ADVICE captain and all others on this

  • well ill tell you the topic of this thread im a sag(12-11-1987) and my now ex GF also a sag (11-26-90)

    well ill start with details, we had been dating for 2 years and she was my first gf ever at my age of 22 now 24, id like some insight on a few things really first thing is the first year we dated she would always punch my arms and bite my arms to the point of bruising, alhought i would kind of let her do whatever then since i didnt care much, but even her mom said acting like she was was childish and i have to agree and im wondering why she would be that way towards the one she loves?? maybe becasue we were friends before we dated or cause she doesnt know how to express her feelings?

    and because os this behavior my mom and sister have not liked her and quite a few people have seen her hit me before and got on her case for it, but she seems to have forgotten all this and has had a grudge against my family because they dont like her, when she pretty much did it her self.....well that and my mom just thinks i could do better anyways cause im the baby of family lol so about 4 months ago, i dodnt remember how it came about but she really started thinking about whether or not she wanted to put up with my family anymore or leave me "the love of her life" she would always say, and about 2 months after that started we tried to talk in person and say "were gonna try to work on things" and we never did anything cause we werent seeing eachother at all the last 2 months we were together, so i gave her space and time to think on things but also worried about what her decision was gonna be.

    after two months of waiting for her to say something, i got tired of not seeing her and tired of her complaining about my family so i broke up with her 2 months ago while i was at work over a text message.....and yes i know ...over a text but everytime we talked in person about maybe breaking up we would cry and stay together saying we would try to work on us...and we never did. so i did it over text cause i knew it would work this time..........ALTHOUGH i didnt want to break up with her, i thought it would be best cause she couldnt make up her mind at the time

    well i started to talk to a girl that i met while dating my ex....and was just talking to this girl but she was too different for me to date so i told my ex about this and about what this other girl showed me, that i was wrong in some areas of our relationship with my ex that i didnt notice before. and i wasnt over my ex either so i was asking for us to talk in person about things and she didnt want too. and after ignoring my texts, she finally responded 3 days ago via text saying this

    "talking in person wont change anything. ive made up my mind and i wont put up with disrespect from your family. i love you but im not IN love with you.. im sorry if this hurts you but i want someone where their family loves me and doesnt jugde me"

    i was at work when i got this and i broke down in tears the second i read this and kinda had a panic attack i guess, i called her phone left voicemails, sent her texts, called my family member to talk to at least someone and nobody was answering at all, it was really bad....i left work early and went to her house SHE ENDED UP BEING HOME... but i didnt know this at the time even though her car was there, she was hiding in her house somewhere and later i found out she was home and called her mom to come home cause i was outside and she didnt want to talk to i left and came back 10 mins later, her car was gone but her parents were there.

  • so i talked with her mom and stepdad (which they love me by the way and know that i was nothing but an amazing guy with her, the guy every girls wants) and her mom said she was being childish when we started dating with her biting and hitting me etc... and sher mom helped calm me down alot, (i wasnt crazy, i wasnt threatening anyone or her, i was just a crying mess really)

    well the day after this happened i get a text from my ex asking "well im off work at 4pm if you want to talk so bad" so i went and had this talk with her and it still didnt go my way, and she doesnt see that it was her that made my family not like her cause they knew of her hitting and biting me, and my ex even says "i tried to make your family see me and accept me" NO lol after 2 years of us together my parents only talked to her maybe 10 times, cause my ex never wanted to go around them, so how is that trying? lol

    anyways my ex says that she is very hurt from when i broke up with her, and she went into this talk very angry i could tell on her face. i asked her "you seem like a different person your not the goofy nerdy girl that i know and love what happened?" and she says "she was crushed by the person that she loved and wasnt supposed to hurt her"

    she should be mad at me for breaking up with her..........and it was over a text BUT i told her that i didnt want too and i did it because i got tired of waiting for her to make up her mind about my family. and if anything i should be the one thats hurt because you are choosing to give up on everything that we had because of my family when there are tons of people that have issues with their partners parents and they dont just leave them becasue of it................ so i feel like i wasnt "worth it"

    for her it was like this "spend the rest of my life with my best friend and lover. who i can be my complete self around and he loves me for who i am and will never cheat on me, who takes care of her when shes had too much to drink and tucks her in bed kisses her on forehead" or leave him cause of family.....i would say the choice would be me lol but idk,,,,,,she wants her space right now after everything so im doing that and she did say she would "think"on things about us.

