Blmoon I need advice please
Hi Blmoon ,
I was just outside walking my dog when my boyfriends ex girlfriend drove by and she called me a Bit*h, she is also a neighbor. is there something I need to know about this?
She has off and on tried to be "in" our lives for the past 3 years since going together. I feel like she needs to get lost and leave us alone.
Does my boyfriend have anything to do with this? What do we need to do at this point? I am very upset about this. It seems like every time he and I get very close she comes around
Was your boyfriend with her when you met him? Did he break up with her first or did he leave her for you. And what exactly does she do to come in your lives? I usually do not ask questions but spirit says you know the answer to your own question but would rather not. She can not be in your lives without permission from one of you. Obviousely, you do not invite her in and have no tolerance for her so it must be on your man who allows it. You wouldn't have asked me if your boyfriend has something to do with this if you already were not intuitive enough or smart enough to get what I just validated. If you are getting the intuition she comes around just when you two get close then somehow HE must be sharing that as how else would she know? I sense his boundries are blurred and he is wishy washy about cutting her off completely--he tells himself its you he's with but he still is connected to her and does keep communication which leads her on so she can't let go and she lies to herself thinking that he is hers if you would disapear--both of you let this guy off the hook in the responsability department. She and you should not be in battle----HE is the problem and you sense that. He can fix this but the question is--does he want to? You need better boundries and so does he--take the lead and decide if you can tolerate his inviting her into your life by not making a clean break. If you have better boundries then he can join you by having his own. Otherwise---you cannot control others behaviour only your own. If she harases you in a continual way--you get a restraining order. You also can move. Do you understand this? That you cannot control either of them. You can only have boundries and enforce then or move away from the situation. I really think though your boyfriend has the power to put an end to it. BLESSINGS1
He told me they were not a couple but I always thought they were and she also denied it. This was all 3 years ago too. She continued to see other people but I've always known the was something between them. I don't know if they really loved each other or what the problem was. But at the time when he ask me out I ask him to make sure because I didn't want to date him if she wanted him and her answer was NO she didn't want him. So I don't know why he is with me and I'm guessing wants her? Is that it? We are supposed to get married in March of 2013 I guess that's not gonna happen huh? Why does he stay connected to her? Is it strictly se*ual or real love?
I hope I understand what you are saying so I want to repeat it okay? I should "take the lead" by telling him I'm tired of him communicating with her and break up with him and he will understand and have better boundaries. Is that what you said or meant?
I own my home so I can't move and I just started work again and I can't make ends meet yet either. We were wanting to move when we after we get married somehow.......
Are they still having s*x even though he and I are together all this time? And does he want to fix this? I was hoping you'd tell me.
As far as what she does to come into our lives could be in my imagination so please tell me if I'm dreaming this up ok? He and I had a yard sale and she came by out of the blue and wanted to talk to us like we were all old pals,all while sitting in her car one time and another time she came by in her car while we were walking my dogs in the front yard and stopped to ask if we had seen her friends dog and I think I'm all wrong now when I read this, it's me isn't it? Am I nuts? He gets very upset when I tell him what she does, he says she' s a bi*ch and doen't care what she does or says. I guess I've been believing it all. But most of the time I think I'm just too jealous and he really doesn't care for her.
So now what do you think? Thank you so much for your time and honesty.
