Confused over a break up with Virgo
Ok, I'm going to try to make this short as possible... My Virgo guy and I had been together for about a year. During this time it was very difficult for him to make time to see me do to some craziness in his schedule. I knew what he was dealing with, but I never really understood or was very sympathetic about it. I always took his lack of presence personally and as a direct insult. Ultimately my need for more time with him, and his inability to give more of his time, led to him deciding it would be best for us to break up. During the break up he held my hand, professed that he still had feelings for me and indicated he wanted to still remain friends. He said his situation may change in the future. He said everything to give me hope that there might be a relationship again in the future. I left feeling as if he genuinely did hope to be back together again someday, but that right now it was not possible. I'm wondering though, if this was just a passive break up technique or if he really does mean what he says. Has anyone had a similar experience with a Virgo, or are there any Virgo guys out there who can lend their expertise?
watergirl18 last edited by
He is focused on his work first and foremost right now. He is an earth sign, after all What's top on his priority list is his job, making money, building the foundation for a successful career. He does like you, but you may have been asking for too much too fast or possibly came off as a bit needy. Regardless of how he said what he said, the gist is that he was breaking up with you because you wanted more than he was able to give or wanted to give at this time. If you are not happy with the break-up, you could talk to him about it, BUT you would have to make changes to your expectations from him as he has made it clear that what you wanted from him up to now was not possible for him. So you need to ask yourself some hard questions first. I don't know how often you were seeing each other....were you expecting to see him every day - constant contact over the phone or with text messages? Did he still make contact with you and see you at least once or twice a week? If so, you may need to dig deep and discover why that wasn't enough for you. If there is a neediness there, then you need to uncover it, discover why and heal it. Bottom line is you need to think about what your deal breakers are in a relationship. If you absolutely have to have more contact than he was giving you, then even if the two of you got back together you would not be happy. Don't ever "wait" for someone to come around or be "ready" for the relationship you want from them. That process could take 10 years on his part -- are you really willing to wait that long? When someone tells you the truth about who they are - believe them. He told you his truth -- the relationship would have to take a back seat to his career right now.
Thank you so much for your response. We started out seeing each other about twice a week; however, he was let go at his place of employment and therefore had to cancel his babysitting contract because it was too expensive. This meant he would have to spend more time with his daughter, and time with me would have to be less. I would have been willing to spend time with both of them, but he wasn't ready to tell his daughter that he and his estranged wife were seeing other people (she's only 7 - the daughter, not the wife!). I didn't want to lie and pretend to be something I was not. I think eventually the daughter would see through that. Anyway, we were only seeing each other about once a week at very random times, and I just felt he didn't plan well, which led to us not seeing each other more often. He didn't take it well when I told him that. But that was main issue. I just never knew when I was going to see him, or for how long. I got very frustrated and couldn't see past the present situation. I wish I could have and given him the benefit of the doubt. But we scorpios don't ever like to feel taken advantage of, and definitely aren't very patient. I hope to continue to be present in his life and possibly get the opportunity to try again. I wouldn't say I'm waiting around for him, but it's a rare occurence that I meet someone I care for as deeply as I do for him. I doubt I'll meet anyone else soon.
I went through the exact same thing you are describing with the Virgo I am dating. It has been 7 months but we broke up after three months for similar reasons...I felt him pulling back, I wanted to see him more often and he would not open up. He would keep me at a distance. So he said he could not give me what I needed. That his job situation was his priority right now and that he realized that he would lose me but that is all he could do. So, like you I wondered if it was just a good exit but in my heart I knew that he did not intend to say all that actually, and he really didn't, he told me that later. So, I let it be for two weeks but I really missed him, so after two weeks I went to see him and we resumed things since then...The thing is during the two weeks I really thought about and that I was only looking at things from my perspective. He did not want to lose me, but he needed to slow down and have some distance. So I really worked on me not to have expectations...We initially started by seeing each other once every other week, now we see each other once a week, but we talk pretty much every day. He also lost his job and is also trying to get that part of his life where he wants it to be, you know? I do have a little child, his kids are grown. I agree with not having the child see you often or at all. It has to be a very slow process. Be supportive of him and patient and you can make this work and both of you be happy.