Captain-Would Really Love Your Help :)

  • Hey Captain! I was wondering if you could help me with figuring out a way to stay positive and focused on the positive. I do great some days and some days not. My mother just got a jobs and Ive been making more money but really have not been able to really do what I really want to do with it-buy camera equipment, build up my videography business, save up for a car and buy me necessities for myself. I find myself helping my mom out a lot (she has not had a job in a while) being that my dad is a deadbeat and doesn't talk to me at all anymore (he deals with everyone else but me now), we haven't spoken in five months. I go to work full time as well as go to school (which I am doing well in)

    The house is very chaotic and plagued with everyone's on going issues, spiritually and mentally as well as financially. Most of my money goes towards my mother and my siblings. Mostly things they need and little wants here and there but just to give them morale. All of this support going on my shoulders in weighing me down and I want to figure out a way to stay focused on my goals.

    What ways can I accomplish my goal of moving out (I really don't have anyone I can room with) and/ or save money for myself?

    How can I keep everyone strong and keep everyone's morale boasted during these hard times?

  • What is the main thing that really gets you down?

  • Having too much weight on my shoulders by seeing everyone struggle-heping as much as I can but not able to fulfill my goals to its full potential.

    I also hate having any decision dictated by the responsibilities of living at our home and helping everyone else.

  • We are not obliged to help or be responsible for anyone but ourselves - by being the best that you can be, you become a shining example to others and that is the most useful way to help them. You are feeling burdened because you are taking everyone else's responsibilities for their own actions onto your shoulders. Everyone struggles in this life but we all have to learn to bear those troubles ourselves. You cannot take away the lessons that other people have to learn because it is how they learn and grow. So don't try keeping everyone else strong - just yourself. You will break if you try to carry everyone else. They must learn to walk by themselves. Be a friend, not a mother. You cannot focus on your own life when you are too focused on others' lives.

  • Thank you Captain. This may come out of the blue but Im not sure what happened to my debit card but Im sure it is somewhere in the house (Im positive) but do you have any clue to where it may be?

  • I already found it Captain. No more worries lol.

  • Hey Captain-I really feel the need to move out and have my own space to clear my head. Living with my mother, forced to deal with my father (we have not and will never repair anything) and forced to deal with other's problems is too much of a burden on me. My mother is too oversensitive (she will never admit to this-her bday is July 23rd 1973) and dramatic to hear me out without being offended or questioning my loyalty to her. It is very irritating and I don't feel happy, appreciated or assured that this will ever change. I think it is best to leave. I really do love her and wish she knew this has nothing to do with her but my own happiness and survival.

    What is the best way for me to go about this situation?

  • Sometimes you just have to walk away when no one is listening to you. Can you afford to get your own place or share with friends?

  • I can get my own place but i recently changed my availability at my job (I was making around $500 every paycheck due to my long hours) but my mom got a job and she was the main person taking me to work and there is no babysitter for my 2 year old brother so instead of quitting. I just work weekends. I can share a place with friends but I need to figure out a situation where my baby brother has somewhere safe to stay while I work because we have no one that can help us.

    How is my 2 year old brother feeling and how can I make him feel better ?

    (Sometimes I feel he is sad and bored)

  • Asia, you are his sister, not his babysitter or his parent - don't take on roles that you should not have to bear. His real mother has to be responsible for him, even if she is somewhat lax in this department. You have your own life to live, not anyone else's for them. You need to talk honestly with your mother about this situation and put the responsibility onto her for dealing with it. If no one expects responsibility from her, why should she show it? Your parents have to accept that they created you all and must do their proper parental jobs - you should not have to cover for them. Tell them this.

  • I will when the time comes to do so. I think I will just act and do what I know I should do. Thank you Captain.

    I really want to focus on building my own door for success and opportunity by completely focusing on myself and what I need to do. I really hate being cynical and resentful about not being selfish. I now know being selfish can be a good thing. I really hope somethings turn around in my life though. I just want to focus on being better in my career and life.

  • I just want opportunities. I don't mean to cry over spilled milk but I really need to learn how to forgive.

    Ive gotten over the ex-boyfriend

    Now its my father and other injustices that I really need to find peace with.

    I wish to date but I have a bitterness that still sits with me and has my guard up but I really want attention, love and care but when they hurt me or disappoint me (which the slightest thing can make me turn the cold shoulder forever because I dont want others to take advantage of me). I want to work on this.

    What is the best way to?

  • The best way to survive life is by not taking it personally. Your father's injustices hurt you because you feel that perhaps it's your fault or that you deserve it. You weren't bad or unlovable. But people like your parents and your ex have their own problems which cause them to behave badly - it's not you. It's them. You have to get past the pain by understanding that their own lives and choices made them the way they are. They don't just hurt you, they hurt others and themselves. It's not personal so don't take it that you are somehow to blame. Forgive them, learn from their mistakes, and go your own way. Give yourself the love, care and attention that you want from others who aren't capable of giving it to you, not because you're bad but because they are damaged - be your own best friend.

    But leave the anger and hurt and bitterness in the past - it won't help you be happy or sucessful to drag around negative emotions. Step back from your situation and become objective as if you were watching someone else's life, not your own. What advice would you give to someone in your situation? And don't believe that the past will repeat itself, otherwise you will never love or take a chance again.

  • Thank you Captain. I realized that and woke up with a new attitude. I will be a work in progress but after watching a motivating-I mean REALLY MOTIVATING speech. I decided to work alot harder and let the sins/bad deeds of others be theirs and not mine.

    I really been into talking to the guy at my job (Busboy) and he seems to like me. He asked me out today but I am taking it slow and wanting to see how this goes. I am a little nervous though but in a positive way.

    Does he like me like I think he does or is he just being friendly?

    His bday is December 13th 1989-what is our compatibility like (mine is May 6th 1992 @ 9:28pm)

  • You two can work well together but there would not be much chance of a great friendship or love match developing between you. You are looking for a more settled and reliable relationship while this guy likes to be on the move, likes his freedom, and also likes to dominate his partners and be in control, which will not sit well with you. Power struggles can result. This guy probably won't be able to give you the care and attention you crave. He tends to put his work or extra-curricular activities first and you won't like playing second fiddle or waiting for him to come home. Emotional issues are where the relationship falls down.

  • Ok seems very irritating but Im trying to be open minded because he seems ok but at the same time I dont know him that well. Is there any way this can work?

  • and also what is your personal feel on him?

  • I feel this man can see your vulnerability and thinks he can control you easily, that you would be a 'good little woman' who would obey him and do what he wants..

  • his bday is actually december 3rd sorry

  • sorry we commuted around the same time. Wow really is that what alot of guys see? Kind of disappointing-He hasn't really done anything for me to me an a s sh o le but really? Oh well

    Will this impression get worse if I continue pursuing this or should I just drop this subtly....

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