Are you a Victor or a Victim?

  • Darren Poke, life coach says -

    Sometimes there can be a fine line between winning and losing in life.

    I’ve witnessed people who have been abused, downtrodden and come from terrible backgrounds live like champions, and seen people who have been given significant advantages and opportunities act like victims.

    Most often, it’s not circumstances, but attitudes that define people and over the past few years, I’ve identified some of the mindsets that separate victors and victims:

    Victors take responsibility when things go wrong – victims look for someone else to blame.

    Victors plan for the future – victims worry about it. Victors look ahead with optimism and hope - victims see the future as a dark and scary place.

    Victors see talented people as potential team-mates - victims see them as potential threats.

    Victors are aware of their need to continue to develop and grow – victims think that life would be better if only everyone else would develop and grow.

    Victors see challenges as an opportunity to overcome adversity - victims see them as more evidence that the universe is conspiring against them.

    Victors paddle their boat where they want it to go – victims go wherever the currents take them.

    Victors understand that their life is a self-fulfilling prophecy - victims don’t know what that means, but their life becomes one anyway.

    Victors regularly do the hard things – victims follow the path of least resistance.

    Victors can’t imagine being anything else and feel free – victims can’t imagine being anything else and feel trapped.

    Victor or victim.

    Which one are you?

  • I prefer to be a victor. Btw, I just sent you a reply to a one of my threads that I started a long time ago. Will you answer it for me? Thank you.

  • Well, yes, everyone would prefer to be a Victor but do we behave that way?

  • I see myself as a victor. I keep getting up & trying again when things don't go as I hoped. Sometimes its a struggle to keep trying & I do have whining moments but don't let it stop me. Its most hard to be patient & wait for results. That seems to be my lesson these days. I have definitely put myself in situations that are difficult & could have easily chosen an easier path but I was compelled to face the challenge.

  • I have to say I am a bit of both. I have overcome adversity several times in my life. I find that when plans don't go the way that I thought they would I can either bring misery on myself and stay angery or give it to God and let him guide me. People that are in physical pain each day of their lives have a challange that they have to overcome, somedays just to get up and move their bodies. I believe that we are all born with weakness and strengths to give and share with others as we walk this journey call LIFE.


  • Somewhere in between the extremes. I think my lesson in life is to take care of myself and the rest will fall into place. It's also ok to let change happen. A belief that a higher power is with me--faith. It's ok to be afraid at times. I don't feel that's victim mode. I guess I've experienced enough hardship and negativity (life) to expect the worst and hope for the best. Maybe that Murphy's Law.

  • I think it takes a lot of courage to take responsibility for your life, all the mistakes and bad situations that a person can get themselves into - rather than blaming fate, bad luck, or anyone else. Yet once you do realize that every decision you have made has brought you its consequences, the flip side of the coin is that, if you can create your own problems, then you can also create solutions and good situations for yourself.

  • Well put Captain dear!~ Well put!! 🙂

  • Oh, and I try to be a Victor, but sometimes find myself thinking too much and possibly acting like a victim...if only for a second. Doing better at being the victor though! 🙂

    Laci 🙂

  • I am both this was very interesting .

  • I try to be a victor but I know I can definitely be a victim. I have optimism but I worry about everything and fear failure only because I take it personally-and rather in an intense way but sometimes I take the risk regardless and succeed and if I don't I try again. My problem is not having complete faith, hope or optimism. What is the best way to have COMPLETE optimism and not worry so much?

  • I don't think COMPLETE optimism and not worrying is an option, unless one is in complete denial of the fact that things will go wrong at one point or another. It's more a question of being able to make a lemonade out of lemons, or to cope with whatever happens in your life to your best ability. Most people are somewhere in between the victor and the victim, personally I am capable of going both ways, but of course try to stay alert and paddle in the right direction.

  • Just want to add that I think it's extremely important to keep challenging yourself, even if in small ways, in order to train that "victor muscle", so that when it's needed you know it's there.

  • Good advice, VoplySoply.

    Yes you just have to keep trying - the more you succeed, the more your confidence in your own ability to cope and survive grows. Never give up - that is the only real failure in life. Any lack of confidence we feel comes from not trusting our own strength, willpower, wisdom, and courage to get us through. But we all have the same amount of willpower and strength - it's just that some apply it more than others.

  • I was in my first sprint triathlon this summer & learned a lot about myself & life which applies here. First, let me say I don't want to die by drowning....I realized this while out in open water & literally could sink or swim. I'm not a strong swimmer & it was harder than I expected because you are constantly bumped& kicked. I decided rather than waste energy treading water when I felt panic set in, I'd keep moving forward with any stroke & not worry about form. Thank goodness for the side stroke!! I said a quick prayer & kept repeating " I can do it"- drowning or signaling for a rescue was not an option for me- it took 19:39 min to swim 1/2 mile but I made it- did you know you can endure just about anything for 20 min? When my husband died I eventually learned to move forward, it was very hard but being stuck felt awful. Some days its a full step, some days a baby step.

    Life throws us curve balls more often than we'd like. Its not easy to be a victor but its also not easy to be a victim- that doesn't feel good & can be like quick sand. I agree with VolySoply- make lemonaide from lemons & train the victor muscle to help us gain confidence when we need it.

  • Seems like I need to train my victor muscle lol. There is winners in all of us 🙂

  • I prefer to be a victor but lately feeling more like a victim. Working my way back to being a Victor, slowly but surely i will figure out where i need to be to feel that sense of victory! again

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