Walking Away From Cancer Man
Without going into a ton of details, Cancer and I talked yesterday and we talked about the same issues we have discussed the whole time we have been together. He says he wants to just be friends now and not fwb, and then says that he still wants us to cook for each other and hang out. I told him he makes me tired. I am exhausted. I have been emotionally exhausted since a month after I met him. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells and choose my words soooo carefully. I got off the phone and just cried. I love him. I am in love with him, but he makes me miserable. So, I decided today to send him a fb message telling him I can only be his fb friend. I told him that I can't do this anymore and that I love him-I am in love with him, but I have to protect myself because he doesn't feel the same. I told him I wish I had met him at a different time in my life because meeting right when I was separating from my ex husband and us trying to figure out what was happening while I was going through divorce has been a nightmare. I wished him well and told him we are done here. I can't tell you the pain in my heart, and yet I can't tell you the freedom I feel in my soul. How can you love someone so much and be bound to them in your heart, but be weighted down in your soul? So, the weeks ahead will be long and hard, but I refuse to have less than I deserve. I deserve someone who adores me and wants to love me. I deserve the black and white that I understand instead of having the rules changed on me from day to day. I deserve someone's heart, their patience, to be the only woman in their world, and to KNOW that I am adored. My exhusband couldn't do it and Cancer could only manage it for three months... When will it be my turn to have the love I long for and dream of? I am so tired of giving and loving and coming back with an empty heart.
It should be easy enough to disconnect from this man because you were not COMPLETELY in love with him. There are many things about him you don't like - such as his selfishness, his changeability and moodiness, not returning your love and adoration, his lack of attention, his casual treatment of you. I think you were more in love with the idea of him if he was like the dream lover you really want. But he is not that way so you were right to finish with him. Find someone who can give you all that you want.
Thanks, Captain. I hope you're right. This is the most emotionally challenging relationship I have ever had. I've never felt more uncertain of who I am that when we would talk. The sex was amazing and kept us together for far longer than we should have... The last six years with my Leo ex were not this challenging. I thought I couldn't be more miserable, but I was wrong. Any reading on future love for me? Or a reading on me-where I need to focus ?
You need to focus on making yourself happy and not waiting for someone else to do it. As long as you depend on someone else to give you what you need, you will always be attracted to people who cannot satisfy you because deep down you know you need to do for yourself. Like attracts like - when you are already happy and positive and want but don't NEED someone significant in your life, then you will attract him. people always do it the wrong way around - they look for someone to make them happy but never find it. Then when they relax and stop depending on others, the right person materializes like magic in their life.
I sense a deep desperation in you - maybe you are lonely and hate being by yourself or you are feeling a lack of love, or you are just giving into what your family, friends, or society expects of you. But you should only follow your own path and do what feels right for you. Whatever you think you need from someone else, give it to yourself. When you radiate love for yourself, the right person will be drawn to your positive vibes and want to love you too. You also need to make peace with your ex and decide what the problem was, so that history doesn't repeat. Sometimes it is much less obvious than he just didn't treat you well.
Captain, I am desperate for love. I'm learning to love and do for myself just like you said, but truth is I've never been truly loved by someone other than my parents. I'm the one who truly loves and is always the giver. It's depleted me giving and loving my ex. I gave him every ounce of me, but he was so wounded by the loss of his father he couldn't love himself and he couldn't love me. Our marriage went wrong for a lot of reasons, but primarily because we didn't
love ourselves. We had very different ideas about love and family, and the mental, verbal, and emotional abuse wasnt going to end until we healed our hearts. We could never do that together. I
am to quick to fix things for him so he became dependent. I resented him for not trying and for shutting down. We had no intimacy the last 5 years of our marriage by his choosing. It left me empty and broken... So, I long for someone to love me, adore me, and make love to me. I'm deeply spiritual and I want someone who knows that depth of God like I do. I settle a lot of the time because I am so desperate to be held and kissed and loved. I know I'm settling, but i also see their potential so I believe love can change them. The truth is I'm in love with love-the idea of it. I'm trying to take back my self respect, my self worth, and my self esteem, but I have weak moments where I need that connection (physical) because I've been deprived so long. I can get sex anywhere but I long for someone to give me their heart.
Currently, I've decided I'm all I've got and the only one I can trust with my heart except God. I'm
Working on doing what you suggest. I'm really trying to be all that I need. It's just lonely out here sometimes. Lol.
Thanks for your input.
No doubt you have heard all the recent hype about the Universal Spiritual Law of Attraction. But do you see how it applies to you?
To understand the Law of Attraction, see yourself as a magnet attracting unto you the essence of that which you are thinking and feeling. And so, if you are feeling fat, you cannot attract thin. If you are feeling poor, you cannot attract prosperity. If you are feeling unloved, you cannot attract love. And so on. It defies Law. The more you come to understand the power of the Law of Attraction, the more interest you will have in deliberately directing your thoughts—for you get what you think about, whether you want it or not. Without exception, that which you give thought to is that which you begin to invite into your experience.
So begin now by giving yourself love so that you will recognise it when you find it outside of yourself. You have chosen partners in the past who could not love, but you couldn't see that because you have not yet come to know and understand what real love and partnership is - because you are not your own best friend and partner. In giving away all you had to other people, you left nothing for yourself and thus you cheated your 'best friend', leaving you feeling unloved by everybody.