Clashing with Coworker
Help!! I am wondering why I am having trouble with my attitude with a particular co-worker 03/28/68, or even if it is my attitude??? I just feel miserable around her and snappy. I usually get along with Aries so this feels uncomfortable to me. Any ideas, or am I just being overly sensative??
I can go on and on about things and I have tried to breathe and be calm around her, but for some reason the minute I hear her voice I just lose it. I hate feeling this way and not sure what I NEED to do differently to make the air between us calmer.
My main three things are I do not trust her, I find her condescending and always a downer. I have tried to readjust my attitude, but she just drains me by the end of the day. HELP PLLEEASSE....
You are letting your emotions rule you. Don't forget that you are in charge and need to stay focused on your work when she is around and just let what she says in negative ways not penitrate your soul which equals mine will and emotions. Be cheerful and happy no matter what she says and watch how it affects her.
You say oh yes easy said than done. In this case than I would suggest to you that you ask AAngel Michael to surround you the min you step foot inside the work place to shield you from negative words and people. Buy a crystal necklace and wear it and also consider buying a pink quarte crystal to set in your work place as it will help draw love and comfort to you.
If she is being abusive in what she is saying to you than you need to consult with a top supervisior to handle the situation.
For some reason, at work this combination tends to bring out Aries offense and Cancer defense. You two can actually make an effective working team if you direct your energies against the competition and not against each other. But this only works if each person feels free enough to express her individual opinions and points of view. The dynamic Aries woman tends to get annoyed by Cancerian protectiveness and withdrawal and will try to recapture your attention with aggression. Turn the situation around by not retreating, and being strong with her. You don't have to be attacking, just be firm and do not back down - favour a direct expression (which she will appreciate since she trusts people who are brave, straightup, and honest, even if you tell her she is being too insensitive or mean). In fact, she challenges people to see how they react. If they back down, she loses respect for them. She doesn't do well using feelings to assess a situation - that is your domain.
She will mellow if you thank her when she does you a service, as she often feels unappreciated. She doesn't trust that anyone will be there for her or even care a lot for her. She does need to develop more compassion for others herself, however. You can lead her by example in this regard.
Thank you both so much!! I have been trying to be analytical when dealing with her as I also am her supervisor, but my emotions get the better of me. I do understand where she is coming from and will try not to be so wishywashy with her. I find it is easier to back off than to keep going around and around with her on different things. I have lived with and grew up with people that have her personality traits and it just exhausts me. I will give it ago!!!
Thank you both.
..... Is there a particular reason why it always sounds like she is yelling to me?? Her voice just seems to escalate all day long. Is this her way of letting everyone around her know she's there or to try to be noticed??? Sorry, but I am so antsy lately while I am here and just trying hard not to be petty. Tell me it's me being oversensative, ugh
Aries can talk louder to be heard, you are right she is yelling . You are her boss and need to tell her simply that her loudness is distrubing the peace and she needs to control her volume.
I am married to an Aries man and he can be so charming and has many good traites, however when we get into a discussion, his voice will raise to loud and I tell him that he does not need to be a microphone to carry on a discussion, I have to tell him from time to time to lower his voice or be quiet.
If this woman is truely on your last nerve than a heart to heart talk may be in order where you are telling her what you expect from her job wise and Aries like a good fight , so be ready , also use wit with them and it will defuse them real fast, as laughter will do that.
Has anyone else complained about it being difficult to work with her or does she just reserve her aggression for you? It may not be you personally she is after, but your position. Aries tend to want to lead, not be led.
ramonita last edited by
AS A ARIES SHUABBY HAS REALLY SPELL US OUT, FOLLOW HER ADVICE, AND YOU BOTH IN THE LONG RUN WILL MAKE A WORK WINNING TEAM, I WAS MARRIED TO A CANCER BORN JULY 11, UNTIL HIS DEATH,
I WISH YOU THE VERY BEST,
Thank you!!!~~~ I have another coworker who is also a Cancer 07/11 whom has the same response to her and a Gemini coworker as well, 05/24. Seriously, as her supervisor I did my best not to sway their responses to her, but she and my Cancer coworker clash alot. They have complained to me on occassion and my response was of course to check myself to see if it was them poking at my inner feelings or if it was warranted. I have had patients complain about her lack of personality and "rude" behavior. As far as her wanting my position, she has no problem "throwing me under the bus" with our boss or anyone else in the office. I have often felt that is what she wants..... to be in charge.
