I don't know how to articulate this...
I had an on again and off again interaction with this man, who near the end of the two year mark started changing the rules a little bit, wanted to spend time together and would become upset when I broke things off with him to pursue my last two relationships. About 3 months ago I cut him out of my life again bc I became interested in the man I am now dating, which has only been happening for about a month and a half.
I really like "B" the new guy. He's funny, sweet, thoughtful, and extremely dedicated, although, he has some tendancies that are difficult to maneuver around. I, on occasion, feel as though he has a need to be right all the time, which is something I think we can work on, and he has some really great qualities that make sticking around with him worth it. However, looking forward (I've known him for about a year and a half before we started dating so it's not like we jumped in super fast) he is thinking of a massive change in his career; which will dramatically impact his finances etc. He is doing alot of forward thinking/talking about us but the uncertainty in career scares me bc I've been there done that my whole life. I'm kind of over it. He's a cancer.
"M" is the on again off again, started forming attachments at the end and recently came to me and apologized for our previous dynamic saying he is now ready for a relationship, sees the importance of moving forward, would eventually like to marry, etc. The problem is that I fell in love with this guy years ago, and even though I played it cool, my heart really got hurt a few times with him as he would purposefully push me away when he started feeling something for me. It was cyclical. I've kept my distance from him but now I"m a bit astounded that he's where he is in terms of wanting to love and be loved, especially when he tried so hard to avoid it (long story and tons of circumstances formed that foundation of avoidance for him). M is a Gemini
On one hand, I really adore "B" but can't tell if I"m pulling away or completely re-assessing because "M" is on the scene again and he is magnetic for me...I have an extremely difficult time not falling into M...we have an insane connection.
Maybe I'm just venting but I feel a little lost right now. I'm trying to just sit here and let it play out but I could use some advice.
Thanks for listening, ermmm, reading
I think M is sincere when he says he thinks he wants to move forward and get married one day but my instinct is that he is more talk than action and that if you did go back to him, he would fly away again - that is his nature. He is more intellectually oriented than emotionally oriented. He doesn't like to be tied down, no matter if he was married or not. It's like a fascination of opposites here, whereas with B, you have more in common and are on the same wavelength emotionally. However, B can be somewhat emotionally unstable and moody at times and may withdraw from you if things get tough.
But hey, who says it has to be either of these guys that you chose as a lifemate or even if you want to be stuck with the same person forever? Maybe your indecision stems from not feeling that either of these rather flighty gentlemen is right for you. Take your time and don't let them rush you into doing something you may regret just because you feel guilty or afraid of being alone.
What you need to consider is what YOU really want and will be happy with.
Its funny, I don't mind the being alone part. It's nice to have my freedom. I have a great group of friends, we bbq all the time, help eachother out with our kids, etc. Its good.
I think you are right about M. I think he likes the "idea" of settling down but again, it may not really be in his nature, after all, he's gone 41 years avoiding such commitment.
B is definitely withdrawing, and thats ok too. it's not easy to assimilate, as a single man, into a family with two almost adult kids. I have a 17 yf old and a 12 yr old... I think it overwhelmed him and he just isnt quite sure what to do.
I'll ride it out for a while...no need to cut anything off right now. It'll all work out how it is suppose to work out when given enough time.
Hugs, thanks a billion! I guess I just needed support.
B backed out completely shortly after I wrote this. I still go to bed and wake up with him on my mind. It's driving me crazy. He scared himself with this. He was doing a lot of forward thinking/planning and I should have pulled the reigns in but didnt. Live and learn I guess.
Been talking with M, there's no way he's coming around. He's incapable.
Gotta get B out of my brain. My heart still jumps when I think of him. I can't explain it. There are so few people in this world that elicit a somatic response like that...
What you are finding hard to let go of is the fantasy you had of B, and not the reality.
i miss the way he made me laugh. He was goofy as all get out and it was refreshing. I miss out friendship before with all the joking and him trying to pick my nose, it's juvinile but it was hilarious. I miss that...