Blmoon - I need your help...



  • Dear Blmoon,

    I don't know if you had a chance to read the other post. I know you are busy and you have your own drama... I really need your guidance, I don't know what to do next. My husband refuses to talk, he is extremely agressive, nothing but accusations about my actions (twisted and distorted) and my thoughts and motives which he can know nothing about. He will not listen or agree to have a civilised adult conversation. He is verbally abusive talking non-stop and then walks out. He is not sleeping here now.

    And you are right, despite the mistress and all that stuff, I think he is depressed but he covers it up with agressivity towards me and sometimes even our son. I think he is very influenced by this woman but not only... there a former girlfriend he has always been in close touch with and she has always created trouble between us. I am not finding excuses for him, he has always been bad. He would be pretty awful and then come back and act as if nothing had happened and be nice... but now he runs to her.

    I am wondering if I should call his best friend who is a sensible man and ask him if he can talk to him and try to convince him to discuss the situation... but it is tricky.

    Have you got any insight for me in this situation?

    Thank you for your help!

    Love

    RS



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  • RS - What exactly needs to be discussed with your husband? Just file for the divorce. Don't allow excuses about the financial situation to stand in your way -- that is just your fear talking. You are in a prison of your own making at this point and you are being guided to transform yourself from dependancy to freedom. The house is just a house and the things inside of it are just that - material things. The world is your oyster. Have confidence in your ability to take care of and support yourself. Have confidence that you can create a home anywhere you live. Free yourself.



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  • I'm not young - far from it actually. Sorry, but you are just in victim mode. You are being forced to face your fears at the moment. You may have been living alone and supporting yourself for several years, but there is a part of you that has also been living in fear and wanting someone to save you. You have people to whom you can turn for advice and you know this. Once again, the fear is holding you back. You can sit and whine about the situation or take the bull by the horns and do something about it. The choice is yours.

    Sorry for the bluntness but you are wallowing and need to get yourself out of it -- even if it's through anger at me.



  • Radiantsun, Please forgive me for speaking on your thread but I was drawn to it & feel in some ways we have things in common. I am sorry you that your husband has been so unkind to you ,you are responsible for so many things & life hasn't become easier for you. Its so hard to contemplate leaving a marriage & wonder how will all the bills be paid, where will we live, when will I be able to think of myself. I was there 10 yrs ago, troubles with a marriage I hadn't envisioned & 3 sons who needed me. In my case fate took control & my husband was diagnosed with untreatable brain cancer. Now I was taking care of a man I once loved who became an angry stranger due to his illness. Five yrs ago he died & I was left to carry on- 2 sons in college & my youngest son 13. my husband left me with quite a debt. Some how I manage to pay the bills, put food on the table & see a future for myself. Yes, I will work longer than my married friends but I'm not so sure they're happier than me. I'm trying to sell my home to down size, have smaller bills & have less up keep. Selling a house in the US requires you to have a lovely home &no clutter so I've given away or sold for a fraction of its worth 75% of our belongings. It was easier than I expected because I realize I am not the same person who attached myself to those items...I now feel lighter & look forward to the time when I can be in a home that has MY likes & surround myself with what suits me now. I hope this doesn't sound as if I think you have an easy decision to make, on the contrary it is very difficult. However just imagine the person you will be once this is in the past. I would be happy to listen & support you any time justbecasue59@gmail dot com. I wish you well

    Blessings

    Amused



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