Shuabby, I have tried to talk with her, but she never seems to get what I am trying to say and as you know us Cancerians have trouble hitting things head on. She seems to always turn things around and my patience gets tried because I have never heard her say, she may be wrong or will try to fix something. If I bring something to her no matter which tone I use, she automatically gets stand-offish and will often tell me " Well I didn't do that originally, it wasn't mine....." When her voice gets louder while she is with patients its frusterating for the rest of us if we are trying to talk on the phone or have a conversation with the person we are trying to help.
Ramonita, thank you and sorry for your loss, I am trying but I get stubborn myself.
I am trying to remain upbeat and optimistic and thank you all for your insight. Glad to know my instincts are not failing me. I am just not sure how to make things more calm in general around the office. She seems to feed of my personal stress which worries me too.
Aries love to be in charge and believe it or not when they are their good at it and happy. She needs to either be placed in a higher position or she needs to look elsewhere for work. I have had several Aries bosses and I loved working for them, as they were kind and considerate to me and others, outspoken , yes they were, but than I can be pretty strightforward myself.
Your Aries co-worker is out of her element and very unhappy and it is showing. She will teach you how to speak up and out and project your knowledge to match and best hers so that you gain her respect. As Aries do trend to think they know more than most. Her ego is out of wack with the never being wrong and turning things around. She really needs to find employment elsewhere, or you need to start putting her in her place, yet also telling her when she has done a good job (they love that) along with the other co-workers and she will either start showing more regard or leave.
Maybe this will help you understand her a bit better -
An Aries must be in the thick of action to feel truly alive. This is why you will find your Aries employee almost always searching for new things to do and be one of the first to volunteer in case there is a fresh project at hand. She is most likely to amaze you with her brisk pace of working and the speed at which she goes through tasks while others around her may still be mulling things over. And this is hardly surprising when you consider that the element associated with this sign is Fire, symbolic of dynamism and the source of intense energy. All these reasons make an Aries employee a perfect choice in positions where quick thinking, innovative ideas and unflagging energy are required. The keen mind of an Aries is superb at grasping new ideas and moving from one concept to another all the while trying out fit the pieces of the giant jigsaw puzzle she may have been given to complete. The trouble with having such a fireball working for you is that she is likely to step on others’ toes. As the boss, you may have to tame your Aries’ natural desire to take over everyone else's department, since she is practically bursting with ideas of how everyone in the firm - including you - could get where they're going way faster. But if you can learn not to take offense at her frequent and often impertinent suggestions, you will find in her a wealth of original and profitable thoughts.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make with an Aries employee is to restrict her to the nine-to-five office routine. In the beginning, she may work hard within the grid to impress you, but it won't be long before she starts getting restless. This is because an Aries is constitutionally unable to keep to a tight and uniform schedule, regardless of what the standard procedure is at the office. The great, creative energy of the Aries is likely to brim forth at all hours and it simply cannot be adjusted to fit someone's idea of the proper working day. So if your Aries employee asks to leave early some afternoon for pressing personal reasons, try to let her go; you can trust her to come back later the same night to work late or pop in before the cleaning lady the following morning to make up the work she has missed.
Yet another aspect of her restless, energetic nature is a tendency to get quickly bored. When confined to pushing files in the office or not given enough challenges, an Aries employee will soon lose interest in her work. And once she starts getting bored, you will be able to pick up the signs in a hundred unmistakable ways, like coming in a little later each day, taking extra time for lunch, writing personal letters at her desk, etc. These are all danger signals that your Aries employee is not satisfied with her work and when this starts to happen, all the plus points could get overshadowed by their shortcomings.
The easiest way to get the best out of an Aries employee is to give her a relatively independent project. Put your Aries worker in a position where she has a large degree of freedom to make decisions and, if possible, is answerable only to you. If you can do it without hurting office morale, allow her to come to work at odd hours. After a short period, you'll notice that, although she may appear as late as ten in the morning or even take two hours for lunch, she will also be the very last one to leave at night. When allowed enough independence to work with, you will find your Aries employee a driven and efficient worker. She will be more likely than any of your other employees to put in some extra hours of work and also accept additional assignments as a challenge, without complaining.
