The Debate Room



  • Hey all

    What are your sentiments, thoughts, feelings about strangers suddenly calls you sweetie, sugar, darling n it AINT your better half nor the man you love n are with?

    I say, i feel violated. I feel they have overstepped my boundary lines, they have INVADED my privacy. Am i overreacting? I dont feel as i am. I did ask what seriously??? what?

    UGH!

    charmed



  • It is a way of life around here. It is normal and acceptable to have a favorite endearment or pet phrase, such as sweetie pie, honey bunch, sugar cakes, whatever, that you apply to everyone. I guess honey darlin' is the most popular.

    Women call everybody their preferred endearment. Men, of course, only go opposite.

    I'm am so used to it, I'm more likely to notice if they don't.

    I hardly ever use endearments myself, in any situation. But I could, and it would be fine all around.



  • Honestly, I am from the south. This is something that around here, even in the big cities, is ok. I guess there can be situations that could make people feel uncomfortable with it. I know I was shocked when I worked for an airline (10 Yrs.), it was the LUV airline. They were known for great customer service. I was in a situation where they had forgotten about our flight when Houston closed down because of weather. We were re-booking people for flights the next day. I had a woman in front of me and said ok sweetie what flight do you want. I swear, it was just a southern thing. The man behind her went off on me telling me I was degrading her. I was completely caught off guard. I was flabbergasted and back then I didn't even know what that meant. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't some, I hate to say this... I wasn't some cute little bomb shell trying to sweeten my way out of a bad situation. I was just trying to be nice and help these people. I have worked in customer service all my life and for that airline for 10 years and that was the only time I had someone jump on me for saying sweetie. It was not meant in any bad way, it was just the way most of the south is like. We also say yes mam and no sir.



  • i may forgot to mention these "endearments" are not from southern usa but from men originating from syria, marocco, lybia n such places



  • It depends if it is an older man that I work with ok and if it is the cahier at my grocery store ok because they do not know my name, but if I don't know you its an insult,



  • My point was, to me it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't insult me nor thrill me to the top of my toenails. My sister finds it insulting on any level. My friend that is not from around here thinks it means she is 'liked'.

    If someone from the places you mentioned did it, I would automatically think they were players, simply because that is not the norm for those places. But I would just shrug it off and wonder what they were playing for. And know they weren't gonna get it. lol



  • ive used EVERY line in book n they aint letting off. I had to play my own effing husband to get em to back off. Im close to leaving that effing place!!!



  • That is not normal for them - I was told it is a sign of disrespect along time ago and you should just come out and tell them to knock it off especially if it is in your workplace.



  • I say that you can always trust your gut on intention and that otherwise there is no rule. Here in the south it's prevelant. OR after I turned 55 I found myself calling sweet souls exactly that!! If someone truelly does me a kindness I am not ashamed of saying oh thank you sweety or you are a sweety. It is all in the intention and from the wrong man a woman with a healthy radar knows the intention. A man with a true heart who calls you a sweety means it. A man who is a tool and has a superiour intention uses it and it makes your skin crawl!!! Mine does anyway. When I was younger and out for drinks and dance and a man called me "sweet thing" lord, It took all I had to not clobber the neandrathal! I usually just let him make a fool of himself by entertaining myself with wit that went way over his diml brain. They are out their ladies and you can't press a button and wipe them all out. A tool of a man does not have a pretty future so usually I dwell on that truth. Ego is their biggest weakness--if they sense for an instant you have the power to deflate their ego they will walk far around you. Also, when I was in my twenties and out with the girls and a persistant one refused to take no for an answer I told him I wasn't into men with a wink and was with my girlfriend----of course you always risk that crazy one--probably a scorpio---who says great I don't mind lets dance! hahaha!



  • PS--OH charming one--if yea gets yea a true tool of a man with a greeting that makes YOUR skin crawl--feel free to make up an equally insulting greeting---like mabe--- oh its you---chief little d ick!! Long time no see!



  • I left that place. last straw when an eff wanted me to justify how i commune my thoughts n ways. felt like judge again. ive been judge ALL my life n ive had enuff to last 50 lifetimes. so i desided eff this im SO outta here. Eff THAT!

    so i cancelled my account n left a few notes to admin such as helpsection needs a serious overhaul., to ask members if they at all want things like slavery games forced on them or not, n a few less nice endearments.

    my new years resolution is i wont take eff from any eff no matter color creed n so forth n so on.

    charmed!



  • I like your point bluemoon it made me smile and it is so true

    cwb did you quit your job or this site I am confused (must be all the congestion trying to break free from this cold I have)



  • I quit the less attractable site of hi5dottycom.



  • Quiry ladies n gents.

    What is FRIENDSHIP to you? What does it contain? What holds it alive? What does it takes to sustain through every thing?

    Charmed!



  • Ah, this! This is something I myself have pondering lately.

    I'm interested in what replies you get because I have learned, usually the hard way, that that old saying, to have a friend you must first be a friend, does not always work out.

