How Can I Change the Way People See Me?

  • Hi,

    Lately there's been a lot of negativity in my life. Unfortunately, this has resulted in a lot of people developing a negative impression of me. There are things I need to change about myself- this is a given. But, there seems to be such a huge difference between how others see me and who I really am. I'm just concerned about what my career prospects are, since most jobs require a good reference. Also, some people just don't want to work with someone who is like the way they perceive me to be.I wish I just didn't care, but it's just resulted in so many negative situations in my life. What do people see/perceive that bothers them so much? Why has this been more of an issue in recent years? Hope someone can provide more insight. Thanks!

  • Do you think you project a truthful image of yourself or do you wear a mask to hide the real you or to make people like you? What overall impression do you think you give off to others?

  • Also, I feel sometimes you can play dumb or act less smart than you are simply to avoid certain responsibilities or stressful situations. If you allow yourself to be the butt of other people's jokes and behave irresponsibly, then you hope you can't be expected to hold down a job or live up to any real adult lifestyle. Developing your communication skills, not letting people talk down to you - speaking your mind honestly and clearly so that others understand your meaning - combined with your vision, wit, and imagination will make you the successful networker you are destined to be. You may also tend to repress your own uniqueness and try to conform with convention and tradition in order to gain acceptance and career success. But you need to let your individuality shine out. If you can learn not to be so hard on yourself and everyone else - simply lighten up a bit - and find a balance between emotional detachment and mere repression, your creative efforts can find a practical outlet and will have lasting value. Have faith in your abilities. And remember: winning doesn't always involve a battle.

  • Thanks for your response. I like to think that I'm not hiding my true self, but it's not true. When you said that sometimes I play dumb I was embarrassed. I have been doing that, and unfortunately that's the impression that some people have of me. And my verbal communication skills definitely need work. To be honest, I was never really sure exactly what was going on. I thought it might be something like that.

  • Hi mh83,

    I saw your post and thought, that sound quite a bit like what i have gone through and i am out of the other end,

    I will happily help you out if you'd like, captain probably has given you enough insight.


  • Mh83, You are worrying too much, try to find your inner peace and all we be ok.

    Listen, you could be beautiful, big, fat, thin, rich, poor

    People will always judge you, if you worry about this , you be worried all your life

    your issue is not how others see you but about how you see yourself

    this is your real issue, find acceptance in yourself and welcome others like they are and what they think and how they view you and you will change things around you but nothing will change until you accept yourself, your resistance is blocking positive to come to your way

  • Thanks to all who replied! Star2u, you make an excellent point. No matter who we are, there will always be people who will judge us. One of the things that I realized after reading the posts here is why I don't always project n accurate image of who I really am. Sometimes I just get too bogged down in the judgment of others. There is a saying I've often heard- if someone keeps saying you're stupid, you'll eventually come to believe it. I know that isn't true of everyone. But, if there's no context-if you are not in touch with who you are (and I'm guilty of this) it can feel like what others are saying is true. Sadly, this isn't the case much of the time with me.

  • Captain- I would have to say I disagree slightly with why I act dumb. I don't really want to avoid responsibility, it's just that in certain stressful situations I appear to be much less intelligent than I actually am. This has led to employers passing me over for promotions and added responsibilities. It has cost me getting some jobs, as well. It's funny to say this, but I was recently reminded of a dog that I had. He was a German Shepherd named Rambo. He was extremely intelligent. But, he was very eager to please and would get so nervous, that he would often do foolish things. I feel bad that I often criticized him for it. When I feel inadequate, I become too eager to please. And I end up looking like an idiot. But, unfortunately this behavior pattern has become ingrained. But, I am working very hard to change it. You've given me a lot of insight. Thanks for that.

  • Mh83, i been there i understand, if you take it in positive way what hurt you and what people tells you as negative about you, like you stupid are often the opposite

    we need to hear negativity to want to be better, find your strength and work to make yourself and your life better, use the negativity as an indication and signal to focus more on your life and not on other people

    trust me you cannot please people even you were beautiful, rich or whatever it is

    just wake up to the reality of things they are simple

    the only person that can hurt you and put you down is you and your believe of yourself

    you got a lot work to do , your work is to learn to support yourself, be nice to yourself, give yourself what you need, want, dream and make yourself smile

    its a lot work

    start today

    do something for yourself that makes you happy

    learn to accept and welcome negativity as a sign to be better but learn to hear yourself, find who you are

  • Mh83, you say you don't act dumb to avoid responsiblity, yet that is the exact result. Deep down you have fears and urges that don't want to assume adult duties or stresses.

  • Captain- if that's what you are getting, then I need to examine my motives. It's difficult for me to see myself as such a person, because in high school and into my early 20s I saw myself as a person who was capable of handling adult responsibilities. When I examine my current life however, that is not reflected. Unfortunately, I developed the habit of looking at the problem externally (i.e. my boss won't give me more hours because she thinks I can't handle the work, etc.). But, why do I project that? Sometimes it's uncomfortable looking at my subconcious motives. I apologize for rejecting your original impressions without close examination.

  • We all have trouble recognizing and accepting that our subconscious motives may not always be as pure and mature as we would like to think they are. But they must be rooted out and dealt with if we are all to grow and learn. There is a wise saying that the most messed-up thing we humans do is to assume we know what anyone else is thinking about us. Just ask your boss, for example, why she won't give you more hours instead of assuming it's your fault. It may be nothing like you think.

  • Plus, we all have things we don't want to do or face in life. The difference is in what we do about problems or difficult situations - the 'child' runs away, while the 'adult' stays to tough it out.

  • That's an excellent point. It is the child that is always avoiding things- making up excuses. A part of growing up is facing what we don't want to face. It takes some of us (like me) longer to grow up than others. Looking at the environment I grew up in provides insight about that. Some ran away instead of facing things head on.

  • The first and biggest step is to believe in your ability to handle whatever life throws at you. Somewhere along the line, you lost this faith in yourself.

  • Mh83.

    Negativity breeds Negativity,

    You need to find who you are and be happy with that!

    Positive attitude will give positive results .

    One small adjustment, like look how we come across- how you can do it in way that they see ok, because you being you, because your serious, and not someone be walked over.

  • I wasn't sure whether or not to start this in a separate thread, but do my subconscious fears cause my health problems? For example, sometimes my stomach will act up or I'll catch a virus and have trouble getting better. Most people have taken the attitude that I'm not really sick and am just faking, but there are times when I really do feel awful. But, I wonder how much of it is how I respond to being sick.

  • It sounds like stress may be the root cause of your physical problems. You just need to learn to relax more and trust that you are being looked after by the Universe.

  • Thanks for clearing that up. It's amazing how stress can affect our physical and mental health. But, it's an inevitable part of life! I definitely need to relax and have more faith. Most of what I suffer from can be tied to stress.

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