Leo "stalking" his prey is creeping me out
I met a Leo man back in March, had drinks, generally enjoyed his company and agreed to meet him for dinner the following week. During the days prior to our dinner date he texted me up to ten times a day and asked me to "call to talk" every single day. The texts were seemingly harmless, "good morning thinking of you", "can't wait to see you again", "what are you doing right now", "call me if you'd like to talk tonight"...but it was his constant "presence" throughout my day that was already sending up red flags before we ever even got to the dinner date. After several days of this I politely pointed out that I didn't have time to respond to every text he sent. That only led to him texting me more over his concern that he was coming on too strong.
Anyway, dinner date came and went. I was pleasant, but before I even went that night I knew that this relationship was doomed (I left a very controlling husband and did not welcome another man who seemed bent on monitoring my every move). Probably shouldn't even have gone on the dinner date, but it felt hard to get out of it at that point.
The next morning, more texts of course, wanted me to go out to dinner again that night with his boss and his wife. I thought that was wierd as it felt very "couple-like" and we were nowhere near that stage. When I said "no thank you" he then wanted to know if I wanted to go to a Casino on Saturday then, (quite a distance north of here), even said he would give me a few hundred dollars to play with. When I told him I couldn't as I was getting my children for the week (split custody from divorce, week on, week off) he asked if I couldn't just push them off for a day so that we could go to the casino anyway. NOT!!! I can't even believe that he suggested it, other than he has no children and doesn't "get" that I miss them and want every second I can have with them.
By the following Monday I finally just called him and explained that I felt we were in two very different places in life and did not see any real potential between us. He argued for just being friends, and even added, "or if you would like something more intimate, no strings attached, I am available for that as well". I said, "thanks but no thanks". (Yuck!) A couple of times in our conversation he got very snarly about things and accused me of being a typical, insenitive, selfish American (he is English but currently a resident in the U.S.) and that I wasn't giving him a proper chance. I found it appalling that he would project me as a posterchild for the character of the entire population of the U.S. and I suggested, again very politely, that if he felt that way then perhaps the key to his happiness was to go home. Anyway, the conversation ended on a sour note in my mind, but I didn't feel bad about it. We had only known each other for barely two weeks. Good time to bail out before things went any further in my opinion.
Lo and behold though, he was back to texting the next morning. I ignored it. In the weeks that followed the texts started to slow to a trickle and but I still never answered one of them. Eventually he stopped for the most part, but I would stil get an occasional "I'm going to be in your area today, want to get together?" "If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me". I had not heard from him since early April and believed that this man had finally wised up and would leave me alone. Then yesterday, I received an e-mail via facebook, that he wanted me to add him as a friend. This would allow him to access all of my information on me, my sons, my activities and my closest friends. A "stalker's paradise" of information. Anyway, NO way that's going to happen.
My dilemma is what to do about this man? I've never been involved with a Leo man, can only think of a couple of them that I've ever even known as acquaintances. WHY won't he let this go?? Why does he keep coming back and bothering me even though I plainly don't want him? I can't believe that I'm still on his mind after over three months of my ignoring him. I barely know him and as far as I'm concerned he is harassing me at this point with his renewed persistence.
Suggestions? Do I state to him plainly that I have no interest in him or does opening communications at all give him too big a window for him to try to continue communicating? Do I just continue to ignore him? I've read that Leo's like to be "right", so maybe this is some ego issue where he is just dead set on winning? Was he so burned by me cutting him off that he's just going to keep messing with me for the attention?
I think this is wierd and more than a little creepy at this point. All suggestions on how to deal with this guy are very welcome (Leo issues aside - what is up with this man??) I'm afraid if I say one word to him, even if it's to tell him to go away, I'll be opening a door to trouble, but I'd also like to figure out how to make it very clear to him that I am not interested.
In regards to the Leo thing, those are some fast-moving extroverts and go-getters. Very often they're oblivious to what others think of them because they're always busy taking the wheel. If you want an example, remember the news clip where Michelle Obama had to pry the Blackberry out of her Leo husband's hand during their daughter's soccer game? Yeah, they're that persistent.
This guy is a classic stalker. The most important questions you asked are in your second-last paragraph. At this point it doesn't matter what sign he is. Please call your local women's support group or police, tell them that you are being stalked, and ask them the questions you asked here, in your second-last paragraph. If they ask you what he has been doing you can describe the texting and cyber-stalking and mention that he suggested that you ditch your kids to meet with him. This will be important information to the police or women's support when you ask for advice on dealing with him. On the other hand, you need not mention that he is a Leo. This is irrelevant to them and, sorry to say this, but mentioning astrology may damage your own credibility.
