All Things Libra
Yes I agree we get along well with men in our own sign because we think alike. But they seem to do the samething I do and that's to talk myself out of things even when I think its what I want. You have choices, but if you stay with the man you say you don't love you are keeping him from finding someone who will really love him. But be very careful because what you think you want may not be all its cracked up to be either. We aren't the easist of signs to get along with I don't care what we tell ourselves. It takes two to make or break a relationship. Work on this one before you jump. You know they say you can never go back home. If it doesn't work out. Step back and see what you would tell someone in your shoes.
I feel ya. I have a tendency to drop kick men like a football the second they start telling me what to do. I am totally unlike any Libra I know. Partnerships don't work for me once they get on their high horse and try to tell a woman what to do.
Who in the he!! ever told men that they had the right to boss us around? When they give birth to children, potty train them, teach them to walk, talk, read, write, send them off to school, keep up more than 70% of housework, and hold down a career...then they can offer some advice. Until then they shut up and treat me as their equal. If not, there is the door and find another house to wipe their boots in.
The door mat is on the ground out side of the house not inside taking care of it.
I agree I don't take orders either. You can ask me to do anything but don't order me around because I don't walk two steps behind any man.
I live in the Northern Virginia suburbs of DC and let me tell you it is behind 20 years about women. One of the reason I have remained single in this cursed place. Give the men 3 months and they become comfortable and start ordering you around. That's when I drop kick. I am 39 with a 17 and 14 year old. I survived, until this recession, as a single mom in a town that hates independent women on my own. Almost all the women are married or living with a man, and they all cheat on each other.
Since this recession all the women are laid off and the men have their jobs. It's disgusting. I know nowhere else this is happening. It's a town hardwired for conservative attitudes that have women as baby making machines. I recently read Gone With The Wind. The women still think they are southern belles and the hatred for Yankees like myself is staunch as ever.
Good news. I will soon be getting enough cash to get out of here and it is back up north for me. I might hold a party when I am settled and burn all my shoes for touching confederate soil. I didn't feel that way when I arrived but after 17 years of living here and enduring through many a man and belle caused hardship through their manufactured manipulations, I have a different opinion of the "New South." It made me a hardened Yankee. Who won't be told what to do.
Thanks to you all
It's not that he just tells me what to do, he complains about me all the time. That I'm lazy, that I don't give him enough of what he wants. (I just don't feel for him like I know I should) we argue all the time, he gets furious with me to the point of telling me to leave all the time. Like some of the other posters I read, I also have fibromyalgia and had to have my gallbladder taken out last year, in fact..seems like ever since I married him, my health has gone down hill.
I just don't feel I respect him or feel such a connection with him. I can't see spending more time with him like this but coming from a country that has socialized health care and having all these problems, I'm feeling married to my medical plan (him) and in love with someone else who understands what deep love really is.
BTW we've been married almost 4 years and i am 37...38 oct 2
Libralibra..I'm in MD
Husband is from PA and so is the Libra guy I'm so crazy about. Husband and i are supposed to look at houses to buy in WV today and right now he is being a dork mumbling like a pretend drunk that I have to get ready..yeesh!
Another thing that bothers me is he expects me to do everything....financial stuff, confirm appts, make appts, it's like, he is not able to use his phone!
Libralibra I know exactly what you mean about the "everyone is doing everyone" husband and I are both members of a website and i mean, WOW, it is nuts! I am not allowed to use or turn on my profile but he is. We have met some cool people, like friends but am not interested in any other because Libra guy set my expectations and all so high, I compare everyone to him and am disappointed because they just don't ever meet what an amazing person he is.
He is experiencing the same thing and is planning to come visit to see what the heck is going on, I can't take it anymore. Either I think about him or I don't. I don't want to be in limbo anymore
Then you know exactly what I am talking about.
"That I'm lazy, that I don't give him enough of what he wants."
Well for Eff's sake it doesn't sound like he's giving you what you want. The cretins around here that call themselves men. Sheesh. Are they like effeminate or little boys? Since when did you become an extension of him?
"I'm feeling married to my medical plan (him) and in love with someone else who understands what deep love really is."
That's what happens to women in the DC area. No decent jobs for us and you have to stay married to a man you don't love just so he can have the privilege and ego gratification of saying he has a wife even though he doesn't treat you like one. And you stay because to go without health insurance is unthinkable. And! Even if you did leave they don't give jobs as easily to single women as they do married ones here. Trust me, I know. I've been working two jobs here until 2007 to survive on my own. It came crashing down with the recession.
