I REALLY need a reading!!!!
I am in a real stressful time in my life (seems like always) but this one takes the cake. Me and my wife have been married for almost three years (next week) and this year has been extremely troubling for our marriage. I believe in being faithful and not disrespecting my wife. With everything I do for her it seems as if she is unappreciative. We have talked about this on several occassions but its the same thing over and over. A lot of things that she does could or would lead to cheating but she plays this role like she didnt know things were wrong but later comes out and admits it was wrong. But yet it happens again and again. Im getting to the point to where im thinking I really do need to leave her because she wants to do what she wants to do and to me marriage doesnt work like that. But of course its hard because I love her so much. I guess its just hard for me to understand why she does things that she knows is wrong and knows it will hurt me in the end. I wouldnt think of hurting my wife in any type of situation and im thinking I may be putting too much energy into her. ANY insight as far as this or job wise will be greatly appreciated and I thank those who even just read this.
rudygreen last edited by
Hmmm! What signs are both of you? Stay married! one or both of you maybe going through some changes and everything will work out. If she gets worse...backoff and say nothing and then play her game. Maybe if she sees the way your acting, she'll stop what she's doing.
Im a Sag and she is a Cap! Is that a bad combo???
Dalia last edited by
Hi, You know, she may not even be aware that what she's doing is riskee. Is she flirting, dressing a certain way, is she going out without you. All you can do is warn her as her husband. I feel that you are a very protective and sincere person. What her intentions are, I don't know. Everything within reason. Can you be a little more specific. My father would tell us not to accuse anyone unless you are certain something has in fact happened. What I sense is that she may be violating a lot of respect or trust issues therefore making you worried but I wish you could be a little more specific.
Ok well it started with talking to guys on the phone. It took her a LONG time to let that go. Of course that caused trust issues because she got caught in lies. Telling guys our business when we get into it. I know this means trouble. Now that has been going on for years. It would stop and then start happening again out of the blue. Then recently we had a big blow out about a naked picture that was sent supposedly on accident. I woke her up at 3 in the morning to ask about it cause i seen it on the phone bill. Now the guy she accidently sent it too just so happens to be a guy she met at a club and he works at an oil change place. She used to braid his hair and they talked on the phone a little too much for me. When i went to her about the issue of course we argued about it and I told her it was either him or me. She tried to make an excuse talking about shes not letting her client go which is some bull$hit. To me there is a reason she had such a big problem letting him go. Trust at this point was VERY low because I just didnt understand why she couldnt do this one thing I asked her to do. Then after all of that she started to disrespect me which basically was the straw that broke the camels back. I consider myself a very humble person and i know she likes to push my buttons to see how far she can take me. Only thing is with all this going on its getting real hard to hold my head. Im the type of person where I can be your best friend or I can be your WORST enemy. I dont think she really understands that and im not going to take it there with her. Yes I am a very protective person and very sincere in my words. If I said it I meant it and everyone thats close to me I love dearly and will do anything to protect them. All in all I feel backed into a corner because I dont want to leave and im starting to think I may have to. Thank you for reading!!!
I still think that this wife of yours is having a crisis. As I wrote in my first answer to you.
Perhaps she is having some sort of "identity" crisis? As in: Who am I? What am I like? What should I be like? What kind of life do I really want? Do I really want to have children? So I really love my husband? Have I made the right choice? Could my life have been different?
I advice you to not panic, although this is not good.
In any case it is important that you are strong and confident. These qualities are good for you and good for everybody. These qualities are also very attractive to the opposite sex.
You need to build up your confidence. Buy new clothes, perhaps a different style of clothing. Tell your wife that there is a 22-year-old woman who keep calling you on your phone, and you wonder if she is interested in you. Say that she wants to talk about herself a lot, and that you dont really understand why she keeps calling. Tell her that you dont understand why this girl keeps contacting you because she knows that you are married. If she asks who this girl is, tell her that her name is Jane but you dont know her surname. Buy clothes that make you feel more sexy and confident in yourself, no matter how happy you allready are with yourself. Even if this only has to do with your wife and not you, you need to make yourself feel confident and strong to not be taken off balance by this situation that your wife has put you in. And make your wife feel that she has a bit competition in having you. Let her feel that she has to deserve you.
When you make up this story about this mystery woman calling you, it is not so good to pretend that you are interested in this mystery woman. Dont let her feel that you desire other women. This can be just distructive to your marriage. But by feeling confident and strong, wich are also good qualities for you yourself to possess, your wife might understand intuitively that there are other women who also find you attractive. This could make her become focused on satisfying you in bed so that you dont get tempted by all the other offers that you naturally get as a result of your strong confident in your self and in your own masculinity (sexy men use their masculinity and confidence and self asteem to turn women on without their concent even).
I am not saying that you are not attractive enough. It is your wife who is making problems for the two of you. But she is making problems for you and for herself, and this could help.
And yes I believe you are right: Focus on your self and your own life, build up your self spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. And this wife of yours might feel more respect for you. Dont give away your energy to people, not even to your wife who is making you jealous. Give attention to your self, and she might come back to you crawling. Or perhaps not, because you can not change her, but you can change yourself.