She definetly has some kind of attachment to him--she has not resolved her emotions. I get that before you came along she was in love with him yet trying to pretend she wasn't because she is very stubborn about feeling no man runs her life. He got mixed messages from her and in the end he got tired of the rollercoaster of emotions she showed--he liked enjoying some unattached fun and she played along only to go emotional and possessive on other days..Sorry to tell you but he's a bit of a player and feels it's ok as long as he is honest. That's how he has been to many women just when he gets them intersted enough to have s ex he makes it clear that he is NOT looking to settle down and mostly by that time the woman is so into him she pretends its ok and is hoping he'll change his mind. He is not without responsability in that because part of him knew she was more attached than pretended. She didn't want to lose him but pretended she could care less. Spirit is saying your intuitions are good ones--to trust FIRST gut reactions---but you do tend to hold that thought in your head and then you imagine stuff and lose clarity once fear sets in. Your feelings that at first they were more than friends was right though confusing because she was denying her true feelings. They definetly had a s exual relationship. Your man should clean this up before you get married. If you have had other suspiscions over the last three years it would be wise to not marry and leave the relationship as is. Your home is your security and you should protect that. He has a history of prefering s exual relationships with no strings attached this can lead to cheating. His temptation is great because he can be detached so you really must have clear boundries about that. If cheating is truely a deal breaker you must not lie to yourself. You must be different than all the past women who got hooked and lied to themselves. Her recent b itchiness is most likely her true feelings about your upcoming marriage. She always told herself just wait awhile and he would do you like he does every woman ----he was having fun and they were thinking love. This is a common trap for women who confuse s ex with something more.If your man never used the I am not looking for a relationship line on you or he's never been iffy about committment you can feel safe he is truelly in it for you. Butt if he has been committment shy at all with you you need to wait on the marriage. I know you want spirit to just tell you what to do but in your case its about you healing and growing and making right desicions with some guidance. Relationships are passages that help us see ourselves better. I get that he tends to attract woman with weak boundries so you are probably a bit weak yourself. I feel that what you do have going in your favour is you are more stable than his usual attractions. You can be very realistic and security is important to you. He is attracted to your stability but do not lie to yourself that he himself is not so stable with security so it could burdon you which is why you need to really consider this marriage and how it can affect your security if things go wrong. You are more cautiouse with money. He is not. Marriage will make his financial mistakes yours so do not let love lead you to betray yourself. Next time she crosses your path you need to speak up. Just ask her point blank what her problem is and whats with all the hateful drama. What I feel is the level headed part of you doesn't really want to know is afraid of what she might tell you. This whole expierience is teaching you to be stronger with your faith in yourself and to be your own protector, your own best friend, your own good mother, and mostly your own good father!. Everyone is idealy a balance of male and female energy---you need to beef up your male energy that protects you--the side that enforces boundries. Avoid wishful thinking. Really be honest with yourself about who he is and who you are and the values that you need most to protect to be secure. Again, my feelings suggest that SECURITY is very important. Protect that. BLESSINGS!
PS--in case you didn't hear this--YOUR FIRST GUT INTUITIONS ARE VERY GOOD!
I am so heart sick......should be getting used to this but I'm not. He never to my knowledge had committment issues with me he, I have been the one with issues. He is ALWAYS at my house after work until 9-10 at night and he calls me alot through out the day. I actually thought of just going to her house and asking her what her problem is and I do know I won't like it. I never thought she blamed me though and that's what it sounds like. So did he do this with his ex wives while they were married? I love him and just really wanted to be happy for once before I get too old, I'm 51 will be 52 soon. Will I EVER meet someone who will love me for ME and get along with them well? He acts like he hates her and calls her awful names when I bring her name up or any other ex as far as that goes. He seems so genuine with me, I guess he's good at lying now? Forgot to mention that hes been wanting to get married and I've been almost but I think sometimes I would rather live together, but I'm old fashioned. I also don't want my home taken away from me by him if something happened. I do not want to be alone.....I work as a caregiver for elderly clients and it's awful being alone. I don't want to become my mother either. Yes security is important to me maybe too much I don't know. I was married a long time to a man that still wants me or so says but I was afraid of that too. Well, he and I have merged alot of our household things together including his washing machine and a bunch of other things too.
I know I need to make up my mind but for the life of me I can't! I know whats right but my heart says something totally different.....I've always had trouble making important decisions. I do feel like this is my last chance, is this true? Please be honest. Do you really think we shouldn't get married and that it wouldn't ever work?
Just wanted to mention that while setting up Christmas at my house he said he wanted to leave most of it here, he gives me money without asking like for groceries or gas or whatever. He gave me money for a dress to get married in and he has eaten at my house for the past 2 years and always helps or buys food ( I have a 19 year old at home still ). He does all kinds of stuff around the house and takes me everywhere I need to go other than work. He does some cooking, cleaning and helps my son when alot of times he didn't need to. I don't know if he's always been this way with all the rest of "them" but wanted to tell you. We are intimate but because of my son (who could care less ) I won't let him stay all night at my house. He has kept every card I've given him, every note, all special things in a tote, he wrote something to the effect on it "OUR Stuff". I won't lie I've even gone over to his house at night checking up on him because I felt I would "SEE" something and other than him eating a snack late that's all. This could very well be the normal thing for him and it is for females but it isn't for me to love a man like this. The easiness of this relationship is unreal.....of course he can act like a 2 yr old too!
