At a loss! Please help.



  • Dear LinvingonaPrayer,

    I am desperately in need of a reading. My ex husband (09.06) and I (07.20) divorced in January 2012. I was definitely very hurt by this as I loved this man with all my heart. However, when issues surfaced, he did not do anything (literally) to redeem the marriage. We did not even sit to discuss resolving the issue (he cheated on me and I found out). He moved out of my residence in January 2012 after which he and I never communicated again. Then in July, he texted me wanting to know if I will sign a Power of Attorney for him to renew the tag to a truck I gave him as part of our divorce. I was very kind to him and gave him what he needs (car, laptop and money) to move out. I told him to send me the truck title to sign it over to him so that he can get the truck registered in his name. Anyway, the exchange was direct and short. Then last week, he said he was coming back to town (he left the State and is now 19 hours away - driving), ,and would like to know if he can see me. I said ok. He also said he would like to pick up any mail for him that has accumulated at my residence. Then he asked again if I will sign a Power of Attorney. I said no. He then text me to leave his mail out in the mail box. I did the morning before I left to work. He did indeed pick up the mail that day so he was in town. Never heard a word from him.

    I need the reading to tell me the following:

    Has he really moved on to where he is not even reconsidering me in his future plans?

    What does my outlook on a relationship look like? Am I doomed in the relationship department or is there hope?

    Please help me!

    Rosie



  • Hi Rosie,

    On reading your post, I get the following feeling/s:

    He has moved on and had done quite a while prior to the marriage ending.

    I know you loved this man, but sadly as the old saying goes, love can be blind. In your case I feel there were signs you either didn't see or chose to ignore.

    This man is chasing the greener grass and is showing you a coldness and heartlessness you might not have seen in him (or again, chose to ignore).

    Truly, and I'm sorry to say this, but he is not worth the heartache you are currently experiencing, but experience it you will as it is always hard to end something that played such a large part in your life.

    Please, grieve for this marriage by all means, move on from it and open your heart to other, better relationships with men and new friends.

    Doomed in the relationship department? Of course your'e not unless you believe yourself to be!

    There definitely IS hope, hence I wish you a brighter tomorrow which will definitely come 🙂

    Cheers

    Moon50

    PS: Don't give him anymore financial help; he doesn't need it, and don't tie yourself up in any legalities with him without legal advice beforehand.



  • Thank you so much Moon50 and your words of wisdom are certainly taken to heart. In a way, I feel the same and ready to move on. But his contact with me and games tend to put me back in wonder thoughts! But yes, he certainly seems to have moved on but trying to still make it hard for me. It is what it is and you are so right. Once again, thank you so much for your input.



  • He is attempting to feather his own nest. Ignore his advances as best you can, and focus on feathering yours 🙂



  • Absolutely! You couldn't be more right/correct than this. I am doing all I can to pick up the pieces and keep moving forward. However, seems to me that he is bent on making me suffer and is doing all he can to hurt me fiscally, emotionally and otherwise. We shall see what takes from here. Will be sure to keep you posted. Thanks so much for being here with me on this. Your wisdom is amazing and encouraging. Hugs and Kisses to you dear. 🙂



  • Rosie, I had similar from my ex husband, although he did everything to try and get me back while at the same time, doing what he could to very subtly make sure my finances suffered. I left him the house, only taking what furniture I needed when I left because I knew the sort of shite I'd go through if I went for half of our assets. I started over, and now have a great new partner and life is slowly on the up and up. Sure, I live in a comparatively run-down old farmhouse, but love it and have been here nearly three years.

    Have I suffered doubt for doing this? You betcha! Have I sometimes missed the "good" times with my ex? Again, yes!! But I have the steering wheel in my hands now, and as tiring as it gets sometimes, I wouldn't trade it for the control and lack of self esteem I lived under for 23+ years.

    Hugs back to you! I wish you all the very best life has to offer 🙂

    Cheers

    Moon50

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoox



  • Wow. I totally see where you are coming from and it totally sides with thoughts I am thinking of putting into action. I am preparing to really downsize, sell the house, etc, and start a new leaf! I am alone, my son just went to college, and will probably the first to see me make such a move. All he wants is for me to be happy and that I plan to be. I see now, after several months of this silent suffering, that he is not worth it, NOT ONE BIT! So yes, I am making some moves here and there to really begin living life. I have a partner who is sweet to me and tells me everyday how madly in love he is with me. However, I am taking it one day at a time and just won't commit to another relationship so soon. He seems to understand and is okay about being my close friend until I feel ready. He says I am worth the wait. I will be sure to let you know how this develops and/or if it does.

