Captain-Would Really Love Your Help :)
I meant to add say-will this impression get worse with time or should I just stop while I am ahead?
Asia, before getting involved with anyone else, you need to resolve the neediness and vulnerability in yourself that is so obvious to others - otherwise you will attract people who want to exploit it. Before you enter a relationship with anyone else, repair the relationship you have with yourself and resolve any fears or issues that may show you to be easily manipulated by anyone who is attentive and kind to you. I feel you are looking for a 'good father' substitute rather than an equal partner.
Thank you Captain for all of your help
I have tried to get over that whole father baggage but it seems like it just will not go away. I try my best not to be needy or make it obvious. I want to help myself and I do try, I am just tired of feeling alone all of the time. I want to feel close to someone and have a bond. I feel worse and worse when it comes to love only because I don't really know how long it is going to take me to get over this hump with my father and deal with percieved rejection. My feelings run deep and I try not to let it show but I am literally burning on the inside to connect with others. I don't really want a full blown relationship-I would just love to date. From to looks and sounds of it, everything is going wrong so far. I just want to be loved while learning to love myself more. Sometimes, I dont know how I can go on this longer but for the most part I know I will try. God knows I will.
Sorry to be depressing, I just want a solution and for people to listen to me without me turning away and feel so alone.
The person we most need to be in a good relationship with is ourself. If you are your own best friend and supporter, you will never feel abandoned or rejected. Tell me, if you were a stranger observing yourself, what would you see? Would you like what you saw? In what way do you think this 'person' can improve her life and like herself more? What do you observe about how she treats herself?
You do have a point. That's why I don't get too mad at those that don't know me that well-if I felt or feel I would be nervewracking in some way. I would think I sabotage my happiness often by holding on to past hurts and distrust and deserve to try to make myself happy. I feel would also say the girl should go out more and have fun, life is too short.
I was wondering why I get so sluggish and irritated when I stay at alone home with my little brother for hours and hours at a time. We are extremely poor and I really don't know how to please him or make him play or teach him anything. I work (now only on weekends due to the fact I have to stay home) and go to school during the week. I'll have a plan laid out for my day-excercise, school work and so on but it can never get executed because I am so focused on trying to get my work out and getting my spirits up when i feel low (often). But when everyone else comes home, I don't feel like being bothered and just want to get my tasks done. I don't mean to hurt everyone's feelings but I hate when my day doesn't go as planned when it could work. I hate for things to hold me back and feel like I cant change them. For example, I don't know what to worry about first or how to work on one thing at a time because there are so many things I need-a car, apartment (for my sanity) and working on my filmmaking career (which I brings me happiness).
Im don't have any clue what I can and can't do about this situation because there is no one at home that can understand to be honest with you. Everyone feels like you are stepping on thier toes.
Do you have any suggestions Captain?
What could I do to make all of my goals work cohesively (car, apartment and film career)?
because my little brother has no one at home with him whatsoever.
You have to prioritize your life - decide which one thing is most important to you right now and work on that. Trying to do everything at once only means you exhaust yourself and accomplish nothing. I suggest you start with the shortest term objective - save up to buy yourself that car. It will become a freedom machine for you, even if it is just an old second-hand model. Think of ways you can increase your income - maybe work from home - are there other people you could babysit for, for example?
Some other ideas -
1. Sell Your Stuff. One of the best things you can do to earn a few quick bucks is sell all the useless stuff you have sitting around your house. If you are thinking “nobody is gonna want this” you are wrong. You know the saying “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Something that you might find useless and old, like books someone else might want. So how do you find buyers for your stuff? Try running a garage sale, for instance, or sell your things online. Go through what you have, and decide what you can part with. Selling it can provide the means of a small amount of immediate money..
2. Paid Testing: You can be a paid tester. Medical companies, cosmetics developers and others pay testers to try products and treatments. For some studies, you might have to meet certain requirements. Also, if it is a long study, it may take longer for you to get your money. Look for shorter studies. You can search “paid medical studies” and you will see a list of clinics, testing companies and paid focus group opportunities.