    I have always been a solitary person. I am comfortable being by myself, and most of the time, I like it. Every once in a while I like being around other people.

    But, the thing is, in order to keep a friendship I can't be like that. Friends involve time. So, I make an effort to keep in touch and not pick it up and put it aside as it would suit me.

    Visiting or talking thru email or whatever is fine. But I hate, hate, hate talking on the phone. I always have. And it seems like most of my friends love, love, love it.

    Okay, so we can talk on the phone, BUT NOT FOR HOURS at a time. Seems like every time I start to hang up, oh! just one more thing.

    When they do that, it always makes me rethink them. If they know I don't like it and yet insist upon it being like that, I have to wonder if the rest of the relationship is worth it.

    Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not. I guess I use it as a gauge because when you're really friends with someone you consider their feelings.

    If I can get over my aversion to talk for 25 minutes, you can be considerate enough not to try to keep me 2 freaking hours.

    (Someone just did that to me the other day, then complained because when they called the next day, I didn't answer the phone. I merely explained to them, again, that I don't like talking on the phone and I don't answer every-single-time it rings. They are now mad at me. Good! Means they won't be calling.)

    Everyone has quirks. If I can accept yours, you have to accept mine.



  • I hear ya Rynna. I dont mind talking on the phone but as u say NOT 4 FREAKING many hours one end. After awhile i go gosh my bill will b flying to da moon.

    Besides online email chatmessenger gives one time to think before replying, n im always better with the typed word than the spoken. Often on phone ya need to think n reply stat and one cant always do that.

    Overall replies ive had is following which ive had to mark on again. PEOPLE CANNOT DISTINGUSIH BETWEEN FRIENDSHIP AND RELATIONSHIP.

    So the prolonged replies are based on RELATIONSHIP n not FRIENDSHIP.

    I wonder since WHEN has ANY friendship no matter how long or short its been around has become a RELATIONSHIP????

    The tippits ive gotten out on FRIENDSHIP n FRIENDSHIP alone is as far:

    Acceptance of each other faults and quirks

    Unconditional Love.

    Friendship is always there whether you are in contact on a regular basis or not. A friend can be someone that may not have time to touch base with you every day but can bend an ear when you have great news or need a second opinion or need support.

    I will add myself:

    Confident conversations that go no further

    laughs

    jokes

    deep talks about everything of interests

    listening

    understanding

    compromising

    giving room n space

    no hard feelings

    forgiveness

    seeing it from other than one owns angle

    caring

    surprises

    accepting flaws

    respecting each others beliefs

    respect

    i may need to ask my close friends this as well.

    Charmed



  • A pal of me came through, she has this to say about FRIENDSHIP:

    friendship is someone you can count on to be there for you in all ways that they can both ways too you have to give and take and make sure the energy is balanced. acceptance, non judgement, caring, open and honesty. trust, truth, love peace and hope. friendship is where someone and another person can have fun together and be witheachother in times of need and in times that are good. friends are those who believe in you and never give up on you even when your at your worst. friends are those who are they're with you through good and bad. even if they are far away. they hold you as the person you are.. they hold you and we hold them too.



  • I'm not sure what you mean, a friendship is a type of relationship, isn't it? Unless you mean being friends with someone you are in a RELATIONSHIP with. If that's it, then yeah, those are totally different.

    I guess acceptance of who you are is the biggest thing with me. I try to never push an idea or action onto someone. If I know they don't like something, I respect that. The same goes for if they do like something, I honor that. And I don't have to agree either way because that is just who they are.

    If you are around someone who is always pushing and pulling at you, then I don't think they are your friend at all. They are trying to make you into someone they want to be friends with.

    Another thing is to care, and to be interested, in what happens in a person's life. A friend is someone you would feel like you could come by and say, guess what just happened? And know that it matters to them because it matters to you.

    I come from a very dysfunctional family so trust is not an easy thing for me. There is a difference in talking about somebody and sharing things about that person. How you talk to me about someone else is the gauge of whether or not I would be able to tell you things I don't tell. Does that make sense? Not sure how to explain it, there's gossip and then there is GOSSIP.

    And finally, with a friend you don't always have to be doing something. Sometimes it's nice to just hang out. Sit under a shade tree and talk about nothing in particular.

    That's too boring for most people though.



  • I love the just b in the moment together not even speaking just njoying the company.

    the gauge issue mmmmm i think it´s a way to get advice from a friend to help another friend, and when one doed one doesnt always disclose it all.



  • Friendship is a like a sunrise

    It peeks above the horizon with light and warmth

    and as it rises

    it becomes brighter and more evident

    waking the world and the soul to it's fullest potential.

    Love is the source of power

    When clouds loom and block out the light for a bit

    and we are feeling vulnerable and distrusting

    or hurt

    Remember

    The Light never goes away..it is just hidden for a while

    So it is with true friendship

    It endures and lasts for the lifetime we are here and into eternity...for love is eternal


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