Can use advice from everyone

  • This is going to be a long post, so please bear with me...but I can really use some advice and maybe some direction. Any advice is welcome, psychic impressions, tarot, astrology, and even good old fashioned common sense. 🙂

    Several years ago, I divorced a man who was abusive to me and our son. Divorcing him was bad enough, as he went for revenge, telling me he would destroy my life, but the worst part was the judge. Please understand that what I relate next isn't the ravings of a disgruntled ex-wife, but based on facts.

    Up until my divorce, I was a stay-at-home mom to a special needs child (autism/hearing impaired/cancer survivor). I gave up my career as a fire paramedic to focus on my son's needs. In fact, I was in school with him every day in K and 1st, and after that, worked with his schools for years as a volunteer spending less time in class, but working more with the teachers as well as still working with my son. We owned a home, and my ex was paying support during our separation, which covered the house payment. I paid the bills while working from home. My son's life was stable, and he was making steady forward progress both at school and at home.

    When we finally divorced, it was a very hard experience for both me and my son. The first thing the judge did was cut off all my support...this literally happened 5 minutes into our very first meeting. When I explained to the judge how I needed the support to pay the house payment and help me care for our disabled son, the judge ordered me to get a job. She told me that I was "using my son as an excuse not to work". I was floored, because my son was severely autistic at the time, and my help with the school was actually helping both the school and my son to stay in school. And when he had meltdowns and had to be sent home, I was the one picking him up, not my ex. When I explained this to her, she said for me to "drop your son off at a babysitter's and get a job". I tried to explain to her that just any babysitter wouldn't do, but she would have none of it.

    Now I was in a situation where I had no job, no way to make the house payment, and an autistic child to care for without any help. My ex, realizing my situation, then pushed for the sale of the house, stating that neither of us could make the payment (he was making $100,000/year and had $30,000 in the bank...none of which he told the judge). It took me four months to find a part-time job, and during that time, not one payment was made on the house...this info the ex happily took to the judge..."it's going into foreclosure, we need to sell it". And the judge ordered the sale of our home of 14 years, the only home my son ever knew.

    During the rest of my divorce, when I gave the judge PD and CPS reports regarding my ex's abuse & violence, the judge disregarded them. When my ex blew up in front of a custody mediator who called a sheriff and I told the judge about this, the judge called me a liar. When I asked for a restraining order, she refused to give it to me.

    At the end of my divorce, I was a wreck, severely depressed, my son and I were out of the house and homeless, we were without money except for the part-time I was earning which wasn't enough to get us a place to live. There was no money left from the sale of the house...that all went to the bank or the attorneys. I was having to leave work to go pick up my son from school during meltdowns, too, which were more frequent now, and that also cut into my hours and pay.

    Since my divorce, I have been hearing things about the judge...that she's very hard and unfair towards women and children, and favors men in her courtroom. These bits of info come from lawyers and other court employees who have worked with this judge for years. From what I understand, attorneys are actually afraid to speak up to her in court (mine acted that way). I have repeatedly heard from different sources how there have been numerous complaints levied against this judge, and how she disregards the law, and literally makes it up on her bench. One attorney told me that she was tired of all her female clients having their support stripped first thing...just like me...and so she stopped taking any female clients before this judge. My attorney's secretary told me that another one of his female clients was going through the exact thing I was with the same judge. A third attorney told me that there was an "underground movement" to have her removed from the bench. I heard that this judge was first a criminal court judge, but that she was so awful at her job, that they kicked her over to family court. Now that there have been alot of complaints there, she's apparently been kicked over to civil court. I recently found a messageboard where there was a thread about her, full of complaints from women who feel they were treated unfairly by her. There have apparently been several complaints to the local Judicial Review Committee...I know I complained.

    Also, I once was talking with an attorney friend about this judge. He told me that if I were to ever go public with my experience and info, and especially if other women were to come forward with their stories, that I would have a case for suing the county for millions.

    This woman destroyed my life...ok, I get that, I was going through a divorce. But more than that, she destroyed my disabled son's life and left him homeless at age 14. I feel that my son and I were discriminated against (me as a woman and his caretaker, him as disabled), and that this judge didn't really seem to take my son's needs into consideration. I'm even wondering if she may have broken Disability Housing Laws or Discrimination Laws.

    I have tried going to the local media (several newspapers and tv stations) without any luck for help. I have complained to the Judicial Review Committee without satisfaction. I've contacted numerous agencies for help, to no avail. I'm at the point where I'm just considering contacting a talk show like Oprah or something, lol, but I'd like to get some feedback on what to do next,or some kind of direction...I'm not here looking for legal advice, just the thoughts and input of friends and people whom I've come to trust over the last few years. Attorneys in this area seem afraid of her, or don't want to touch this for some other reason...and besides, I'm not so sure I can trust any attorneys in my area that they may be friends with her. I want my story told, and I'd like to try to find other ladies who have been before this same judge. I lost my life of 14 years, and have been struggling financially and emotionally ever since. My son was affected negatively by the impact the divorce had on his life...we lost years of work, and he struggled for years in a newer, not-so-good school system. I can't stop thinking about what happened to me and my son, and what my attorney friend said...if there's a way to make the county and the judge own up to what they did, as well as recoup our life, I want to at least try. I truly believe that what this judge did to so many was wrong, and that the county covered up her tracks by bouncing her from one court to another instead of taking her off the bench when the complaints piled up.

