HURTUNG AND NEED ADVICE DESPERATLY



  • ALL NEW TO THIS FIRST OF ALL. I AM A VERY CONFLICTED LEO 8/19/66 DEALING WITH SOME VERY CONFUSING EMOTIONS..... ABOUT 3 MO. AGO I RE-CONNECTED WITH MY FIRST LOVE! HE IS A SAGITTARIUS 11/24/1963. THE EXCITEMENT OF THIS RE-CONNECTION JUST TOOK OVER. WE FOUND EACH OTHER ON GOOD OL FACEBOOK OF COURSE, HE GAVE ME HIS NUMBER, ASKED ME TO CALL TO CATCH UP SO, I DID. WE LATER HOOKED UP AT A LOCAL BAR, TALKED A WHILE, AND DISCOVERED THAT HE IS MY SON'S BIOLOGICAL FATHER... (LONG STORY) ANYWAY, THAT EVE. HE TOLD ME HE HAD JUST GOTTEN A NEW JOB AS A TRUCK DRIVER . BIG RED FLAG ALREADY! SO THE STORY GOES, WE CONTINUED TALKING ABOUT HOW ARE LIVES HAD CHANGED OVER THE LAST 25 YRS. AND THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED TO THE BOTH OF US IN THAT TIME. WE WERE BOTH MARRIED TWICE, I AM STILL WITH ONE OF MINE HUSBANDS FOR THE LAST 16YRS. THIS GETS VERY COMPLICATED...... SO, LET ME START FIRST BY SAYING THAT I NEVER FORGOT THIS MAN AND THAT HE ALWAYS HAD A PLACE IN MY HEART! MOSTLY BECAUSE I HAD SUSPICIONS THAT HE COULD BE THE FATHER OF MY SON, SEE, I WAS 15 HE 17 WE WERE INSUPERABLE, ALWAYS TOGETHER, SELDOM HAD FIGHTS... HE WAS JUST MY 1ST EVERYTHING!

    WE DISCOVERED AFTER A LONG PERIOD OF DATING, THAT HE HAD CANCER~! VERY SCARY FOR MYSELF AT THAT AGE ESPECIALLY. HE HAD SURGERY AND CHEMOTHERAPY AND A DOCTOR TOLD HIM THAT IT WOULD BE POSSIBLE FOR HIM TO BECOME STERILE AS ONE POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECT TO THE THERAPY, AND HE MAY WANT TO THINK ABOUT FREEZING SOME "SWIMMERS" HE , DECIDED NOT TO. WELL, HE GOT INTO SOME TROUBLE WITH THE LAW AND WAS SENT A WAY FOR A WHILE! I TRIED ,I WANTED TO WAIT, BUT BEIN 15 WITH RAGING HORMONES.... IT GOT THE BETTER OF ME I GUESS. I DON'T REALLY THINK I NEED TO GO INTO A WHOLE LOT OF DETAIL ABOUT THE NEXT THING, I WAS PREG. I REALLY ASSUMED THAT THIS MAN WAS STERILE! AND THE ONLY OTHER POSSIBILITY WAS THE OTHER GUY! WELL, DOWN THE LINE A DNA TEST WAS DONE TO COLLECT CHILD SUPPORT, IT CAME BACK THAT HE WAS NOT THE FATHER! I THOUGHT THERE HAS TO BE A MISTAKE! I WANTED A RE DO BUT DID NOT HAVE THE MONEY TO HAVE IT DONE SO....... THERE WAS ALWAYS DOUBT, UNTIL THIS GUY WALKED BACK INTO MY LIFE!