I don't know what country you are from but please, believe me, women are freer in other areas of the US. Do not judge the rest of this country by the DC area. It is corrupt as hell and our hope of change lies in the Obama administration. Don't believe these republicans, they have a vested, VERY vested interest in not changing Washington. The politicians have nothing to do with it, it is the procurement process and the consultants like Accenture, Booz-Allen, Lockheed Martin, Boeing, etc. Those are the corrupt organizations that ruin this country. Not to mention the lobbying groups for Doctors and Pharmaceuticals, and the oil people. From Reagan, to Bush 1 and Bush 2 they established a network of corrupt corporations that try their best to thwart any change because it means they lose their millions as it will be dispersed to the rest of the country.
And these corrupt men like to make women their slaves through economic pressure. You are married to your Healthplan.
Much love and light to you.
"I know exactly what you mean about the "everyone is doing everyone" husband and I are both members of a website and i mean, WOW, it is nuts! I am not allowed to use or turn on my profile but he is. "
Isn't that just classic DC men. How about this one? Did you know that many of these conservative men also lead the BDSM lifestyle? And have Swingers clubs? They live these crazy slave/master fantasies out and it isn't in their suburban "dungeons." It bleeds into their life that they view women as slaves. I think they would love to bring that back down upon society.
My 1st husband came to DC and had numerous affairs. I tolerated it for six years before I left. But I left when Clinton was in office. It was his subsidized daycare bill that helped me to leave. My ex could have numerous affairs but I was to stay home with kids and do all the work.
"Husband and i are supposed to look at houses to buy in WV today and right now he is being a dork mumbling like a pretend drunk that I have to get ready..yeesh!
Another thing that bothers me is he expects me to do everything....financial stuff, confirm appts, make appts, it's like, he is not able to use his phone!"
Same thing with my 1st ex. Same thing.
Don't move to WV. Please don't do that. It would be going from the frying pan into the fire. If he is giving you access to all the finances come up with an escape plan. Squirrel money away, delay the purchase of the house and leave. Seek out a good counselor who will support you. Preferably a domestic abuse counselor. What he is doing is financial abuse to keep you with him. You can make him pay for your health insurance after your separation and your divorce. Seek an attorney's advice also. But DO NOT spring from one relationship to another. I know you love this Libra guy but starting relationships while emotionally vulnerable will lead you to another abuser.
Not sure if it's the Libra thing or not but... I myself don't mind being asked either . Just don't demand
that i do something. It hits me the same as being Talked AT instead of to.
I've never been one to ask others to get me this or please hand me that. If I want something... I just get it myself ! When with people that like to fix or get me something always. I actually feel
uncomfortable. For Gods sake; then some ask If I don't trust them and of the like! It's strange.
BDSM..omg, do I know!
except he wanted me to be his Domme!!!!! Wasn't something I wanted to do. He pushed it on me for 3 years.
I do have my own money, I am from Canada, I'm not about to jump into another relationship, not after this bs..
I'll post more later as he is being a moron about getting going...
Forgive me, LOL
I have to laugh. I really really do. The DC men here think they are smart and sneaky. An intelligent woman like me who's lived here for 17 years would know better. You're Canandian, you're smart. I'm from Chicago.
I get that it wasn't something you wanted to do. But they roll out with the "If you loved me you would try to understand and satisfy my needs." Or ridicule you for being "Vanilla" and you're not sophisticated enough to understand.
Leave lady leave. He's not worth the house. While you have your youth.
In the Sado Masochist thing, it is the Masochist that is really in control. You domme him because he asks and then you do everything around the house??? Masochists are another form of control freak.
Oh I understand the small towns and small minds. When I moved to Mo. I had culture shock. Really. And like you said I found that they believe in Love Thy Neighbor and I said I get it just don't get caught! There is a whole lot of oinking back there and it doesn't set well with me. They called me the crazy lady from Calif. So I let them think I was crazy that way they didn't mess with me. I would do things for my neighbors and they were so suspicious. They would say what do I owe you.... thank you is fine. I did it because I wanted to not because I expected anything back. It was weird.
Yeah, I was mostly raised in the Metro city of Vancouver in British Columbia Canada. It's Canada's 3rd largest city and I've got that "western" mentality too.
Talk about culture shock, when I was 31 i moved to the US EAST (PA) now that is not only to the East but also to the US. I have been having major culture shock ever since! Almost everything is different.