This is a lot about psychology. Rent a book in the library about how women and men think and behave differently. She is from Venus and he is from March or something. That is a perfect book to understand the opposite sex.
tysion last edited by
HI, IT IS HARD TO LIVE ON A HOT WIRE ALL THE TIME.WILL SHE, HAS SHE ECT. IT IS SOUL DESTROING. YOUR SELFESTEEM SEEMS AT LOW EBB. DO YOU KNOW ANYMORE WHO YOU ARE? SOMETIMES LOVE IS A DESTROYER OF ALL YOU ARE AND NO ONE CAN TELL YOU TO FEEL DIFFRENT. IT IS A PAIN YOU MUST GO TROUGH TO LEARN YOUR LIMITS. AND
THERE ARE LIMITS IN ALL. START FOCUSING ON YOUR SELF. ALL YOU SEEM TO DO IS THINKING WHAT HAVE I DONE OR NOT DONE WHERE AM I GOING WRONG!! YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT LOVE SOMEONE AND THAT SOMEONE IS VERY INSECURE. STATE HOW YOU FEEL ONES AND FOR ALL. LIKE WITH A SMALL CHILD YOU SET BOUNDERIES
OF RESPECT AND TOLLERANCE AND IF SHE CAN NOT SEE THE HURT SHE GIVES TO YOU
THE GAMES SHE PLAYS AND YES SHE PLAYS GAMES SHE ENJOYS THE POWER SHE HAS OVER YOU THROUGH YOUR LOVE FOR HER ANDSHE KNOWS FULL WELL WHAT SHE IS DOING TO YOU
THEN THERE IS A VERY OLD SAYING
RATHER AN END WITH A SHOCK
THEN A SCHOCK WITH OUT AN ENDING
IT IS YOUR CHOICE IN THE END IF IT IS LOVE YOUR WIFE FEELS FOR YOU OR
THE KNOWLEDGE THAT SHE CAN PLAY YOU LIKE A SPARE CARD IN A DECK TO FALL BACK ON . PLEASE THINK HARD AND LOOK BACK ON THE LAST MONTH. DO YOU WANT TO LIVE LIKE THAT ????????? THIS IS PROBELY NOT WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO HEAR, BUT
IT IS AN HONEST LOOK AND FEELING FROM SOMEONE STANDING BACK AND LOCKING IN.
MY THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU AND I SEND YOU STRENGH TO DO THE WRIGHT THING FOR EVERYONE IN THE END.
Firefly01 last edited by
Even though you did not say, it seems you two have been together for so long that she has gotten into a habit long before you two married, and to the both of you--then--it was not an issue. She probably has no idea that you feel this intimidated by her actions, and she probably was (is?) not very mature when you two got married.
In many ways, this suggests that she is more dominant in the relationship and now you feel threatened by her behavior. I could probably say it better if I took the time to analyze what vibes I am getting, but the sense is of rare communication between the two of you.
Have you discussed these feelings with her? If not, perhaps, a good talk, on the couch, facing each other--with no distractions to interfere--you may find she is surprised that you feel this way.
A passing comment in the kitchen or on your way out the door is not truly communicating. You two MUST discuss this as an important issue for the good of both of you. One way you can begin is to find a way to praise her before starting in with the stuff you dislike. Try using feeling words rather than pointing fingers and blaming. Take some notes of what you want to say and practice it so that you will be able to control your temper if provoked.
Even in marriage, men and women are not islands. They have friends and family. They SHOULD have friends of both sexes. I get the feeling you are over-reacting to normal living patterns and would like to mold her into your own image of what you want instead of what she wants.
Either way, you both need to sit down and make this meeting a priority. Allow her to speak for herself without getting angry, please.
Firefly01 last edited by
Please do not type in all caps. It reads like you are shouting.
Firefly01: lol, I did not manage to even read through that text that Tysion had written. It was funny how precice and polite you were when saying this. lol
MMack last edited by
Both Sags and Caps can have righteous attitudes so that may get you both in a little trouble with each other. It sounds like she is looking for attention outside the marriage. She may suffer from low self esteem and may need that extra attention to keep her going. For some people it's like coffee. Some people also like living on the edge a bit. Trust me she knows what she is doing is wrong and that it is hurtful to you. It may help to strengthen your boundaries of what is acceptable to you. Strongly let her know her limits with you and that you deserve respect and I'd stick to it. It needs a consequence such as you are leaving, or going to counseling or something concrete she can understand that that's absolutely all you are going to take. 'm a Sag and early in our relationship I did some really dumb things and he gave me an ultimatum. It straightened me right out & we've been married for 18 years now. Not sure how she would react to it but you need to keep your self respect. Controlling behavior is never good however and you can't force your will and wishes on another. I'm not saying you would be that way, just mentioning it. I get the feeling that she is looking for more attention. Is she bored in the relationship? Maybe it would help if you took it upon yoursel to plan something exciting and different, something that's out of the norm for you to shake things up a bit. Even if it's something you do for yourself, she will see how much you deserve better hopefully. I do hope everything straightens out soon for you both.
tysion last edited by
dear firefly01 and the hanged women !!
it is not may way to shout very often --- but sometimes you can not talk quietly so someone, sometimes you have to talk loudly because the person in so wrapped up in themselfs that
they can not hear you and the only way to do so is for that person to focus -- hence the capitals
Ok, I understand Tysion.
Also I would like to add about my own text: What the H*** was I thinking? The way I rambled around I think I want to bury myself! I`ll simply not read through it and forget. lol
Thanks to everyone for their comments this helped me out alot also. Tysion the caps did help too lol!!