    Let's stay in touch on here and whenever you find time.

    Much luck to you too. Your story is amazing and very encouraging. I am glad you found something that brings you happiness as opposed the grueling 23 years you endured.

    Heart-felt regards and best wishes to you, always always and forever! 🙂



  • And to you Rosie. It's ironic you know, I work with a very lovely lady called Rosie and she's also a crab!

    The other major thing that has struck me in recent times is that I also was the victim of, I guess what you'd call, "silent abuse" whereby he'd say something, then when I'd query him later or act on whatever he'd said, he'd tell me he never said it in the first place, causing me to doubt myself. Other things that happened were that he wanted me to be able to develop my art and writing when we moved to the country, but got on my back about getting a job and as hard as I tried, all I could get was house cleaning - which I didn't mind, but it didn't bring much money in. His money was his money. I was too fat, drank too much, embarrassed him in front of his friends sometimes, etc, etc. And he was physical with me as well, but I swept all that under the carpet, especially after my mother told me to "stop doing things that make him angry".

    This is what we sometimes have to deal with, while our own emotional fibre is being worn down day by day. My current partner NEVER calls me names, has never lost his temper with me, and if angry, smiles and says "it'll be right", while I rant, rave, swear and all those things I had to tamp down while I was with my ex while he just gets that smile and says, again, "you'll be right".

    We need to emerge and have people around us who allow and encourage that.

    As an aside: I also don't speak to my family anymore for similar treatment, and also their complete refusal to accept my foster son.

    Hasn't life been grand? Yet it has been and IS because we have learned a lot and been given another chance, which we must grab by the horns and make the most of it, while applying our new knowledge gained during our old lives.

    Interesting isn't it?

    Keep me posted 🙂

    Cheers

    Moon50



  • Hello Moon50. It is sad when the people you trust the most are the ones that end up hurting you the most. Exs, family or best friends. You now have to be strong just for you. Be thankful for the wonderful gentleman you have in your life now. It may take you a minute to adjust your belief and trust considering the demoralization you went through with your ex. Try your best to not let that impact your current relationship and continue to work on making things right JUST FOR YOU! No one else matters. If you didn't matter to them, then they shouldn't matter to you one bit! You will be just fine and yes, you are right in that we learn from these experiences for the better!

    Have a marvelous wonderful day today!



  • Hi, He is being nice to try and get what he wants (material) from the relationship. That's about it.



  • Well Rosie, sadly the relationship I had with my ex was more like a father-daughter thing. He treated me like a little girl and it really wore thin after all those years. He'd treat me like that in one breath, then tell me I was an "established woman" in the next!? I'm aware he still has the ability to make me feel like running for cover and I have to remind myself that the only "hold" he has over me is he's the father of my children. I've done things since our divorce so he has no room to point the finger at me which is also very annoying. I know I'll come to it one day: where I believe that he no longer has the power to affect me. Until that day, I need to keep going until the whole thing dies a natural death. I feel a confrontation will present itself and that it's not far off. We'll see ...



  • I totally understand. We just have to starting creating a mental block from their anguish to move on. It is hard work but it can be done. But yeah, it does sometimes make you wonder if this feeling we have will ever go away.

    Thanks Dall. I appreciate your comment. It is so obvious that he only is nice for his own furtherances! I have basically told myself, it's over and to let it be. Hopefully and soon, nothing he says or does will bother me. I am still working on it but getting very close!

    Take care ladies!



  • You too! And it's amazing how these men have to even the score, so to speak, which usually comes from a place of anguish and hurt, but comes out as malice and/or manipulation. Then again, we all have our coping mechanisms that aren't always obvious to the casual observer ... sigh ...