    bottom line is you think she will come around? and wanna be back with me? i know she sounds like a bad person but she hasnt done the hitting and biting for quite a long time and we were almost perfect their for a bit.

    she was and is my first love, probably why im having such a hard time, we both said we had something special and honestly think that i just dont see why this happened

    OMG i forgot lol well she did turn 21 last NOV, and now likes going out to bars with friends now and ive never been a bar type of person, and i never got invited to go with her,,,,,so apart of me wonder if this has anything to do with her wanting to go out without her having to worry about me and what im thinking she is doing at the bar..........actually she did say something like that to be honest. and she is also getting kicked out of her parents house form not paying rent,,,,,,,,im assuming from too much bar hoping, so she is in for a hard lesson id say being out on your own and cant go out all the time............i will however text her once a week to see how she is doing, and she even said that i could do that, cause i will always care for her..........and sorry for all the typing ladies, this is all still very fresh in my mind lol... anyone that has advice please respond will be looking forward to hearing from you ladies, am i crazy for wanting to get back with her?

  • bump 🙂

  • i know that its alot to read but just wanting to hear some feedback lol

  • Hi Chevelleman71,

    Well, I read your story and I can see that you are both Sags although at this point I think that is not very relevant. I am a Sag too (12/05) and I have an ex who was a Sag also (11/26) like your girl. He was a great guy but he could be controlling at times, and when things wouldn't go his way he could become aggressive. Ultimately that made me decide against the relationship with him.

    But anyway let's talk about you and your girl! Well, frankly, I think you are both VERY young and that is part of the problem. You have not done enough growing separately to know who you both really are as individuals. It is true than when a couple forms young many times that is a good things because both persons can grow together. But I do not think that is the case here. I think your girl hitting you under any circumstance is a HUGE no!! She should never ever do that to you. She does not have enough self control. Having said that though is it possible that she grew increasingly frustrated with you about something? See, I do not think you are telling the whole story here. Think hard, because you may have been good to her but on some level you weren't, something in her view did not add up.

    I believe she has a point in wanting to feel accepted by your family, but it will not happen until she gets that is not ok for her to hurt you either. She is obviously wanting to explore who she is but at the same time she sound without direction. I know that you are hurting wanting her back but as an exercise for you I would try to imagine what would your ideal girl be like. Do not put a face on her, do not immediately assume is your ex, maybe it will be maybe it won't. I do not think that is even important right this minute. The girl that you want is not a girl that show the behavior she has been showing. Let her go for now, be her friend only. Work on you, see if she works on her self. Become more of an "observer" of the situation rather that insist on this now. Things may change in the future and you may possibly get closer again. But right now it is what it is, do not fight it, let it be. Have faith that if it is meant to be it will be...

  • thanks and i agree with what you have said on your second paragraph, i think i will just give her the space that she wants, we boht need to work on ourselves and that what im doing now, and she is moving out of her parents house in with a room mate, a friend of hers.

    as for you asking if she is upset with me over something? well i already know that right now she is upset with me cause i was the one that broke up with her 2 months ago, and then about 4 weeks ago i started talking to a different girl, even though i knew i wasnt over my ex yet, but talking to this new girl was helping me and i started to even like her, but then she said something i didnt agree with and so we stopped talking and it sucked, but im still friends with my ex and so i text her about what happened and she isnt happy that i texted her about another girl as well. and i met this other girl while i was still with my ex. and no i did not cheat or anything or even talk to this other girl while i was together with my ex.......BUT it did look like i ran back to my ex after it wasnt gonna work out with this other girl(never even kissed or anything by the way)

    so i know my ex is mad at me for 2 reasons for breaking up with her, and then trying to work things out with her after i didnt work out with this other girl i was talking it makes sense she would be mad

    but i realize that i was just trying to fill the void of not having my ex there, we are best friends and used to talk all day long through texts, and i dont really get many texts from other people so yeah i missed it, so IDK its hard not talking to her right now, but i will keep in contact with her about once a week asking how she is doing

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