3. Plasma Donation: Blood plasma is in relatively high demand. One of the great things about plasma donation is that you can go two times in any seven days — so long as you wait at least two days in between. Check with DonatingPlasma.org to find centers near you. Can get between $20 and $35 a pint.
4. Share Your Talents: Those with skill in music or drama can make money by sharing their abilities by busking. If it is allowed, you can set up to entertain at parks. Many towns have farmers’ markets, and you can ask if you can be put on the entertainment schedule. You can make money on donations from those who appreciate your performance.
5. Recycle: Look around your locality to find out whether or not there are recycling facilities. Many towns still have scrap metal recycling facilities that will pay you by the pound if you bring in metal. Additionally, if you live in a state where you pay a deposit for glass bottles, you can return the bottles for the deposit. Gather up bottles that other have thrown out and return them. Just be aware that it is illegal to do this across state lines.
6. Odd Jobs: You can usually be paid in cash for odd jobs. If you are knowledgeable about making repairs, yardwork or cleaning homes, you can make some quick cash for such jobs. Depending on your abilities and skill level, you can can offer pet care services. It can be as simple as walking dogs and feeding cats for out-of-town neighbors, or it can be as complex as bathing and grooming services.
7. Pawn Your Stuff: If you don’t want to arrange a yard sale, you can pawn your stuff. In some cases, you are getting a loan that you have to pay back if you want your item back. However, if you don’t care about the item, you can simply take the cash and let the pawn shop keep it. Other pawn shops will buy items from you, and then re-sell them at a mark up.
8. (For your parents) Rent Out Your Driveway: Some people, who live near public transportation or who live near attractions, rent out their driveways — even their yards. Provide parking that is close to a popular location, and do it for less than a commercial lot or parking garage. You can get some quick cash. But you do have to be willing to park a little farther away, or risk having your car blocked into your garage.
9. Emergency Assistance for the family: It’s not exactly like getting cash, but it can help. If you are in dire straits, you can check with the local food pantry, or speak with a representative of the clergy at your church. You might find that you can get free groceries, or even assistance paying some bills. This will free up cash for other uses.
10. Arts and Crafts: For those who are talented in the area of arts and crafts, it is possible to sell what you make. Web sites like Etsy provide you a way to sell what you create.If you sew, work with wood, knit, quilt, paint or enjoy some other type of art pursuit, you can build a business.
11. Photography: When you have a good eye, and some talent with a camera, you can make money as a photographer. Offer to take photos for graduation, weddings, births and other life events. It’s possible to find small lighting kits on eBay, and a dark sheet can provide a background if you do indoor photography rather than outdoor. With the help of digital cameras and web sites like Shutterfly, it is possible to provide this service. On top of that, you can provide creative photos, landscapes and other images to stock photo sites, and receive money every time someone downloads your pictures. In some cases, you can receive residual income from things you write or pictures you upload. Stock photo sites allow you to make money when others use your photos. There are a number of content-driven web sites that will pay you based on pageviews of articles you wrote years ago, or let you earn AdSense income. This is a way of making money online.
12. (For family) Provide Lodging: You can rent out a room in your home. You can convert part of your house to a bed and breakfast, and you can rent it out for temporary visitors to your home. Or, you can rent a room to a college student, or young professional, who needs a place to live. This will provide you with some regular income from the use of your home.
13. Self-Publishing: In this digital age of self-publishing, it’s possible for you to make your own ebook or offer music for download — and keep all of the money for yourself. No royalties required.
14. Mystery shopping. Not all mystery shopping jobs are scams, though some are. There are reoutable companies (particularly those with franchise operations) that pay people to shop at specific stores or eat at particular restaurants and then report back about their experience. This gives the companies helpful feedback about quality control.
15. Another home-based field that is growing is the "personal concierge" business. This type of enterprise focuses on taking care of tasks and errands people don't want to do (or don't have time to do) for themselves. These range from gift buying (either online or in person) to event planning. If you're organized and resourceful, this kind of work can be quite lucrative.
