Captain ~ Advice, Please?
So I come to you today with a question about a friendship-squabble. I have a friend whose been an incredibly important person for advancing understanding along my path, but since my latest "download" I've found it harder to let myself relate to her. I've been working to get past my reactions and emotional blockages and it feels amazing! Just knowing that I have the choice of whether or not I let something bother me.. It's a sense of freedom. My friend, though, she takes meaning from everything (passionate) and then seems to judge and react accordingly. She'll let things go once she feels it won't serve her but until then, she incorporates it into her personal sense of intelligence... Many times she'll use what she's found against somebody else. Like an assumption that she's got it all figured out and is like an authority on the subject, somehow... Of course, that's only through my current perspective. It used to believe that she DID have very accurate judgements of life and situations. She helped me see that my views can be valid and that I'm not worthless or eternally bound by SHOULD and SHOULDN'T. I've found, since, that we all do have a real understanding of now when we truly see ourselves before our mental categories.
So, to the event in my point.. We went on a vacation together in New York. We've been on one before to Victoria and it was also interesting. With my new perspective I was able to enjoy NYC through observation. Seeing how it all worked was so fascinating! It doesn't take much talking to do that. My friend, she was all about the shopping (which I didn't mind) but then would only talk of her drama back home with her boyfriend. I'd listen but not say much. The whole trip I was pretty quiet... Deflecting judgement and emotions that wouldn't serve my wellbeing. Like a spiritual selfishness, haha. Occasionally when I would talk, I would say something that would reflect what she was saying back to her but from my view (not exactly non-biased) and it would frustrate her. I've been taking all of these things and happenings lightly, not letting them weigh me down.. but she makes everything so heavy. I've got this internal reaction that wants to let her know why everything she's saying isn't as it seems.... Kind of like, HEY stop thinking you're so right about everything!
Eventually, I made a smart a$$ remark ("yes, mom") when she told me something I knew. She flipped out. Lame mood, earlier than she wanted to be awake, and I was doing my thing apart from her for some energy-relief.
4 texts in a row after I'm out the door - I'm this and that and I know I've done her wrong and she's thinking we shouldn't be friends anymore.
I reply - I understand, I'm not good at walking on these eggshells. All I seem to be doing is crushing them.
None of what you're perceiving has been my intention. I'm sorry you're seeing this as though I'm purposefully spiting you.
I've got this nonchalant "I don't care" rebel feeling inside.. But I'm also unsettled. Like she hasn't understood why I wasn't making her emotions my focus. And I haven't let myself be as loving and kind as I could have been... It's like I'm almost seeing her situation (3D, externally stimulated happiness) as an obstacle she's got to overcome to be truly happy, but she doesn't see past it.
I suppose what I'm asking is: How do you see this? Feel about this? I should let it run it's course and accept her possible, eventual advance or initiate a conversation to settle the dust?
If you've read all this (or not), THANK YOU!
Take care, Captain
It's inevitable that as we grow and learn, we do so at different rates to the people around us. It's simply that you and your former friend have grown apart. You have seen the benefit of staying positive while she has not. She sees that you have grown wiser than her and she hates it. The distance between you cannot be bridged because she is not willing to change or let go of outmoded values and ideas. This is all a natural part of life. As you let go of the old, new people, new challenges, and new situations will come in. You should not try to hold onto something that has outlived its usefulness.
Yes, different paths... I see hers as a type of depth and passion - depression and elation. Mine is more like a leaf - just hanging out (so to speak) and floating with the wind.
As much as I thought I could have done something different for the situation, I know it was that way for a reason. My "I don't care" rebel feeling was making me feel as though I wasn't considering her emotions much, but they're for her to figure out eventually anyway.
Thank you, Captain - again, I appreciate your insight!
If your " I dont care' attitude is real then why bother even typing this?
You are clearly on different paths to learn you both must accept this and move on. Maybe when everything is learnt then you will be together. I can not see this I hope I am wrong though somehow I may be right. I really dont like being right at all. Goodbye!
Haha yes yes, I added the quotes because that's what I keep saying, but the rebel part I mentioned is like the frustration with the situation... Like when somebody says they don't want to do something just because they don't want to put up with the SHOULD of it... So it's not exactly that I don't care, it's that I don't want to take the energy to care about the details if it'll just be exhausting. I figured since it's been hanging over me a bit, I should find out if my attitude needs some adjustment or if I should just let it go.
Definitely on different paths, I agree with you both. She's played an important part in my life, and I can welcome and accept the fact that connection had its purpose.