Another aspect of their strong independent natures is that Aries people don’t take kindly to be told what to do and how to do them, unlike a Taurus or Capricorn who is far more comfortable with authority. In fact, an Aries will take direct orders willingly from very few people since she believes very few people are superior to her. She undoubtedly thinks you are, or she wouldn't have agreed to work for you in the first place. But you as a boss understand that not everyone can start at the top. So in order to get the best out of your Aries employee, try to add some kind of grand-sounding responsibility to her daily duties so that she is happy believing that the place couldn’t run without her. Also beware of criticizing her before others or giving someone else the credit for what she has done. Such behavior will completely kill all Aries’ enthusiasm and she will completely lose any interest working for you. Even if you need to correct your Aries worker, couch your point in appreciative phrases and do it behind closed doors so that her ego is not hurt. Most of all, make it a point to appreciate her efforts and successes since open and sincere recognition work best to motivate her.
To sum up, Aries employees make excellent troubleshooters. They'll usually want to be out in the field at a variety of different work sites fixing things. The bored Aries employee who has been forced into a square hole will typically be restless, angry, and careless with details. No amount of money would compensate for being stuck in a routine job. Money in fact isn't why they are working at all. They do want to be paid fairly and need a status position to satisfy their competitive tendencies--but even more importantly, they'll want challenging new projects. They typically like to have a sense of responsibility and need to feel needed. In return, they'll give their all and provide detailed, consistent work. They will literally work themselves to exhaustion to prove themselves. If you want to keep your Aries co-worker productive and happy, you'll want to give her the opportunity to work independently or let her help and lead less experienced workers. Armed with dynamic personality, a brilliant mind and oodles of self-confidence, your Aries is a natural leader of people. You will find her seizing the initiative, motivating other team members with immense energy, firing up brilliant solutions and then galvanizing everyone to complete the assignment. The downside of this personality is that she cannot always be trusted to follow a project through, juggling as she is multiple interests and activities. Another point to consider when working with an Aries is not to tamper with her ego. Once she feels that her self-respect has been wounded, she can be quick to anger, hardly surprising considering she is governed by the fiery red planet Mars. Also, niggling little details irritate her and she would much rather leave such minutiae to other members of the team. On the whole, your Aries employee is a great asset when you need your company to be lifted by innovative ideas or promoted far and wide.
Lastly, one of the problems between Aries and Cancer is a sensitivity to hurt. Aries people have little or no awareness of this particular weakness in themselves. This is not consistent with the image the Aries put forth. Therefore, when Aries is hurt, the reaction is to either immediately deny it or to become defensively angry.
This post got me interested and I hope it's okay if I put my two cents worth in after all the great advice you've been given here.
The description of your co-worker sounds exactly like one I work with, and had mentioned in another thread. I don't know if my co-worker is an Aries or not, but she loves to stick her beak in, has to be in on everything (even private conversations), knows EVERYTHING (just ask her), and also adores telling people when they've stuffed up or how to do things; all this when she hasn't been there as long as the rest of us. She's loud and can be offensive towards our residents (I work in an Aged Care Facility) and she's been told often enough by me and others that she is a know all, etc, yet it has no effect on her behaviour.
I've never found her a threat myself, but merely an annoyance we all have to deal with. I've chewed her out a couple of times, and if she's outright tried to belittle me in front of people I've thrown her overt "perfection" back in her face - nicely, but so my stance is maintained. I am also a Cancerian, so it's been a huge challenge dealing with this creature as a part of me is fond of her BELIEVE IT OR NOT, while the other wants to slap her about a bit and get her to please SHUT UP. I firmly believe her behaviour is one stemming from complete insecurity and a need to constantly assert herself as being better than she is. But on the surface, things go in one ear and out the other with her; she's just so full of her own self-importance and apparently we all need to hear what she has to say.
There was one time I can recount where I'd asked one of the other girls a question about rostering and she butted in and provided an answer. I completely ignored her, did not acknowledge her answer and repeated the question to the girl I'd originally put the question to. Did this have any effect at all? Not on your nellie! She just keeps up with the same behaviour grrr. But that's what I do to keep my own power when she's around, and if she tries to tell me what to do and how to do it (I've been there longer than her) I keep doing it my way and ignore her or ask her why she's not doing the whole bloody job herself if she's so wonderful. Again, that never works either. If I've ever had a debate with her about something, I'll go and ask someone who knows the answer, and if I've been wrong, I've gone back and admitted it to her. Would she do the same for me or anyone else? NUP. But I refuse to drop down to her level, simple as that.
In your case, because you're her supervisor, you can't really deal with her exactly like this, but you need to step back and not take her carry on personally. Ask her if she thinks she could do your job better than you do. Ask her this in front of people if need be and see what her reaction is. While I don't believe two wrongs make a right, sometimes a bit of "throwing it back in her face" may work wonders, if not only for your self esteem in this situation, then maybe it might shut her up a bit and gain the respect from her you should have.
