I have been going through a rather difficult time emotionally over the last week. Some has been great, other bits have been very trying and exhausting, especially this week.
I wonder if anyone could be kind enough to see what direction I'm going in, ie, what is coming for me in my life in general (incorporating, OF COURSE, love and money) and am I moving in the right direction towards something positive in both areas? I have been working on many issues with the help of my local health and wellness lady, and it has been bringing up a lot of stuff that has been buried down deep, but gee it's been confronting! So hence why I'd like to know if I'm finally going to "get it" rather than keep repeating this life of disappointment, abandonment and lack of trust.
I would appreciate this very much! Hopefully I'll be back doing readings myself, but haven't got the energy for it lately, so I apologise for that.
Thank you in advance!
Actually I feel like you are heading towards a more isolated, cynical lifestyle so you need to turn your thinking around. Why on earth would you dwell on the downside of your life when there have been so many good experiences too? Being all 'gloomy and doomy' will only bring more unhappiness, plus it will make you not very nice to be around. You need to start thinking more positively, young lady - count your blessings. Unless you want to become a nun, that is. Every day is a chance to start over - how incredible is that? We are given the opportunity to stop doing what isn't working for us and try other methods - if we are game. A new life - isn't that what you want? So look at what you are doing or thinking now and decide what is not helping - and ditch it.
This is your official 'kick up the wazoo' - use it!
I am aware of this one Captain. Last week I thought I'd ditched it for good, but it's come back to haunt me again this week. These issues of it being okay to be happy came up in my most recent NLP session, and I seem to be battling with them all over again. A kick up the wazoo is a good thing, however, how does one get over what has been holding them back when it seems so deeply ingrained? How do you ditch it for once and for all?
Not to mention the fact that I have a man who has sort of appeared out of nowhere, and I've spent some nice times with him, however, haven't heard a peep from him since Sunday and am thinking I've somehow sent him scurrying in the opposite direction with my own thoughts this week.
I don't want to rush into anything relationship wise either just yet, but sure would like to continue getting to know this person. But it seems like this old chestnut has reared its head and is standing in the way.
This is why I've asked for help today. I'm so tired, overwrought and fed up with it all! Add to that, that I had to deal with my ex-partner yesterday due to some car troubles and here I am feeling raw all over again.
Thank you very much for this, but I guess I need to ask the question gain: How do you get rid of something that has governed your life for so long, even though you know it's time it p*ssed off?
I'm over it; truly over it and sick of wallowing in this familiar pit of despair which threatens to overwhelm me once again ...
I am wondering if it is not unhappiness that you fear - but actually happiness? Do you think that happiness is suspicious because it may be only temporary and you cannot allow yourself to relax into it for fear it will be taken away?
That only happens if you depend on outside things and people to make you happy. If you are truly and deeply happy inside, that cannot be taken away from you.
You have to start afresh every day and not let past bad experiences blight your future. You cannot assume that the past will keep repeating. Old experiences only repeat if you continue to be the same old person who lived them. And do remember - you survived them and learnt from them. Now you just have to apply what you learnt. I think you may be looking for assurances of 'forever' when we all only can live day-to-day. Be happy today - it's all you really have.
The real issue is not who else loves you - but do you love you?
After giving all this serious thought, I came to the conclusion late yesterday that I'm actually fine just the way I am.
I have been afraid of being happy, and this is an issue that came up in my latest NLP session on Monday. I am now working on being happy without outside influences, and I think that's why I was sent this rather difficult week. Even though I dragged myself around, I still managed to achieve things, and deal with the residue of old stuff that came up earlier in the week.
So, now I'm saying to m yself that I'm okay how I am, that it's okay to be happy, that I don't have to remain alone if I don't want that. I don't NEED anyone in my life, but WANT someone. Not all the time of course - at least not yet - but I can and will have someone in my life if I truly want them.
I hate neediness you see. Truly hate it. However, sometimes a little bit of neediness is also okay, so long as it isn't smothering or controlling. So if I feel like I need to be with someone, be it my kids, my friends or someone else, then I'll accept that and set about trying to achieve that.
I have been asking the Universe to send me what and who I need for my higher good, and they have been delivering.
I also had forgotten to be grateful for what I have this week, so pulled myself up for it, and been thanking the Higher Ups for where I'm at and what I've got.
As exhausted as I am through lack of sleep this week, I can see that now, and will set about doing what I enjoy today considering it's back to work tomorrow! I can also see a nanny-nap later on today ... yessss ... a lil power nap
So Swatted, I thank you yet again for your wonderful insight.
I could kick myself for feeling the way I have this week, but it's been grounding and sobering and made me realise that happiness is inside, not from without. And I'm happily tapping away at the moment not caring if I see anyone or not today, which is how I usually am - I just didn't realise it!
And go all of us; it's our time to shine, don't ya reckon Oh Swatted One??
There is an Australian, Dr. Adam Fraser, who puts forth the theory that between each different life situation (eg. work to home) or stage of life, we need to insert a bridging stage or space (Space Three) in order to handle the transition better. The ‘First Space’ is what you’re doing now. The ‘Second Space’ is what you’re about to do and the ‘Third Space’ is the gap in the middle. His career of helping returned soldiers from Iraq work through transitional issues from the battlefield to home, inspired Dr. Fraser to search for the answer to what makes people transition successfully between life’s most challenging daily scenarios.