You mentioned that you are in the USA. Nearly every major city in the USA and some smaller towns now have women's support groups. Often they are maintained through the YWCA, and you can find them in the phone book. You may also be able to find them by calling 211, a number that has been assigned all over the USA to community information and support. (Other developed countries have similar support systems, through the police sex crimes division or through organizations similar to the American YWCA.)
Also, carry some pepper spray (legal in most states) or even mace (legal in some states) and learn some basic self-defense moves. (Gyms and police departments often offer classes.)
Congratulations on getting away from your previous abusive husband and on developing a sense of what sorts of behavior in a date signal future danger. Now it's time to talk to the professionals (police or women's support) and get some solid information on how to deal with stalkers. -- Joni
PS -- consider changing your cell phone number and land line number so he can't keep bothering you that way. Also, my brother suggests you get a gun if you can manage this.
I had a 1 hr dinner date turn into something like this, and like you I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to meet up in the first place, the warning bells were going off. This guy continued to harass me on the phone, and if I didn’t pick up he left abusive messages on my voicemail. He called drunk and crying, pleading to see me again blah blah blah. After a week of this, I talked to the phone company to find out what my recourse was. I started out having his number blocked. A year later, there was some glitch in the phone system and he got through…weird huh? I hope he doesn’t know where you live? Definitely, do not respond to him because that will open the door for him to communicate further. Besides, you already told him you weren't interested. Does he know your full name? Can he track you down? Assess how safe you are and your chances of running into him. If you don’t feel safe, then definitely contact a women’s shelter or police for advice and get your situation on file. He may have done it to others.
OMG!!! That sounds like my Leo Ex-Husband...Run for your life girl.... Control and stalking leads to abuse and beating down your self esteem. I would suggest getting a restraining order and continue ignoring any contact. Keep your eyes open he may be watching your moves. Call the police if you see him. Be careful. when someone is obsessed with you it can be dangerous and it sounds like he needs some mental help. Be Safe!
Thanks for the advice here so far. You know I have not replied to one single text from him since I "laid it all out there" on the phone with him that day. All the rest has indeed, just been him contacting me. I believe that I made that call to him back in March. My obvious concern is that I'm still on his mind. Had we had a genuine relationship I might understand some of this, but what amounts to two dates at best (and all very "clean" no physical interaction here other than I reluctantly allowed a peck on the cheek "goodnight" after dinner.)
I do still have all of his texts stored in my phone and all IM or e-mail, I suppose intuitively knowing that there may come a day when I might need them. I would hope that it won't ever come to that, but I will go after him if need be. He's in a curious position being here in the U.S. on a green card. Very risky misbehaving if you ask me, but if he's basically psychotic in some form, the idea of consequences may not even bother him.
No worries on the "Leo" thing, btw. I enjoy these kinds of subjects as more of a hobby, I'm not stupid though, lol. In legal matters none of this matters and it would be ALL about the facts. My strategy at this time is to simply keep ignoring him. Although one of my male friends says that I should contact "Leo" and specifically explain that I have no interest in further contact and that if he should continue I will report him to local authorities for harassing me. He says that lays down a path for any later charges if this man were to continue contacting me. Wow, seems so crazy to have to handle things this way, wish he would just go on his way in life, but maybe there's some sense in this?
his sun sign maybe leo but only his birthchart will show more detailed description about him. I for one is always a shy person until I met hubby and almost left him a few times in our first years of marriage because I had problems adjusting to marriage life and miss my freedom. so even though I'm a leo I'm not really into going after each and every single object of attraction lol
he is kind of freaky he may have been alone too long or something like that. but I agree with your friend's advice to contact him and explain that you will report him. It will help if you can do it in writing and store the message somehow, this way you have written proof that you have warned him and if he does go further you can take it to court. I do have a go-getter attitude to some degree, when I am on it I care not what the law says especially if I'm innocent. he doesn't think there is anything wrong by keep contacting you, that's why he keeps doing that. I actually don't think he will step back even if you warn him, since he doesn't think it's against the law you are not bound to any body legally such as married anyway. but try to warn him and then ignore him/ block his next messages/calls. the 'ignore' button might actually work.
'his sun sign maybe leo but only his birthchart will' give you more 'keys' to his personality traits ...
I agree with leoscorpio, in that we cannot guarantee that people born with a specific sun sign can be linked to the term 'stalker', That said, I am very sorry for your situation, and please take all of the above people very seriously, especially Joni50, and ensure that people close to you and your children are aware that this man is exhibiting this behaviour towards you. Also advising him in writing (not texting) is very important.
To me, a single Leo mom who has been in a similar situation, the scariest part of your post is "he asked if I couldn't just push them off for a day so that we could go to the casino anyway". Whatever his sun sign (and my stalker was a Cancer) he clearly doesn't see you for who you are.