HAVE I BEEN BETRAYED?



  • Well, it's been four days and no contact has come from my ex partner. Although I'm aware that ties need to be cut, this lack of communication has come as a shock considering what we had when we were together. It's like he doesn't miss me one toss. He told me there was no-one else; that it wasn't anything to do with me as such, etc. And that he loved me and we'd work it out.

    Yet, there's a small part of me wondering whether I have had the wool pulled over my eyes in any way. Was there a betrayal? I found that he'd taken a small item which for some reason really upset me last night and brought on another barrage of anger as I couldn't believe he'd actually THOUGHT to take it in the midst of everything going on. I'm not saying it wasn't his to take, but he simply took it without telling me. He also only took things he'd bought himself; not anything I'd bought him as gifts. That thought struck me the other day when I looked around the loungeroom.

    Are my suspicions correct, or am I just over-thinking, as I'm so good at doing? I know I need to let go, but in my quiet moments all this comes crashing in. A friend of mine said I may not want to know the real truth of why he left, but the old Cancerian curiosity is like a beast sometimes 🙂

    Thanks as always!

    Moon50



  • He just felt he should remove anything that might remind you of him, to spare you more pain.



  • The real problem was that Rodney hoped you would resemble his ex and when he finally realized you were not and could not be like her, he left.



  • But he never meant to hurt you...



  • Hmm, that makes sense. A friend did comment that I looked like her to a small degree ... She was a feisty one his ex, but then, so could I be at times 🙂 However, I refuse to "be" someone else in order to keep someone in my life.

    I find myself wanting to find something crappy to think about him so I can move on easier, but instead, I come back to how much I miss his happy face, his gentleness and his almost childlike way. My daughter commented on that months ago; it was something we both liked about him.

    Ah well ... I know I must move on from this, but today it's a bit hard as it's a day where I'm not working, or out and about like the rest of the week has been ... sigh ...



  • I am hurt anyway. But I also don't want him to hurt alone either ... I am worried he may try to take his life, while realising that's something I can't control. He has thought about it in years past. I did try to point out to him that sometimes we get so down, we think "I can't live like this anymore", but not meaning we want to end our LIVES; rather we want to end HOW we are living them. Although I am aware that I played the role of counsellor to him, he also was a great shoulder for me, even in the midst of his own suffering.



  • If you don't mind me saying so, Moon, I think you went from one extreme in a relationship to another - from a 'hard' man to a 'softie'. Now you just need something in between...



  • Could be. I don't feel Rodney was weak, but rather, he was broken. My ex husband was a hard man when it suited him. I felt like I was living with a father figure rather than a friend/lover, but more than that, he knew how to hit the jugular and often reduced me to a blubbering mess and would walk away.

    I have spent some time lying out on the grass; even went to sleep for a while. Not only am I grieving Riodney, but also grieving the dog we had to have shot last week. Part of me felt that given the right chance, he would've come good. But chasing sheep was not something my owner would tolerate, so he had to go ... This is one aspect I don't like about the country.

    A question for you my wise friend: How does one go about "letting go" of another when they are constantly thinking about them? This is one area where I confess to being thick as a brick!!

    And another one: have you had any trouble on this site with your cursor disappearing? I'm having all sorts of bother today!!



  • "How does one go about "letting go" of another when they are constantly thinking about them? "

    You make yourself so busy for a while that you forget to think about him. You fall for someone when you focus your thoughts on them constantly (we virtually 'talk' ourselves into love) - you get over them by doing the opposite. Then you will realize how full your life is even without a partner. Instead of having all this spare time to brood, get busy. Bake, do craft, read, do puzzles, go for a walk, play with an animal or child, go to the pub and buy a few people drinks (even if you only have lemonade), visit someone/socialize, fill your time - it's the little things that will get your through. But don't do the Cancer thing of withdrawing into your shell.

    No, no trouble with my cursor. Have you been cursing your cursor?



  • Yes! But it works okay on other sites and in ordinary Word, so can't figure out why it gets all weird when I'm tapping away on here.

    I have been keeping busy, trust me! Today is the only day I haven't been out and about since Sunday, and I'm working for five days from tomorrow. Have washed the car, sorted out the aviary, patted my other dog, cursed the cursor and ... laid on the grass. The anger and sadness will have to take its time to leave I think. I shoved a lot of the pain, shame and anger I felt on first leaving my ex husband to the back of my mind because I had so many new things to focus on. Now it appears, I have to deal with all of that, and this latest event has made sure I am.