I can also tell you, that more than once I've pulled my co-worker up and told her to not do something a certain way and she's obeyed like a little puppy. Sometimes giving a suggestion very firmly and sharply will have the desired effect. In your case, you can do this simply because you're the boss. If she doesn't like what you say to her, then she needs to be told to eat humble pie and remember her position: below you.
I saw somewhere above that this person is obviously not in the right position; that she needs to be in control and be boss. That probably is quite right, but sadly this girl is NOT the boss and must accept it or leave (I think it was Shuabby or the Captain who suggested this). Really, this sort of behaviuor can make a workplace a tense place to be when it doesn't need to. Maybe you could document her antics, discuss it with her in the first instance, and if she doesn't respond well, take it to someone higher up and let them deal with it.
I've told my boss that this co-worker of mine will one day get royally chewed out and her response? "You need to learn to deal with all sorts of people" to which I replied "we can, and have but she takes things too far. I'm just warning you, this may happen one day" and left it at that.
Yet, as said above, a part of me feels sorry for her and tries to gloss over and ignore most of her behaviour. But sometimes ... just sometimes, she pushes my buttons too much and I react because I'm only human and would NEVER treat anyone the way she does, not even her.
Ah well. I wish you luck dealing with this creature, because if my own situation is anything to go by, it will always be a huge challenge, but again I saw above that humour/wit works wonders and it does with my co-worker. If she tries to lord it over me in front of people, I've been known to bow to her and beg her almighty forgiveness while wishing I could kick her!!!! Still n all, it works at the time, but has no lasting effect.
It will be interesting to see how you go dealing with this. I don't envy you, but do relate. It really sounds like we're both talking about the same person!!
Hope this helps some
It's tough being a supervisor but you have to accept that, though you would like to be a friend to all at work, some people will take advantage of a person's friendly nature. Aries is the sign most often found in the military so they respond better to commands and orders given very firmly and brooking no argument rather than sweetness and light. They respect leadership and discipline. Cancers would prefer to respect other people's feelings and be kind and gentle, but sometimes that just won't work.
Omg!!! You all have given me so much to mull over and thank you for your insight as it bothers me to the point I just feel like I am spinning my wheels. I hate cattiness in the work place and I know I can be judgemental without even realizing it. We all have strong points and I do not want to be the type of boss that is spiteful and mean, but at the same time, I know I need to lead by example.
You all have confirmed all the signals I have been getting from her, but I am thankful for the input as I felt like I was being sucked into a blackhole. I do see everything Captain has said and sometimes I am too busy to change her track to make her feel like she is doing something productive. I started rotating certain tasks and the ladies' work stations and it was a disaster with her, even though the others were very happy to have some variation and learn new things. I started showing her some more technical aspects of the job that she begged to learn and was not quite finished when we got to some more difficult things and she seemed to kind of puttered out on me. I feel like I have to pull her in almost to get her to finish this training she so desperately wanted to do.
The last few days, I have been countering her in her own tone and trying to add a little humor and if she says anything that is just too off the wall or complaining about something, I have just been non chalant about that is how it is. I do notice that if anyone mentions some ailment or seems tired she catapaults it into a huge dramatic thing. ((ugh)) <<--- I am not keen on that, lol.
I have found it odd though they say imitation is the highest form of flattery (??) that she seems to be copying some traits of mine. I have certain jewelry I wear constantly and I prefer a certain style of dress that is whimsical and flowy, well shes sporting a similiar bracelette and tops.
Hugs to you all as I am feeling alot better and stronger on how to handle her.
Captain, I know you hit me right on the head once again and Moon50, I was thinking the same thing about your coworker. Strenght to you too Keep me updated, too
We will see how this works out and I don't see her leaving anytime soon and explains why she has had so many jobs and often worked more than one at a time although she claims to want a more steady nine to five. ???
Cancergirlfromtheheart, Do you like your work. Usually what I see when there's clashes is dissatisfaction with the job itself. This girl may not like her position there and there's the clash. On some level maybe you can match personality with job since your the boss. If it's just drama, then, forget it. I've held management positions. This girl may move on in time. I've felt the same way, put a concrete wall, so to speak, between yourself and her--it works.