OK--now I get the problem with reading you. I always tell an overly anxiouse person to get themselves calm and detached from the problem or sometimes I pick up your fears and that clouds my perception. I am tapping into your energy and listening to spirit but often I get two things coming at once--I have spirit trying to talk and also picking up your fears and fear is very loud. Let me read YOU and ignore the boyfriend question for the moment. You have to be careful where you focus your energy as that can manifest. You have a very big fear of mistakes and missing something. When things are alrightt actually makes you anxiouse as if its too good to be true. Your issue is feeling safe. Its illusive to you. At your age is the point of healing--the fifties usually bring us to a point of finally taking all we have learned and finaly changing to a point of awerness of that part of us that sabatoges our happiness. It sounds like you aloready have a loving life--but instead of being in the moment with that you fear it will go poof. You are right about yourself--you do not trust yourself to choose love. I can see why spirit kept shouting to tell you loudly your FIRST gut feelings ARE usually right on. Because you go too much into your head and that takes you out of the moment and it disconnects you from your intuition. No relationship is all smoothe sailing--it is work. But at your age you know that. I am getting that you both are at a common crossroad in your life. You both have similiar fears that you want to change. Any kind of change is scary. He has been in the past protective of his heart and kept his relationships detached but that is an illusion so he has a history of messy drama with woman who wanted more but he did not budge. YOU, are his opportunity to change but you have already picked up how getting married might present issues because these boundries you have now which is part of what he needed and is safe with will change and if being committed is an issue as for you--YES marriage will be work. But that is what it is and doesn't mean its wrong--it is nessasary to get this solved. Right now you both are enjoying intimacy but still have your space. There is a comfort zone there. I do feel he loves you. But as you know love is not enought---that knowing your needs and his and managing that is the reality of making it work. If Spirit just told you what to do you would not learn anything or heal. What spirit can do is guide you to have the skills to do this on your own. Spirit says you must committ either way and leap in or stay put and be ok with it. Meaning if you are going to marrie you have to be confident with that choice and stop checking on him you either are safe or not. Truth is love and intimacy is a very vulnerable place. You need to see yourself in him and he needs to see himself in you. He may not realise WHY he can be different finally with a woman. But it is because you have given him true boundries others couldn't. Past woman pretended they could take him or leave him--could be s exual with other men without attachment but they lied to themselves and denied their love and it would create anger and pain and drama as they latched on to him in desperate ways. The coming wedding is bringing up intuitions that this bliss could change. It will. But that is not a bad thing --it just is. Be aware that both of you actually find it less scary being half in half out. And your love is real.. The fifties are about knowing your true self--shedding all your childhood wounds that created your shadow side that keeps you from happiness. Your biggest ememy is fear. Know that about yourself--it is comman for caretakers by nature to be more aweare of keeping things together--they feel always ON WATCH--it is your nature to feel overly RESPONSABLE. Again spirit says you have excellent intuition and you can be a sponge---you often pick up energy of situations and people around you and this causes you to overload. Its like you have big antenas --good for caretaking but you can get overwhelmed and then it translates into fear--and you have to know what that fear is so your imagination starts spinning. You can not get clarity from me or your intuition until you deal with your fear issues. You are going to have to let go ---just give it a rest. Live in the moment of enjoying your man--look forward to your marriage and be committed. When your fear takes over you need to get out of your head. Once that calm place comes you can trust that if there is something spirit wants you to know you will get that intuition. You can trust that if he's cheating you will not be in fear only to find him in front of the tv--you must find the faith to TRUST you are protected. The fact that you have gone checking and been wrong only proves that you cannot trust your fears. Fear and intuition are two different things. If you can committ know with full trust I promise you if spirit wants you to change paths they will guide you. This relationship is about both of you dealing with vulnerability and trust. Make a descision today and stick with it in full trust and committment. There are no mistakes only lessons. And never ever let fear go so far to truelly believe your life will not have love!! That is very unkind to yourself and sel love is the foundation of all that comes to you. Trust that. God does not put people on earth with a label that says this one will not be loved. You are loved---focus on the love you have and not the fear. BLESSINGS1
I can not put into words just how thankful I am for being able to talk to you! This past weekend after I read from yours, I realized how right you are and decided to just enjoy this whole weekend with my boyfriend and forget everything else just live in the moment. WOW what a difference! Life is wonderful and he could tell I think immediately judging by some of the things he said.
