MY HOUSE



  • Hi Moon50

    A good mantra to recite for any difficult situation. It is for clearing heart and mind. It is an easy

    way of purifying whatever negativity we are carrying. It'll relax you and will give you peace,

    prosperity and happiness.At night will be a good time for you to recite it so you dont feel so lonely.

    Of course any time is a good time I just said night because thats the time you are feeling so alone.

    Recite this mantra wholeheartedly daily 108X - ONLY IF YOU TRULY FEEL LIKE DOING IT!

    Om Mani Padme Hum pronouce as:

    OM Mani Peme Hong

    You are still feeling bonded in this relationship is what makes it difficult for you to release it.

    I recite this mantra daily and it gives me peace and able to accept things that I have no control of.

    Many blessings.



  • Thank you Magickal. I am still bonded; we were very close for that eighteen months, and a part of me feels he'll be back, either for closure or because we are both healed from our individual issues and ready to start again.

    Are you saying to recite this 108 times?? Goodness!! I don't know if I could stay awake long enough 🙂

    But thank you again, I'll take this on board. Every little bit helps 🙂

    Cheers

    Moon50



  • Hi Moon50

    The mantra is a Tibetan Buddhist prayer. Strong when recited vocally or recited quietly within the

    mind.Pay attention to the syllables when saying it.

    In Buddhism they have this rosary like with 108beads. Its a powerful number with them

    thats why they always say to use 108x.Would you believe some monks recite this 1000X!!!

    You can start with 27X and increase it gradually as you feel comfortable. When I first started this (108X)

    I thought it will be forever but gradually it became easy and fast. This really gave me peace &

    tolerance since I have been doing this. Sometimes some people or my husband

    makes me mad ( you know how

    men are) but since I have been doing this I'm able to tolerate and understand things.

    You can google Om Mani Padme Hum to give you more information and get more confident about the meaning of it.

    Since things have changed maybe you should always think " I'm not bonded with him anymore".

    Maybe those words will help unbond your mind or feelings towards him.

    Blessings & Peace to you.



  • Thanks again for that info 🙂

    I don't think I've ever quite got my head around "letting go" as such. If a person can't stop thinking about something or someone, how on earth does one achieve letting go? Guess this is one area where I'm pretty dense!!!

    Cheers

    Moon50



  • MOON50

    NO! I do not mean to tell you it was your fault as that is exactly the guilt gathering to avoid. NO it is to examine with great compassion--like taking apart a machine that worked but was not very productive and with detachment putting it back together. Knowing better and doing better. What holds most people back from doing better is they can not face their mistakes or faults so its easier to not look. It is hard to forgive ourselves and it is shocking to look at regret. Regret is the most damaging energy---part of us think we must suffer yet to be bad to ourselves hurts others. Anyone who has loved a self abuser has been hurt as well. No one can partake in self abuse without hurting others. Not loving yourself is a very selfish thing. I had to learn this lesson like most. Self love is an intention that is always under watch when you have not been born into it. often---we carry so much burried pain we create life patterns that give us a release for it. Same with anger--if in our childhoods we endured years of being forced to not express or feel anger we can find ourselves later in life being attracted to people who make us angry and have idea why. Life is a process and for most a journey towards healing and wholeness and accept that you are right where you need to be and you are about to have a very important door open for you. I come from an abusive childhood and there are two sides to everything--including evil--it's free will to take evil and make it a plus. Having been abused and living every mistake that came with it can make you a very very wise and compassionate person. It can give you endurance--fortitude and a greater understanding of spiritual principles and wisdom. Only if you can forgive yourself and honor your life as a spiritual journey. NO REGRETS! Just lessons! You are going to enter a new phase. Just know that none of us masters perfection. You have strong days--and some days you backslide. The positive difference is you do not wallowin it--you say woops--blow a kiss to your self in the mirroe and keep moving forward.It's all good! BLESSINGS!



  • Yes! I think I can feel that already! While it's not going to serve me for long, I am saying that this is Rodney's loss. I don't want to focus on that too much, because that then means I'm blaming him which I don't really want to do.

    My marriage was a roller coaster ride to say the least. I think if my husband wasn't in the Navy, we would've split a whole lot earlier than we did, because I got those times of running things my way and developed my own independence, although to start with I hated it when he went away.

    The one thing that seems to stick at the moment, is that I was good at loving Rodney. Better than I'd been in any relationship. To me, that means that I was becomign good at liking myself, now it's on to LOVING myself. I openly gave to him and shared, as he did me. Maybe this relationship was the healing stepping stone we both need, and now it's up to us as individuals. I wrote him a letter last n ight which I won't send; it was more a vent. But I felt some peace after I wrote it. It wasn't as angry and awful as I thought it'd be. There was a bit of name-calling, but nothing too bad. I wrote how I felt.

    to be honest, I'm not aware of feeling regret really. It's more a sorrow-loss thing, but not regret. I don't regret being with Rodney or what happened. I don't regret being with my ex husband or how negative it became. I'm happy to have had the lessons that taught me, and him.

