Cap Woman Virgo Man
I'm a cap who has been dating a Virgo man for several months now. What brings me here is that this is unlike any dating experience I've ever had. He's cold and distant but professes his love for me. He goes days without calling, but gets mad when I do the same. Most days I am left scratching my head with one foot in the door and the other foot out the door. Everytime I seriously consider leaving him alone, I can't seem to be able to and always come back.
Background - He is going through a divorce right now which will be official August 10th (in my state there is a mandatory waiting period before its final so no I'm not dating a married man, its over, just not on paper legally). His wife left him for another man and he has MAJOR trust issues understandably, but even that doesn't explain his strange behavior. Specifically:
1. He complains I don't call, but when I do he never returns my calls. Literally, I could leave a voicemail and days will pass before I hear from him.
2. He came on pretty strong in the beginning but lately has become cold and aloof, when I complain he promises things will get better. They may for a day but then its back to his normal behavior.
3. He truly does not seem to understand why I complain when I complain about his behavior. He thinks things are great.
4. He tells me he loves me and that "I'm everything he could possibly want in a woman," then why is he so withdrawn, distant, cold?
I'm going crazy with his hot and cold behavior, a cap needs consistency and security!! I stay thinking he may just need time to cope with his divorce and things will get better, but am I just deluding myself? Funny thing is I know he would just let me go (although I genuinely believes he cares for me), while I can't imagine letting him go.
Are these typical Virgo male traits? Should I run now and not look back despite the strong and unbelievable connection I feel for him? Should I let him go and try to reconnect with him after some time has passed? I can honestly say that I love this man, flaws and all, but I'm old enough to understand what I can and can't deal with and I can't take months/years of this behavior.
Hi snowball, I'm the one who started the thread "Heart of a Virgo Man" and I can assure you that although things may change -anything is possible right, he will take his good sweet time about it. (My "realtionship" with a Virgo is very much a work in progress and I'm never sure that I have the patience to see things through to any resolution.) Virgos seem to be operating with an entirely different perspective on time, and what constitutes a relationship, than you and I. Your relationship issues are different from mine, but your complaints are oh-so-familiar. Check out some of the insight I received on my thread from others involved with Virgo men. You may find it helpful.
My short answer to you would be "run!!", but the pull that these Virgo men can have on your heart is....well....inexplicable. I'll keep an eye on this thread in the hopes you will get more posts (I need all the insight I can get as well, lol!) I'd wish you good luck, but it's not luck you need, it's a super-human level of patience. Unless you're into personal challenges you might want to set your sights elsewhere. The better I know my Virgo, which most of the time still feels like "not at all", I still end up with more questions than answers. But the things I do discover about him I really love, so it's been keeping my interest and I really think he's an amazing human being, just may not be the right man for a needy Cancer like me.
Btw, they're really not cold hearted, they are just so "practical". I mean literally, painfully practical. If your guy doesn't have a really pressing reason to reply to you he simply won't. I sent my Virgo a text this morning, I won't be surprised if he doesn't reply for days. They do seem to know the difference between a real need to respond and what can simply wait. Doesn't mean he thinks any less of you, or that you are not important, it's just the IDEA of messaging you is unimportant. Am I splitting hairs at a microscopic level here? Well better get used to it. Literal is the operative word here. They say what they mean. That's it, don't read any more into it and you're half-way home as far as understanding. You say your guy wants you to stay in touch. He doesn't see a need to do the same. There it is plain and simple, and there it may very well stay. Does that work for you? Even if he tries to explain it, it won't change what IS. Man this is hard to explain.
The only way I'm surviving my Virgo is letting my Cancer intuition fill in some of the blanks. My guy's perspective on life is not about details (although he effortlessly juggles details - the ones that make sense to juggle - the others can wait and he decides which is which) he's operating with more of an overview on life that can span months or even years. I mean sometimes I think I could be dead and gone before we'll ever really get where he he thinks we're going. But next thing you know he'll up and surprise me, and make things happen that just makes my head spin. It's all about what he thinks is the greatest priority, the greatest need that he should be dealing with at any given time. Not that he's selfish mind you, just practical.
Ok, I hope I'm not being too negative. I adore my Virgo, that's why I'm sticking with him for a while even in the face of a pretty ridiculous situation when it comes to any real potential for us to build a future together. And even with all of his truly frustrating behaviors. There's something that keeps me wanting to try to make it work. He just makes me feel so grounded, which is unbelievable given his behavior (ditto your list) it's crazy in all of it's contradictions and somehow I find charm in it anyway. Must be love.....lol