    Just for the record, I'm in California.

  • i truly believe you have to fight this with all your might, there is a organzitin call the change. org, you can go there to state your case, people will sign your petition, i truly believe your case should be reviewed and you should be award a support from your ex husband, when i read your case it truly broke my heart as a mother and grandmother, who knows in her skin what is making sacrifices for her children stakes, i recievce dozen of petions from change org. many cases have been won, please give it a shot, with all your might, i will be waiting to sign yours,

    there is a case on change org, lydia brown has a 18 year old austistic child, go there have faith, i believe the help you need is legal, i will be waiting to hear from you, i pray to the universe to give you all the help you need.

    it was very hard for me to swallow the fact, that this is happening right here in the united states, i leave in the other end of the map , that is florida,

    god bless you and your son,


  • Yes, yes, yes!

    Don't stay silent about this, and don't let it go. This woman is supposed to be upholding the law, but instead she's putting herself above it. I agree that you should try and go to live tv like Oprah. If you have the help of other women (more evidence) than you will more than likely be picked up, I think.

    Go for it, girl!

    This woman needs to be taken down a peg or two.

  • yes, yes,

    i agree totally,

    also go to the change. org online, and start your petition, explain your case, i am cheering for you to win, go to oprah dont stop until you and your son are winners,

  • This is the perfect time for raising a public outcry because at the moment such angelic light is pouring into the earth that all who have been doing the wrong thing are about to get their karmic 'comeuppances'.

    One huge example is that the banks in Europe have been found to have been 'fixing' the interest rate and Barclays Bank is the first to be caught out and fined. But this will have a domino effect on all banks as many of the major ones everywhere are also implicated. They can only be fined at the moment, but people need to get behind the movement and shift their funds to non-banking institutions like building societies or credit unions etc in order to bring justice to the banks. Once it was thought no one could touch the all-powerful banks, but now they are set to fall. Just like all those who have behaved corruptly...

    So go for it - can you get people from that message board you mentioned to help and support?

  • Keep fighting, I agree you should go public. Try Oprah or any other TV show that will talk to you.

    Get the people from the message board to group together, a group voice will be taken more seriously & is harder to ignore.

    Many blessings

  • Darkness_angel

    Im shocked and moved on reading your story. You are one brave lady.

    I never thought something like this could happen in US esp in California,places that I equate with equal rights and opportunities.

    You have a valid case and must go ahead by approaching a TV station or other media. maybe it hasnt happened yet because it is supposed to be aired in a special way. You must try. What abt facebook or any other social networking site?

    If you write a mail and need us to sign I guess some of us at tarot forums could do it.

    Sending you prayers and best wishes

  • Thank you all for your nice thoughts and wishes. Ramonita, thank you for suggesting, I will look in to it. I hadn't thought of a petition before. 🙂

    Captain, the message board that I found was dated from a couple of years ago, and the last few messages were of the judge being transferred to civil court. I posted a little bit about my story as the last post. I'm hoping that someone will respond, and maybe I can start contacting them or getting them together. There are no email or private message options on that board.

    It was suggested to me that I try the Justice Dept. in Washington DC...that they investigate judges and courts for wrongdoing. But I just have my doubts that they will help...I guess I'm just afraid that they will just see me as some disgruntled ex who lost out in a divorce.

    I have considered a talk show or some news media. But I have fears about a talk show turning our lives into a circus. The news media that I have contacted locally already have pretty much ignored me.

    I came across an email I received from an attorney that I contacted after my divorce. I wanted to ask him if he thought that my attorney did everything he could for my divorce case. I didn't name the judge in my case, and this attorney was in another county from my divorce case and judge. Here was part of his email back to me regarding my attorney and judge:

    "I know the judge that you're referring to and I know of her terrible reputation on the (names county) bench. But, because she is so bad on women, it would be hard to prove that had your attorney done everything he was supposed to, you would have gotten a better outcome."

  • Suramya, I did think about starting a blog on twitter. 😉

  • Just ask your guides to provide you with a vehicle for justice - and a way (you might never have condsidered) will appear.

  • Thank you, Captain, I will try that. I hadn't considered that! 🙂

  • yes darkness angel you need to fight and I will sign the petition. The judge needs to be fired & made to pay restitution to you and your son; also the state needs to be held accountable by all means contaact Oprah & Dr Phil they may have a way to help

  • you go girl, knock on every door you find, one will open way wide for you to enter, and all the help you need will be there,

    a injustice was made that has to rbe repair,

    all the best to you and your son

  • Hi Drakness Angel,

    When a reputation precedes your case...there is ample ammunition.

    NPR Radio is non biased public radio station that will air unpopular news because it is the right thing to do...especially in the justice system.

