Bluemon or anyone ,question please
My sister Rachel & I had a disagreement about her lies so I got mad at her about it. I know she is
tough and wont do the first move. But I still would like to know if she will contact me. She thinks
she lied for a good reason but I didnot think so.
Thank you and many blessings
Your sister needs to understand that there are consequences when she lies, no matter how much she lies to herself about having good reasons. Respond to her and make it clear that every time she lies, you lose a bit more trust in and respect for her. Some people are nice to their friends and colleagues but expect their family to just accept all their bad behaviour. Your family should be treated as well as anyone else. Let Rachel know that when she can be honest, she is welcome around you but when she lies, she had better stay away. People often never know how bad their behaviour has come until someone takes a stand against them and lets them know that they will not tolerate it.
Thank you so much for your reply. As usual you always give the right answer.
But I'm sorry to say though that I'm not going to make the first move if she doesnot do it.
I know its not good to do it this way but I have helped her many times
and this is what I got so be it then if she does not contact me anymore. She did the same thing
to our brother and I told her our brother was right. She says right or not I'm not going to talk
to him anymore unless he does it first. Well she did it again to me just like what she did to our brother.
I'm not mad at her or anything like that I will leave it be then. In a way I'm kind of afraid of her
'cause she is so vindictive (I dont know where she got that kind of character maybe because she is a scorpio)
so its best that she stays away from me. Of course if she comes back I'm not going to turn her down
and I will explain to her what you just told me.
THank you again and many blessings to you & loved ones
This is not 'the first move' - it's simply making it clear to her that, family member or not, you are not prepared to tolerate her behaviour. That's all you need to say to her and then back it up with action by refusing to let her visit or help her until you can trust her not to lie or be nasty. You have to lay out the ground rules of acceptable behaviour clearly to her, lay down some boundaries, or she will keep on pushing you to the limit. You don't have to try to pacify her or be the better person because she is at fault.
Also do you see in her behaviour a reflection of someone else's behaviour, say one of your parents or someone who was around her when she was younger? Or do you know why she developed the need to lie - it's probably a protective thing? This sounds like learned or reactive behaviour.
Another older sister of mine is like her but she passed away of cancer. (May she rest in peace)
The whole family
just went along all the time with her just to have peace.My brothers & other younger sister
are all nice.
My mothers sister reminds me of my 2 sisters. (May my mom & aunt rest in peace)
Also my mother had the same problem with her sister. Honestly not just because she is my mother my aunt was the one in the wrong. So maybe this is an inherited genes or something.
Well what can I say history is repeating itself again. Like what I said I have no bad feelings for
Thanks again & many blessings
There seems to be a mystery here that needs solving. Why is this negativity being passed down through your family - and is it only women who exhibit the bad behaviour? To die from cancer means something very bad was eating away at your sister. It is about deep hurt, resentment, grief or even hatred. You cannot ignore this problem or it may be passed on to another generation. It feels like it has karmic origins. But you need to figure out why these women have these bad feelings gnawing away at them. Try to be objective and get to the root of the problem. No one is ever bad for no reason. Instead of waiting for someone else to make the first move, try to find out why this bad feeling exists in the first place.
True peace is never won by simply putting up with a bad situation. That just prolongs and even worsens it. Dare to be the one who puts an end to it all. Even if you have to call a family conference and get everyone to honestly declare how they feel about the situation, and hash it all out until Rachel loses her hostility and need to lie. Understanding, forgiveness, and honesty are needed here, not silence or retreat.
You sure hit it right. The whole family knows the mystery. It was a mess with my older sister.
My older brother headed the family conference and tried to explain it to my older sister at that time.
The mystery (no longer a mystery
for us) it started in my mothers side of the family.I'm sorry I wont be able to discuss it here.
Believe me a few of my siblings including me (I would say our intuitions were working on this)
tried to solve it and understand it but to no avail it happened to me. I'm surprised that it happened
to me cause we were very close sisters and yet it hit us again. I have always been honest with her
but knowing the mystery I believe it hasnt be solved or removed.
I'm a Buddhist so I know about karmic origins, karmas or cancer illness thats
why I pray and chant a lot hoping it will lessen whatever karmic origin was handed down to me or
whatever. Also I myself trys to do good, be honest & be truthful thats why I was kind of hurt
when she did it to me. Honestly again I have no bad feelings for her and we'll see what can
be done again.
I thank you so much for your help and time.
Many blessings as ususal
I forgot to mention that after my brothers explanation to my older sister she changed a lot
but 2 years after that talk she found out she had cancer (may she rest in peace).
What did your brother say to her?
He explained to her about what has gone wrong and why about my mothers side and he
doesnot want anything to happen to her so she must try to do it right and we were on her side
and everything went alright after that.
She did understand what my brother had said thats why she changed a lot. But knowing about
Buddhism I think it was too late for her thats why she had cancer. I dont know thats just
my intuition thats working.
Its funny I woke up early this morning and couldnt sleep so I started the computer. I like to go into this
website and read all kinds of problems but sometimes its all the same and people just keep
doing the same thing. I guess thats life.
It may be too late sometimes to fix a person's physical symptoms but it's never too late to try to resolve relationships with your family.
You are right that we can resolved relationships with our family.
I'm really the compassionate person among our family
and I have so much empathy on peoples suffering but sometimes I'm just so tired. When you have been hit several times you just become numb already.
I will take your advice and see what I can do.
Many blessings to you & loved ones
Just be aware that your sister is harming herself with her negativity more than anyone else.