And being the libra I am I have a low self esteem, tend to stick to myself and do my projects..sewing, painting etc. When I do get a boost of self esteem everyone wants to be around me but it isn't happening much anymore. I hate it! All of my family lives on the west coast of Canada 3000 miles away and it isn't cheap to fly there. I have no support systems and yes, I have been seeing a psychotherapist and have talked about this stuff and still am no closer to an answer. Being that I have a 6yr old son living in PA really drives the screws in and I totally feel stuck here in this part of the world. The part of WV i'm referring to is the panhandle that extends into MD/VA...pretty urban so...
I have the number to the women's shelter on me and got the courage to call it once and they couldn't take me in at the time, I don't know that I have the highest confidence in them now...
Sitting around in this crappy 2bdr apt with a crack addict who assulted me last sept living next door doesn't really inspire me to get out and I really don't like Frederick MD. It has never felt like home. (we didn't know this was a bad area when we moved here).
I don't sleep in the same bed as my husband. I never ever thought I would be in this situation and here I am.
I always get the "you don't love me" or "if you love me" ..ugh so tired of the whining, it is like having another child!!! I feel like I need someone who is strong and can i dunno..put up with some shit! Is that asking too much? I have gotten mad at this other guy because I have jumped to conclusions and he is just pretty mellow about it. I guess with 5 kids you would have to be...most of them are over 16. When I talk to him, I feel balanced again.
Sorry for the long post..I just feel like...no where else to explain it!
I there someone in your family that will help you out of there? I think I would keep trying the shelters.
I love being a libra as well I am very educated for my age ....as a nurse.I hope i will find the right person to spend my life with. Libras are easy giong people and we love to love,not to say the least we do try to help people in need.As far as it comes to romance ,we tend to put our hearts in it fully ..because relationships are very important to us and we try to make it work ..despite of who they are or what they do for a living because we do not judge people...and that is what makes us great people.
I went to a battered woman's shelter last year. I had a male roommate who had been a friend of mine for 10 years. Due to this recession I needed a roommate and it seemed ideal until he sexually assaulted me. No full penetration or anything like that. Jeesh this is still hard to talk about. But i found it over all a positive experience. I got to get away for a whole month and get some very seriously needed Domestic Abuse counseling. I had already been to 5 years of therapy to learn to cope in a world without my dysfunctional family and 1st husband. I was doing okay but i still kept making the same mistakes and I couldn't figure out why.
I couldn't figure out how after two bad marriages, a scorchingly dysfunctional and abusive family, and 5 years of therapy how I wound up in the situation that led me to a battered woman's shelter. The counselor helped me to connect the dots between the situations. Once that happened it was mind blowing as to the clarity I've gained in my life. There were symptoms? characteristics? attributes? I don't know which word would be accurate that I found myself forgiving in others because it reminded me of my childhood. Although I got therapy to look at my family for what they were and to cope with my ex-husband I still kept people and was drawn to people in my life that had this violent streak in them. It wasn't until I went to the shelter that I found this out about myself and with the help of a counselor - she is good but I know other therapists can be good too.
I don't know if all violent lunatics have these traits but I can guarantee you that the ones is my life did.
1. Hypercritical about your housekeeping skills even though theirs are much less than yours. this keeps you from criticizing them because your always focused on how you can do things better (which is healthy! but they take advantage of that.) Yeah, their house is messy, not "lived in," messy or it is neurotically neat. Never in between. I run from neurotically neat and messy now. I am not forgiving if someone's home looks like ass anymore nor am I forgiving if it sterile.
2. Questioning your sanity even though they have never and will never get psychological help themselves - and they don't like it when you do - and when you do they still insist you are disturbed or unbalanced.
3. Almost ALL of them have some substance abuse issue. Either they abused it or they had a partner that did and are constantly watching you to see the signs. I went to AA, Al-Anon, and NA because some partner was recovering or his ex wife did and if I had ONE drink they thought I was an alcoholic. Until I went to all of those groups i began to believe it and those groups showed me who was the real substance abuser and that jerks like that cling to moderate and social drinkers - normal drinkers because they think we'll "SAVE THEM." That is another method of control once again they keep the criticism on you so you don't know how bad they are.
4. Constantly critical and jealous of others with constantly needing to be the centre of attention.
If you notice one thing in common it is criticism, criticism, criticism. Chances are if the person criticizing you is saying you can't take constructive criticism as well, they are being verbally abusive.
They gotcha at a double whammy. Most constructive criticism is not upsetting and if it is, a mentally healthy critic will understand that some criticism no matter how well said, hurts and will wait until you calm down before debriefing. They give it a day or two and will come to you and say, "Sorry I had to do that and I know it hurt." They don't top off criticism with more.
