Dear Captain over the waters.
What you seek is not in your homeland - that is just running away. You search for freedom of thought, not body. You can't tell the difference between personal freedom and escapism at the moment. You seek security but it is not a place but a state of mind. There is nowhere in the world you will feel completely safe until you face the insecurity inside. You must become more truly who you want to be and that will make you feel strong and secure anywhere. There is a wide gap between the image you show to the world and the person who lives inside your head and heart. Let go of your fear and self-protection and have faith that people will love the real you. Others can see through the mask you wear to protect yourself and they think you are trying to trick them because you don't show your real face. Feel free to be who you are, and everywhere will be 'home'.