16. Here are a few more sites that may help as you search for a work-at-home job: Indeed.com aggregates job listings from newspaper classifieds and other sources; craigslist.com features jobs posted directly by employers; and MomCorps.com focuses on jobs that offer flexible working conditions.
Thank you so much Captain. Already have been trying some of these resources out.
My mom and dad went to counseling but she told me when they went-they guy felt that psychiatry was biased to guys and my dad seemed like a good guy (my dad lied most of the time). I could not help but feel bad for my mom because my dad seems to get away with his behavior. When I want him to be exposed for the cruel monster he can be. He has gotten away with so many things.
When will my dad ever be exposed for the monster he is?
To whom do you want him to be exposed?
people that I believe should help me-cops,consuelors, psychiatrist people who may witness us arguing.
i was also wondering how my father feels towards me now?
He tried to talk to me today but i was not having it.
Oh and this may seem out of the blue but this is important to me-is that Production Assistant job I applied for a scam-I have a slight feeling it is.
So you want your father to be publically punished - would that make you feel better? He is changing slowly, but unless you put aside your hurt feelings, you won't be able to see it.
Give me more details about this production assistant job and I will tell you what impression it gives me.
In a way it would make me feel better but I know it is not right so I really want to put those dark thoughts away. The thing is it takes me time to heal and feel comfortable about him again-this is the situation that I will let time determine how I feel.
About the PA job, this filmmaker with 3 children claims he is extremely busy and needs someone to help him organize, set up meetings, buy equipment and negotiate deals for him-while I am at home. He told me he will pay me $500 a week and said I had to have a good sense of humor to work with him. I gave him my information (nothing sensitive such as my credit card or social security number) and told a little joke just to test it. The email-almost automated detailed that he was sending me a check for 4500 and I need to wire 4000 to buy equipment to take to his manager. I told him to send me a demo reel of his work and that I felt uncomfortable with the transfer but he never responded to that. Only to an email about another assignment.
Do you believe this job is a phony?
How can I change my deep seeted feelings of unworthiness-its becoming a major problem for me?
That job is a scam - send no money.
“Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you – all of the expectations, all of the beliefs – and becoming who you are.”
~Rachel Naomi Remen
To deal with feelings of deep unworthiness -
Don’t stay locked into the past. Somehow you have concluded that you are lacking because of how other people reacted toward you (your parents were reacting from their own problems, not because of you). If you let your mind run wild, it will keep repeating this story forever. Now is the time to let the past go. Every time these thoughts appear, don’t give them energy. Let them float by like clouds across the sky. Focus instead on the life-force that is present now.
Challenge your beliefs about yourself. Get to know your version of self-critical thoughts – "I’m stupid, I can’t succeed, I will be laughed out, I’m unlovable" etc. None of these thoughts holds a grain of truth. Not one iota. Recognize that they play in your mind as an endless loop that limits your capacity for happiness. They don’t serve you, so let them be and move on. Let your troublesome identities fall away.
End the violence. We reject ourselves and each other in so many gross and subtle ways. End the violence now by being kind toward your own thoughts and feelings. Treat yourself like gold. Find a generous space in your heart that is available to receive everything that arises in you without exception.
Be willing to be free. By now, your unworthiness is probably a friend of sorts. Imagine that this identity, this way of being you know so well, disappears. Poof! Things would look very different to you. Have the courage to step out into the unknown and be free of what holds you back.
Risk rejection. Yes, you read that correctly – risk rejection. If you don’t want to be trapped by unworthiness any longer, put yourself out there. Don’t act like the shrinking violet or the know-it-all. Be your whole, radiant, magnificent, awkward, scared, quirky self. Some people may shy away, but others will be drawn to your gorgeous authenticity. And you will know that they love you as you are. You have no need to pretend to be someone else.
