• Hi all,

    Am having a rather emotional roller-coaster this week, and there is something that keeps nagging at me about my daughter. I don't know what it is, but keep feeling sad when I think of her, and don't quite know where that sadness is coming from really. Have been playing music which reminds me of her a lot, and although she is still close to me in distance, even in doing that, I feel so removed from her. I don't know how to approach her, because she bites if questions dig too deep 🙂 Can anyone see what it is that I'm missing here? She's 18 and will probably leave home next year, so I don't know if that's got anything to do with what I'm feeling at the moment.

    Any help would be welcome! Thanks in advance.



  • Your feelings are normal and you are just too much in your head right now. Crossroads are scary with change and we fill in the blanks with fears sometimes. Knowing she will soon be facing the world as a young adult brings back your own memories of just how hard and painful youth can be--you fear did you give her enough did you miss anything will she make your same mistakes. You think how long and hard you have struggled to make it through love and life and you fear for her. And spirit says you also realy need to be close to her right now --you just want to snuggle close no worries. Honor your feelings and make a connection in some sweet way. A card with soming meaningful or a thoughtful gift. An honest gesture of "been thinking of you1" BLESSINGS!

  • Well Blmoon, thank you for this, very much 🙂 I have felt a need to be closer to her than has been lately, but her life is so busy with friends, boyfriend, work, etc, and I also feel she's a bit reticent about being so because I'm in a bit of a "needy" place. HAVING SAID THAT, I am going out with her tonight to take my foster son out for tea for his 21st tonight, so that'll be good. I enjoy her company a lot, so even just the drive over there will be fun 🙂 I do send her texts that say I miss her, and she does the same. A card might be a nice idea though!

    Blessings to you 🙂


  • PS: I was downloading some music last night, and it's a band that she loved about three years ago. It really made me realise how much I missed her, so I sent her a text saying what I was doing and how it made me feel.

    She's a bit typical of her age group though: Oh mum's bein silly again!


  • HI Moon

    Just a thought .......... I have 3 sons in their 20s, now not living at home. I find that they ground me & I reach out to them when I'm feeling unsettled. They do their best but I sense if I'm too upset or needy they pull back a bit. In my case, they seem to need me to be together always. Perhaps because their dad died they need to know I'm ok & always there for them. I txt them often w I'm thinking of you & supportive messages so when I'm needy the scale is still tipped in their favor. In other words, they hear from me when all is well more often than when its not. I'm working on grounding myself better, something I find challenging. I do find the sound of their voice makes all my troubles shrink , sometimes I just focus on them & never talk about myself...magic medicine for me!! I've not lived a lone for 30 yrs so this is uncharted territory.

    It sounds as if you're feeling better than a few wks ago......good for you its not easy, but then life seems to be full of lessons...... sure makes the good stuff even more special 🙂


  • Well amused, that's how my boy and girl are. They can be supportive, but I don't expect them to be really. It is what you said: They aren't used to us crumbling under the strain. I can tell them I'm having an emotional time and leave it at that, but really, again as you said, being with them takes my mind off my own troubles.

    I had a good old time out with my two and their friends. Felt a bit special I did; the only oldie amongst all these 18-21 year olds! They really do lift your spirits and take you out of that mind-space.

    My foster boy has really given me some heart-food this week in telling all his friends, on facebook and otherwise, how much me, my ex and daughter did for him taking him in and how he's a much better person for it. I was overwhelmed with his sentiments, and when talking to him next told him that if he felt that way, well we'd achieved something. And not just us, but him as well. He does me proud, but the main thing is that he does himself proud.

    My daughter is a sweetie and we drove round and round on our own after dropping her friends off listening to a cd I'd burned of the band she loved three years ago. A high old time was had, and I was not a little bit sad to drop her off at her father's place and head off home on my own. Still, if I had someone here, I wouldn't be talking to you now, would I?

    I am better than last week, though still have a ways to go; thanks for caring about that.

    To live alone for the first time in 30 years would be definitely unchartered territory, and no wonder you feel needy now and then! I guess I'm lucky in that I've lived a lot of my life alone, although I'm kind of tired of that now.

    I can say nothing much more than take every day as it comes; let the bad days pass through you, and face the next one. You will get to a point where you'll feel good being alone, even if you can't see that now. It's funny isn't it: We both have the opposite problem! You are facing being alone for the first time in 30 years and I've probably spent the better part of 30 years largely alone.

    You'll do great things; you just wait and see. The new space you'll get by yourself will give you fresh energy and you'll really get into your life.

    I hope I can do that for myself too, although I've convinced myself that alone is how my life has been and always will be. Maybe it's time for me to convince myself otherwise, because I don't want to be that way anymore.

    All we can do is focus on what we want, rather than what we fear. The rest will take care of itself.

    All the best to you!



  • Moon

    You are right "All we can do is focus on what we want, rather than what we fear. The rest will take care of itself." I remind myself of that daily. I'm doing ok adjusting to being at home alone, as an only child I spent many hrs alone. I can keep myself quite busy. I've signed up for some one night classes to get out, learn new things & meet new people. I'm using this time to grow & think about myself for a change. Like you, I do not want to live alone for too long but need time to find the right man. As said on other threads, my next relationship will be a partnership which benefits both of us - I'll be sure to advocate for myself better. I've found my voice finally!!

    I believe that if you want to find someone to share life with it will happen. I read an affirmation the other day that seemed to fit " I'm ready to receive love from an awesome man!" I think it is love we seek so why not ask for just that?



  • Exactly! I asked the Universe the other week to send me what I need, and if that so happens to include the right man for me, then send him BLOODY QUICK!!! hahahaha

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