    George Noory will take on controversial subjects- Coast to Coast

    You Tube is a terrific place - be careful that you cannot be slapped with a civil law suit in your wording, but start campaigning to end this judge's career. She got where she is by supporting nthe men in her political arena. She has lost her conscience to justify her actions...she is bitter- what is her personal history with her mother?

    Nancy Grace seems to love controversy...see if she will air it- she will interview previous victims


    ask God to help you deal with what you have now, all the while having faith that he will set matters straight . In the end dear angel, no wrong is left unanswered...karma comes back, even if it is within her own family. Even it is within her own mind and soul.

    Do what you can...knowing that love dwells with you...and that all matters will be taken care of.

    Accept that justice is and will be done, and that light will shine in you and your son every day despite what man--or woman can do to you.

    Let your son every way...that he is going to be fine. Believe it.

    Ask for divine direction...know that you are loved beyond measure by a force that is stronger than any human ever will be.

    Thank you for sharing your story and your struggles with us. Continue sharing...

    much love to you and your son Angel

  • Thank you all so much for your suggestions and support. I really want to try to approach this the right way. I'm a bit concerned that if I don't have all my ducks in a row when this moves forward, that I could be hurting my case or other peoples' cases.

    As an aside, I forgot to include in my initial post that I contacted an attorney and asked him about my attorney's performance during my divorce. I asked if my attorney had done all he could, and questioned a couple of things he did. I did not mention in my email to the attorney who my judge was by name, nor the county she was in...and she was in a different county than this attorney that I contacted. Here is a piece of his email response back to me:

    "I know the judge that you're referring to and I know of her terrible reputation on the (names county) bench. But, because she is so bad on women, it would be hard to prove that had your attorney done everything he was supposed to, you would have gotten a better outcome."

  • hi,

    just read your post and that is appalling behavior, was any medical backing given or looked at or statements from anyone ( are you able to appeal on this decision whatsoever)

    Also do you have anything like an M.P that you could write to, or any way of going over her head with this.

    Good Luck with this

  • meandkids,

    I did try to tell the judge about my son's autism and hearing impairment. I even told her about him surviving cancer, and told her that I had all the medical records she needed to back up my claims. I also have all the school records, plus IEP meeting reports...I literally have boxes of medical and school records. She didn't request any of it, and never seemed to be even remotely interested in the fact that he was autistic, even though I talked about it repeatedly.

    I don't know if I can appeal her decision, because I think it's been too long (4+ years), but all the info I've been hearing about her has been coming to me mostly since my divorce. I started hearing a little bit about her during my divorce, but the majority of it all has been since.

    Since I started this post, I've researched the California Bar Association and the Judicial Review Board. California Bar had nothing helpful, but someone suggested it because I might be able to find complaints about her there, but there was nothing. I did the same with the Judicial Review Board's website...found cases where judges were publicly reprimanded, but she was not on that list. They do not list private reprimands...but the judge is still on the bench, so I would imagine if she were reprimanded for discrimination against women, that she wouldn't be on the bench. Or at least, you'd think they'd pull her if she's being biased. 🙂

    I am going to keep digging and following suggestions that I've received on this thread as well. Will keep everyone updated as it goes...thank you all so very much for your kind words and support! 🙂

  • Darkness Angel,

    i believe you can have your case reviewed, base on facts, that the medical records or school records were not check, i also believe that with a petition you can be awarded this priveledge,

    one of the sisters on this forum, you have to be careful with your wording, i do not think you would hurt anyone elses chances, as a american citizen you have the right to fight in the legal means for what rightfully belongs to you and your son, one thing i am not sure of and i believe that no matter what state you live in you are entitled to child support, i also know that in many cases child support is not enough to live on, only in the exemption that the male is extremely weathly and there has been no prenup sign. to start what happen to the child support, on the positive side you do not have any idea how many woman you would be helping if this judge is put into retirement, knock on doors, any door, all doors, i am a cheerleader for a noble cause and yours is difently a very noble cause,

  • Hi, ramonita,

    I realize how sensitive this whole issue is...I was really reluctant to post here, but felt totally stonewalled, and felt that I needed some help or direction. I've talked to friends, but felt that they've offered all they can, and the leads I've followed through them have pretty much been exhausted.

    I don't like the idea of a judge practicing discrimination against women and/or children. I don't have all the facts on how other children in other cases were treated by her, but from what I read on the forum thread, she didn't seem to take the welfare of the children to heart in cases posted there, either. I just don't want to see her set any more precedences in the county court system. I mean, if you really think about it, my divorce literally set a precedence for any judge in the county to leave a disabled child homeless.

  • i truly understand your points of view and your feelings on this sensitive matter, only you can find the answers to this problem, it is your learning process, i feel that many of us on the forum would like to help you, the best i could do was give you one suggestion, i would like to see children treatly fairly everywhere in the world, for they are our future, our hopes, and love,

    Darkness angel, pray ask for help to your guides to direct you in the direction you need to move with this, i know they will help you find the right answers, trust in them, lose your fears, i will be here over and over if the only thing i can do is hear you take the feelings off your chest,

    i pray to the universe that they assist you in all moments,

    god bless u and your son


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