    I am aware though, of feeling a bit numb at the moment; like my emotions are on a sort of gentle wave where I'm not getting anything much but a bit of sadness and a bit of happiness, with that numb sort of feeling in between.

    On another plus side, I am not feeling alone here in my house with all my resident spirits. If anything, I'm feeling like I'm being protected in a warm, caring blanket that protects me as I go to sleep at night. I share my bed with my dog and cat and that's good.

    The anger is slowly dissipating and I think that'll become something of the past sooner rather than later.

    all that is left, I think, is for me to stop bloody well smoking and chewing my nails!! Two habits I've had for years and two habits I've tried to stop on numerous occasions, but as soon as the going gets tough, I'm on it.

    I do confess though, to still feeling a remnant of anger towards my sister. Here and there I've felt true pity for her and her behaviour, though that anger still simmers a bit. Whether I need to confront her, or leave it where it is (we haven't spoken for almost 9 years now) is not clear to me at the moment. But she's not someone I'd want in my life as a friend, so I've kept it that way. We never really got on well together, even when I was a teenager and looking after HER most of the time it seems.

    It is all good; I do know that. But I'm allowing myself to feel how I feel on any given day and not hiding it from anyone. I dont' care what they think. I'm also giving myself permission to feel how I feel for as long as it takes. If I'm invited anywhere and don't feel like going, I say so. People need to understand, properly, that I need to heal and if being by myself outside of work, etc, is how I do it, then so be it. It's too much for me at the moment being around too many people, and God knows work can be exhausting enough due to that.

    Onwards and upwards. That's where I have to look for myself. I'm tired of self-limiting beliefs and those things that were drummed into us as kids.

    Blessings to you Blmoon! Thank you for taking the time to chat to me 🙂

    Cheers

    Moon50



  • I have a sister I can not be close to either. I did have a sister who was the opposite--very pure of heart and she died in a car accident the day after christmas 35 years ago. I tried to heal my loss by getting closer to my other sister and she made me cry. Sometimes it is what it is and these attempts to make it work are just a shiny idea--like trying to tie a ribbon on a turd. My sister is mentaly ill.When we were young I could only feel my own pain but now seeing her near the last of life and the wreckage, isolation and suffering in her life it's easier to not still be angry as she did some very evil things BUT just as a said--she is so so self abusive and bad to herself and has never really known love! I realised to buy into her treatment of me was my own betrayal as I had a choice to to take it personal OR believe that she could not help herself--she is mentaly ill and I could either give her sad thoughts a space in my life or choose love and remind myself of the bigger picture those who can love. We cannot control others--only our perspective. BLESSINGS! happy new moon!



  • No we cant' control others. Siblings can cause the most damage in our lives sometimes, as my sister and yours prove.

    I couldn't control my sister's meanness, especially when it was directed to my foster son who thought he'd caused the rift in my family. I remember getting him and shaking him and saying "they're not my family if they're going to treat you like that. You're my family". The last words I spoke to my sister were to the tune of, "who's the selfish btch now?" but of course she went bleating off to dad who then rang and abused me. If I remember right, I hung up on him. I've tried holding the olive branch out to my parents, but they seem to be waiting for me to apologise for everything that went wrong, without looking at their part in it, or my sister's. So I wiped my hands of them months ago and really don't feel a need to get in touch with them. I may still get in touch, but it's not coming from a place of needing mummy and daddy. I just don't want to stand by their gravesides one day without having tried. I have tried and they failed me, and themselves truth be told. There is no more I can do. But they have missed out on so much of their granddaughter's life, and a grandson they never bothered to get to know. Again, that's their loss. I'm not bitter about it, but I shake my head and wonder why they think I'm to blame for every piece of crp that went on. But blame me they do and I refuse to wear it. I did apologise for my part in things, but refused to apologise for the whole lot.

    As I said to my foster son, biology is not always best and blood is not necessarily thicker than water. He's had a similar relationship with his mother who tried to make him feel responsible for her pitiful life. He's learned now, that he was not, but still ... she's his mother and he's only 21. Hopefully he'll undo the pain, lose the scars and get on with his life a bit more whole and trusting than he has done. He has a real nice girlfriend and I'm hoping he'll hang on to her so long as it's the right thing to do. If not, well, his lesson learned hopefully and he'll go on to better things for himself. Just wish he'd stop some of his "behaviour" (alcohol, drugs, etc) and learn to befriend himself too ...

    Yes, happy new moon!

    Cheers

    Moon50


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