    THIS IS TOUGH! I GUESS YOU COULD SAY, THAT I HAVE VERY MIXED EMOTIONS ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP! HE TELLS ME HE LOVES AND ALWAYS HAS, I TO FEEL THE SAME WAY, HOWEVER, I THINK I FEEL IT MORE SO THEN HE, I THINK TO, THAT I HAVE A DEEPER SENSE OF LOVING HIM AND FEELING AN INCREDIBLE BOND BECAUSE OF THE FATHER SON THING! HE EVENTUALLY WAS ABLE AFTER BECOMING STERILE TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD 2 YRS. AGO THROUGH SOME TYPE OF INJECTIONS. LONG STORY SHORT, HE AND HIS WIFE HAVE SEPARATED AND SHE REFUSES TO ALLOW HIM TO SEE HER WHICH UNDERSTANDABLY RIPS HIM TO PIECES! AND I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT. HOWEVER, I HAVE FALLEN PRETTY HARD FOR HIM, REALLY HARD TO BE EXACT! AND YES I DID SAY I WAS MARRIED! BUT, THAT IS A WHOLE NOTHER STORY... LETS JUST SAY IT ENDED LONG AGO.

    I CAME INTO SOME MONEY FROM AN ACCIDENT SOME TIME AGO, AND LET IT SLIP TO HIM. VERY BAD MOVE! I DID NOT THINK NOW THAT I WOULD BE FEELING THIS WAY. I HAVE VERY MIXED EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW! I SELDOM GET TO SEE HIM, AND WHEN I DO I WANT TO BE CLOSE TO HIM ON ALL LEVELS, AND IT WAS NOT UNTIL RECENTLY THAT I LET HIM KNOW THIS! BECAUSE IT USED TO BE, THAT I WOULD MAKE AN EFFORT TO GO SEE HIM AND NOT SO MUCH AS EVEN GET A KISS, OR A HUG, OR EVEN A HELLO! SO I LET HIM KNOW THAT IT HURT MY FEELINGS! I HAVE DONE A GRIP OF THINGS FOR THIS MAN OVER THE LAST 3 MO. HAVE WIRED MONEY TO HIM TWICE,PAID A 200.00 DOLLAR PHONE BILL, EVERYTIME WE EAT OUT HE SLIDES THE BILL MY WAY AND ALSO MADE A REMARK TO A WAITRESS THAT HE DID NOT CARE HOW MUCH HIS MEAL WAS, THAT I WAS PAYING FOR IT! I FIGURED IN TOTAL HE OWES ME OVER 800.OO DOLLARS. WE HAD A LITTLE SPAT A FEW WEEKS AG, AT WHICH TIME HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAD ENOUGH SHIT IN HIS LIFE AND THOUGHT IT BETTER IF WE JUST GO OUR SEPARATE WAYS! OF COURSE, I WAS DEVASTATED, COULD NOT EAT OR SLEEP, I WAS A TOTAL DYSFUNCTIONAL MESS. WELL, AFTER A FEW TEXT MESSAGES AND SOME THOUGHT HE MUST HAVE DECIDED HE WAS IN THE WRONG BECAUSE HE CALLED ASKING FORGIVENESS,AND OF COURSE I DID! I DID LEAVE OUT THAT AFTER HE SAID IT WAS OVER, I TOLD HIM I WANTED EVERY DIME BACK THAT I SPENT OR LENT HIM! AND EVERY TIME HE NEEDS I GO RUNNING! I NEVER GET ANYTHING IN RETURN! AND, LIKE I SAID I LOVE HIM AND I DON'T WANT TO LOOSE HIM BUT,I DON'T LIKE THE FEELING OF BEING USED EITHER! HE RECENTLY HAD HIS PH. SHUT OFF BECAUSE SOMEONE WAS MAKING PRANK CALLS, AND I KNOW, IN MY HEART OF HEARTS THAT HE HAS A PHONE, AND JUST WILL NOT GIVE OUT THE # TO ME!