What you "sense" is real. But you can not define it as you are picking up her attitude and that is not so easy to validate as you are dealing withe vibes.. There are two different layers going on here as most conflict plays a reality role and also on another level is playing a spiritual attraction role. Conflict is essential to "bringing things within you to the light". So best to deal with this situation in a head on way or life will just throw another conflict like her in your path. First what you sense is that she does NOT respect authority. This will not change and you will not cure her of it so part of that reality is what you pick up and spirit is showing me a hands tide picture--a girl in a chair with hands tide. On a spiritual level you have "been here before with these feelings". A very dominating yet detached female energy in your early life put you in a position of denying your feelings and made you follow orders you knew were fruitless. You were too smart for your own good is what I'm hearing--someone had that negative attitude towards you. On a positive level you grew a need to lead and you also learned the power of silence. Often leadership is knowing when to let emotions go aside and button your lip. Leaders and bosses--authority figures know to work that role effectively they must master that form of self control. So in your position someone who threatens that is very much a big deal. To be a team everyone has to respect authority. This is not just about being told what to do but it is also about connections--letting petty stuff go for the greater good. A tribal energy. This person is a cancer in that respect--she will divide the team. She is an island. She is not even aware of her issue. Spirit advises to be energy conciouse as these narssistic types are like vampires and will suck the life out of people and groups. Right now she is sucking you dry just trying to figure her out and it manifests in self doubt. Her power grows on this and that is why she will have no insight to change--it works for her. The big part of her that is an island exhists on this and she creates distance. Trust your gut. Even if it has no validation. Know that there is a problem and stop wasting energy trying to solve it. Tke back your authority to know this. You are not imagining this. Just like in your childhood you are only in a habit zone of turning off red flags to someone in authority even though their authority was not positve or your better judgement. You knew better but your hands were tied. A part of your life challange is to use that wound to grow into a good leader. Which you are. So why now this bump in the road? To heal and release. Do not stifle all your emotions. They may be unprofessional on a reality level--on the job but at home give them release as she is taking you into your pain box. Old stuff that got stored and left without a voice. Try and connect with those feelings she brings in you and walk THROUGH them--own them. Do not wallow long but give yourself permission to feel them so they can be released. Otherwise life will repeat conflict to heal you. Acknowledge in your head that this employee is not a good energy. Listen to your gut--this feeling as if she is LARGER is intuitively right on! Her need to be in control will sabotage all team work. She is a secret queen in her head yet is too fearful to be one in real life so she feeds off others. Trust your discomfort!!! I have to go but hope this opens a door for you. BLESSINGS!
Cancergirl, Blumoon has summed this up totally perfectly; couldn't have said it better myself! This also can be taken on board by me in regards to my co-worker, hence why I feel sorry for her because she is exactly like this: thinks she's the boss, but is too afraid to be one and yes, she sure feeds off everyone else on the team if we allow it.
I've also been in a frontline management role and had issues with a similar staff member years ago. I tried to solve the problem by talking to her, but she kept being rude, loud, disrespectful and flouted all efforts by me to "supervise" her. I even tried to work things around a bit so they suited her personality traits a bit more, but to no avail. I also had my age against me then; I was younger than every single one of the women I supervised, but still, I tried.
I have no aspirations to be the boss myself; and am quite happy to be one good worker and team player. This woman will rip the fabric of your team apart if she continues like this. As I said Blumoon has it right in every aspect of her response in my humble view
So take this on board, stop beating yourself up and give yourself a chance to be the very good leader you know you are. Can I presume no others on the team have a problem with your leadership? No? Then what does that tell you? SHE is the one with the problem, not you.
All the best! I have been in your boat more than once and do relate to what you are going through. You will succeed though
Thank you all for your support, I am so greatful I said something, I was feeling like I was going to burst and was being a tad paranoid.
Daliolite- I personally love my job and have been with the same place for over 20 yrs. I do get frusterated, as I look back on my younger years here and just feel like I may not have produced or have limited my potential by not moving forward. Could be my age, but sometimes I wonder if there is more out there or another field of work for me that will give me the same satisfaction, but truly I can not see me doing anything else. I often feel like my positin is just a title and sometimes I know she picks up on my feelings. Although, I am not so sure about my coworker, she has a tendancey to be pretty detached from things and to be honest I don't think she really likes the interaction with patients this job requires.
Blmoon- Thank you so much, reading your words almost made me want to cry from relief. I have honestly felt like I have traveled this road here at work and in other parts of my life and it just keeps going on and on. I am not able to pinpoint the woman at the moment, but reading that sent a shiver up my spine and I had this huge shudder of disappointment come over me. I am ok, I just absolutely get what your meaning. It's hard to concentrate on releasing her when I feel like shes is just going to be an endless drama train, but i will try harder.
