined effort on the part of your subconscious to put off doing anything that may have too radical impact on your life. I feel there is a strong fear within you about changing your situation, because you fear making a mistake that could ruin your whole life. So you hover in a permanent state of indecision and confusion, wanting something so much but holding yourself back through fear of change and fear of taking risks. You can only lose this fear by making a firm decision and taking a practical real step towards achieving your goals. You have to move on from this state of comfortable taking a chance in every area of your life - career, love and money. You have to stop waiting for happiness to arrive - waiting for the perfect lover, job, or opportunity - and create it for yourself. Circumstances and people will never be perfect enough for you to move, you just have to do something NOW. Otherwise you will postpone happiness forever. Do something tangible about your goals RIGHT NOW that will cause the Universe to believe you are serious about wanting change - and then the Universe will be able to support you in your dreams by helping you improve your health and finances. The secret is not to wait until conditions are ideal - they never will be. You have to create your own opportunities, not simply wait around for them to arrive.

  • HI Captain,

    No offence taken 🙂

    And I totally agree with what you said. But let me add to that too.

    The fear stems from trying to push forward and continually meeting with obstacles that make me question if I’m doing the right thing by persisting. This is not only about fear of change - it is a difficulty in accepting lack of change, even when one wants it so badly. So right now, I’m really trying to practice acceptance and letting go – and see where the path takes me.

    I’ve tried to go out there and make things happen. I suffered depression several years ago and couldn’t work. A few years after I got better, I took a chance on someone – it didn’t work out and it left me heartbroken – but I still believe in love. With work, I applied repeatedly for dance related jobs, without success. I took chances on other jobs, achieved stability, then got retrenched and have now fallen into debt. With dance, I almost signed up for dance training a few years ago, even with injuries. But I saw that that it couldn’t cope with even the trial class.

    I wasn’t happy about my injury prone self so I tried to do strengthening over the last 2 years, but I was also keen not to make things worse. So I learnt to dance with limitations – but I was only able to slow down the deterioration. Every time I push myself, I injure myself more and more. So there is a phobia that has arisen. The fear is of not being able to dance at all– if I persist in pursuing it as anything more than a hobby. There is also now a real fear that if I keep wanting what I want, I’m going to sacrifice my health. I am already suffering.

    So I have been trying to push forward - but I’m confused with what I’m seeing. Not knowing if my efforts are achieving anything. Hence, I wandered into in a state of stagnation as well. But perhaps now I’m looking at readjusting the focus and the goals.

    A big problem is that I recognized too late that I needed to get proper treatment, that my strengthening classes were not enough. I’m going to take charge of that this year. My current therapist told me it will be an uphill task that will take time. But it’s a tangible step.

    I’m not waiting around for the opportune time. I think there is a lot of baggage to move past – and it appears I’m moving forward as fast as I can (though it’s really too slow). I make tons of wrong decisions and take a long time to realise things. That’s why I seek advice here from others, although I am learning to trust myself as well.

    Hopefully with effort and time, I can overcome the physical obstacles (and some of the mental ones) as a first step. And let the Universe open some doors too.

  • What you felt were obstacles were actually challenges designed to test your persistence, determination and inventiveness. You must push through until you succeed. Don't give up because you are doubtful. That is why you have to really know what you want - it will give you the strength and courage to push through to your goals.

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