Most of us rush from space one to space two without much time or thought in between. Thus we return home grumpy and unable to enjoy being home with the family or able to unwind. We can also apply this to relationships - many of us rush into another relationship right after a failed one, so we need to pause and think over what just happened and re-evaluate it, in the Third Space. His advice for healthier transitions is as follows (using the 'work to home' example) -
1. Reflect: Use this stage to reflect on what just happened, ask yourself what went well, what you could do better and what you took away from it.
2. Rest: Use this stage to calm your mind and recompose so you don’t move onto the next task with racing thoughts. Depending on time, take a few deep breaths, do a crossword puzzle on the bus on the way home from work, or go for a quick walk around the block. If it is between relationships, take as long as you need to rest and recover.
3. Reset: Align your mindset with what is about to happen. Ask yourself what your intention is. Do you want to enjoy time with your family? Do you need to focus on a budget? What do you now want (or don't want) in a partner that you didn't before? Do you even want to be with someone?
Of course this is just common sense but many of us are driven to move forward straight away and too soon - especially if stage one was an apparent failure, we desperately want to have a success in stage two. It's like the stages of grief process - it all has to be worked through when you are ready - with no skipped steps. It's all about arming and educating yourself well for the next stage.
What stage do you think you are at, Moonswatter?
It's hard to say! I think I might be at stage 2 really, but can't be certain about that. I'm not one to go straight from one relationship to another; never have been, even when I was a teenager. I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship now, but am enjoying the company of this guy who has sort of appeared out of nowhere. However, between his family/work commitments and my own, it's hard to schedule time to see him really, so that's probably a good thing I can't put myself wholely into another rel yet; just not ready.
So hence my confusion with what stage I'm actually at!
Very interesting reading however; thanks for this
Do you think part of you might still be in stage one, wondering about your ex and if he will return some day? I guess these three stages are like the past, present and future. You don't want to be living in the past but if a relationship has been intense, it can be hard to move on into the present. And some people are already living in the future where they hope somebody will love them and stop them feeling so alone and so desperately throw themselves at the first person who shows any sympathy. The third space is where you grow to love yourself and see the lesson that an experience has taught you. Understanding grows in the third space. In fact the present moment is really all we have.
I actually confronted the ex the other day, because I was doubtful about how I felt about all of it. I am as sure as I can be at this point, that I don't want him back, mainly because I don't think I could trust him again, and would worry that he'd take off again.
What I have with this other guy is more friendly than anything, although I do find myself wanting more contact from him, then swinging back to wanting to be on my own for the time being. I think what I'm after at the moment is knowing someone's there in my quarter, as such, but not asking for the world from me. I couldn't cope with that for now. This guy is a slow mover, and even though that frustrates the life out of this impatient cancerian, I need to also grow on my own and do things on my own without being accountable to anyone. I had a "go" at him for too much contact the other week, which really blew my mind because one part of me wanted him to do that, while the other was saying "whoa".
So I'm at a rather confused, half in, half out sort of stage, but unsure as I said before, about which stage/s I'm actually at. I think where the ex is concerned, it was the shock of him leaving like that more than anything. I am still reeling over that, so am going through a fair bit of insecurity because of it. However, this bloke has turned up for good reason, even though I'm doubtful about exactly what that reason is, apart from testing my bloody patience! Having said that, I think this is more about what I really want from someone; do I really want to be with another person, etc. I know I do eventually, but not where I feel like I can't do anything without consulting someone else.
So, that's where I'm at, for now anyway. The inbetween stage of I DON'T KNOW haha.
Taking each day as it comes is something I have to learn, especially with this fella, because that's where it's actually at with him.
The whole thing about how and why this guy is in my life at all is confusing, but I'm trying to relax and enjoy the ride. Not an easy job, but I feel it's going to be worth it in the long run. After all, I did ask the Higher Ups to send me what and who I needed didn't I?
I think your third stage must include you realizing that your partner left because of himself and his problems, and not because of you. When you reach that point, you will be ready for the next stage of new relationship - but not before. You don't want to go into any new relationship with insecurity or else you will just be using the new person to boost your flagging sense of self.
Exactly, that is why I can't go into anything full on for now. I have touched on the fact that Rodney left because of his own issues, but think the effect of him leaving has settled a bit deeper than I first realised. It was his lack of contact when he left that really clinched it for me I think. But I'm starting to see that it was his problem, and actually, is now his loss. I feel he may hear about me and this other guy at some point and ask to come back again. I also feel that I'll say no, because I don't want to choose so-called "security" over something else that could be so much better for me. He left, it was his choice, end of story, end of us. I am working on not letting loneliness drive my choices here.
I'm prepared to wait for what I am sure will be a much better deal. For the time being, I'm filling my time with friends, other creative pursuits (sounds like a textbook ay?) and just generally being back at home with myself. It's hard sometimes, but worth it.
I am trying to be brave with myself; honestly looking at this and that, accepting it and then throwing it away. Have had some trouble here and there, but am getting there, slowly but surely
This is a very exhausting, challenging ride, but I know it will be worth it. That I am worth the trouble.
And that still, small voice keeps saying "Good. You're almost there. And he'll be waiting when you do". He has actually said as much in saying that he needs to know that I'm sure I'm over Rodney.