Moon50- I hope the advice above helps you too and I hope I can eventually find that comfortable level where I am not questioning my motives to feel like I am treating everyone fairly, I guess it will come in time. Above all I strive for a place where everyone feels they belong regardless of personality, it's just I do not like to be pushed and she drives me to want to push back and that is so not like me. I read somewhere, crabs will strike when threatened or feel they are being treaded on...... so like Captain had said they do bring out our defensive nature. My work is literally like my second home.
Thank you all!!! I will be putting snippets of love and warmth for you all
ramonita last edited by
CANCERFROM THE HEART,
I AM A ARIES, WITH CANCER AS THE RISING SIGN, I HAVE KNOWN TURMOIL WITH VIRGO, NOT CANCER AND WITH THE MALE VIRGOS, NOT THE FEMALES, DONT KNOW WHY, BUT IT HAS BEEN LIKE THAT,
ONE THING I AM SHARING WITH YOU TODAY, IS THAT BESIDE YOU HAVING A BEAUTIFUL HEART, WHICH I THINK IS MADE OF GOLD, YOU ARE VERY COMPASIONATE,
WHAT I AM GOING TO SHARE WITH YOU IS QUITE SIMPLE,
WHEN YOU HAVE PROBLEMS WITH A PERSON ALWAYS TELL THEM WHEN YOU ARE LEAVING GOD BLESS YOU, FOR ME IT HAS WORK WONDERS, I HAVE THE TENDENCY TO ALWAYS GOD TO BLESS, WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND THAT SAME BLESSING WILL COME BACK TO YOU IN A MARVELLOUS WAY.
GOD BLESS U ALWAYS,
LOVE AND LIGHT
You can't release her as this challenge calls for rising above in a POWERFULL way. This IS a hard one but once you get how to be so one ahead of her and truely understand her politics and reactions you will see her GO. She must go. That's what really frustrates you. This kind of person gets her power through behind the scenes jioning others in complaints. All employees have complaints. She zeros in on the one person she finds most powerful and imune to her demands--the one who can say no and she starts a negative revolt under the radar. She will make complaining remarks to others to see who bites--and will try to gather during down times as there is power in numbers. People who normaly do not gossip or disrespect the boss can suddenly get swept up in that energy and I've seen it happen as I am the whistle blower. Just as God says that to gather in numbers amplifys energy so is it a counter truth that ugly energy as well amplifys in numbers so as a boss--keep your eyes wide open for this--take the time to follow this one at a distance during lunch breaks or after hours for gathering and listen in from a hidden vantage. Watch for her finding the weakest employee and using her to stir up trouble. It gives them a powerful feeling to make things happen. Also know that their energy is uncomfortable to be around for a good reason--it is real and good folks are feeling a healthy reaction to step away. BUT you are working with her so that is not an option. In y case I found what was essential was the wisdom of retreat. You have to not let her beat you down but must take breaks of retreat to always recharge as these folks send psychic poisen arrows to those they target. What they push for most is to discredit you in front of others--they want to get you to but heads ego to ego at their level. To unerve you--anger you to the point of lashing out in an unprofessional way. They push buttons. ALWAYS step away. Lose a little battle but win the war. If you are at all empathetic or intuitive these people will actualy give you physical distress--headaches--stomach upsets and back pain. At worst they will suck you dry into a state of deep depression. Sounds flakey but believe it and you will have more insight into overpowering them. If you do happen to overhear her talking bad about management on a regular bases in groups you go to your boss and you tell them--I think you need to know something and tell them the time and place it tends to happen and that you feel this is a potential cancer in the workplace and maybe they should listen in . That way you are not just passing along gossip or suspicions. People like her widdle away from the bottom up and once they conquer the employees they know that they will take her side as needed. Your job is to counter that by maintaining good relations with other coworkers. Being a boss and on occasion doing something nice for them. Apreciating them. I pray to Saint Michael when dealing with a situation like yours. Also realise that just like you have a button they push so do they! By understanding their weakness is very ego based you will know how to not just lay down but push back without being unprofessional. Use your position to make HER uncomfortable. Mostly, these people havestrict workplace boundries and personal rules. They do not like being told what to do and have off limit rules to their stuff. They tend to hoard. Too many pencils and tape and it makes them crazy if someone touches anything. They hate sharing. Sharing makes them crazy. You overpower her by finding the reality of all her little quirks that are not team oriantated and you have zero tolerence--make HER uncomfortable. This is not negative when your intention is positive. This is long but hope to have opened another door in the right direction towards rising ABOVE this. BLESSINGS!