    HE HAS MADE REMARKS THAT HIS DAD AND DAUGHTER ARE THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS TO HIM? HELLO! I EVEN SAID"WHAT AM I CHOPPED LIVER? I WAS USED TO HEARING FROM HIM REGULARLY, NOW I AM LUCKY TO HEAR FROM HIM AT ALL, HE IN FACT TOLD ME JUST THIS MORN. "I PROMISE YOU I WILL CALL" GUESS WHAT? NO CALL! i WAS WOKEN UP AT 12:30AM FROM A RESTRICTED #, IT WAS HIM TELLING ME HE HAD LOST HIS FUEL CARD AND WAS "STUCK" AND WOULD I BRING HIM SOMETHING TO HELP HIM STAY AWAKE UNTIL THE COMPANY OPENED... AND SO I GOT UP AND TOOK A "LITTLE DRIVE" JUST FOR THAT! I AM CONFUSED, CONFLICTED, HURT, MADLY IN LOVE, AND STRUGGLING WITH "WHAT SHOULD I DO"? ON ONE HAND, I WANT TO TELL HIM WHERE TO GO, ON THE OTHER HAND I DON'T WANT TO LOOSE HIM EITHER! HE HAS HONESTLY TOUCHED ME IN A WAY NO OTHER MAN HAS, AND I AM 42! WHEN WE MAKE LOVE, IT IS MIND BLOWING, OUT OF THIS WORLD LOVE MAKING!

    IF THERE IS ANYONE OUT THERE THAT CAN HELP THIS BLEEDING HEART AND SHARE SOME POWERFUL INSIGHT, I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT! i FEEL, THAT HE JUST WANTS TO KEEP ME AT ARMS LENGTH AND USE ME FOR HIS OWN PERSONAL NEEDS! AND I KNOW THAT A TRUE RELATIONSHIP IS MORE THEN THE SEX... BUT WHEN WE DO i HONESTLY CAN FEEL THAT HE DOES LOVE ME! THERE IS A CONNECTION THERE! SO YOU CAN SEE, WHERE I MIGHT BE CONFUSED?

    ~HURTING~



  • Hi Bettini43,

    Just a quick thought-have you considered looking into any past life issues with you and this person? It sounds to me that you feel that this person is your soul-mate but there are many layers, some of them with negative energy. I have used some past life tools, one was a report off of tarot.com the other was with my tarot reader, who is also does past life work. Both were very helpful and gave me some fresh insight and a chance to step away from the situation a little bit and see it through another lens.

    Hope my two cents helps.

    Best of luck!



  • I encourage you to get the book written by Linda Goodman, "LOVE SIGNS". It is the best read ever when it comes to understanding compatibility understanding. She has all the options including a Leo woman and a Sag. Man.



  • Hi Bettini, Sounds like he doesn't have many people in his life that he can depend upon (OR) maybe it's more convenient to call upon you. In my opinion most guys aren't going to turn down free love. I know from your perspective it is given quite honestly. He has been honest with you in regards to how he feels about you and has told you. You are the one that needs to change your behavior because it's clear that he doesn't feel the same and is in fact using you.

    That is the ugly truth. By staying in contact and not cutting ties you are prolonging the misery. And I see this as misery. He is defining the terms and you are accepting. I would go completely cold turkey. This has turned into a bad habit and will not change. Be strong. This is one of those situations that you can't change so quit thinking there is "hope."

    You have helped him and he will miss that. Don't confuse that for anything more. Time to move on. Yes, I've been thru this and this is the best advice that anyone can give you--time to move on.



  • You love him! He may or may not love you, neither of you will know until you stop giving him money!! Let him be a man, you can still have mind blowing lovemaking sessions but a lady never pays. I wouldn't ask or expect anything back, you got what you paid for, some of his time, but don't continue making that mistake. A man doesn't need a woman to fix his financial problems just to know she is and will be there for him, but if you present yourself like an atm he won't be able to resisit the urge to use it at will. Unfortunalely although he may appreciate it, at the same time it reminds him that you are more of a man then he is and he knows you could never respect him or appreciate anything HE has to offer YOU. If he does have genuine feelings for you the guilt at accepting your money could get in the way of your trully connecting with him.

    Don't go out of your way, just be yourself and if the feelings are genuine you have nothing to fear. If he is taking advantage of your feelings you will soon see (when you stop giving up the cash) $800.00 is a small price for a big lesson on giving men money.

    P.S. if you are willing to pay for love make sure you get your money's worth. No call = no dollars. When you ask for something if you don't get what you want, he doesn't get what he want$.