    Still and all, I'm eating well, exercising and getting outside where I can. I am still, though, very gutted about Rodney. Gutted and disappointed. Like, he left when the going got tough. Maybe he couldn't cope with me being out of action with my back or something, or he might be one who runs when it's too hard. I need someone to stick around. Guess if that's me, well I'm stuck with me hahaha.



  • Do you think you hoped he was a bit stronger than he actually was? Maybe it's good you found out that he cannot be counted on to support you at the tough times.



  • Yes, I did believe he would be stronger considering his fiancee was severely disabled with Muscular Dystrophy and was confined to a wheelchair. He worked 40+ hours a week and dealt with her needs, all willingly and happily. I did ask him if he wished I asked more of him than I did. The answer was "no". But then, why would he tell me the complete truth when he was leaving?



  • Yes but he was dealing with the 'known' when it came to his fiancee's disease. It became routine and even safe to him. With you, he didn't know what to expect and couldn't cope.



  • Could be. And he knew he wouldn't see old age with her either; she'd already lived way past the doctors' prognosis.

    Someone else on here, in another thread, relayed that she thought he found someone else, though hadn't cheated on me as such, and that's why he left, and that he wouldn't come back to me, or contact me (at least for a few weeks). I don't put 100% stock on what I'm told every time because when a person is confused, readings can be as well, but I wonder ... because I do feel betrayed by him in some way and I never asked her to "read" me; she just picked up something and passed it on.

    Ah well, maybe I'm better off not knowing the truth at the moment, but if that's the case, then he really doesn't want to deal with the loss of his fiancee; at least not in the foreseeable future. I feel he's gone to the house he shared with her, and may be forming something with the lady who's been renting there for a few months. This way he's still in the circle, so to speak, of his fiancee's family.

    Just a rough guess!



  • Or maybe the 'other woman' is his ex, even though she has passed...



  • When we are disappointed in someone, it means we had certain expectations of them that weren't realized. If we can instead accept the company of another person without projecting our personal hopes. desires and dreams onto them, we would feel much less upset when they depart. We always hope for 'forever' when quality is so much more important than quantity.



  • Well, I wasn't looking for "forever" really, because I've not got any faith in that word, at least in things on this earth plane. I felt that my feelings for him were deepening, and I was happy having him around. I just cant' get away from the feeling that he lied to me. Like, the night before he left, he looked me squarely in the eye and told me he loved me and that we'd work it out.

    His lack of contact is what's hurting me the most, and making me so angry. I want to ring/text him and ask him why, but something stops me ...

    And today, I get home from work, sit down at the computer once I was settled enough, to find the modem switched off. I NEVER turn the modem off unless the net is running slow. Also, the other day when I got home from work, I noticed one of the outside chairs were turned around facing the kitchen window. I don't remember doing that, and never turn them around that way.

    I now have the feeling he's coming here when I'm not here - without letting me know mind you - and grabbing stuff he forgot when he left last Sunday.

    Or maybe that's me getting a wee bit paranoid ...

    But the modem thing got me a bit rattled, to say the least. Like, why can't he do me the honour of texting at least to say he's coming out here to get stuff? And why be on my computer?

    Ah, I dunno ... weird thangs, they are a-happenin ...



  • One more thing I forgot to mention: He said in May he wanted to marry me, so hence my disappointment now ...



  • Dear moon50, This certainly is a time that you feel confused , The answer often comes a little later,

    At this time you are in dis-belief and as a result YOU probably do not know whether to cry,,,to scream to be Angry,, to be understanding,,, and as a result you notice things that just don,t seem right. I have been there as well and I realized later my intuition was blocked, Something I could usuasly depend on, It will come back and you will see the entire picture clearly . In my mind you are not paranoid you are very upset and your feelings are NUMB. I wrote to you in your forum" THATS IT THEN" I don,t think you where up to reading it , I explained my situation hoping to encourage you and I think you where too upset to read anything there and of course I understand . I am sending you blessings &, positive thinking ,,, from Canada "A"



  • You need to change your computer password, for a start.


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