Access your natural resilience. You have what it takes to heal this unworthiness. Humans naturally gravitate toward wholeness and peace. Be willing to heal. Be willing to live in the totality of you – that means all of you. Create a momentum and keep it going.
Start small. Take one situation or encounter and approach it without the cloak of unworthiness. Do experiments. Stretch the edges of your comfort zone just a little. And don’t be discouraged. Keep at it – your happiness hangs in the balance.
Repeat, repeat, repeat. Don't say “But I’ve done that, and I still feel the same way.” The goal is not to eliminate thoughts and feelings. Rather, bring a loving presence to them. See them, acknowledge them, then let them pass by while you stay stable in the fullness of your being. Do this every time they arise, and eventually they will soften. The pattern of unworthiness might have been with you for decades. Be patient. Give it time, and loving attention, and it will loosen its grip.
Thank you so much Captain-this list has helped alot and has made me feel 100% about the healing process. I know I can and will be happy once I get over this hump. My whole attitude just got readjusted after I read this. I released some of my anger before then but I feel a lot better now. I am going to focus on being the best I can be-and seeing all of this I know I can.
By the way, I didnt get an attitude at all with my dad today, in fact slightly smiled. I didn't want to be bitter-I need to release and learn to let go and don't let other's people's actions towards me define me. I think it made him feel a little better than my attitude yesterday but I am still taking this slow but I won't be so hostile towards him. To be honest I realized the bitterness of our situation among other situations I have dealt with is tearing me apart with anger that I can't seem to get rid of. It is only that way because I haven't let go completely yet so today I am not going to hold on to anything or let people define me. I'll just try my best to be the bigger person in any situation and stick to my morals.
Thank you so much Captain
Hi Captain I have read many of your posts and you are extremely talented in the advice you give, if you have the time i wondered could you answer for me.
I recently turned down an offer of a house move as it felt completely wrong to me,but wanted to know aprox how long I am likely to be waiting for a new offer to be made to me?
Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful gift with us all
Good for you, Asia!
Meandkids, this is Asia's thread so I will just reply briefly to you. If you start your own personal thread, I will answer you there in more detail if you need it. What I am picking up from you right now is that you feel 'jinxed' in love or that you are unlovable, so thus are preventing your soulmate's arrival in your life by not feeling you can ever find love. The house will sell - you have the courage and tenacity to see it through - you may have to drop the price however because of the neighbourhood.
Captain-I blew up again today-I just had to vent. I have been pretty upset and have the urge to quit my job out of necessity. Its just my mom always mentions or hints that it wouldnt be good for everyone else and its probably not smart to do so. I need to cultivate my videography business-so I can lean more tricks and get more jobs-risky move but I need the freedom to follow my passion. I think I will be fine-I mean I have the basics and don't need much else. It is the one thing that makes me happy but it is very hard for me to do during the week-which I babysit and do schoolwork and the weekend I work full time. When I get home, no one cares about me following my passion its just I understand but I need the house clean, I need you to watch Q and blah blah blah. Anytime I mention the burdens my mom places on me she talks to me about what I do wrong and how I spend my money and how I don't help out as much as I think I do. These actions make me resent her in the worst way-I love my mom and know she is going through a tough time but she can never take criticism for her actions and gets offended and angry instead.
I feel either we need to find a new babysitter or drop my job altogether after doing nothing but saving checks (which will be difficult being that everyone always needs stuff and think I am being selfish if I just save my checks for myself-my mom has called that selfish once and also blew up at me before for not having any money-that is not my responsibility).
THIS IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST THINGS THAT CAUSES OR TRIGGERS MY INTENSE DEPRESSION AND ANGER!
What can I do about this-I want to move but need a car, a babysitter for my brother and have no one to stay with (which I heard my grandmother is giving me because my father in a bitter rage took mine away from me-really hurt by the way) I want to quit my job after 5-6 months of saving all of my checks and focus on videography-which can be very profitable I just scared of the backlash and hate from my family?
What is best for me to do because talking to my mom is not an option.