  • Hello Bettini43 I not only can hear your pain and confusion as I am also dealing with a man from my past, We met again due to some of my family members, they where happy for me as I had been on my own for 7yrs. I am 65 and he is 63 I was married now divorced He never married he is rich and very cheap we went out for 6yrs 35 yrs ago, I loved him so much but still knew it was a toxic relationship, Well I came back to life 3 months ago, and guess what so did he but it is still toxic, and he is making it that way just like your situation, 2 days ago he told me this can not go on. I am deeply hurt but also feel at this age and both of us being lonely Why Would He Not Try Harder At a Second Chance??????? . He tells me he always loved me & that was why he found it impossible to get married to someone else so he just had several relationships, I write lyrics and he is a mad Mozart piano player. This is a crazy situation and I hope you do better than I just keep strong and let all the angels and spirit inside you take over and leave it in Gods hands, sometimes what is meant to be will show its pot of gold at the end of the rainbow only after the storm. Of course like you I fell in love all over again.



  • Wow, these are the most intense, scary, and wild, stories I have ever read on this site. I am really directing my post to Bettini43---When a relationship requires this much thought, energy, and theatrics it's time to let go. Forget about zodiac signs and the such, just get out!!! This man is toxic and quite frankly scary. You have more self worth than to settle for his shenanigains. Good Luck and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...



  • They say no-one else ever compares to your first love, and for sentimental reasons you will never forget them, and you have more reason than most, him being your childs biological father But I feel you are letting your heart rule your head, and it is only going to cause you pain. This man obviously has many issues that he needs to resolve, and he is playing on your need for love and attention which you obviously haven't been getting in your current marriage. I notice that you don't mention your shared child - how does he feel about having this child he didn't know about? Has he asked about them? Does he want any involvement in their life? If he is only using you to pay his way, then he loves your money, not you. Let him go and find someone who will love you for you, who will pay you attention for who you are and not for what you have. Find someone who deserves you. You deserve better!!!!



  • The answer is so simple to those who are not involved. The second lady described her relationship as toxic so is yours Betinni, you sound like such a lovely person, and you are selling yourself short. LOVE AND RESPECT YOURSELF and dont allow anyone to take away your confidence and self esteem as I KNOW ONLY TO WELL. People do to you that which you allow them to he is not the only one with issues. You owe it to your children to be the best mum you can be or they will become affected too. Betenni this is my best advice and I send it to you with LOVE AND NO ONE SAID IT WOULD BE EASY,.................BUT IT WILL GET BETTER.



  • Bettini, I feel your pain. First love is so hard to get over. But you must see this for what it is. Read the book "He's just not that into you". The way this man behaves IS NOT how a man in love acts, no matter what is going on. See it for what it is. Find someone you can talk to regularly for support, even a therapist. Try to move on. I know it's easy to say, hard to do. But I've done it and so can you.



  • HI Bettini,

    If you can go back and read your own post and not see the problem you are truly ignoring reality.

    Clearly, just from what you say, this man is a user, at least with you he is. You talked about paying his phone bill, over $200.00, and then when you wised up and quit giving him money he tells you his phone is cut off. You may be right about what you say but it is also a good bet that it was shut off because he couldn't pay for it. And I would have to ask how he would run up such a bill. That is a lot of talking. How many other women could he talking with?

    Most importantly, you have left out the most important person in this on and off again love affair.

    "Your Husband". I have been him before and I can tell you sooner or later he will find this out and there is no better way to hurt him than this. I do not know your relationship with your husband but he may think if far better than it really is. You want to loose him forever, keep this up. I divorced my wife of 39 years and moved on. I am married...she lives alone. Mr. wonderful was not so wonderful after all.

    You love this man only because you can't have him. If all of a sudden he changed and was with you every moment he could be and became in effect your second husband your feeling for him would change, much like it has for your husband.

    You are chasing a rainbow and I can tell you if you ever find that pot of gold it will not be like you thought of it. At the very least do not continue to be his doormat. If you can't do that at least consider giving your husband a divorce.


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