Hi Captain



  • Thanks for your vibe reading on the vibes thread,

    you mentioned that this particular guy is trying to influence me by persuading me around to his point of view in some way that reeks of dominance. Is that his personality of wanting to be in control or he is just taking me for granted? How do you feel about his current thoughts towards me? does he love me? he has never say he loves me before, it's hard to know what he is thinking at times.



  • Yes I do feel he wants to control you, due to his inferiority complex. He really wants to make you bend to his will so he can get you to do whatever he wants. I don't feel love so much as lust and the need to control you. He wants a submissive partner.



  • that's very sad to know. I always thought he is just troubled with his issues and will treat me well when he no longer emotionally stuck like now. Do you know what cause his inferiority complex? I always see him as a very confident mature man. Just that he is a loner and will isolate himself at times. I have problem communicating with him even when I really want to because he will just shut himself off.



  • He is like that because of his childhood upbringing - not much love or communication there.



  • if that's his personality I guess there isn't much I can do about it. I am referring to the controlling part due to his childhood upbringing.

    Do you feel a loving relationship is possible between us? How does he see me all these while?



  • He will not be able to have true loving relationships until he works through and heals his issues. He doesn't know what love is - thinks it is about control and domination. He hopes you will be his submissive slave.



  • captain..

    so he has been treating all his previous girlfriends this way? i know he can be demanding in a relationship but have no idea that his urge to be in total control is so strong. how can i help him to overcome? or there is nothing i can do actually?



  • He has to first recognize what he is doing, then deal with it himself.



  • But you must stand up to his dominating and tell him what he is doing and how it makes you feel.



  • dear captain,

    i tried to talk but he doesn't want to talk for the time being. his mind is blocked currently and he has no room for such conversations. he wanted a few breaks from this r/s, I am so lost Captain. I feel so hurt having to go through all these but yet i couldn't bear to let go off him. he already has someone else at his side "officially", i am just "someone else" in this situation. I thought things will work out between us. do you see him leaving that lady?



  • do you have any idea what he is thinking right now?



  • He is thinking he has you right where he wants you and that he can have his cake and eat it too. Why do you tie yourself to such an abuser? Is this all you think you are worth - to be the sometime 'when he feels like it' fallback girl in a plan where you revolve like one of many admiring satellites around the huge sun of himself? This is not how you treat someone you really love. He is using you. Kick him to the curb and find someone who wants to give you all his time and attention.