I feel like my fears had taken over my life!
Thanks again for all of your time and patience, I feel like you were here for a reason.
Blessings to you also.
For future purposes can you answer questions about people who have passed away?
glad you got it! Yes, I am a medium and can contact spirits if they choose to come through. I'm not doing many posts right now. But that can change. As much as your recent issues are personal they also are universal! We all are in a crunch as the year ends to deal with fear on a personal and global level and it is work and focus for me as well. That's the message I hope you get the most that it's not about curing your fears but managing them--to be in awareness of them so you can step outside yourself and say oh oh I'm doing that thing and get out of your head and find something in the NOW to enjoy. Really, the now is all we have. Whatever happens tomorrow just trust you wil deal with that then and it will be ok. Your REAL intuition will start showing up and the more it does the more you will be able to recognize that feeling of intuition versus fear. When my energy is available and spirit willing I will tap into the spirit most around you. BLESSINGS!
I hope you have had some wonderful holidays, and much needed rest.
I think I did something yesterday that wasn't very good. I ask my fiance if he'd like to take a walk (something we've done many times and in the same area also). We had to pass by "her" house and wouldn't you know she was outside at her mailbox! She had more than enough time to go inside, but didn't. At first she held up something,mail of some sort, to hide her face then when we walked right beside her she moved it and said "happy new year" and smiled. Neither one of us said a thing but were both nervous, I got the feeling that he hasn't done anything about the situation.
I have made up my mind to marry him in March 2013, but I really thought he had cut ties. Has he? Will he? My fear is coming back and I'm confused again. Can't seem to get the intuition separated from my fear. I thought I was doing so well and I've been incredibly happy and he really seems to be too!
Was the first 2 posts you answered still correct or were you strictly reading my fear?
I have so many things to ask but I feel like you'll be reading fear instead. Please let me know if and when you can. I do realize I have to make this right but I can't make any more very bad decisions like my last marriage, what on earth was I thinking?! I've been married 3 times now,
my last one only lasted 6 mths, my decision though, but took me 2 years and I had to pay him to get the divorce!
I still keep feeling like I have a spirit with me......is it Patricia?
God Bless you and thank you for every thing for helping me.
Yes your too fearfull
. And don't expect to change overnight. Your fearfulness is part of you but you will choose to see it and deal with it. Take an emotion break. Pray for strength to rise above your weakness. Pray that if there is a reason to not marry that spirit WILL have your back. That proof will be indisputable and assure yourself you are safe and protected. Then listen to music or do something you love or work on a house project --use the energy to do something good for yourself. Have you learned something from each marriage? Did each marriage have the same issue? Judge this one with reference to your be wiser and your weakness. If each marriage cost you financily then know you have a weak bling eye there and this time go in with a prenup and legal advice to protect your financialy security . If each marriage there was cheating then what was your blind spot?. If you feel that you got wiser each time for different reasons and this guy is a step up of all you have learned than enjoy that reward. I'm very tired right now. I really think you will be fine after the emotion runs its course. Don't ignore true warnings but trust that if needed spirit will bring you a warning with validation.
Hope this finds you well and happy! I am except for my mother..... she will not come for my son's b-day dinner and cake, no to Thanksgiving and no to Christmas! I did get married to Dave in March of this year and she wouldn't come to our wedding either.
I know she doesn't like Dave's Mom or Step-father but I am so hurt! Can you help me to feel better about this? I have so little family left and already I feel alone. I know my mother has some issues-PRIDE is her number one thing.
Also, if there is anything I need to know please tell me. I get so nervous when I write to you or any other medium so take all the time you need to be clear because of my nervousness.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart and bless you!