  • Hi Rosie

    I just seen this thread sorry i have been flatout in answer to your first questiion i am sorry he has moved on i have the king of pentacles reveresed he is not interested in being committed to this relationship i am sorry to be so blunt , i agree with Daliolite he is only being with you for material purposes .i would also be careful of signing anything over to him i would be seeking leagal advice before doing so . The next card that came out is the 5 of swords reveresed the meaning of this card is to accept defeat and move on , im sorry with this card next to the king indicates to me permanent seperation , the next card that came out was the 5 of cups reveresed this a great card for you indicating that you will be able to overcome this , and realise that this seperation is for the best you will move on to a brighter happier future with the loving support of your family and freinds .

    I hope this helps

    Love and hugs 2 u loap:)



  • Thank you so much LOAP, I appreciate your input very much. I do see it is a permanent separation and I see this from his actions. It has become very clear to me that he has moved on and treats me the way he does because he is not considering our relationship in anyway. I am very fine with that as I too realize, he has nothing to offer me, not even love! So sure, he should move on to his next victim as long as he let me be! I called him yesterday to confirm his address to forward his mail to him and he was so cold and mean! So again, that in itself told me he was miserable for his own reasons and decided that being cold and mean to me helps! I was merely doing him a favor!

    Again, I appreciate your assistance with this and I certainly look forward to moving on beyond this chapter of my life, to a brighter and happier future. Will keep you posted.

    Thanks.

    Rosie



  • Hi Rosie ,

    ((HUgs)) 2 u Its sad but people change , do you guys have any kids together ? .



  • HI LOAP, Thanks God NO! No kids. Can you imagine? LOAP, I had to call him on Friday to ask and confirm if he wanted me to send some important mail that came to my home for him. I was jovial, happy but he was cold and mean. Yet, he picked up the phone! He seemed so offish with me and mind you, this is someone I never did anything to insult or inconvenience him. In fact, I made it very easy for him to leave and do his thing. Are you able to see what his problem is? I can tell he is not really doing as well as he boasted to me. I am getting NSF Bank Notices for him all the time! Oh well, just curious but if you are able, please do another reading on my question about him above and if possible, something pertaining to just me going forward. Thank you dear and you are a blessing. Thank you thank you and thank you!



  • Hi Rosie ,

    Ive pulled some cards regarding your question 9 of wands , the star 5 of wands

    Your Husband is being very stand offish as he is feeling very hurt about this whole situatiion has been hurt time and time again now he is fighting back , this hurt stems from the past as well and not only from your relationship . I am getting a feeling from him like he has tried and tried to make you happy and nothing has worked can you relate to this ? and this has led to feelings of resentment he is trying to get past this . I am feeling he is a very soft person who is very positive and the way he is acting at the moment is totaly out of character like in my past reading i dont see you getting back together but with the star coming out i feel in in time he will be a good friend to you but there are others that will not be happy with this , i feel it could be his family the 5 of wands confirms this i feel other people are influencing him and in his ear this is what the main cause of the problem . I still would keep my guard up with him at the moment , as i really dont feel he is in a right frame of mind and is out to hurt you .

    I hope this helps .

    Love and light Loap:)



  • Thank you LOAP for your reading. You are very kind. I feel I was the one who did everything I could to show him (not just tell him) of how much I love him. Then he did what he did (cheated on me, never defended it or even tried and moved out). He never once fought for our relationship to continue while he lived at my residence 6 moonths before the divorce was final or 4 months before I filed for the divorce. Hence, he showed me how much he never loved me to begin with. We never argued or had problems during our relationship and I feel that's because he had much more to get accomplished while with me to be able to take off and do what his heart truly desires. I do have my guard up and really, I do not see him ever considering coming back to me (as in a relationship). Friendship, may be. I see him as too cocky and egotistical to even think to do that.

    Last request and I promise to never bother you again - Do you see anywhere that he may one day want to come back to me? I mean as in apologize for what happened and see if there is any chance of us possibly getting back together? I ask this because you say: "I do not see you getting back together" and wondered if the "you" pertains to both of us or just me.

    Once I hear your reading or response to the above, I am certain I will be quite settled and on the up to keep moving on as I am now. A bit of insight about what may possibly take place not only is informative, but helps me plan around that. So your reading and insight is GREATLY appreciated.

    Thank you kindly.



  • Hi Rosie ,

    I just want to let you know i will ask the cards your question but i am waiting a while as i feel i am getting mixed messages from the cards regarding you situation . I will give in another few days .

    Love and light Loap)


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