Signs That Your New (or old) Partner is Abusive
Daliolite, the Captain is right here. While I agree with you to a degree that sometimes things are just meant to stay the way they are and off you go, oftentimes things are rearing their heads for you to deal with. Running away will never put an end to it; it comes back time and again until you stand up and deal with it.
You know, I've had nasty comments levelled at me at work and I've deflected them and dealt with them at the same time, simply by saying - along the lines of - "if that's how you feel, fine, but it's not the way I think". Things like that. Bitchiness doesn't need to come into it, but merely your own stance on things. I strongly believe that two wrongs don't make a right.
If you're interested I'll recount a story from someone I work with who has been a thorn in the side of not only me, but a few others. this person loves to point out when someone has done something wrong, or been a bit silly, etc. I was workign directly with her one day and found an error she'd made, but instead of pointing it out to her, I set about fixing the problem. She found me doing it and asked why I hadn't told her about her mistake. My response? "I don't see the need to tell people when they've stuffed up, unlike some". I left it up in the air as to who I was meaning. Sadly with her though, it goes in one ear and out the other. I've chewed her out a few times, but she simply doesn't "get it".
It's simply a case of standing your ground, dealing with things YOUR WAY and leaving it up to the recipient to receive it in the spirit it was given, ignore it, or retaliate. You can't help their response; it's not your responsibility.
If this helps you at all, that's GREAT. If not, well, ask for clarification if you want. But again, Captain is right: you can't run away from things all the time because those things come back for you to deal with.
We should also be aware of whether we are conducting self-abuse. We should be our own best friends and strongest supporters. But if we continually put ourselves down, tell ourselves we are ugly or stupid or unworthy of love, then we carry around inside us wherever we go the inner critic who is holding us back from achieving our goals and dreams.
Yes, I agree with that Captain! Often "self-abusers" put themselves in situations where they'll receive validation for their own lack of self-worth. A sadly vicious cycle that repeats over and over until the self-abuser realises they really are their own worst enemy. I know I'll jokingly say things like 'idiot" about myself, but no longer "mean" it. I accept that I'm not perfect and that sometimes I can be the most absent-minded dolt God put breath into! But it's a joke to me, a flaw I have and accept and if it becomes a weapon this person I mentioned above might use to fire at me, I stand my ground and say "oh sorry, I keep forgetting you're perfect and never do anything stupid" or bow down to her and beg her all-knowing forgiveness (hahaha ... however, as said above, it goes in one ear and out the other with her).
Ah well ...