I would be with people who were critical of me because it made me comfortable because it was familiar. I had this idea that if someone criticized me they had good reason to and I would plunge myself into counseling, AA, Al-Anon, (I went to NA to understand cocaine users, i couldn't work them out on my own and couldn't recognize the signs very well.) and read self help books. Which is okay because it led me to the right conclusions and the right people but I wouldn't put that critique on others. I just let them have authority on who I was as a person because it was comfortable it is what my family and ex-husband did and getting a more empowered perspective to say "Wait a minute, Did you ever go to counseling? AA? Al-Anon? or even NA? and if not who the F#$% are you to be jumping on my case for moderate behavior? Why are you jumping on my case for an emotional reaction? Isn't your lack of support and trying to calm me down indicative of your tendency to bully and overreact because someone isn't behaving the way you want?
My all time favorite was when I suggested to my ex that perhaps he could benefit from reading up on anger management or taking a class in it - he got angry. Duh.
It was only one month in that shelter but that domestic abuse counselor helped me put all of those pieces into to place and use it to help me cope and avoid people who are violent and abusive.
The consequences of that stay in the battered womans shelter was to cut off my entire family - no other choice - I now know that, by reading how many women are murdered by family and the events leading to the murder, if I associate with them I increase my risk. Yeah my family is that bad and my counselor had to point that out. I also learned I associated with friends and partners who had my family's traits. So I had to drop a lot of friends. Not because they were a risk to me but because they wouldn't be supportive in my quest to find a better life and surround myself by better people. They quite simply couldn't stand it when I said, "I don't need to be talked to like that." It was weird but it was like someone pulled a veil off my eyes.
It is unfortunate all this happened with the culmination of the recession but I am quite certain in the next few months to weeks I will be back on my own again with my kids and in a new town. Economical circumstances have me living with my 1st husband again. He's been kind but he is finding I am not the young girl he could bully any longer. Basically a decent guy, but massively dysfunctional due to being raised by a schizophrenic mother and unwilling to get help to solve his problems. And being here again, I don't see how I stood being married for seven years.
I didn't get into this situation overnight. I understand it is not my fault I was born to such people and it screwed me up for awhile. But I am willing to make the necessary changes to ensure the next half of my life is not surrounded by violent people be it verbal or physical or emotional or psychological. My next forty years will be much better.
at 37 you got your own money. You got a kid in PA. You got a weirdo for a husband and a crack addict next store. Get out. Make your next 37 better.
Yes, I understand what you are saying and if I didn't say before..I went through this junk with my FIRST husband! I ended up going to a womens shelter at that time and they helped me get him evicted since I had the lease on the apt that we rented. I got married to him @ 31 and thought I was emotionally prepared for it but he is just dysfunctional...alocholic parents etc...
A year later enters the guy I still talk to and think about but goes no where and I know I am not ready for it. Shorty after I meet second husband who now constantly reminds me how he buys me clothes, a car, pays for things etc etc etc...I'm really not materialistic and I think it pis**es him off. Yes nothing is ever good enough but he is a bigger pig than I am.
I went to my therapist on Friday and we called the local women's shelter where I have an appt on Tues.
At this moment, I am just trying to stay away from him, I have a gyne appt on Monday as something is not right..elevated testosterone..I have had cysts in the past and she wants to do a d &c..is freaking me out.
I don't want this man at all..he drives me crazy, yelling at me for an hour last night how I never do anything for him and "will I ever"??? yeesh!
I don't even respond since it seems worse to have a point in the argument and he gets more angry. I have resorted to playing dumb which is totally out of my character.
Right now I am on disability from two past car accidents 10 years ago..fibryomyalgia/depression/anxiety... and I am not a US citizen yet so I have no way of going on medicare. it is so messed up. (againI am from Canada)
I guess my ultimate goal would be to get back to Pittsburgh, get a small apt somehow get support from him and medical coverage and be able to see my son more. I do have 50% physical custody but am just not able to handle being a full time mom. My son is autistic and ADHD.
I really appreciate all the input from all of you...makes me cry when I realize how close my problems or thinking are related to yours.
Hi my name os Sheryl- I am a DOUBLE LIBRA - My SUN Sign is Libra, My MOON is In Libra !!
I have 3 planets in Libra also- MARS, MERCURY, & JUPITER. My B-Day is 10-22-57. I am also on the cusp of LIBRA/SCORPIO. I am pretty messed up when it comes to love relationships but I must admit, I am super creative & very smart. Anyone have any advice on how I can become not so obsessed with decision making and any tips on love life issues. I am 51 and living by myself for the first time in my life which is also very hard for me to do & cope with. I am very interested in psychic people & astrology, etc.